Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

:H
Glad you found a distraction...

And I am completely self-conscious and totally mortified about writing it. It's all I can do not to delete. delete. delete.

Hope you got some decent zzzzzzzzzs

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

:H:H

I wanted to say "pull a Reggie" but I didn't think he'd get the reference!

EDIT: Wait. I should have quoted you before it disappeared!

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Meh. Woke up and realized that my favorite sedative is only giving me 3-4 hours of sleep a night, sometimes maybe a bit more. Funny, used to be I'd pass out and sleep off hangovers until the late afternoon. Before I started waking up shaking and reaching for a bottle at 6 AM, that is.

Which is not where I'm at at all right now. Nope, just awake, and making a disaster of my kitchen because I'm out of the correct size of coffee filters. Whatever. There's coffee in my mug so what if there's also coffee + grounds all over the counter. I used to pray I'd be able to wake up early.

MWO is odd this morning. I deleted a short post last night, and I wake up to a back/forth about deleting posts on my thread.

My deleted post was about taking the night off to get hammered. Because I'm calling Dr L in a couple hours, and that's the way out but I didn't feel last night like I wanted a way out. And right there on NEs thread is talk of watching someone not wanting a way out.

Still, it's the devil you know vs. the devil you don't. And at this point the best description would be, um, concerned. Because I have complete, blind faith in NE. JKTTGDP. And the benzos, keep taking them regularly like medicine, too, and it'll be all right. But the doc I'll be talking to in 2 1/2 hours? The one who doesn't believe in SEs? The one who's across state lines? When no one--literally, not a single person--would prescribe anything for anxiety for me (except my choice of any of a 100 flavors of SSRI :H)?

F this, I am not a very happy camper at all. And dawn is not pretty in LA, a city seemingly designed for sleeping off hangovers before starting whatever BS "creative" job after the 11 AM rush hour.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Reggie;1352037 wrote: :H:H you are a riot Stuck ... Sorry i should intoduce me self Im been here a while dont post much but when I do.... I delete them...hence me crashing your thread when NE said Delete three times its like stroking a delete gennies bottle...... i puffed up as the delete gennie iam ... granting three deletes to my master .... dont know why I am saying this better read quick because about to delete stay the bac course it works !!!

Gotcha. Caught for all time... um, in the bottle? Out of the bottle? I'm sure there's a way to work that metaphor out.

And thanks for dropping by, Reggie, as I've seen you (very briefly :H) around some of the other threads lately. Nice to meet you.

EDIT to add this: Oh, and thanks to the coffee incident my Facebook status right now is "#2 cone filter in a 10 cup basket. FAIL."

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Dude when I saw that comment deleted I LOLed for real. And that's exactly what I need right now, so thank you! As the zero-hour approaches I'm getting a lot of anxiety. Or maybe it's a hangover creeping up on me? Don't know... I hate the ninja hangovers...

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hi Stuck, I cant seem to keep up on your thread after missing it for the past few days, I have never thought about the horribleness of not being able to help someone you know needs help because they have used up their abscences. Of course I always been tho one using up my absences. I worry because I know you feel for these guys but there is nothing you can do, they will come back when they can. When I was a student I often went on a bender the week before exams, after a year of great work, and so I still never got my certificates, but it took me a while to realise that wasnt what mattered anyway, I could do the maths, I was best in my class at maths but really what fucking use is maths anyway unless Im going to teach it which Im not?

I have gone way of and just done it again, sorry, I seem to have this thing of putting my shit on other peeps threads.

Yesterday I watched batman, the dark knight with my sons. I liked it but my eldest son cant help but question the do not kill rule he lives by. It actaully doesnt make sense, but I cant be arsed going into legal systems, of which ours is worse than yours I think, in fact ours is pathetic so I wont go into it.

I also watched a programme about people living in eastern siberia, I do have to wonder why do these people in siberia and alaska eat frozen raw seal and whale meat. Surely if anyone needs a good hot meal inside them its them.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Weird. Was that on here somewhere? I showed Batman, The Dark Knight in class yesterday. We're writing the next assignment on it and the different versions of justice...

You and me, Space, great minds.

I'm getting over the kids. They will do what they're gonna do. The bipolar kid is done. Out whether he wants to come back or not. The other one--and I felt crappy about sending him a warning email--was back yesterday and even though he technically has 1 too many and should fail, so long as he's in the game he'll be fine. Well, not fine, his friend just died and his dad just got diagnosed with cancer... Again, not my issue though.

And my benders also coincided with exams and stuff. My honors thesis back at Iowa was a whole year drunk, and my recent exams here in LA landed me in the hospital...

Complete Lack of Transition:

So just got off the phone with Dr L. Sounds like he's a fairly classic Freudian... this should be interesting.

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Yep you mentioned batman, but I would love to agree great minds, yours is just way more useful than mine I think The only thing Ive ever really found maths useful for is measuring flooring and wallpaper, apart from that no use at all

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

StuckinLA;1352128 wrote: Weird. Was that on here somewhere? I showed Batman, The Dark Knight in class yesterday. We're writing the next assignment on it and the different versions of justice...

You and me, Space, great minds.

hmmm. did you not see the Batman reference on Ne's thread? I thought it quite a coincidence (and not the first and apparently not the last) and then I got an email from a friend who doesn't really play on here anymore and he mentioned that HE just saw the old Batman, too. So I'm pretty sure they're just building up the Batman thing into an absolute frenzy. And worldwide! huh. Kinda cool, kinda scary. And you, you LA, no doubt thought that you were being original by showing batman. Little did you know, it was planted in there by mass media and the Hollywood-hype-machine. :H
The other coincidences are a little uncanny, if I believed in coincidences or (un)canniness. (Is that a word? or just a Ne word? Either way I like it) Which I do not.

Space, just about every woman I know laments the fact that she (we) cannot do math. Especially since it is the only useful skill to have. Except if one is relying on an anonymous internet support group and then it's pretty useful to be able to type, also. Which you seem to be doing just fine.

I will be retiling a bathroom or two the week after Christmas. Any chance you want to stop by and plan it all out for me? 'cause I have to measure about 87 times, and practice on scraps, just to make right angles. Ya' know? (Or I guess you wouldn't know, since that's apparently easier for you. I am more than a little jealous.)

Freudian? hmmm. I just talked to him myself. I am just struck by the overwhelming absent-minded-professorian influence. Plus, I think he is actually a Jungian. But I can't remember why I think that.

[Bruunhilde]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hi Stuck, Hi Ne, Hi everyone.

Great thread, haven't read the whole thing but I'm not able to tell which are drunk posts and which are not. Could you please label them like you did the one, so that I am aware and can start to figure out the difference. Call me slow but I want to learn, teach! BTW like NE I often crush out and hate the teacher. LOL

You write beautifully. I think you can encourage participation by stopping yourself, looking at your paragraph, and asking if anyone relates to it and do they have stories? Also you're encouraging already by calling out specific people which helps them to participate which, I agree, is the wonder of MWO, that we can help each other stay alive, get better, and to not feel so alienated, sad, bad and shitty.

Rock on, Stuck. Keep telling your story. Maybe give us some early years stuff.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

hulllllllllllooooooooooooooo.

I spent some time yesterday listening (over and over again) to Meshell Ndegecello. This one song in particular resonated, and I kept thinking of you and Windycitylady as I listened. I'm not sure why, exactly. There are two lines I love.

Finding all things wearisome, unsatisfied; my eyes not satisfied with Seeing, my ears unsatisfied with hearing

and this one: to know self is to forgive self my Sojourn of truth.

amen, sister.

Bruun and WCL, Me'Shell and Gil Scott-Heron (that poor dead guy with our disease) are the musical equivalents, I think, to the books you guys are reading. sorta. That and the gangsta rap I love/loathe. But that's a whole 'nother story! :H

I'll include the video, but it ain't your cuppa jo, I'm pretty sure. (And maybe isn't even that great a song. Still love it and her!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVvqtMFsuPc[/video]]Me'Shell Ndegeocello - Ecclesiastes: Free My Heart - YouTube

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

spacebebe01;1352135 wrote: I dont know whether to :H or :upset: but love ya stuck

If I could rename my thread, that would probably be it. No worries about not reading back, Space. I doubt anyone can (or would want to) keep up.

There is a bac prescription with my name on it in the mail. There is also a doc who states quite matter-of-factly that I will go up 20mg per week. He also says that if I take my last dose exactly 3 hours before bed I'll sleep like a baby, wake up relaxed and rested and be wonderful. I do not believe him. I'm also concerned about what feels like a march toward doom in methodical, 20mg increments.

So I'm thinking about going up 12.5 today (again, 25mg pills cut in 1/2, and the script is sticking with 25mg pills). Then trying to do a 12.5 jump every 4-5 days...

But nothing has changed. Just having a prescription doesn't make everything A-OK peachy, it just means there's someone telling me in no uncertain terms to go up. Thoughts?

Then there's the matter of switching over from the stuff I've got to whatever brand I get from the pharmacy. Thoughts on that? And is there a particular brand of generic off-brand I should be asking for? Do I get a choice? Er, guess I'll figure that one out when I get there...

I think that's about it for now, except for the drinking. I've really got to cut back. :H how many times have I/we said that? It's one of those I almost feel a bender coming on, but if I think about it this past week I've started drinking around 4 PM so maybe I'm already on one? Aaannnnnywhooo,

Thanks in advance!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Belief in the good doctor doesn't really have a lot to do with the whole thing, does it? Nor does his influences. I don't use him for therapy. I have hired and use him as a prescribing psychiatrist. I'll leave it to you whether or not you think long distance therapy over the phone with someone you don't know might work for you. But therapy is not a bad idea, in general.
Everything I've ever read about using baclofen for this has said increasing doses, regular increments, based on how the patient is feeling. The patients who are prescribed this in the settings from which the papers are then written do not have the SEs that we experience. I'll leave it to you to interpret that, too. Though I'm happy to share my thoughts, of course.

Because the bottom line is that it is ALL up to you. And how you feel about it is going to have a lot of influence on how it all plays out for you. I am not suggesting the effects of baclofen are psychosomatic. I am suggesting that we get to choose. (bleep69's is a funny thread, too. It was just a big game for him. Still is. And he's sober and content about it still. He LIKED the SEs and didn't experience anxiety about it...) I used TEVA brand from Walgreens because at one point that was all the rage around here. It made me feel better. I dunno about the differences. Might be a good idea to stick to one, though. And why not if it brings peace of mind? Changing over should be done by mixing them, too, and for the same reasons.

So. Is it to be a Death March? :H Nope.
Let's figure out a way to get to the goal without any trauma, shall we?

And yes, I said it more times than I want to remember.

The question, though, the real question, is how many more times are you going to say it? 'cause it's all fun and games, thank goodness, except it's really not.

Sorry to be so...blunt. Gotta run! Feel better!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

On bleep69's thread, somewhere in the middle is when he loses it for a night and we spent the (my) evening/night on chat. He dreamed he was in a tv show (CSI?) and wreaked all kinds of drama by acting out his part...:H It's funny now! (And he thought it was, too.) And perhaps this isn't the time to point out yet another person who lost it, but you know what? He's happy. He has a choice now. And nothing terrible happened. Plus, you don't have to have that happen. You really don't.

Follow up bleep69's thread with the first post from bleep's first thread--he changed his name. THAT was a really good one.

[COSGringo]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Note to Stuck. Personal experience with that Doc and his "therapy" consisted of him eating a sandwich and me trying to make conversation.

His advice should be taken with a grain. He denies SE's and sleep like a baby, well good luck with that part. You will adjust but unless you are a lucky one you might have some issues to contend with along the way.

Personally I think 10mg every 5 days is better but that's me. If I did it again that's how I would do it. Some folks go quicker.

Good luck and don't use him as a bible to baclofen. Trust me on that one.