Morning, La.
It occurred to me this morning after reading a different thread that perhaps you should explore neuropathy (or something related to nerves) as part of your search for a reason for your leg pain.
Here's where I weigh whether or not I should offer my own thoughts about stuff, even though it's clearly unsolicited and likely not welcome. As usual I will err on the side of offering information, just in case it offers some insight. This is, after all, a chronic, debilitating and sometimes death-inducing disease we suffer from... Here goes:
How are you going to know if your dose is too low before you end up on a bender that won't end? (Please refer to Justin's thread. I can't remember the name of it off hand. There are a couple of dozen others, too. Moglor's comes to mind.)
If your goal is not abstinence, and moderation would include continuing to drink regularly (though I understand that you are not now) then at what point do you determine that something is too much? Is it worth it to find the lowest dose, at the risk of alcohol beginning to take over life again? (These are questions I ask myself. They are not rhetorical.)
And here are some of my own answers:
It's not worth it. I won't know I've gone too low until I am drinking (or thinking about drinking) too much, too regularly. And at that point I'll have to go up (and maybe WAY UP) in order to find true indifference again. The thoughts about drinking and even the drinking are so insidious, so entrenched, that I made up some rules to help me navigate what is acceptable and what is risky. I'll share them if you're interested.
120? hmmm. That's a loooooong way from where you reached indifference. I am fairly convinced that regular bac intake, particularly at high doses, affords a sort of honeymoon period even after a person goes down dramatically. Even after they stop! This is my own conclusion, and not based on anything other than reading here obsessively. But I can (again) offer lots of examples of it. WCL might be a good example. (Though she might also disagree! I could make a case for my hypothesis, I think. And WCL remains abstinent so there is no way to test this now. Thank goodness!)
Somnolence? Yep. A fact of bac-life. But it is also likely that it's directly related to lack of good sleep. It is likely that bac is still causing sleep disruptions even if it seems as though you are sleeping through the night. (Which even with the reduction, I'd be surprised to hear.) Are you getting enough quality sleep? Given all other factors, isn't it a good solution to look for ways to manage this SE (which all of us on HDB have done) until it goes away?
I also (strongly) suspect that reducing bac dose results in depression. (see Mog's thread, ignominous' and ignominious' threads. And many, many others.) The depression can be frightening/life altering/suicidal. It's the number one thing keeping me from altering my own bac dose. (I feel pretty confident that I'm done with being an alcoholic since it's no longer a matter of habit. But depression? hmmm. That looms large.)
There's more, but I'll leave you with this point: Bac PRN doesn't work. It just doesn't. Not once. In fact, based on what I've seen here, it may be more harmful than positive. You've experienced bac SEs from increases when they are regular and planned. I'm confused as to why anyone would think it's possible to take an extra amount of bac and not experience serious consequences.
It's easy to think that once you've experienced indifference you're out of the woods, or don't need support, or insight or an outlet. But that hasn't been my experience or the experience of the many others who have done this thing. In fact, almost everyone drinks against their will again. And it's VERY likely that's because they reduce their bac dose too much, too soon. It's also likely that it's because this place, and the support offered here, isn't utilized. It's a vital part of recovery. (Though Terryk and some others would vehemently disagree! The science backs me up. It turns out that traditional recovery is most effective simply because of the support aspect. Hence the daily meetings, etc.)
Hope it's a good day, LA! (and others!)
:l
Ne
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