Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Morning, La!

Hoped to hear from you last night. EDIT: I should've reached out. Sorry.

Here's the thing: Or maybe not the thing, maybe just a thing: The self-flagellation? The carousel of little voices in the head that makes one feel absolutely terrible and as though the sky is falling? That's the disease. It's a chemical imbalance in your brain dictating your thoughts. You don't have to believe that right now. What I hope you do believe is this: (and this is THE thing! ): You don't have to change who you are. You are a warm, funny, likable human being. I know this to be true. The isolation and guilt? That's all bull shit. We're all right here. So hang in there. Gut out today with all your fierce and mighty strength.

That's all I've got.
xo

Oh. One more thing. My textbook defines addiction as a primary, chronic, neurobiological disease. I know that might not matter to anyone else, but it thrills me! xo again

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Morning Stuck, how are you feeling today, probably pretty crap but that par for the course. You will start to feel better soon so know that. I hope the Ativan has helped you sleep.

Dont forget were here for you

xx

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hey everyone. Thank you all. Yeah, I pretty much knocked myself out for all of yesterday, which was surprisingly nice, given that the whole goal here is to, you know, not be all wasted in my apartment. I guess I was pretty tired anyway, rest was really good. Feeling a bit woozy this morning, and coughing and all that--there've been about two weeks since the new year that I haven't been sick, whatever's going around SoCal right now is wicked. But not anxious or anything.

I will continue to be around. Many :ls

[taw]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Morning Stuck!! Hope you are doing better today, but not as good as you will be tomorrow! :l We will get thru this. I am bac on bac, started 40mg yesterday. Took an AB too just to jump start this process.

Don't want to hijack, just wanted to stop in and say hi...I and we are all here for you! Now, let's kick some AL beast ass!!

[joanna_d]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

just wanted to send you some very warm hugs Stuck

multiple :l

[TexasAg]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Morning Stuck!

Catching up reading and kinda took my wind out with your Sunday posts. Brother, positive vibes, prayers, and wishes for Latina hugs being sent your way.

I'm glad you're posting. Just keep posting. You're missed when you don't post. I agree with Ne (again :H) You are a talented, caring person I don't think anything will change that, maybe for little while, but not permanently. I sound like a hypocrite because I've been moaning about being zestless but I think in my case Ne was right (again :H) and I seem to be adjusting.

Cheers!

[windycitylady]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Good morning, sweet Stuck.

Hope there's delicious coffee and an exciting hockey game in your future. There for sure is a good friend on the other side of the country thinking of you.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Bac minds, Tag, bac minds... (edit: think alike. Get it? )

Hiya, Taw! Nice to *see* you!

And WCL and Jo too.

Holy cow, y'all. I've just finished the most demanding week I've had so far. And am still a bit brain-dead... But wanted to stop by and say hi.

What's news, La?

xo

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hello everyone!

So much love back on the ol' thread here, and it's really picking me up. It also reminds me that to get love you've got to give it, too (sure wish it was that easy with random sex, though, ya' know?), and you've got to participate. So I'm going to try to update everyone now before this hockey game comes on. I know, first-world problems. Nothing compared with what most of you have going on in your lives, like Ne here, who's just touched her very first sick human! Congrats on that, btw, it gets way easier. Like, they won't even seem like humans after a while, and that's a pretty comforting place to be for a bit, until it makes you feel icky about yourself, or at least it did me. The stress of it, though, ugh. I say go into an area where you're just trying to fix the dead ones--you don't need to worry about a bedside manner and you don't need to worry about making them any worse.

So yesterday I camped out at home. Did laundry. Did that thing I told a kid I'd do like two weeks ago, and have been dreading and avoiding since. Just a quick letter of recommendation, but to like eight different places. Well it took half an hour. Then I kind of just bummed around and dealt with some shakiness and some anxiety and whatever. Drug my ass out of the apartment in the evening and got a haircut and, since I was heading to an AA meeting, I stopped at the bar.

It turned out to be the day-bartender's birthday yesterday, so they gave me cake, and fruit skewers from this huge edible arrangement thing, and I got to chat for only a few moments with my bartender, and said only the briefest of helloes to the hot new bartender, before sucking down my cranberry juice, realizing yeah I kinda was craving AL, and heading out the door to make it to AA. I know we can (and have) debate(d) AA all day, but it marks a big step in my mind. Like a commitment to not drinking, and I've gone and forced myself to do this thing that I didn't particularly want to do because I don't want to drink. Wish I'd known it doesn't work like that for everybody. Hell, there was some guy last night who said he'd been a "newbie" with less than 30 days sobriety at that meeting for seven months straight. Shit, had I known you could go to AA and still drink, well I'd probably like the program a whole lot more.

Anyway, got home, wrote some emails, watched a little tv, and got some sleep. So I'm trying to take it easy with the benzos here, and I am. I mean well within what was prescribed, but it almost worries me how well it works to calm down and how well it works to sleep. But by the afternoon I'm feeling fairly anxious, and so hey, since I don't like feeling anxious I'll take one of these and it'll calm me down pretty quick and life will be good. And it sort of takes the edge off wanting to drink, since I can be nice and calm when I get in bed. It's sort of a revelation and some scary shit all at the same time.

Whatevs. So today I go into school, even though I don't have to, to get dept. letterhead to print out these letters, and the boss-lady's there, so I go on the offensive. I knock right on her door, I ask how she's feeling and I let her talk for a few minutes. I'd known about her emotional unevenness since last semester, but she started telling me about her recent knee/leg surgery, where I guess they lengthened her left leg by about two inches, so now instead of being the short one, it's actually the long one, and then how the next surgery will be on the right side, and she'll end up being about half an inch taller than she was before all this. So that'll put her up to maybe five-foot even, if she weren't hunched over so bad with whatever spine thing's going on. Anyway you get the picture, and now I know a whole lot more about her physical unevenness than I needed to know.

But it set her in a good mood to be able to talk about it for a minute, and to have someone take an interest in how she's doing. So she was much happier and more pleasant starting off her review of my performance this time, when she said "well I always hate your classes." She then proceeded to go down the long list of why, and of my failures as a teacher and academic and whatnot. But then somewhere in all that she still offered me a job again next year, which I actually can't even take I don't think, because I've got funding coming from my home dept. and they're going to want me to graduate at some point, but whatever. After that I kind of just forgot about whatever else I was gonna do on campus, got on the bus, and came home.

Now that's caught you up to today. And it's time for hockey. I'll be around later. :l:l:l

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Nice.

Hope your team scored the winning touchdown. :l

[playland]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Oh Stuck, I'm better seeing you are better I'm super busy with family stuff this week but I'm thinking of you and you know where I live if you need me.

Love and Peace,
Play

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Oh you be careful, Play. I'm still much too much of a ragamuffin to be showing up on your doorstep.

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Glad your sounding better Stuck x

[TexasAg]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hi Stuck,

Really happy your posting. Writing my concerns out has a real calming effect on me. Hope it does for you too.

I couldn't help but feel sorry for your boss. I mean she has to deal with you! (her spine issues are pretty awful too) :H

I forgot to mention, I posted this on Colin's thread because he was having some leg cramps. I had started getting some pains too, not to your extent, but serious enough for me to worry. Anyways, I started taking GNC Mega Men? Sport multivitamin with 50mg of Thiamin since Jan 30. My pains in muscles and joints have gone away. Thiamine deficiency? Who knows, but I remember how you suffered so it might be worth a try.

Ne - I like it, Bac Minds! I'm looking forward to the day I get feisty!

Just some Gee Wiz info - the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo starts this Friday. If you're ever in Houston around Feb/Mar you can see the largest rodeo in the world that lasts 20 days. More than 2million people attended last year. And there are thousands of beautiful ladies with jeans and cowboy boots.

Cheers!

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Thanks Tex--quickly, as I'm sure I'll post a longer update later today--last time it was checked, my vitamin B levels were actually elevated, not deficient. So that's odd for an alkie, I know. Only thing I can guess is that either 1) I'm not absorbing vitamin B very well, so it's floating around in my system and showing up as elevated on a lab test; 2) I was ingesting so much, because I was worried about being deficient, that the level overflowed.

Now I know the second one doesn't sound right, either. How do you overdose on vitamin B? Well, turns out that B vitamins naturally occurring in foods will pass right through if you've got enough already in your system, but the synthetic ones: Thiamine Mononitrate, Thiamine Hydrochloride for B1; Pyridoxine Hydrochloride for B6; and Cobalamin for B12 are not synthesized and excreted the same way by the body.

So my daily multivitamin, plus usually a Vitamin Water Revive for the hangover (vitamin B + potassium!), plus whatever else that was probably loaded with vitamin b for energy and all that, may have just overloaded me. And an excess can cause this nerve thing, too, but takes about 6 months to work out of the system--and on that time line there's just no way I can isolate all the changes going on to pinpoint, I don't think.

[EDIT: Moral of the story is that you shouldn't just look at % of daily values on the label, but actually read the ingredient list on the vitamins.... EDIT 2: Either way, I'm glad to hear the GNC stuff is working for you. Anything that helps.]