Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Wow. Just wow.

I can't believe the Redhawks won.

Rock on.

[spiritwolf333]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Great news Stuck. Glad you did not claw to death any of the little ankle biters. Lot of good news. What the hell, you deserve a drink. At least that was my old thinking pattern. I tended to drink more heavily with good news than bad. In fact, with bad news or threating news I was much more likely not to drink. Had to be ready to think on my feet -prepare for battle -lol. Congrats to you.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Thanks, Ne and Wolf. Yeah, it's been a little rough since Monday. Still just riding it out, I guess, but man a beer (or several) sounds like a darned good idea. Again, I think it's because things are going fairly well--and you hit it right on the head: "I deserve a drink." Now, if someone would just hit me on the head and knock that thought right out of there...

Or, and I'm not dismissing this entirely, I might just be really thirsty by the end of the day. I noticed I'm drinking a lot more coffee and a lot less water throughout the day. And it's pretty hot here. So by the time I get off the bus, and I'm tired, and I walk into the bar, the idea of chugging a nice, cold beer is really tempting. There are some other times of the day, too, when the idea of getting drunk is appealing, of course. I've been going back and forth on the idea of having a couple O'Doules. Not sure if that would take the edge off or head down the wrong path... So I'm still having cranberry juice or Perrier at the bar. And there's still some beers here in the fridge--so I guess it hasn't gotten that bad or anything. Not sure why I haven't put them away in the closet at least... the 6-pack is taking up valuable space in my small refrigerator. Well, maybe I do know why I haven't moved them.

Well anyway, I'm going to start making sure to drink more water during the day from now on.

So tonight I'm pretty wiped out. Still have to go over their homework, and write up my little daily report. I have a general idea of what I'm doing in class tomorrow (all 2 hours of it, ugh), but still need to write it out. Will probably do most of that in the morning--but it's not like I'm really ready to go to bed right now, either. It's just that I don't feel like doing anything. Too bad. Seriously, since there are things I could be doing, and even things that aren't "work" related.

I guess the bartender is giving me a TV tomorrow. She said she's been putting it in the trunk of her car, forgetting, then taking it out the next day, then putting it back in the trunk, etc. And so tonight she asked if I'd for sure be there again tomorrow. So now I'll have a flat-screen, which will be cool. I won't have to keep kicking the wires to make the Xbox picture hold still, and that should really help my game. Though in all honesty I haven't touched the Xbox for about 2 weeks--since even before school started. Not sure what's going on there, but when I say I don't feel like doing anything, I mean anything.

That's about all. Gone from worrying about grad student girl to just being profoundly annoyed by her. Did you ever hang out with the girl in high school who wanted to make sure EVERYONE signed the yearbook? Yeah, it's like that: she wants all 3 of us TAs to meet after class and grade all the homework together right away. And then talk about class, in detail, and what we might do in class tomorrow, again in detail. It's good that she's so dedicated (I guess). Today I avoided her and went to the gym instead.

I don't need her suggestions for how to run a class--this isn't my first time at the rodeo, ya' know? Or but though maybe I do, considering that I taught them argumentation yesterday by explaining that it's like getting laid. You go to the bar, and you go up to a girl, or a guy, or a couple, whatever you're looking for, and your thesis statement, usually implied rather than spoken, is "You should have sex with me." But that's a really weak thesis--it's barely more than an assertion. So you have to provide a rationale, and then you have to further support that rationale with solid evidence, and clearly explain the reasoning behind how the evidence connects to your claims--in other words, break down cultural assumptions about wealth, style, power, fixed notions of gender roles, etc., and then divided the class in 1/2, with one side being the guy and the other side being the girl, and had a debate. You can maybe imagine how it went.

Oh well. Day 47 almost in the books.

[Juan BH]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

If I had you as a prof back when I was in school I would have majored in English or Philosophy. I'd probably still be working on the BA now! Killer idea for the subject matter.

[spiritwolf333]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hey Stuck -I like the idea of free TVs. Like your honesty -beers in the frig...it's just hard as hell to get rid of perfectly fine unopened brews -for many reasons.

I agree with Juan. I bet your classes are awesome.

Glad to here you are marching onwards.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Text from whiskey-girl at 11pm: "I didn't mean to kick you out of my life."

Me:

Text from whiskey-girl at 11:03pm: "Anyway, I'm by your apartment and I miss you."

Me:

[Colin]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

StuckinLA;1526027 wrote: Text from whiskey-girl at 11pm: "I didn't mean to kick you out of my life."

Me:

Text from whiskey-girl at 11:03pm: "Anyway, I'm by your apartment and I miss you."

Me:

You poor thing. Get back in your harness and start jumping again.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

1) Colin: either I'm misreading your humor, or you're just a dick. Read something else if you don't like what's here.

2) HOLY F**KBALLS THIS WHOLE WORLD IS DEPRESSING AS HELL SOBRIETY SUCKS NUTS

Thanks for listening, everyone. :l

[RedThread12]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Yeah. SIL. I won't try to talk you out of that one.
Holy F**kball this whole world is depressing as hell sobriety sucks nuts.
Unfortunately, being drunk doesn't change any of that.
I tried it and I know, at least for myself. And I'm thinkin' you've been there, too. How did that work for 'ya?
DAMN!
Reality wins . . . but only 100% of the time, huh?
Now what?

[Colin]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

RedThread12;1529661 wrote:
Now what?

Politics, rock climbing, armed robbery etc. but nothing where one is satisfied with mediocrity. A happily married life is not what you are looking for.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

RedThread12;1529661 wrote: Unfortunately, being drunk doesn't change any of that.
I tried it and I know, at least for myself. And I'm thinkin' you've been there, too. How did that work for 'ya?

Grrr. It worked just like it was supposed to, for a lot of years!

I'm just frustrated and venting. I might get my act together to post something a little more in depth sometime soon. Until then,

:l:l

[RedThread12]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

I do notice, however, that the issue of how much life sucks when we are sober is somewhat exclusive to the meds thread. So many still struggling. An admirable number who are doing it, and don't complain. No theories - just sayin'. And, for the record, you and I are not the first to notice it's really, really challenging, this living thing. Something else will happen, before too long. I'd bet on it. :eeks:

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Well that was interesting.

Sitting around the house, doing nothing all day and all afternoon, and nothing even into the evening. So, you know, a regular day in the life. I've been up to my eyeballs in work for the last month, teaching every day and generally acting as a positive role model for the underprivileged youths of LA, and today I simply did not want to do a damned thing. Putting off working and grading and/or otherwise thinking about anything, I decided to call my folks and chat like I tend to do on the weekends.

My dad's out of town, apparently, so Mom's got the house to herself for the weekend. I did not know that. Nor did I know, until she picked up the phone, that she was fuuuuuuuuuuuucked up. Like, it was 8pm there at the time, so she must've opened a bottle of wine sometime in the afternoon and another, and another, unless she's back to drinking gin again, which I didn't think she was. Regardless, not what I was expecting, to say the least, given she'd been doing pretty well at moderating after starting back up with the drinking wine after 17 or so years of sobriety.

I found I was much nicer to her than I used to be when she was drunk back in my younger years. She's a sappy, emotional, I-love-you-so-much drunk usually, and I was always a real dick. But today it was more like f**k it, I love you too. Maybe having some years of good alcoholism myself now, I'm more cognizant of how it feels to be sitting around the house, all by your lonesome, wasted, with nothing but your warm fuzzy thoughts to keep you company. But whatever it was, it was still weird. Then a couple times she was like Why'd you really call, what's wrong? Or, What's really bothering you? And it took me a minute, like I had to actually realize that she wasn't seeing through the cracks in a fa?ade of cheerful normality, down to a miserable, troubled core--she was just drunk. Yet I'm the a**hole sitting here asking myself, in all earnestness, what might be *really* wrong...

Whatever. The bartender is off work this weekend for her birthday, and the other bartender I've been talking to is in Georgia this weekend, visiting her BF, who's stationed there in the military, so there's nothing to do, really, it doesn't feel like. Gotta get up kinda early to go meet my French exGF at the natural history museum in the morning. We're going to, apparently, stand in a room where they release like a million butterflies all at once, then we're going to go get a coffee. And then gotta get up really, really, super early on Monday--'cause who's taking his driver's test and getting his license Monday morning? This guy. (If you could see me right now you'd see that I'm pointing at myself.)

70 days sober today. Which is fine and all, I guess, but I'm incredibly bitter that there was no 69ing for Day 69 yesterday. I feel like the Universe or my Higher Power or whatever owed me that one. Humph. See if I do anything nice for the Universe now...

:l

[spacebebe01]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hi Stuck

I havent chatted to you much recently so dont know whats been happening for you. Which seems strange actuually because since you started on here I was in contact with you most of the time, then you seemed to drop off for a while, not posting on this thread or the topa thread and I guessed we would hopefully bump into each other soon. With not having a laptop and using this little cheapo tablet I havent been on much myself.

Anyways 70 days abstinent!!!! well done, what happened there, did you go back on the bac or just stop by yourself, whatever thats really good and Im guessing something you havent managed before, and your een still going in the bar.

About your mum, I wouldnt worry, she has got the house to herself for once and gets a chance to let her hair down so I dont think it sounds like anything bad. If it ever, not thats its going to anytime soon happened that I got the house to myself I would get pissed too probably, just an opportunity thing.

You may or may not know I had a drink recently after over 6 months abstinent. I went out for a meal with friends and had one drink so no baddie big deal, I am going out again this week and will probably have another one drink, my goal was never complete abstinence it was release from alcoholic drinking which I hope Ive now got. I dont want to make this all about me anyway so I will now shut up but hope we can have a good gab (chat) soon.

I will check back on your thread soon now that your back on my radar you know weve always been friends on here and I do so want to keep it that way so please make sure to keep this thread going as I dont go on any of the bac threads anymore what with me not taking it.

Love space x

[dundrinkn]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hello Stuck,
I am wondering if your leg pain went away at any point on the way down off bac. Is it gone now that you are off? I have titrated down to 80mg, from 160, however the leg pain seems to be intensifying. I am wondering what my options are. I really don't think it is alcohol related, as I didn't have it until I had been on bac for 3 months and pretty much had stopped drinking. Wondering about your experience.