Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

[COSGringo]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hey Stuck,
I'm here. Just working my butt off.
Thinking about how little life I have and how I never have extra $ for vacations. They used to consume my time on planning them

Energy drinks at night. Sounds like me. I have to sip on them sometimes so I don't nap at 6:30. Sad it's come to that.

Porn papers. Well at least you have interesting things to read. That might keep me occupied except at the end of my day I don't feel like reading.

2 shots, not too bad.

The rest sounds like routine to me. Life can be a bore, can't it. Everything else sounded fine until the 2 shots. How you can sit in a bar and not drink is mystifying to me. That would be tough for me anyways.

Doesn't sound like you are doing too bad though!

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Stuck, you are writing a novel whether you know it or not, you need to keep this stuff, sorry Ne, I had to skip your post for a sec I got sooo engrossed in what Stuck was saying, your emotion you totally had me there with you, so Im just unable to step outside right now and say anything else.

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Stuck, ok I dont really know where to go from here, I read novels, in fact I devour them, for me a good book is a trasportation from my life to another at best and thats what you just did. Get to work man on the fucking novel. I need to read it.

Im hoping you just managed to give in to sleep, I have no idea of what you are going through with this sleep, panic, waking thing or whats causing it for so long, is it the bac?

The shock at times of me in the physical form, in the bright light of the bathroom mirror with every hidden detail showing, the past beauty, the scars, the shadows, my sagging jawline, my blotched complexion, what happened, how did I get to look like this, what did I look like before, I dont know. Just give it a quick wash and ignore it, I have been able to put make up on for years now without actually looking at my face. Probably much as a man can shave without seeing himself in the eye.

[COSGringo]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hey Stuck,
Have you tried diphen, valerian, or anything else for your insomnia yet? I get the death drop into sleep. I went through it for about a month or at least it seems.

I don't like to push meds but perhaps a mild benzo would get you through that. It did help me a bit.

BTW, baclofen brings on snoring / apnea I found on some site. Mine is worse than ever. I hate it and it's not my sinuses as I take stuff for that.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Wow--so much to respond to so quickly. (And that's such a wonderful thing, don't get me wrong!)

I only had coffee at night on the 4th--because I was at home, feeling awake anyway, and wanted something. Being sober is weird for me, something's missing even when I know that something is just alcohol and I don't even want that. But there's an emptiness that I wanted to fill with coffee and cigarettes. Energy drinks are for emergencies only. I hate them, I think I've had 2 in the last year+. Last night I was either going to pass out at the bar (this time from just being tired :H) or have a Red Bull and power through. Don't even like the taste, and I do know how bad they are for the body/mind/soul/taste buds.

As for the sleep--getting close to getting [EDIT] or something for that. Anxiety is one thing, nodding of for 1/2 an hour to 2 or 3 hours at a time (and calling that a night's sleep) is another, but if there's actual apnea going on--well screw me sideways, that's what I'm actually anxious about...

So NE, not quite sure what you mean by getting my head in the game, or getting over the hump in this case--if that's better said in a PM I look forward to it, because I believe I'm at a loss (or maybe it's just making that call?). Though last night I didn't even try to go to bed, just brought a blanket out to the futon, left the lights on, and that worked about the damned same as every other night. A bit more comfortable, though. And yeah, just walked up and first thing out of her mouth was about showering. Who does that!? It's not @$#&ing fair



And to clarify: I did not have those 2 shots, or any others. Just kind of wanted to. I've been completely alcohol free for... well working on day 9 today. It's starting to get annoying, to be honest.

And Space, thank you, thank you, thank you. :l

[COSGringo]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Awesome on AF 9 days. That means a whole lot.

Xanax does help. FYI, Bac can bring on the apnea mess. You will wake up if you are truly suffocating. I get that worry sometimes still but I notice I wake up. I think it's a combination of things and when I go up in dose it comes back full force.

.25 mg of the xanax is a good does. Double it if you are having a real bad night. Just don't depend on it but I doubt you will.

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Thats ok just make sure I get a signed 1st edition :l

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Oh, yes, and if we could all take a quick step back and bask in the wonder that is MWO? A place where you can potentially "drink, or don't drink, it doesn't really matter" (as long as you KTTGDP), but we all agree that you MUST stay away from energy drinks.

This is a lovely little corner of the world.

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

:H:H

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

I have to confess to 1/2 a can of red bull yesterday, it was maybe the second this year and not mine but I was out and so thirsty I just didnt care, it was a moment of madness, pure and simple, I have no excuse for it. I just did it!

[COSGringo]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

I live on them lately. I have no choice with the somnolence. I sit in front of 4 monitors and spreadsheets all day.
The only thing that gets me through right now. Hopefully I can change that.

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

I hardley ever drink them now, but my eldest son, who has the bad sleep problems has them, after getting no medical help at all, he wont take meds bought on line he has now devised his own plan, which is to take a sominex, an OTC pill and herbal sleep aids of a night, then a can or two or red bull in the morning. This plan of his is working in that he is awake of a day, but not that he still doesnt sleep of a night so is just sitting in bed done in all day, apart form this I dont know if you guys can relate to this or not, his biggest driving force has been that he has been very good at gaming, I mean very very good, and now he is loosing interest in that, at 23 the games hes into arnt the ones that are so popular ie hes not in COD and all the stuff my youngest son plays on, so I think hes had a wammy here in that he didnt manage to break into the job market at the time he wanted and now hes already missed it!!! can that be possible.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

I should have said "MUST try" to avoid the energy drinks :H I know, sometimes it's just not possible. COS needs to be awake in front of the computer screens, I need to be awake to read and grade papers...

Space, a lot of people get down on video games. Sometimes I'm one of them, but at a certain skill level there's a really valid competitiveness factor that I don't think is a bad thing. Or maybe I shouldn't even qualify it with a skill level. Everyone has hobbies.

I'm just glad my xbox went and broke for good! (And that I never paid for it in the first place. A friend of a friend just gave it to me after he liked the PS3 better...)

As for the job market, a lot of people are in the same boat--not getting jobs right away at 22-23-24 or whatever. I think the expectations are shifting around that, and so people who are a bit "older" won't be seen as having missed their chance. Hopefully he hangs in there and keeps trying. It sounds silly, but some online classes towards a certificate in something or even a degree can never hurt, especially if he hasn't much else to do with his time (no idea if that's the case)? Might give him something else to be interested in...

[COSGringo]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Well I only had a few gulps of my Rockstar sugar free today and it worked fine. Odd how it works better some days than others.

I have a Xbox 360 and the Kinect. They make nice conversation pieces. For some reason they lost their fun factor when I sobered up.

[RedThread12]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Space, dear: I understand how very hard it is to let go. Let go of our own expectations of ourselves; and, especially, let go of our expectations of our loved ones. I don't have children, so I KNOW that I can not even imagine the angst of watching my own child's life path unfolds. I DO have a nephew and a niece. They are biologically my sister's children, but being present in their lives has been a clear priority for me. To the extent that I am living in a place that I would not have "chosen," and have made deep familial commitments that I actually COULD have escaped. And chose not to.

Kahlil Gibran's poem "On Children," comes to my mind now. And I haven't looked it up nor wiki'ed it to make sure that I am quoting accurately:

"You're Children
Are Not YOUR Children.
They Are the Sons and Daughters
Of LIFE'S Longing to be Free."

And it goes on, beautifully. Goggle "Kahlil Gibran On Children," and many other topics discussed in his translated works, "The Prophet." My memory is probably somewhat incorrect - just get the idea. Your son's journey is HIS journey. You have done good work, Space. Parenting a child IS a spiritual path.

So . . . if he has found a balance between Sominex and energy drinks, he is to be well commended :goodjob: I know, it may not fit into conventional ideas of "right and wrong," (who T fuck thought they knew about that in the first place, anyway?), but I think it's a grand indication that he will sort his way through.

COS: keep goin'! You're "all-out-ness" is appreciated and helpful. Hope to keep hearing from you.

Stuckin-la: You are a new and bright light here, IMHO. Hope to keep hearing from you.