Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

I may have forgotten to mention that I started a porn-blog on Tumblr. So this wouldn't be that out of the ordinary in and of itself, 'cause lots of people do it, apparently, and there's tons of porn on Tumblr. But then I may have, in a slightly intoxicated state, given the link to my blog to the woman who no longer wants to have my baby. And I guess she's been getting herself off to my blog nightly ever since. And then there's whiskey-girl, who looked at it with me the other night, has since started her own porn-blog on Tumblr, and not only posts things that she knows I'll see, but has texted me in the mornings, and evenings, to tell me how much she just came to my blog. Oy.

And then there's this really weird thing that I cannot quite wrap my head around. So as I was looking around for pictures to post to my blog--which is not erotic in any way, btw, because I write captions for all the pictures I post and try to build a narrative around them, and so really when I'm looking at all this damned pornography what I'm really doing is looking for pictures that suggest a narrative, well I ran across a picture that I'm almost certain is of yet another bartender at my bar.

This in and of itself isn't all that weird. There was a girl who worked there for about a week, who I knew had appeared in several online videos. But this one is suddenly different, because this chick is cool, and got a degree in English, and is really nice, and always seems pretty happy to see me walk in the door and sit down, and goes out of her way to talk to me. But then here's this picture of her that's probably not quite what you're imagining right now, but I won't go into details, and suddenly then tonight I couldn't stop looking over at her. Even as the bartender was right in front of me, and showing me pictures of her new ID on her phone and talking about all kinds of things, and as the hockey game was on. No, instead I was glancing over and making eye contact with this third bartender.

Dear Lord, what a mess. And then suddenly both the women who are masturbating themselves to completion looking at my blog started texting me, as well as that really good friend back home whom I sleep with from time to time, and so there I am on my phone nonstop, trying to make eye contact with online-porn-picture-girl, trying to listen to what the bartender is saying, and ultimately really just trying to watch the hockey game and drink. Ugh.

Anyway, home now, not really drunk at all, and waiting now for the woman who doesn't anymore want to have my baby but still gets herself off to my porn blog to call, since I guess she can't sleep but is on the phone with someone right now. But she wants to call as soon as she's done with whatever that is.

Starting to really feel some SEs these days. But whatever. :l

[EDIT: And I may very well delete all of this in the AM considering it's just talking about porn.]

[Juan BH]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hi Stuck-

I was thinking about something today before getting my Friday night cervezas. I have had some lower extremety pain in my feet and ankles since titrating up on baclofen. I had pre-bac flare ups a couple of times and the common thread has always been Red Bull energy drink. I like the diet and zero carb flavors. In the past I used it to overcome debilitaitng hangovers so I could work, but more recently to overcome somnolence from baclofen. In the latter, I have suffered great pain in my feet from what I think is aggravated tendonitis. I had to take a couple of days off of work last month because of it. I still drink Red Bull once in a while, but once I cut back the tendonitis went away.


Dont know if this helps, but what the hell.

[Juan BH]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hi Stuck-

I was thinking about something today before getting my Friday night cervezas. I have had some lower extremety pain in my feet and ankles since titrating up on baclofen. I had pre-bac flare ups a couple of times and the common thread has always been Red Bull energy drink. I like the diet and zero carb flavors. In the past I used it to overcome debilitaitng hangovers so I could work, but more recently to overcome somnolence from baclofen. In the latter, I have suffered debilitating pain in my feet from what I think is aggravated tendinitis. I had to take a couple of days off of work last month because of it. I still drink Red Bull once in a while, but supplement with a lot of water. At 180 mg it's kinda like AL


Dont know if this helps, but what the hell.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Good morning! What's news?

[oliveoyl]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

For fucks sake NE your avatar freaks me out it looks like my dentist after I have popped a tab of acid and she is about to do the root canal.
Eeeeeeek !

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Nope. No news. Was doing fairly well yesterday after a pretty rocky morning--woke up at five and did dishes and put away laundry that's been sitting in bags on my floor for a couple days, while being pretty panicky. But by the afternoon was feeling better. There was an end-of-the-semester party that I then remembered I had to go to, so left the coffee shop/bookstore where I was hanging out to go to that.

Got to that part of the neighborhood about 1/2 an hour early, so sat in this small park listening to sad songs on my phone, watching the sun set, and about five or six dogs chase each other and play around the park. Then was still the first person at the party, and so when the host offered to make manhattans, I accepted one.

By the end of the party, which was quite busy, one of the guys who went to Vegas with us had to crash at my place, since he could no longer drive home. I cannot for the life of me remember how we got back here--bus or cab--but I do now have a recollection of stopping at my bar, and where the bouncer, who I would probably count as a friend, would not let me in since there's no way I could be served. And today just now found an untouched six-pack, still in the black plastic bag, on the kitchen counter. No clue. And it's a good thing I have a beard these days, 'cause it's now hiding all the blood and scrapes from where I now remember hitting my chin on the steps outside. Oy.

So no, nothing to report.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hope ya'll don't mind me hanging out here for a few minutes. Suddenly felt very panicky about 1/2 an hour ago and super shitty. Like worse than I have all day. Went for a walk and waiting for the Ativan to calm things down.

So what did today entail? Four beers right when I woke up. Then internet surfing for a few hours. Graded one paper. Then one more beer before leaving to get cigarettes. No real desire to drink, believe it or not, even as I was downing that last one. But after last night, well it would not be a good idea to cold-turkey it today. So I got smokes, went to the bookstore/cafe down the block, saw that it was packed full of hipsters, so I left, even though I'd brought my laptop with to sit and grade. Then went over to the bar because I'd seen the bartender's car, and stood outside finishing a cigarette. But I realized that bartender or no, I did not want to go in there, even though I was just going to have a club soda. There just wasn't any point in subjecting myself to being around people, and it would've killed maybe an hour that I should be grading.

Got home, where this apartment might as well be hell's furnace, put on PJs, and opened the laptop. At which time I, out of nowhere, completely freaked out. Got dressed, and went for a fairly decent walk around the back-streets of my neighborhood. And man let me tell you I am out of shape. There are a lot of not-insignificant hills here, granted, but still.

So. There are 7 beers here, so even if I do snap, which I really don't consider likely, there's no real damage to be done. I have 80mg in today, and will get the last 20 around midnight. Doc's on Monday, which will probably involve B/P meds and I'm fine with that--I'm going to push for a beta-blocker if at all possible--and then the gym next week for cardio. And that's how my summer is going to play out.

Fuck it. After yesterday morning and tonight, I want off this ride. During the walk I kept thinking "I might actually die right now, as in right now, and this is a deserted side street where no one will see." And then the next thought was "so?" This might be the panic talking, but I do feel some resolve to go AF returning. And as a friend just texted, don't worry about where the resolve comes from. If it takes a couple of bad hangovers, whatever. Summer is setting in for real now--grades are about due, the end-of-semester party is over in spectacular fashion, and I don't have to see anyone for anything for a long time. And this is a good thing, not a scary-crawl-into-a-hole-and-drink thing.

Starting to feel almost back to alive. Between pills and the walk and writing here, things are calming down. Hope everyone's having a good one out there. I'll probably be around here a lot in the coming days. :l:l

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Stuck why didnt you tell the doc the truth about your drinking spirits? whats an internist? anyhow whoever they are I hope you can get on better with them and get somemore help. Hows it going with the pain in your legs is it still as bad, are you going to ask the internist about it. I saw somewhere that you take gabapentin for it, do you find it helps, I get it for fibromyalgia pain, Im not sure how effective it is as its not like painkillers that you can just take when the pain hits and then get relief, you have to take it regularly whether the pain is ther or not so its hard to know how I would feel without it.

I will try to check out the film you suggest see if I can watch it online somewhere.

Take care of yourself and dont forget to eat

space x

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Who's awake at 4:40 AM? Yep, that would be me. Space, the leg thing is back. Not as consistent and horrible as it has been, but very noticeable. I do have some gabapentin here, but haven't really gotten around to taking it consistently.

An internist is just I guess someone specializing in internal organs. That's who the person I saw last week wanted to pawn me off on, because of my blood pressure. Really I just need a general doc, but whatever. I will keep looking until I find someone I like, and can hopefully be honest with. But that's not going to happen right away. But I also don't really care how long it takes. I'm OK with the idea of taking blood pressure meds if that's what I need. And I really am psyching myself up getting healthier this summer. I want to lose 15 or 20 pounds, and get some endurance back.

And maybe that way I can attract someone who I'd actually want to sleep with sober for kinky threesome sex. Wait, I guess that means I'd have to attract two people I'd want to sleep with sober. I probably better hit the weight room pretty hard, too...

But anyway, So after my walk I settled down in my chair in the living room and the Ativan really kicked in, and I feel almost alive again. Made an egg sandwich and had a glass of milk, and got through grading 6 papers. So about half. Am going to try to climb into bed here in a minute.

Love Tom Waits. Thanks Reg.

Big :l:l:ls, everyone.

[john doe]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

StuckinLA;1504559 wrote:

And maybe that way I can attract someone who I'd actually want to sleep with sober for kinky threesome sex.

I wouldn't be picky at all when it comes to kinky threesome sex

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

I miss 4:40 am sooo much. But I can't imagine staying up all night to get there. Sorry, Stuck.

Glad you are expanding your horizons to chicks you might actually like. That might actually like you back to do whatever... Though I'm not sure I know that many chicks, in general, that want to get all up in bed with another chick. But I probably run in the wrong circles.

An internist is just a minuscule fraction away from a GP doc. They cover all the bases, but in more detail than a PA in a clinic, I guess. Really hope you can get to the bottom of the leg pain. Really, really, really.

Hope you finally drifted off and that today's a good one.

[john doe]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Ne/Neva Eva;1504623 wrote:

But I probably run in the wrong circles.

You might just run in the right circles Eva.

[bleep]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

No, those are the wrong circles.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

:H

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there.

Going to sleep didn't work all that well. Tried, tried, and tried again but it was something like I'd been awake 28 straight hours at 8 this morning. Went to bed finally, again, believing it was Monday for some reason, so setting alarms to wake me for the doc appt. Mercifully, I woke again shortly thereafter and figured out what was what, and turned off the alarms. That bought me about an extra 1/2 hour of sleep. Sooooo.... What does one do when one wakes up at 1 in the afternoon? Why, grade papers, of course! These grades are due tomorrow.