Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

So I don't know if this happens to any of you guys, but one of the things that's been happening to me when I don't drink is that when a package shows up from Amazon, I kind of have an idea of what's in it. And so another thing that happened is that I suddenly got this powerful, vaguely irrational fear that's going to take a second to explain. See, my cats like to sleep on my wireless internet router, I guess because it's warm, and I keep it in a basket under a book case (don't ask), but that means that the cat(s) sits in a basket on top of not only the router and cables but also a power strip. So my sudden fear, which hit me the night before last, is that while sitting in the basket, which they've both done for 2 1/2 years, one of the cats is going to catch one of her (or his) little claws in the power strip and be gruesomely electrocuted to death.

So now the Amazon package. Immediately after having this realization that my precious little ones are in imminent danger, I went online and ordered Mommy's Little Helper (not valium), or somesuch brand, of childproof outlet caps. But then to get the damned free delivery, since the f*cking little things weren't available for A. Prime, I had to go and order like two CDs out of the blue, and I didn't even get CDs I'd been wanting, like a normal person, but instead, since this was kind of an "impulse" buy, I decided I'd just go ahead and get some CDs that seemed like something cool or interesting. Well, that's all fine and well, until you find out that Amazon lets you skip the wait and right away stream any music you buy, so I already listened to the damned CDs yesterday, and they're OK but kind of the thing you'd only listen to maybe once, and now I've got the actual physical objects on my kitchen counter, along with like 36 leftover stupid outlet caps, which is definitely more than enough to cap every outlet in my whole apartment.

And from now on, on top of everything else, it's going to be a royal pain to plug in my Christmas tree, because I use that same power strip under the cat(s).

:l:l:l all around.

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

StuckinLA;1455694 wrote:

But again, does that just mean I'll be doing little four or five day stints of sober time? Would it be easier to manage my life if I truly tried to commit to capital-S Sobriety? Or is doing what I'm doing now what's keeping me from those soul-crushing moments of craving and sadness? The anxiety would probably be better, but either way these are the questions I've been asking myself. Out loud, on the internet.l

Who knows Stuck, but for now you are doing what you are doing. You are not having the awful benders or the awful not drinking but desparately hurting times either which has got to be good. Over the past year you have changed and I dont think you can now go back to how you where before, you are certainley not the first person to intentionally put yourself in a position where you will end up drinking, the difference is that you stopped after two days, or the first to want to talk (ramble on) about it. Only you can decide where you want to go from here, in the meantime tho keep rambling as much as you want.

Also cant you just move the router out of the basket now youve got me worrying about your cats as well

[ifulovelife2]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

No, leave the router where it is. If the cats are stupid enough to claw the electrical cord or dribble into the outlet socket as they lick their arseholes (my God cats are disgusting creatures) then they deserve to fry.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Well may as well update everyone on the things that are going on around here, should anyone be curious. But I'm not sure what really to call it. "Roller coaster" comes to mind right away, given the ups and downs, but whatever. So I've been putting together some strings of AF days, which is certainly different for me. But then I have a drink and that means that I drink for several days straight. This week, in fact, I even drank a little bit in the morning before teaching, which I'd really prefer not to do. My boss was observing my class this week, so that's either a really good reason to drink first, or a reason that it was a really bad time to have anything to drink. But the class went well, for the most part, so no damage done.

But then it's like yesterday didn't even exist at all. Just in bed, drinking. So I've got a really jacked lower-back right now, and I'm just kind of feeling done with the whole thing. Like just over it. So I'm on 10mg of bac for the third straight day, going to go up to 20 tomorrow, and by early next week will be up to 30. I think I'm going to stay there, and see if that's enough to keep the edge off, you know? Like I don't want to be zombified on HDB, but I don't want to be drinking like this, either. So mostly I guess you could just say I'm feeling like a proper idiot, and not at all sure how to sort myself out.

I've been listening to a lot of AA speaker tapes on podcast, and I don't think that's all that helpful, but maybe going to an actual meeting every so often would do me some good. Or not. But this waffling back and forth is really dumb, so might as well pick something and go with it. Though, of course I ordered a bunch of liquor with my groceries that are getting delivered later this afternoon, so it's not like I'm going to be living in a dry house or anything... Ugh.

So that's what's going on. :l

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hey all. I'm still here, and still writing, even though no one cares to write on my thread anymore. That's cool, considering it pretty much mirrors my life these days, but I guess since this is one place where I can talk I'll just go ahead and do that, whether or not anyone chooses to respond. You don't have to listen if you don't want, and that's one nice thing about our situation here on MWO.

But so I've been on the phone with friends all day, more or less, and I found myself a few hours ago waking up on the living room floor, reaching towards the kitchen for some reason. The cats want nothing to do with me anymore, nor do my friends, or even the bartender, for good reason. I'm going bac up on bac, because that's the only way I can clearly see out of this mess, other than the obvious way out, which I don't think I need to mention because you all will surely figure it out.

And you'll obviously see that bac is the better choice. But goddamn, I am so scared for tomorrow. I'm here in bed, in the middle of the night, with beers at my bedside, and I think I might be almost out of smokes--though I don't know how, as I bought two packs...--so I'm thinking I might be out of cigarettes on top of the obvious, and like I said I'm just damned frightened.

So I'm going to just continue documenting the "journey" here, regardless of whether or not anyone cares to respond, and talk to a drunk who's waffling back and forth and not really getting himself sober. Anyway, at least this might help someone out there lurking, who isn't sure if there's any hope--because there is, a little bit of hope that is. More bac. Somnolence be damned. Or the spaciness, or any other bloody SE. Because they're a whole lot better than what I'm looking at right now, which is days on end of drinking. Lame, right? Wake, drink. Sit around, drink. Pass out, then wake and drink. It's not even any fun, and so have a drink.

Bac up, kids, thanks for reading. Hope you're doing well.

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hi Stuck I didnt post on here because I had already "spoken" to you on the other thread not because I didnt read or wasnt interested. I did also think you where ok, I was wrong. So now you have a plan which is good and you also have your last experience with bac documented right here which is great because you can read back and know what to expect, what to repeat and what to do differently. I seem to recall that it was the leg pain that caused you to throw in the towel, try looking back at when that started and also anyone else who has had this.

I hope you can start to feel more possitive today, after all you have made a decision and that is a big thing. Keep posting, it doesnt matter what I do try to come on here every day so will get back to you. x

[Colin]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

I have been on gabapentin for three days to see if it helps my neuropathy. I am sleeping like a baby - ten hours and not waking at all. No trace of the foot cramps that I often had. No effect yet on the nerve pain in the calves and thighs but I've been told not to expect anything for the first three weeks and even then not much at a very low dose. Something for your leg problems?

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Morning, La. It's a new day. Sorry for the hangover. I imagine it's a doozy. Looking forward to hearing from you.

xo

[ifulovelife2]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Yo Stucky, stop being such a big girl's blouse, we're all reading, 'cos we care about you and how you're doing. Well actually in my case, I'm just reading in the hope of news of your cats electrocuting themselves on your router.

DOGS RULE AND CATS DROOL!!!!

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

How much does it suck that I'm coming down with a cold, too, right now. Up blowing my nose and having coughing fits already at like 6:30 am, and just feeling generally put upon by the world. If there's a stomping foot and pouting emoti around here that I don't know about, could someone point me to it? And perhaps some cheese and crackers to go with my whine?

Thank you all for popping in to see me. I know I was less than subtle about needing to hear from some people. Anyway, have taken 10mg, and going to take the other 10 for the day when I 'wake up' for the day. So lets just call that in a few hours. That's sort of FYI, and sort of to remind myself. Talk to you all soon--I have a feeling I'll be haunting the boards here a lot over the next day(s).

:l

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

The cats are surely not electrifying themselves, but they are left to their own devices at the moment. I'd really hoped to avoid this, but I walked myself down to the good ol' urgent aid. Of course all my vitals are elevated, and I wa seriously panicky from the time of my last post. Had hoped the 20 mg of bac would cut through some of the withdrawal, but it did not. So here I am, and hoping they are kind to me with the diagnosis. I denied heavy AL use, of course, and claimed an anxiety disorder, which isn't really a lie, but my symptoms are obvious. Just got Ativan, not sure how much. But it's sort of starting to work.

Did buy more smokes on the walk here... But I promise to myself and the heavens, I'm pouring out everything in the apartment as soon as I get home. Still planning the bac titration for the weekend, and will be on 30 by Tuesday. Going to also go back to my neighborhood AA meeting tomorrow night. I feel kind of like a lost cause right now, and that's about right I guess.

[EDIT: this worked out splendidly. Calm, mildly even buzzed, and the admitting diagnosis was acute anxiety. Remind me to thank them for that, and to even pay whatever I end up owing. Then they let me walk right out the door after an hour, with my very own PRN script for Ativan, which I'm about to fill.]

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Stick with it Stuck you will start feeling better soon :l

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Thanks Space, and everyone. Am home now. Just completed the sad task of pouring all my booze down the sink. So there's that. And I am going to just chill out for the rest of the day. Ate a banana, and am drinking lots of water. Only had one coffee this am, and am trying not to smoke so much. :l

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Stick with it Stuck you will start feeling better soon :l

[playland]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Oh My God Stuck,

I suppose I didn't read here for a couple of days as we were talking on the other thread, I didn't know you were in such a bad way, somehow on our thread you were able to not let it sound so desperate But I suppose you need your own home here, there is no place like home

So, at least you got some ativan to take the edge off the not drinking until you can go back on the bac. I would hope tho that you can avoid the leg pain because I don't really know how you could expect to live with something like that pain for the long term, it might sound acceptable now but I don't think it is something you could live with, unless you want to then start taking some addictive pain medication which would be really bad because you can't just buy it online like most of the other meds.

And yes, I think it would be worth a good try to order some Gabapentine/Neurontin and start it for the leg pain. It has been used forever and has very few SE and people actually take huge doses of it if needed, but be sure to look up the titration schedule for increasing the dose, I have the schedule and will send it tomorrow, you increase until you find the dose that is effective, it is not difficult to go off either, just cut down a little and then stop. I took it for awhile for chronic pain and it really does work super well, so order it before the pain gets bad.

And hey lovelife, please get off the thing about hoping the cats get electrocuted, I love cats and dogs as well as all animals and I don't think that kind of talk has any place here on the thread, thank you in advance.

Ok Stuck, like Space said, I will also be checking here every day, that's what friends are for.

See you tomorrow,
play