Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Well, have gone and done it again. Drank my lights out last night, somehow ended up having Skype-sex with a friend in the middle of the night, and awoke horribly this afternoon. There are two things that absolutely cannot be avoided today: the gym, for reasons I won't go into, and grading papers. So I'm on the bus now, heading for the gym, and the anxiousness and shakes of withdrawal are setting in, which sucks. And the Ativan has not yet kicked in, so I'm a right mess at the moment, and kind of feel bad for the person sitting next to me. I no doubt reek of bourbon.

Anyway, the reason I dragged up the thread from wherever it had sank to is that in addition to the Ativan earlier this afternoon, I also took 10mg of bac, and plan to continue doing so for the next couple of days before going to 20mg, and perhaps titrating up again or seeing how I feel on LDB. I also plan to keep myself fairly zonked on Ativan today in an effort to not drink today--but also to not completely fall apart in the process.

Yeah, that seems like a pretty good plan. Bac works. And I need some sobriety.

[bleep]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

If you are able to go to gym with a hangover, you are a better man than I.

All the best Stuck.

[Sticky]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hi Stuck

Welcome back to bac! I'm pleased to hear you are giving it another go. I'm on the PC at 3.30 am - Grr! Hopeful I can get to the switch this time, and SOON. Had to bac(k) off to 150 for 6 weeks as SEs too debilitating.

Onwards and upwards for both of us?!

Cheers
Sticky

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Onwards and upwards!

Though I'm not sure how far up I want to go, you know? I don't really want to deal with SEs, though given my upcoming schedule there's certainly nothing keeping me from going for the switch again. But on the other hand, given my professional activities involving nothing but reading and working on the computer, I'd rather not be too sleepy/foggy to work.

Bac works wonders for withdrawal--it's almost as good as valium. So I guess I just want enough of it in my system at all times to keep me from going through withdrawal if I do drink, and helping to moderate. Or whatever. I've just been on a bit of a roller coaster lately, and I'd like to get off of it.

I went to bed sober last night. If you count gabapentin, Ativan, and Benadryl as sober :H. And it actually felt pretty good. The other thing I'm planning on doing is not buying cigarettes. I've got one of the e-cigs that I particularly like (I've tried them in the past, and this one feels the closest to the real thing as far as I can tell), and we'll see how that goes. I really would like to be able to breathe again, and make better use of the time I'm spending at the gym.

But yeah, onwards, sweetie. Big hugs :l

[MaryGoRound]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

StuckinLA;1470038 wrote:
Not drinking has nothing to do with what I want or how I want to live, it?s just that there are really fucked up anxiety and health consequences for me after drinking, or rather after stopping drinking, and it doesn?t quite even feel the same when I do drink anymore. I?ve been through a lot of stops and starts, AF stints and binges, over the past couple months, and it was even weirder when I was on HDB. There?s no consistent rhythm to it like there was, when I?d have a couple drinks in the afternoon to kind of get started, and continue, and continue reading and grading or whatever, on through the evening. Things just don?t quite feel right anymore, drinking or not.

But let me tell you, if it weren?t for all that I?d have a drink in my hand right now, and a bottle of liquor on the table next to me. I wasn?t happy on week long morning-to-night benders, and I wasn?t happy sober, and I wasn?t happy actually not craving or drinking much on HDB. And I?d give damned near anything to wind the clock back about a year and a half, just back before the anxiety attacks, when I wouldn?t even think or worry about anything, I?d just drink. Some nights a six pack, some nights a dozen beers and most of a bottle of whiskcy. But whatever happened I wasn?t second-guessing every sip and how that might affect withdrawal the next day or the panic attack or the blood pressure. I just went with how I felt and drank. Know what that makes me? A drunk. And you know what drunks get? They get fucking AA is what they get.

But it does start getting better, eventually. And it?s really nice to have friends here who are going through the same bullshit, either right here on day whatever with me or sober for a year

There is so much in the above quote and in general the entire post that I want to respond to but my post abilities are limited. I just want to say you capture the thoughts of many of us.

I am glad you are trying Bac again. You know it can work.

Maybe you can't get to the "switch" but maybe you can get something that helps.

[taw]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Stuck! Buddy, how are you getting on these days? I too have been a bit of a trainwreck but yesterday decided to take an AB and another one today. I have weaned off bac and ordered some Topa. Not sure what direction I will go from here, taking AB and getting some AF time for sure tho.

I wish I could bottle this feeling of waking up sober, and not hung over and full of self loathing! If I could somehow do that, I think we would all be close to home free!

Hope you are taking care of yourself, Stuck! Many :ls and :h!!

Keep us posted!

T

[TexasAg]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Howdy Stuck!

Sending serious positive vibes your way. Keep your spirits up, be nice to yourself and know that there are many of us cheering for you!

Cheers!

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Thank you, all.

Mary--I'm sure we all can identify with a lot of each other's feelings. I'm glad I could put mine into words that may be helpful. Kinda like an AA talk :H

Bleep--wasn't so much a hangover as full blown withdrawal. My HR was about 140 anyway, so may as well be putting it to use on the stationary bike, right? God, that was miserable.

Taw--so proud of you! Sorry to hear you've been a bit of a mess lately, of course, but I seriously applaud your decision to take a couple AB. You do know how best to take care of yourself and you're doing it. Big hugs.

So I've sort of dried out. Last drink was Saturday night. Or, I should say my last many drinks were Saturday night. Have been about how you'd expect since then. But even though the Ativan supply is running low, I'm taking it as needed while also trying to ween off it. At the same time, continuing slowly--slowly--up on bac. 20mg/day and not feeling great in the afternoon/evening, though God Himself only knows what the actual cause of that is, given what all is going on in my system.

Small cravings. Some ennui. Going to Vegas this weekend, so I'm certain that will help. Anyway, I suppose that's all for now. Mad love, peeps

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hi stuck sorry to hear youve been bad but glad to hear your planning on getting better. Are the Ativan in pill form, if so have you considered cutting them in half, youve been taking tham a while now so that way they would last longer and any withdrawal effects would be minimised. YOUVE STOPPED SMOKING!!!! thats all Im saying on that subject.

space xx

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

But then I bought cigarettes and got drunk. Will update soon. Love to all.

[TexasAg]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Morning Stuck!

eace:


My prayers and wishes are with you!

Cheers!

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hey there folks. Just popping in to say that, if anyone thought I was like dead or something, I'm not. A couple of late nights at the bar, but otherwise I'm doing OK. Going to be leaving plenty of food out for the cats and taking plenty of bac with me for this weekend.

[bleep]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Good to hear Stuck. You know, it's all relative. You're stuck in a place I would give my left nut to see. I haven't seen a building that's more than 20 stories high, other than a few in the UK. Never seen snow. Never seen a barmaid I would want to chat up. You are stuck in a place that a lot of people would love to come to! Wasn't that trite and unhelpful? And I'd probably want my nut back after I'd seen it.

Can you give your last baclofen story in a few lines? I wasn't around when you stopped, so don't know what the reasons were.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Leg pain, somnolence during an evening class last semester, and general ennui.

I just wasn't happy (go figure). And believe it or not, I am grateful for the opportunities that I do have and the place(s) where I have them. There are people online and off who care deeply for me, students who seem not to think I'm a complete wreck, and of course the eternal sunshine of Southern California. Even my exGF wants me to stay in near-continuous contact with her this weekend so she knows I'm not going off the rails in Vegas. And all of next year I'll be paid my normal salary for sitting on my ass and doing absolutely nothing, while supposedly researching and writing my dissertation. Things are good, no doubt.

Which is why I'm getting myself bac on track--more or less.

[playland]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hi Stuck,
Oh Gee, BAC again, I feel kind of about it like you feel about the AB 5/7 plan, at least the AB has no side effects. Anyway, daughters wedding is no longer happening in L.A., its here at home, your invite is still open

Take care and talk soon.