Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

And Space, in Chicago August 9-17.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

StuckinLA;1356047 wrote:
Question to Dr L patients: does he usually prescribe the actual, like 200 mg/day dose? Or does he just give you X # of pills?

The number of pills. Did the pharmacy put the daily amount on it or did Dr. L write it on your script? Did you tell him what you are taking? It might be an easy fix. It also might be a pain in the toe.

Either way, it is fixable. And the mg? whatev. Doesn't matter. We just don't have 25mg pills in this country, readily available at least.

Funny note: Eric and I have been using the same (two) pharmacies for our bac for more than a year. Our script has remained the same, and we just keep adding 'em up even though we are taking half of what we were at one point. (300mg+/day)
We just moved. I cannot imagine what they are going to do with the leftover baclofen! :H

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hope you enjoy the weekend Stuck

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Thanks so much, Space! You too. Right now I'm just fighting through the afternoon tired that came with going up on bac a couple days ago. And grade papers. I'm sure I'll have a bunch more to say later on tonight :H but for now just thanks!

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

One of the last things I wrote on Taw's thread was something like well, off to see the bartender. So yeah about that, would you guys even believe me if I told you I went for a (very very) short jog and did a (very very) few pushups first? What the heck is wrong with me--it was already beer o'clock, there was no time for fun and games.

I'm at the point where I want to drink decent drinks, because I get so few of them before losing interest. But the same guy--who's not gay, by the way, I know what everyone is thinking--is buying. So I sit down to a tequila shot + beer. And holy Christ I hate tequila. Finish the first and he's already itching to buy the next, 'cause he's had like 4 in the meantime.

This guy is chatty-Cathy all night, so there's not much chance to enact what I imagine flirting with the bartender might look like. But I do manage to ask how her day was. And it was not good, apparently. She sleeps with her phone off, she tells me, and turns it on when she wakes up in the morning, which is after the OldManfriend has left for work. Not hiding anything, she just doesn't want texts or calls to wake her. But the OMfriend is the extremely jealous type, so this morning when she rolls over to turn her phone on, and he's still there, he's immediately like what's that about, who are you expecting a call from?

So she's not looking forward to a week of angry sulking, and she's kinda fed up with it, she says, after all these (13) years, of him not trusting her and sulking and being jealous. And it's her house anyway, and she's pissed she can't have peace in her own damned home. She doesn't usually work Sundays, but she is tomorrow, and thank God, she says. Which is the opposite of how it should be, I should be wishing for time at home, not time at work. And then somehow it's the other bartender who asks me out. The one who started the 50 Shades of Grey book club with me as the sole other member, then never read it while I was Stuck gouging my eyes out for 500 bloody pages? She says Santa Barbara, I say no fucking way, so it looks like we might be going to a museum tomorrow? Screw me sideways, that is not how this was supposed to go down.

Again it got awkward with me not drinking quickly (the ambiguous modifier is intentional there). Dude was ready to buy another round--I'd barely touched the last one. He thought it was because I was uncomfortable with him buying, but he explained the whole thing already, he just likes buying drinks for people, doesn't want me to think I need to reciprocate, etc. The bartender is making jokes, she feels like she should pour another one for me so it's cold and not flat... everyone's kinda looking at me and confused. Sort of deflected by saying I have a lot of grading to do in the morning--which is true, actually, but would never have stopped me.

When I left, finally, it was still weird, like it's Saturday and only 10:30, why on earth are you leaving. Wasn't even that busy yet. Probably could've choked down another one, but it would have taken forever and the place would have been packed and miserable by then. As I was leaving I crossed my fingers for the bartender and hoped she had an OK night. She said she didn't want to go home, and was happy there working till 3.

And at home what am I doing? Drinking bourbon. It's like everything I've always done, only in miniature. I'll finish this second one and that'll probably be it. So 2 shot + beers and 2 bourbon rocks at home. Yep, just like old times except the tiny numbers.

I'm sure this is the disease's last gasp, combined with old habits. RedT, if you're listening, yes it's totally about timing, and it'll take as long as it takes--thank you for continuing to remind me of that. Of course I'm still going up bac-wise, but slowly and on Thursdays so I have the weekend to overcome the afternoon sleeeeeeeeeeeepiness.

This got kinda long, but that was my night. Hope everyone's doing well out there.

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Im kind of envious of you right now Stuck, I never managed to get up high with bac so didnt get what your getting but it sounds like your doing sooo well. Those little numbers, isnt that whats supposed to happen? its cool anyway, way better than the getting pissed all the time and its moving closer to what you want. Bac does definately seem to be working for you, I am so proud of you for sticking it out.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

:H
and

and

and
:l

Basically all the emotis. The whole exercise thing...yay!
I hope you can find something to do in preparation for realizing that drinking every night kinda sucks. It'll be much more fun if you think about what it is that you want to do.

Try to remember the things that you told yourself you would do tomorrow or if only you weren't drunk, weren't going to get drunk, or weren't going to be horribly hungover and waiting to get drunk.
That might help.
Gotta run.
zoom zoom

[taw]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Wow, Stuck! Good for you! Tiny numbers and a date! So remind me again, you are not trying for AF, correct? Just Modding? Or no? Where are you with the bac now?

Didn't the jog and pushups feel good! I cannot believe how much better I felt after my walk yesterday! I am ready to do it again today!

Have fun on your "date". Maybe she can put in a good word for you with the other bartender!

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Since these days I'm a long post at night and a long post in the morning, too:

Thanks everyone! The run felt like I was dying. But in the funny-haha way, not the panic way. It was pathetic, actually, I'm so out of shape. Pushups, too, though I do wholeheartedly endorse the Perfect Pushup which you'll see on late night TV and at Target. The whole thing came about because I wasn't going to the gym after class like I'd meant to--I'm on campus, where the gym is, 4 days a week and just wasn't going. Because I'm lazy, and they're redoing the showers over the summer, so there's no shower... Anyway, since I wasn't going I brought my gym bag home finally, so at least it's here and, yes, at long last I put it all to use.

I've never been in great shape--been smoking fairly heavily since I was 16.

Bac details: OK, so I'm at 200 right now, been here since last Thursday. Going up to 212.5 (again 25 mg cut in half, so weird numbers) this coming Thursday--because there's no way I'm going up during the week while teaching.

I've been at 212 before. I forget where that is in my thread, but I was melting down. So I dropped to 175. Coming back up toward 212 isn't nearly as bad this time--even though I'm still drinking. It's weird.

I know, this is exactly what I have always said I wanted--and what sounds so, so good to a lot of us here. Drink a couple, go home. Maybe drink a couple more, but not getting pissed. Right now I feel like I want to be at the bar, hanging out, boozing it up with new friends and the bartender and everything, and I can't hang like I used to. That's what it feels like. I'm doing what I'm doing, and it'll sink in eventually that this is what I want--to be normal, not a drunk. And the bar is not the place to look for an example of that.

Like I said, right now it feels like a trap still. I want to drink but don't really like the drunk feeling, and can't bring myself to keep drinking...

Modding on the way up isn't really cool. Because it feels like the above. What I'm aiming for right now is complete indifference. Then I'm going to pull an NE: 30 days AF (and she totally forgot, and ended up going like 2 or 2 /12 months or something). That way I get some perspective on the whole thing. I'll still go to the bar, but only drink club soda or something... and that's at least a lot easier for everyone to understand, ya' know? They get that.

Then, well I can't even comprehend what it'll look like from there, but from here what I'd like to do is start heading down for a maintenance dose. Find something that eases the SEs like the tiredness, the pain in my legs which really, really sucks, and a couple other things. And probably do something like what Murphy's doing--find a place that lets me drink a bit.

Ultimately my goal has always been to be able to get lit up every once in a while, but not need to get obliterated every night. You know, if I go tailgate for a football game this fall I want to be able to drink all day and enjoy it... then wake up Sunday and realize it's time to get back to work. That's my ideal, but we'll see. I'm the kind of stupid that really will probably mess with my maintenance dose--but again, I have no idea what my thinking will be like on the way down, as opposed to on the way up.

[taw]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hey Stuck! How's your Sunday going? Grading papers? Date at the museum? Just checking in...going to mozie on over to my thread!

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

So there's this new deal at the bar, courtesy of our lovely bartender and her ingenuity and skills with the PBR reps: every last-Sunday of the month is $1 beer until the 1st keg runs dry. Dollar beer you say? There's no Goddamned way I'll let HDB get the best of me. I had 5, so there!

Maybe it's a mindset thing, but it felt/feels good. At home now, with my bourbon, and yeah it is good. I know that's not the point, but the whole world feels kinda right at the moment. For whatever reason they had Apocalypto playing on Telemundo at the bar, which was interesting 'cause it meant that the nearly dead Mayan language spoken in the film was subtitled in Spanish. Anyway we were all pretty much fixated on it, as it's visually stunning and violent as fuck, and so the bartender turns to me to voice her real concerns. If I lived back then, she says, I'd be losing my underwear left and right because I'd forget to tie it, or whatever it is they do. See that? How do they run and fight and keep their underwear on? She went on to say they should have invented bras first, or there's no way she'd be running anywhere. That's a good point, bartender, and I'm glad you appreciate the modern conveniences available to us. Although, from what I can tell through the unbuttoned top 1/2 of your shirt, you barely avail yourself of even that.

But this is the danger in drinking--I left at the same time she was leaving, and I stood around outside smoking a cigarette until she came out, then I hung around the periphery as she was saying goodbye to some of the guys who were also outside smoking. Her car was parked at the corner where I cross the street, so I was kind of waiting to walk her to the car. I don't think she noticed that I was being creepy. And when we got to her car we just talked about strategies for keeping her car from being a pigeon-crap target... and of course I wished her luck on the homefront, because I'm that lame that I'll bring it up. She laughed a little, said she was happy here at work, and drove off while I was realizing I should have just walked home without waiting. Then I saw her turning up the hill and I was like WTF, but it was just for a U-turn, and as she was now passing me in the other direction she waved, and I waved, and that has to be a good sign, right? Like saying hey, don't worry about being the creepy guy waiting for me when I get off work, we're still cool.

OK, now I'm just babbling. You guys really need to just stop me when I get like this. I'm like that drunk friend who you put on the couch, you give him a blanket, and ignore whatever else he might say. And if that happens to be at 11:30 on a Sunday, well then that's just when it happens. I'm sure I'll be around in the morning trying to clean up this mess, :H so I'll see y'all then.

Hope everyone's fast asleep soundly in their beds right now. Except for the people in time zones where it's light out--you may as well get up and do something fun.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

So that post was a pretty d--k move on my part. If it makes anyone feel that just has been served, hangovers are not some scary myth perpetuated to keep people from drinking. They are real.

I hope everyone's having a good day!

[taw]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Not feeling so hot today, Stuck? What time does class start? Make a nice strong pot of coffee, smoke or two and you will be good to go...until you can come home and nap!!

Hope today doesn't drag out too much for you!!

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Thanks, Taw, you're the sweetest. I definitely deserve it, though.

My morning routine is a pot of strong coffee and a 1/2 pack of smokes anyway these days, so don't worry I'm on top of it LOL.

[taw]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hang in there! Hey, if you have a chance to stop get a Revive Vitamin water! It's purple if u are unfamiliar! Works wonders on hangovers!!

Catch ya later....boss is bellowing!!!