Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac
Well what's up, everyone?
Been pretty quiet 'round these parts. My mother was here for the day last week, so that was fun. Nice to see her, but we met at school and she was here for 5 hours. School's not that big... so even with lunch it was a lot of walking around aimlessly and, well, after 5 hours that gets a little old. Oh well.
Really not all that much to report, which is why I've been so quiet. Had a nice weekend watching hockey and hanging out, and even going to dinner with my ol' drinking buddy for a belated birthday--which was a week ago, now? Holy f*ck, where is my life going this quickly? Whatever. Still exercising 4 days/week, and still sober--just over 3 weeks now--and completely off bac, again, as of today. I don't care what anyone has to say about that, honestly. I'm just reporting what's what.
Did a 20/mg drop every 3 days, from about 120mg/day when I started coming down, and down to 20mg yesterday morning and cold turkey from there today. For the record, that seems to be "safe," in that there were no seizures or other withdrawal weirdness. But it is quick--and there's plenty of dark thoughts that come out of nowhere at you, so if you're interested in your own mental health, I'd say go slower. I haven't been sleeping all that well these past few weeks, and yesterday evening I got really tired while watching hockey here at home, and went to bed immediately after--at 8pm. Not sure how many times I woke up, but I'm pretty sure I didn't sleep all that well, even though I slept a long time. Woke up at 6 this morning and have been up since.
Tried to continue working on this thing I'm writing, and suddenly got a headache and really panicky. You can read into that what you will--bac withdrawal? Maybe. Anyway, it was bad enough that I took 1/2 an Ativan, and I haven't touched that in at least 2 weeks. It's already helping.
The other thing is a difficulty in finding anything to enjoy. Hockey isn't even really doing it--though this series isn't as nail-biting as the last one. Last week I was on edge, cheering my little heart out and scaring the crap out of the cats here at home, and really into it. It was exhausting.
This time around I'm kind of like whatever, so if that's my mental/emotional state or just the difference in the games themselves, I'm not sure. Writing sucks, but it always sucks, and I basically feel like I've forgotten how to do it. But at the same time, I am doing it, so that's a positive.
I've even lost interest in chasing women for the most part. Hot bartender seems to be fired, though that's not confirmed. Haven't really been to the bar this past week, and I mentioned to the bartender that I missed her, and she's certainly noticed my absence, but I can't really bring myself to hang out there for too long anymore these days. My heart's not in it. One of the friend's from back home called Friday night, all wasted after a birthday party, and got started with phone sex before I really had a chance to tell her I wasn't going to participate. But even telling her that didn't really stop her, probably because of the aforementioned wasted nature of her evening, until she flipped a 180, as drunk folks do, and hung up on me. Only to text the word "finished" 5 minutes later. Which is great, right? I'd hate to stand between someone and their big O. And of course my exGF also called last week, in the middle of the night, driving home when she shouldn't've been driving, and had all kinds of things to say. Oddly, though, they were more nice things than shitty things, and she was apparently in a "missing me" place instead of a "hating me" place. Haven't heard that from her in a while. Anyway I stayed on the phone all the way until she was in bed, and wished her a good night, and I think she got a pretty decent night's sleep without really worrying about anything--which is exactly what I wanted, and why I waited until the following afternoon to text her, and I'm paraphrasing here, "bitch you need to knock it off with that drinking and driving shit."
But none of this is doing anything for me. And that, in my amateur opinion, is the combination of still-new sobriety and titrating off bac. So ya'll will know what to expect if you do this crap at home. It's not the most fun. But my legs feel worlds better. I'm confident that in the coming weeks I'll be sleeping better. And mood should (should!?) start improving, I think, if I'm remembering past sobriety correctly. Though to be fair that last one involved going up on bac, not coming off. This oughta be interesting.
Anyway, cravings are still mostly nonexistent. Very occasionally my eye will land on the Jameson bottle behind the bar and it'll look pretty good, but otherwise nothing. And like I mentioned a few posts back, I seem to be collecting booze around the house, against my will. There are a few beers leftover from the liquor store run after that disastrous party, and on my birthday there was that pint of bourbon gift that's now in the cupboard. But the sun goes down and I'm more than happy to be drinking water, or club soda, or cranberry juice, or even decaf coffee. More than anything, I credit keeping my health in the forefront of my mind, as well as goals for this summer. Goals that, well, aren't being met all that easily, but at least they're being worked towards. (God, way to use the passive voice there, Stuck, you freaking idiot.) Here: at least I'm working towards those goals, however slowly.
Hope ya'll are well. MWO's yet another victim of my not really being into anything these days, but also I'm just devoting my computer time and energy towards writing elsewhere. I am thinking about y'all, though. Hope you're well. :l
Well what's up, everyone?
Been pretty quiet 'round these parts. My mother was here for the day last week, so that was fun. Nice to see her, but we met at school and she was here for 5 hours. School's not that big... so even with lunch it was a lot of walking around aimlessly and, well, after 5 hours that gets a little old. Oh well.
Really not all that much to report, which is why I've been so quiet. Had a nice weekend watching hockey and hanging out, and even going to dinner with my ol' drinking buddy for a belated birthday--which was a week ago, now? Holy f*ck, where is my life going this quickly? Whatever. Still exercising 4 days/week, and still sober--just over 3 weeks now--and completely off bac, again, as of today. I don't care what anyone has to say about that, honestly. I'm just reporting what's what.
Did a 20/mg drop every 3 days, from about 120mg/day when I started coming down, and down to 20mg yesterday morning and cold turkey from there today. For the record, that seems to be "safe," in that there were no seizures or other withdrawal weirdness. But it is quick--and there's plenty of dark thoughts that come out of nowhere at you, so if you're interested in your own mental health, I'd say go slower. I haven't been sleeping all that well these past few weeks, and yesterday evening I got really tired while watching hockey here at home, and went to bed immediately after--at 8pm. Not sure how many times I woke up, but I'm pretty sure I didn't sleep all that well, even though I slept a long time. Woke up at 6 this morning and have been up since.
Tried to continue working on this thing I'm writing, and suddenly got a headache and really panicky. You can read into that what you will--bac withdrawal? Maybe. Anyway, it was bad enough that I took 1/2 an Ativan, and I haven't touched that in at least 2 weeks. It's already helping.
The other thing is a difficulty in finding anything to enjoy. Hockey isn't even really doing it--though this series isn't as nail-biting as the last one. Last week I was on edge, cheering my little heart out and scaring the crap out of the cats here at home, and really into it. It was exhausting.
This time around I'm kind of like whatever, so if that's my mental/emotional state or just the difference in the games themselves, I'm not sure. Writing sucks, but it always sucks, and I basically feel like I've forgotten how to do it. But at the same time, I am doing it, so that's a positive. I've even lost interest in chasing women for the most part. Hot bartender seems to be fired, though that's not confirmed. Haven't really been to the bar this past week, and I mentioned to the bartender that I missed her, and she's certainly noticed my absence, but I can't really bring myself to hang out there for too long anymore these days. My heart's not in it. One of the friend's from back home called Friday night, all wasted after a birthday party, and got started with phone sex before I really had a chance to tell her I wasn't going to participate. But even telling her that didn't really stop her, probably because of the aforementioned wasted nature of her evening, until she flipped a 180, as drunk folks do, and hung up on me. Only to text the word "finished" 5 minutes later. Which is great, right? I'd hate to stand between someone and their big O. And of course my exGF also called last week, in the middle of the night, driving home when she shouldn't've been driving, and had all kinds of things to say. Oddly, though, they were more nice things than shitty things, and she was apparently in a "missing me" place instead of a "hating me" place. Haven't heard that from her in a while. Anyway I stayed on the phone all the way until she was in bed, and wished her a good night, and I think she got a pretty decent night's sleep without really worrying about anything--which is exactly what I wanted, and why I waited until the following afternoon to text her, and I'm paraphrasing here, "bitch you need to knock it off with that drinking and driving shit."
But none of this is doing anything for me. And that, in my amateur opinion, is the combination of still-new sobriety and titrating off bac. So ya'll will know what to expect if you do this crap at home. It's not the most fun. But my legs feel worlds better. I'm confident that in the coming weeks I'll be sleeping better. And mood should (should!?) start improving, I think, if I'm remembering past sobriety correctly. Though to be fair that last one involved going up on bac, not coming off. This oughta be interesting.
Anyway, cravings are still mostly nonexistent. Very occasionally my eye will land on the Jameson bottle behind the bar and it'll look pretty good, but otherwise nothing. And like I mentioned a few posts back, I seem to be collecting booze around the house, against my will. There are a few beers leftover from the liquor store run after that disastrous party, and on my birthday there was that pint of bourbon gift that's now in the cupboard. But the sun goes down and I'm more than happy to be drinking water, or club soda, or cranberry juice, or even decaf coffee. More than anything, I credit keeping my health in the forefront of my mind, as well as goals for this summer. Goals that, well, aren't being met all that easily, but at least they're being worked towards. (God, way to use the passive voice there, Stuck, you freaking idiot.) Here: at least I'm working towards those goals, however slowly.
Hope ya'll are well. MWO's yet another victim of my not really being into anything these days, but also I'm just devoting my computer time and energy towards writing elsewhere. I am thinking about y'all, though. Hope you're well. :l
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