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    Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

    Or maybe there's a lot going on, depending on POV. Like getting off the phone with Chicago exGF, who's conversational skills have yet to improve. But, if I could pick out 1 important thing in that stream of whatever-the-F-she-was-talking-about, it would be the part where she mentioned the dude who left her for the job in Indianapolis showing up unexpectedly. Oh, OK.

    So since we're on that topic, why wouldn't Stuck ask her about a very cryptic Facebook post from a couple days ago? The one where she posted something like "the 3 year wait was soooooooo worth it, even though we're crazy for doing so!" Or whatever to the effect that I thought this crazy broad might have gone off and gotten herself engaged.

    Just not with this a-hole, was what I was thinking, I think. So I asked, and she's like you really wanna know? And I'm like if it's the obvious, then yeah I wanna know.

    But of course it's not the obvious at all. They had sex at her work, and her only regret now is that they didn't ever do that 3 years ago when they worked together at this different place. So now I'm all pissed. And the emotional stuff is what it is, you know? But I think one of the worst parts of losing a person, at least a person with whom the relationship was built around sex, is that you know they didn't simply suddenly stop being kinky. It's just now all those little things that were so meaningful between "just the two of you" are now seriously not meaningful at all.

    And like how I shifted into the 2nd person there? Yeah, why is Stuck projecting all his feelings onto you? And now he's talking in the 3rd person? WTF. He clearly cannot cope with this kind of crap. And just to throw it all out there, he's also on his 2nd beer.

    Because I obviously like to blame drinking on other things... you'd have to go deep at this point to see me blaming my mom for drinking that one day, but it's there. Anyway, I'll save the bac details for tomorrow, for now I'm just ready for bed.

    G'night, interwebs. G'night, people in them.

    Er, wait, that just made it sound like all of you
    are StuckinTheInterwebs. I didn't mean that at all, that would be nightmarish. No, you guys are chillin' like villains at your computer, safely in your own homes. Or on your significant other's computer in his/her home, or if you're really crazy your not-so-significant other's. But I would like to warn you about leaving an internet record on their computer, if that's the case... because then that person's real
    significant other might find it and that could get ugly and I'd hate for you to blame me for that. Because it's totally not my fault.

    So let's just go with G'night, people. That seems safe enough... Lots of hugs n' such, and I hope you're waking up to wonderful days.

    Comment


      Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

      I need a poem to say at the service,any ideas my literary friends x

      Comment


        Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

        Hey Stuck! I have no objections to the kitten poster, ftr. But it does make me think of the Simpsons episode where Marge hangs one and is feeling inspired, then looks at the copyright date. "That kitten must have died years ago!" Then she feels less inspired.
        Are we trying to make your students uncomfortable if they won't look at you? Maybe a still from the movie "Un Chien Andalou". You know, the one where they take a razor to the lady's eyeball? I don't know what that says about me that that was the first thing that came to mind.
        Sorry to hear about your recent sleepwalking episode. I agree that it's probably due to exhaustion from bac rather than bac itself. I have to admit, it did make me giggle though. Like, "How's sobriety treating you?" "Oh, I put my pajama pants in the toilet while unconscious." I had the waking nightmares/hallucinations while doing HDB. Nothing like what happened to RedHead though. Jesus! Now that you seem to be in switch territory, any thoughts about going down?
        I'm so happy for your sobriety! It does kind of feel like cheating, doesn't it? That said, I think you've earned it. And I don't see why it would make any difference to the bartender if you were drinking an AF fruity drink (they serve goddamned smoothies in LA bars?!) or a beer.
        And I enjoyed the recent grammar debate between you and RedT. I'm a stickler for such things as well. For instance, my phone's trying to tell me that it's wrong that I used two "that"s earlier in this post: "what that says about me that that was the first thing that came to mind". But it's correct, no? Bad example. But you get my drift.
        Congrats on the great evals too. That's gotta feel good. And it doesn't surprise me one bit.
        I'm gonna give you guys an epic update soon on what's been up with me. It's been a helluva couple of days. But I thought I'd go around first and let you all know that I never stopped reading!
        Hugs and love!
        "Yet someday this will have an end
        All choices made or choice resigned,
        And in your face the literal eye
        Trace little of your history,
        Nor ever piece the tale entire
        Of villages that had to burn
        And playgrounds of the will destroyed
        Before you could be safe from time
        And gather in your brow and air
        The stillness of antiquity."

        From "At Majority" by Adrienne Rich

        Comment


          Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

          Oh, and about teaching the honors class? I was in those classes for years, and you're going to have to tell those smug little fucks to shut the hell up at some point. Hearing crickets chirp during discussion time will NOT be your problem!
          "Yet someday this will have an end
          All choices made or choice resigned,
          And in your face the literal eye
          Trace little of your history,
          Nor ever piece the tale entire
          Of villages that had to burn
          And playgrounds of the will destroyed
          Before you could be safe from time
          And gather in your brow and air
          The stillness of antiquity."

          From "At Majority" by Adrienne Rich

          Comment


            Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

            Hey Stuck! Glad it was a good first day. And I second Windy, I don't think you will have any trouble getting those kids to talk! I highly doubt you have a roomful of incredibly shy, insecure honor students like I was. They most likely love to hear themselves talk!

            I see you being the kind of teacher that makes kids want to teach!!

            Windy great to see you!! Do come back and give us an update!!
            "What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us." Ralph Waldo Emerson

            Comment


              Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

              Oh man, I love all of you ladies. OK, that was a really strange way to phrase that...

              Space, I'll get the poem ball rolling but hopefully it won't stop with me, as poetry really isn't my thing... So apparently Shakespeare's Sonnet #116 is the wedding poem. Hey, wait a minute, I may suck at poetry but I have a ton of poet friends... I shall change my Facebook status, poll the crowd, and get back to you with their suggestions, which will be better than my suggestions.............

              Windy, sobriety's great, no? Especially in the early days. :H Boy do I give you serious props. My 1st 30 before I started bac were, well they were let's say weird. And it's a bit strange now. And I have bac'd off a tad, so for those who are interested in details, I'm at 212 now. Though I have to say I have been thinking about AL a bit more the past few days, and if you happen to subscribe to this thread... dear God, what a lame, whiney, dumb post I deleted from this early AM. And yeah, I had about a beer and a 1/2 last night before bed. Long story, and I deleted it for a reason, but whatever.

              I did, however, sleep like a baby for about 4 hours. Though, plenty of friends and exGFs have babies now, and so I really don't know where that expression comes from... 'cause those lil' bastards don't seem to sleep all that well.

              Sooooo, thing was that I was an honors student. Only because I got a letter from the honors program one day, and it said Hey! We think you should be in the honors program! And I thought, OK, I can write a thesis I guess... But I was still me, right? So I didn't really talk in class at all, 'cause I hated everyone and didn't care what they thought about me or about the book we were reading, or anything, really.

              But then I caught this huge crush on one of my professors. O. M. G. she is crush-worthy still. So I started speaking up a little bit. Maybe that's what got me out of my shell? Jeez, you guys are probably thinking was there ever a time when Stuck could possibly even have shut the hell up?
              but it's totally true. And then one day after class one girl was like we've been talking and we think you're the smartest person here
              , and then I went and got the award for the best honors thesis the year I graduated (I'd like to take a moment to thank Jack Daniels) and so I always and still have a soft spot in my heart for the quiet ones. Even if it doesn't work so well on dates 'cause then it really is crickets chirping.

              Ugh, OK, so the picture I really really want, and cannot for the life of me remember the name of the painter... You guys are really going to not like me now.

              There's this guy who paints portraits, usually of young or young-ish models, but he always paints them as if they were really old. He even does this with self-portraits. So there's this one in particular that I remember, and it's of this 13 year-old ballerina, wearing a blue or purple tutu, doing a pli?, but it looks as if she's maybe in her 80s and obese, disfigured, diseased, with cellulite and all kinds of problems, basically.

              Not only is it really disturbing to look at on its own, it's even worse once you learn the model was just some probably adorable little girl. And then
              the real mind-fuckery begins in earnest, as you start to think about how that's going to happen to that girl eventually for real, and by extension to everybody, and well sh-t we might as well accept it. Whatever accepting it means. Carpe Diem and whatnot, and hell maybe I'm actually telling my kids to go out and screw like bunnies while they can (actually, I kind of do tell them that, but to be responsible, and I really did actually tell them yesterday to not do Jaeger bombs).

              I think that that is about it. :H And yes Windy you are totally in the correct.

              [Edit: deleted some whiney emo nonsense.]

              Have great days all around, my peeps, great ones. :l:l:l

              Comment


                Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

                May very well yet live to eat these words, but from a high of 240mg/day down to now 210, Stuck has an announcement, which he will make in song.

                http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pcx6W4se4DM[/video]]Dropkick Murphys-The Dirty Glass - YouTube

                Comment


                  Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

                  Sorry I dont understand the announcement

                  Comment


                    Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

                    I love that song, and have listened to it so much over the years that I forget the message isn't clear on a 1st or 2nd or whatever listen. Sooooooo. The girl is a bartender, and she's saying she misses the guy, who's a drunk. Then they tell the story of how he was drinking all the time, until the point.... oh whatever.

                    It's my switch post. Probably a lame one that no one got, but I'd been hoping to post pretty much that exact thing, talking about myself in the 3rd person and everything, for months and sometimes the thought of it kept me going, though really it was you guys who kept me going.

                    So yeah, I'm calling switch. It feels weird to say it, because AL thoughts flitter around every so often at 212 in ways they didn't at 225/240. So who really knows, maybe it's because I feel better all day and most of the night, so I can actually think--which I couldn't do slightly higher. But for the last week AF has not been a problem, not been an issue.

                    Most of the last 2 weeks, actually. I'm not going to go into belaboring the details of each instance, unless someone is really curious.

                    And yeah, last night I had a beer. After the gym I got dinner, then stopped at the bar to hang out for a while. After a club soda I figured you know what? I've had a long day, and I have been having passing thoughts about how nice a drink would be, so screw it. I drank a Guiness, talked with the bartender, and went home. Spent the rest of the evening getting in the bac doses and watching clips from the Republican National Convention--and even with that still didn't drink more. :H

                    I know I need to watch it, especially with going to a football game tomorrow. Not wanting AL is too easy an excuse to go ahead and have it. Again, I'm calling switch, but there may be plenty of people screaming into the computer screen right now, saying it's not the switch.

                    Going by the most recent bac prescribing guide, they recommend staying at the switch dose for a month or 2. If that's not possible, go down until you want to drink and go up slightly, or go to 2/3 of the switch dose, and stay there for 1-2 months.

                    I'm ready to buckle up and deal with 2 months of pretty high doses, but it's time for some balance. And I think I've found it around 210. Sleeping much better, daytime crap is not so bad. Like I said, a few thoughts about how nice, or at least easy, it would be to try to slip back into old habits, but everything feels manageable right now.

                    Actually let me correct that. When I say thoughts of AL, it's not thinking about whiskey. I don't think I'd know what to do with a whiskey in front of me. I remember liking being drunk, and there's plenty of mental stuff I'd like to avoid, but I know that I wouldn't like feeling drunk.

                    There, that's the longish version of my switch post. And there's plenty of time to tinker while it settles in, and if I fall flat on my face I know y'all will be here to help pick me up and dust me off, but that just doesn't feel like it's in the cards.

                    I still like summarizing it all with a couple lines toward the end of the song though.

                    Bartender: How was I to know that he was just a fiend and a no-good cheat?

                    Me: Well that's all in the past, bitch, 'cause now I got it beat.

                    Comment


                      Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

                      Hey Stuck! That is a great song and I had not heard it in so long!!

                      VERY happy for you!!! Happy Switch Day!! You have come a long way and it must be very freeing to have beat AL!!

                      I am sure someone else will come along and say it more eloquently, but :wd: from me!!!!

                      Enjoy the freedom and the football game!!

                      many many :l

                      T
                      "What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us." Ralph Waldo Emerson

                      Comment


                        Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

                        My fingers are about to fall off after typing my last post, but just had to say

                        WOO HOO, STUCK!!!

                        Congrats. You deserve this. Love and hugs!!
                        "Yet someday this will have an end
                        All choices made or choice resigned,
                        And in your face the literal eye
                        Trace little of your history,
                        Nor ever piece the tale entire
                        Of villages that had to burn
                        And playgrounds of the will destroyed
                        Before you could be safe from time
                        And gather in your brow and air
                        The stillness of antiquity."

                        From "At Majority" by Adrienne Rich

                        Comment


                          Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

                          Hey Stuck,

                          It's been a long day and I'm totally exhausted, but I wanted to tell you congratulations! That is so wonderful. Hello to everyone else too. Windy :l, I read the AB and naltrexone thread. You are being so strong. Taw, keep on keeping on. You're doing great. Bebe, today is the big day! So I doubt you'll see this. I'm sure you look fabulous. Enjoy watching your daughter get married.

                          I've got nothing else. I'm too tired tonight. I might not see you cats for a couple of days but wanted to drop in now.

                          xxoo
                          This Princess Saved Herself

                          Comment


                            Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

                            that was the long version of your switch post? hey ive read some of your thread and that was one of your shorter posts

                            congrats stuck. well done my friend.

                            so is it worth all the SEs you had to go through? course it is because now you have a new life to live. i mean now you have your life back and you can live it just however you please. and i just know its going to be a fking great one.

                            i really want to add one of those hugs emotis but it doest seem to appear in the pane on my kindle screen so im using this one instead :thanks: actually thats not random. your thread has entertained and helped a lot of people and i want to thank you for it.
                            "My fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them." Jack Kerouac

                            Comment


                              Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

                              Yeah stuck! you actually have me a little jealous.... Happy switch day! I have pondered going on bac if topa doesnt work.. and have made some pretty life altering decisions while on it making my baby steps. SO HAPPY FOR YOU THOUGH!!!! YOU MADE IT BABY! YEYAY! :banana:

                              Comment


                                Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

                                I am sooooo happy for you!

                                Cheers!
                                Day 47 on Bac- 140mg
                                Binge free-21 days
                                AF-1 day (Great work happy hour last night, nursed 3 drinks for 5 hours with no desire to binge!)

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