Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

[chaos]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hi eiti, are you from ex Soviet Republic..?
or born and raised in Israel?

It's gonna make a ton of difference.

If you're a true Israeli...no big deal!
If you're Soviet, things might be somewhat complicated

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hi Eiti,

Not sure what the healthcare system is like in Israel, but do you have a general doctor that you could speak to? You could ask for some referrals to counseling services--maybe you could see someone to talk to that way. I've found talking with a counselor every week to be really helpful when trying to stay abstinent.

Other than that, not really sure what to say--there's always online forums like us. And you're welcome back anytime.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

chaos;1507925 wrote: It ain't your thread, it's PUBLICLY AWESOME!

Quite right. It's for the people. Soooooooo, what's up, my completely open, non-proprietary, purely linear and non-hierarchical series of posts?

Today... was actually a pretty good day. As mentioned above, I dropped down to 1/2 Ativan pills a bit ago, and really just at night to sleep or sometimes if some panic would come on in the late evening. And yesterday did not take any. And, believe it or not, as much as this is going to pain my friend quoted above, while I didn't get in bed until maybe 3 or 4 I did get a nice, solid 6 hours of sleep without panic. Only needed 2 Benadryl and 2 OTC sleeping pills. Go figure.

I sorted through a stack of articles this morning, then jumped on the bus to head to campus. I completely forgot that they're redoing some of the floors in the gym, and mine is one of the lockers that you can't get to this weekend. Which sucks, 'cause I was actually looking forward to the gym today. But it's good that I went in, as I wanted to do the final cleaning out of my office. A bit sad, considering that it's possibly the last office I'll have here, but whatever.

Grabbed some Yogurtland--and if you're not familiar, it's like my favorite place. But it kinda sucks, too, because you pay by weight. And sure, you could get a lot of bang for your buck with crushed Oreo cookies and chocolate chip toppings. But relative to those, cantaloupe weighs a ton. So fresh melon and pineapple and strawberries and blueberries, while healthy and delicious, cost a flipping fortune. But got to sit out at a table in the shade on a street corner, like a homeless person, next to a homeless person actually, and enjoy the weather and frozen yogurt and then chill out and smoke a few cigarettes waiting for the bus. And it was really nice.

And then I sat down and read articles and book chapters for, it looks like the last 5 hours now... with a short bac-nap of about 40 minutes. Ugh.

So I'm a little fried in the head now, and almost done with the pot of (fucking decaf) coffee. But checked my B/P and it's--wait for it--getting pretty darned close to normal. So I did email my doc late on Friday, but got an away message reply, and it looks like she won't check her email until tomorrow. But my followup is on the 30th, and the way things are right now--I've been checking my B/P at least once, usually twice a day--I'm comfortable waiting until then to see her, but if she wants I can go in before then.

I've reset the gym app on my phone--I've got this app where you make a promise to go to the gym x # of days a week, and if you don't make it the app will charge $5 to your credit card for every missed day, and it uses the GPS in the phone to make sure you're actually near a gym. Anyway, I set it for 4 days a week starting next week, so I'll be going to campus all the time in the afternoons, regardless, so a doc apt. would be no problem.

And like I said, after 5 goddamned hours of reading this evening, plus whatever I did this morning, I'm making some good progress on the background for this article. Another day or two of reading, and I should be ready to start writing.

As for the rest of it, dropped to 80mg/bac today. Still 1200mg/neurontin, though not sure what that's doing if anything, but hey why not, right? No desire to drink... at the moment. Of course still want to be the fun-loving, whimsical, carefree drunk I was in the past. You know, the guy who, at 1 AM after the Christmas holiday party, ran into his boss, literally, as his best friend was carrying him out of the bar. And when the boss said, actually out of honest concern, "hey are you going to be OK, don't you work in the morning?" This guy (me) said, "you know what, fuck this job, and fuck you, Chief!" And was then carried the rest of the way out of the bar. But you know what? I wouldn't have even had to leave that bar if I hadn't been sitting sullenly and drunk and silent at the table, while the woman I was having an affair with, also drunk, was trying a bit too hard to take care of me while her husband (also a friend and coworker) was sitting across the table, staring daggers. Oh, the times we had!

Maybe one day again in the future. And it's that small hope that keeps me going...

Hope it's a good one for everyone out there. :l:l

[chaos]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Stuck, if I were you I couldn't swallow the consequences of your choices.
Common bro to quit the best of the best...you know...firefighters aren't the best, but they have the best job in the world...remember sleeping, cooking, working out, watching huge LCD all paid by taxpaer...?

Don' worry, you are not alone, been there than that and next time I checked life got somewhat complicated...

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Go home, chaos, you're drunk.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Thanks for the support, chaos. But I don't need it. I'm just going to sit here and wait for you to go on a bender, and post a bunch of new threads that get your account deleted by the moderators--like what happened to desperados.

[chaos]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Why are you like that, sorry if I hit your touchy spot, as I said been there done that lazy bummer

[chaos]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Stuck, I've sensed some hostility in your last post that misteriously dissapaered

[chaos]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

I gotcha stuck...never mind karen/neva/eva...never mind sobriety and bac...its all about the court case in regards to your drivers licence...if innocent your gonna go back to doing nothing being paid huge salary by starving US taxpayer and being considered a hero as a 'Firefighter'....what a scum, what a bum

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

I guess I'm very curious as to why these posts (as an example) still exist when the sole purpose is to make people feel badly?

While I understand the need to allow people some freedom to have discussions (or even heated debates) I don't understand why someone who has done this consistently since joining is allowed to continue?

Am I the only one who is confused by this? Is there something I am missing? I know, of course, that I must not know the whole story. I know that all of us, when we arrive, are in need of help and support. But what of the people that this person constantly attacks? Why is that okay?

I'm not even talking about myself. Chaos has absolutely no effect on my well being anymore. There was a time, though, when it was extremely disturbing to have to deal with the lies and maliciousness posted by Chaos. I see that they're all deleted now, but does that make it better?

I understand that it might be better to communicate via PM or in some non-public way about this. It's already a public discussion. I hope you can understand that bringing it up publicly might help all of us understand why this continues to happen, and how best to deal with it.

Sorry, Stuck, for the digression. And for the fact that this is mid-conversation, in a way.

chaos;1507905 wrote: Yo Stuck, wassup?

How's Ativan WD...or you still popping it like candy...if so what's the daily dose..?

chaos;1507935 wrote: Hi eiti, are you from ex Soviet Republic..?
or born and raised in Israel?

It's gonna make a ton of difference.

If you're a true Israeli...no big deal!
If you're Soviet, things might be somewhat complicated
chaos;1507970 wrote: Stuck, if I were you I couldn't swallow the consequences of your choices.
Common bro to quit the best of the best...you know...firefighters aren't the best, but they have the best job in the world...remember sleeping, cooking, working out, watching huge LCD all paid by taxpaer...?

Don' worry, you are not alone, been there than that and next time I checked life got somewhat complicated...

chaos;1507991 wrote: Stuck, I've sensed some hostility in your last post that misteriously dissapaered

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hi Ne. I was going to come back to this a bit later, but it is interesting what the moderators decide to take down and what they leave up when one starts flagging posts.

I flagged several posts last night, and the mods did come through and take down 3 posts. 2 of chaos's, and 1 of mine. Yet they leave this up:

chaos;1507970 wrote: Stuck, if I were you I couldn't swallow the consequences of your choices.
Common bro to quit the best of the best...you know...firefighters aren't the best, but they have the best job in the world...remember sleeping, cooking, working out, watching huge LCD all paid by taxpaer...?

Don' worry, you are not alone, been there than that and next time I checked life got somewhat complicated...

I'm not really sure what chaos is talking about with "choices" and the "taxpayer" here, but it's certainly not relevant to any topic of conversation, and it's rude, disrespectful, and blatantly antagonistic.

The post of mine that was removed simply said that chaos is more than welcome to not read this thread if it's not to his/her liking, and to not post here. Who knew that that was outside the bounds of acceptability for this forum?

I don't get it, either.

[john doe]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Most of his posts seem to be made just to get a rise. They are very personal comments which would be better PMed if at all.

I didn't even realise this board was moderated. I've never seen a mod post on here on like the other boards.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

What's up, people!? Provided the moderators don't sweep through here again (like I asked them to the other night), this is the 1,000 post on my thread! I feel like I should do something special, like bake cupcakes that I could FedEx to you or whatever.

Oh well. It's almost midnight, I am bored as shit, I just ate 1/2 a jar of pickles and made a pot of decaf coffee, so watch out.

Got up like an hour before my alarms, so from 7:30-about noon I was basically reading. A few random things around the apartment here and there, but mostly just reading for this thing I plan on starting to write soon-ish. It's like I put my academic pants back on last night, and I'm rolling with it. Caught the bus this afternoon to the gym, tried jogging for a minute on the treadmill, even, and all that. Then went to the bar to watch the game. My buddy showed up, the one that I took to the AA meeting with me here in my neighborhood, and he started drinking as soon as he got there. My team fucking lost, again, this is 2 in a row, and I am pissed.

And he's getting sauced and blabbering on about all the things that are wrong in his life--and there are a few, don't get me wrong--but I'm sick and goddamned tired of hearing about it because it's always the same thing. If anyone was a poster-child for AA, it's this guy. Resentments. He simply takes no responsibility for anything, and deflects everything onto his diss committee, or the Writing Program where we worked and he got fired after 1 year (and nobody gets fired from there), or the Dept. here at school, or LA, etc. He gets a text from some girl he met online and went on a date with over the weekend, and she says she wasn't feeling it and is declining a second date, and he goes off then on women, too. And I don't know how much more I can put up with this guy. But I'm literally his only friend here. He's alienated himself from everyone and fucked himself over in the dept. professionally, and then he every so often mentions suicide, and pretty soon it's going to be time for me to suggest he seek more thorough professional help than just his therapist, and move on.

So after the game I go sad-eat an immense amount of unhealthy, and not even very good, but deeply satisfying Chinese food. And he went to another bar up the street. So after I figure screw it, and I met him there. So we're sitting outside in the patio area where I'm smoking, and he suddenly buts into this other conversation with these people next to us. And somehow next thing I know he's just drunk-talking, and not coherent whatsoever, and calling this guy next to us a racist for no reason, and giving him the finger, and basically that didn't go over well at all. These people were fortunately in good spirits, and were having a little fun with him because it was obvious he was so drunk, but when they'd had enough, started trying to ignore my friend, and suggested to each other they move, I got my buddy to get up and leave the bar with me. Of course he wanted to go to another bar, so whatever. We went, shot some pool (if you could call it that--it was terrible), and then we're in yet another small alley/patio/smoking area, and he's crying, and talking about his love problems.

But he can't even stay complaining about a consistent topic--no sooner is he crying than he's bitching about the dept. not supporting him. Ugh. So that was my night. I call bullshit.

And in the midst of all this, that depressive friend I tried unsuccessfully to visit that I mentioned a couple posts ago emailed me. She runs, or co-runs, or is somehow in some position of authority in this summer program for disadvantage high school kids in South Central--these are kids that have been offered full-ride scholarships at like Harvard, Stanford, MIT, etc.--and the whole idea is that this is summer boot camp to get them not only prepared for college work (because they're coming from some of the worst of the worst schools), but also prepared for the culture-shock of being at an Ivy League college with kids who, let's just say, have not shared these kids' life experiences. Point being, my friend offered me a job because someone dropped out last minute. 6 weeks, 5 days a week, 4 hours a day, $5K, and she needed to know today.

So obviously I took it. And I haven't heard back about the dept. summer funding, so I might make like 9 grand this summer, which would be awesome. But there's a catch. (There's always a catch.) My grad student friend whom I occasionally have sex with worked this program last year. And she was my depressive friend's little mentee/minion, and last year was the first year of this program, and together they wrote a conference paper about it and presented it at this big to-do conference in Vegas last semester, and she (grad-student-sex-buddy) feels like she doesn't stand out in the dept. and she has kinda self-esteem issues, and is really proprietary of anything that makes her stand out from the pack of grad students.

Let me tell you that when I got hired in the Honors Program last year and she didn't, she didn't speak to me for over a month. She was furious. More furious than about how I was on a 3 week bender last year and toward the tail end we made out in my office and I didn't clearly remember the making out until she brought it up. You know how it is: it's like when you wake up in bed and you have no idea how you got home last night, but as soon as you see where your car is parked it all comes back to you. It was like that, only we were standing together in line at the cafeteria.

So I just told her tonight via text about the "SURPRISE! I'm going to be working with you this summer!" She was surprised, but she is less than pleased. I tried the whole "I'm not trying to encroach on your turf, I just need the $$$" angle, but eventually she just said she should probably stop talking to me right now and good night. This summer promises to be a blast!

And it also means that I'm now in a serious time-crunch. This just took a 6 week chunk out of my summer, a time when I should be working on my diss. And if I do get the dept. summer funding, and God help me if I have to actually go do this archival research in Philadelphia for a couple weeks, like I said was the reason that I need the funding in the first place (even though it would be pointless for me to do this--it was a totally fake archival research project that I only proposed because you have a better chance of getting funding if you can show a need for travel), well then I have to fit in a trip to Philly too... Ugh, at least they have good cheesesteak sandwiches, from what I hear. And there's that cracked bell, too, right?

At 80/day and still no real desire to drink. Had a non-alcoholic beer at the second bar, and it took me a while to drink even that. B/P is... still fluctuating but basically normal right now, as in almost totally fine, without taking any of the meds yet. And that, folks, was my day and my thread's 1,000 post. Hope ya'll are snuggled up all comfy in bed and having the sweetest dreams, or whatever. I'm going to bed to dream of streams of whiskey...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSosX3IOBUM[/video]]Pogues - Streams of Whiskey - YouTube

:l:l:l

[Colin]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

StuckinLA;1508381 wrote:
At 80/day and still no real desire to drink. Had a non-alcoholic beer at the second bar, and it took me a while to drink even that.

Congratulations on the kilothread and with the baclofen effects. Hope the leg pain is less.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

There are 1 or 2 people around here who've got some work to do:

History: Who were some of history's greatest trolls? - Quora

'Cause so far they are really small-time.