Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Actually I have not shaved yet. See, what happened was I went to take care of that problem, only to find out there was only enough shaving cream to trim things up again. This has gotten seriously out of control... and people, like the bartender, are starting to notice. And no one believes my story! They think I'm trying to do this... She thinks I'm going to come in next week with a mustache like all the other d-bag hipsters in the neighborhood (OK, she was laughing and holding her finger sideways under her nose when she said that, so I think I'm still in the clear).

I'm gonna keep going with the Red Bull thing just 'cause: 4 free cans I guess is just a perk of working there. Any more than 4, she has to pay for, and I find this out last night--that guys are buying them for her. So when I needed to get my tab up over $10, I asked if I could buy one for her. That's when she said no, which could mean she just wasn't going to let me spend money on her.

The script info is definitely helpful. I'll get in touch with the good doctor soon, and then get all that squared away. I still have about 400 pills here, + the 270 in the script, which is good because I'm lazy and bad at making phone calls in a timely fashion. Not ordering more online will for sure help my finances, which are piss f--king poor.

Happy Saturday, everyone.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Tell them to call the doctor. Not insurance unless they called insurance. That's not so good. Then you'll need a daily amoun from dr. L.

Hmmm. Not clear but I gotta go. Later.

[RedThread12]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hey, Stuckin-la: I don't have insurance, so your problems isn't EXACTLY my problem, but here's something I discovered (due to circumstances far too complex to describe) that gives me a huge discount on baclofen at Walgreen's. Well, not EVERY Walgreen's, but there are so many that the one that TAKES this prescription card is as close as the one that doesn't.

I went online to Prepaid Cards - Credit, Debit, Prepaid | Rushcard and got a pre-paid Visa card from them. I used it for a while when I needed a cut-off on my ability to spend money I didn't have, in order to make purchases online, etc. One of the "perks" of this particular pre-paid Visa card is a "pharmacy discount card." And it actually works. My prescription from Dr. Levin got moved into stratospheric levels when I left the country for a while last year, and asked him to approve a 90-day supply, which Walgreen's boasts about offering. He did. They did. Since then, I've had the option to pick up a 90-day supply every month. And I'm starting with a script from the good Dr. for 300 mg/day!! I've never taken that amount, but figured it could never hurt to have too much. Well, even with the discount card, I haven't wanted to pay for that much every month. Nor have I wanted to clean out more drawers to find a place to put what I do have :H.

I think I only have $5.00 or so on my pre-paid card, currently. But the pharmacy discount card continues to cut the price in 1/2. Dr. L made my script in 20 mg pills, so it's waaaayyy more expensive than the 10 mg. But I haven't wanted the hassle of having him re-write it, or of finding room for and/or taking that many pills. You might check it out. And I also like the pre-paid Visa thing because it's, ummm . . . discreet.

I picked up my toys and took them home from the health insurance game when it began to feel immoral to pay for the joke. AND, I have incredible resources for excellent health care both at home and overseas, so it was a pretty simple decision for me. I'm in no way suggesting that it would work for everyone. But the pharmacy discount card with the pre-paid Visa might save you a lot of hassle, and preserve a bit of privacy.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Thanks, RedT. It looks like I'm going to have to have him rewrite the script for an actual dose, rather than "as directed." Probably not an issue, hopefully. Will definitely look into discount cards, though--that's a great idea.

I hear you on the insurance racket. The anger is boundless over here, but lacking other resources I'm stuck with my crap benefits. Alas.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

My guess is that the pharmacy assumed it was a 90 day amount. At 80mg/day that is to be expected. You can't tell them they're wrong. They need to hear it from the doctor. Getting them to call the doctor shouldn't be a big deal at all, considering it's their mistake.
If the pharmacy calls the doctor he will clear it up. I would try to avoid getting your insurance company involved. Not that it's a big deal, it can lead to some red tape, though. And because it isn't approved for what it's intended use is, you won't be able to get enough no matter what Dr. L says.

Finally, getting Dr. L involved with insurance companies is not to be recommended. Really. He feels about insurance the way RedT does, but is much more vocal, antagonistic and is (frankly) a nightmare about it. But hearing from, or making a call to, your pharmacy because the amount is so high? Fair to say he's probably done that for most of us. Should be easy-peasy.

If the pharmacist DID involve your insurance company (highly doubtful) fire the pharmacy and transfer the script. Order online, wait the amount of time, and refill at the new place. Make sure they call the doctor if it isn't the right amount when you pick it up before you take it home. Less peasy, but entirely manageable.

All else seems to be moving...forward.

Still on the go, though it should be a quieter week. (But I probably just ruined it with the expectation...)

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Today began disastrously. I find myself out of even instant coffee. Don't ask, my last ex-girlfriend for some reason left it here. Maybe that's why she is an ex? Or maybe it was just because she was French... Anyway, so I'm scraping the remains stuck to the bottom of the jar out, and stirring it into one of my most hated coffee mugs with a fork, because there are no clean favorite, or even tolerable, clean mugs and no clean spoons. So my morning consisted of a hangover and a cup of instant coffee and a suspiciously quiet MWO. All this does not bode well for the day...

And I was absolutely correct. Out of pure boredom I was forced to do the dishes. Then take out all the trash and recycling, which lead to deeply ambivalent feelings about how many/few bottles were there to be recycled. And then I had to change the sheets on my bed, because I've been meaning to in that drunken I ought to get to that kind of way. Then it was afternoon, and I was thinking it's like 1:30, that isn't too early to start drinking, right? But ended up staring at the computer for a while before finally vacuuming.

Holy God. Dust bunnies doesn't quite capture the fur laying latent in my apartment. More like a dust army of zombie cats waiting for the apocalypse to rise and reclaim the apartment. Terrifying. It's times like these I remember that there are nights, even now, that I kneel at the foot of my bed and thank our Lord that 6 years ago, when I was still making decent money, I bought a Dyson vacuum.

And then it was already like 4 or 5, and surely now I can start drinking? But then I remembered I hadn't really had any coffee yet. So down the hill, got a coffee, and then walked aimlessly... Thought to myself, hey, I can go to the bar and make Irish coffee. But the bar was packed thanks to the Goddamned Dodgers. Christ I hate baseball. So up the hill, in this f--king heat, and then I was at home again.

Rest assured, though, that I did eventually get sick of myself and start drinking. About a 1/2 bottle of whiskey in, and probably slowing down after this 'cause that's all there is... Or, rather, switching to beer. And I really do apologize to my friends who are abstinent right now. I get all touchy about the I'm drinking thing... But regardless, it looks like I'm going to drink to indifference. Actually raise my glass right now and toast to that imaginary future me who is indifferent. And I'll know I get there when I forget to drink. The goal hasn't changed, Or it has: right now I want to drink my socks off. But the underlying goal is the same: I will chemically take myself to a place where AL is no longer an issue/option. And from there start dealing with all the other sh-t.

Trying to paraphrase an old post on this thread: focus on the goal, focus on the goal, starting to get drunk every night again, focus on the goal.

JKTTGDP.

And I hope everyone is doing really well out there in the silent interwebs. Let's check in maybe, 'cause I miss ya'll.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Good morning! Gawd I love my mornings. You put a smile on my face today.

I went through a cleaning house phase. I loved it. That's an understatement. It filled me with joy! Our apartment was dirty and very cluttered. Ed likes things neat, and his little tiny corner of our bedroom was straight. But the entire rest of the thing? ugh. Full of Ne crap. The projects I wanted to do, the bargains I bought, the cheap (or expensive) crap I thought would make our house a home.
When the fog in my mind and brain started to clear up a bit I started to notice, really notice, my surroundings. And the stuff started to chafe a little bit. I guess. I don't have a clear recollection of that.
I think I realized with a *ding* that I was actually doing it, rather than wanting or wishing or hoping.
It started with our pantry. We had moths. For a year. Damn things kept coming back even after I finally let the pesticide people use poisonous gas to kill 'em all. (Honestly, they're probably still there. One of the big problems of having a very old place--lots of nooks and crannies for things to nestle into and breed. Yuck.)
Anyway. I cleaned out the pantry. Hard core. And then did it again. And then a third time.
This was out of necessity, in a way. But here's the thing: I'd done it before (p.b.--pre-bac ) because of the moths. But this time I did it...on my terms. The first time I was still drinking. The third time I wasn't. And that thing was sparkly, with all the cans lined up and orderly and the grains in airtight containers.
One night Ed came home and found me on a step ladder, plugged into my iPod and attempting to tough-boy rap at the top of my lungs. We were barely speaking at that point and I was actively taking the steps necessary to move him out. (I loved our apartment more than I thought I loved him!)
The next night I sat down with him in front of the tv to eat our dinner and he told me he wanted to take baclofen. Not because I was sober. Because I was so damned happy!! Cleaning the pantry (again!) no less.

There is something about cleaning house, literally and figuratively. It's an AA thing, and in every philosophy there is stretching back to ape-dom probably. It frees the mind of clutter and baggage and gives it room to think about other things.
I didn't just clean. I got rid of all of my crap. Really, almost all of it. I was going to sell it in a flea market, but one day I just decided I couldn't wait and didn't want to take the time to make that happen. So I put it on our (city) curb and figure that the peeps who pick up stuff before garbage day had a really, really good night. yay!
I did the same thing when we moved. I had a neighbor thank me for all of my "good stuff" and tell me what great taste I had. The second hand couch I'd been prone on while I drank myself into a stupor for years was on her front porch. :H (It was a beauty, too. But I hesitated not at all to see it go.) Grandma's rocker that needed refinishing was in the back of another neighbor's truck.
Cleaning house...I want my mind free and uncluttered and able to move 'on to the next one' (a line in a song I love.)

So much else to riff on in your post too.
Filling the vacuum! Literally and figuratively.
I could expound but won't bore because I'm sure you get it. Suffice it to say that it used to completely freak me out when MWO was quiet. When I was drinking I thought it was because of me, or before I was actively posting I thought it was because no one was out here. (Now I know better about the second one, and know for sure that sometimes I help create enough kerfuffle that it shuts the meds threads down for a bit.)
But I cannot stand a void and so I post.
And once again, getting it all out helps me free up some space for other stuff.

The drinking thing? I understand. It is hard when so many are struggling so mightily and the truth is that for most Just. Not. Drinking is really very, very important. Also laudable, and profoundly moving. I get it. But!
Being able to post about the fact that we can (and do) continue to drink while in recovery is a hard won battle, Stuck. There was a time, even here, that it made people really uncomfortable and angry. It flies in the face of almost a century of what we think we know about recovery. And there isn't a single place in my geographic world where one can talk openly about it.
It is the gift and the promise of baclofen that we can set our house in order, work on recovering with all that the word and process entails, and still continue to drink. Because what I did was drink. Abstinence based recovery was never going to work for me. Sobriety against my will did not free me from anything.

Baclofen did. Completely.

I drank all the way up until the day that I decided I wanted to try not drinking. (It gets old-- drinking when you don't really want to and you definitely don't need to. It just took me some time to figure that out. Four months, actually. :H)
And I drink now. Three times in the last ten days! More than any time since just after indifference. I had two margaritas last Thursday. (1 1/2 actually) I had a glass of wine and a little bit of a really nasty mojito last Saturday. And I had too many glasses of wine (apparently) at a party on this last Saturday night. And then spent the early hours of Sunday feeling yucky.
And it just doesn't matter. I'm not going to drink again until I want to. And I don't want to waste the time of feeling yucky so I probably won't any time soon. But it is fun to drink socially! It is HUGE to do it given the fact that I was unable to 'control' my drinking; unable to choose when and where and how much, a year and a half ago.

I lament the fact that baclofen does not work for everyone. I am honestly angry that the only recourse we have to being absolutely and completely free from alcohol addiction is a little pill that (frankly) sucks to take. And I support and love my brothers and sisters in the fight against the beast, no matter the weapons.
But I will defend the right (necessity) to talk openly about the fact that baclofen is a completely different treatment for the disease. It revolutionizes what we know about recovery.

Too much from me on this post! Maybe I'll post it and then delete parts of it. Hopefully you'll get the full monty. Or maybe I'll just actually edit it! :H I doubt it, though. Time...the one thing I haven't figured out how to bend to my will. (There might be a couple of others, but I just ignore 'em! Time cannot be ignored. dangit)

Peace out.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Nah. I'll leave it. Whatever. Few people read the long posts anyway! :H

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Sorry for the TMI, fellas.
My hormones somehow dictate what and how much I drink even now.

I started my period on Saturday. It's not a monthly thing for me because of my birth control, so I can't predict it. The only times I got drunk after indifference were just prior to my menses starting. I can see now why I wanted to (and was willing to!) drink too much on Saturday night. Well that and the fact that it was a party! Everyone was getting a bit saucy!


This is completely irrelevant to you, La, but it's noteworthy enough for some of us that I put it in this separate post.

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

The oddest theing for me Ne is when I stopped having periods when I was 37 I still went a bit odd every month, in fact I still do, thats not fair is it, I get hot flashes and pms together I just thought I would put that here on your thread Stuck just for you to know :H

[taw]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hey Stuck! Good job on the house cleaning! I could not bring myself to to that this past weekend. Then I thought a beer or a glass of wine would give me the kick start I needed to get it done...Then I remembered the AB, so, alas, no cleaning! But stayed sober!

This is your thread Stuck...talk about drinking if you want/need. If it bothers someone, they can skip over or not read/follow!

I do have to tell you that your determination, and Ne's words of wisdom have remotivated me to try bac again. I want to be free...free in the way you are trying for and Ne is. AB is a good kick in the butt to get started, and starting bac AF, might just be the ticket!

Have a good day, Stuck! Hey, did you get coffee and shaving cream delivered with your groceries??

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Slow and steady. Or as our beloved Murph would say: softly softly catchee monkey. I still don't have a clue what the hell that means, but it makes me smile.
I bet Windy would have some real insight, too. I am actually learning more about the process from her and Stuck here than I have in a looooooong time. (I thought I knew everything. That's a joke, people that don't like me. I have never thought I know everything. I just know more than you do. So nyah. Kidding, again. Relax. :l)

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Good morning, everyone.

Reality does suck. But then again, I'm definitely in a mood this AM, posting everywhichway and dropping italics and emotis all over the place. Gotta say, though, man (er, mostly ladies) my tolerance is shite these days. Finished the booze but felt sleeeeeeeepy. Never made it to the beer, just went to bed. The amount of hangover has never been a clear indication, so the surefire way to know I drank too much is that I woke up naked. (TMI all around! )

Anyway, I'm up early early. And I didn't think to order coffee Last night I stopped at the drugstore for smokes, then went to the bar, intending to return several hours later for coffee. But the bar was packed (f--king Dodgers game), so went straight away back to the drugstore where it was really awkward, 'cause I was just there a minute ago, and bought cheap-ass Maxwell House because I can't afford to splurge on good coffee, even though my coffee maker has a built-in grinder. Nowhere around here to get good, fresh roasted coffee anyway, except Intelligentsia, and they're way outside my budget.

And shaving cream? I actually found some in one of the kitchen cabinets (don't ask). So even though I'm still choking down bananas like a pro, I'm no longer a bear (pretty please don't ask :H).

Thanks for the thread-love this AM. You gals make it worth getting out of bed every day. Now if I could just find some clothes...

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Ah, yes. That's what I love. Those inspiring messages from the still sick and very lost.

"Life sucks! Nothing works! Follow me back into the depths of hell!"

yeehaw.

bugger off Desperado. We won't have that kind of crap going on in the meds threads anymore.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

um, you don't have to have clothes to post on the internet. And some o' the chicks around here might be a little titillated to find that you don't...
just sayin

Coffee became for me what booze used to be. I kept running out until I started buying it in bulk. And I went from cheap booze and expensive coffee to very expensive booze and very cheap coffee. (8 oclock works for me.)

(Edit: Except it's hard to become addicted and have coffee run one's life. Obviously.)