Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

[skullbabyland]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Stuck, I read your entries, and I care. You're not alone. My life has been a similar mess in the very recent past. I won't tell you what you already surely know (aka I won't lecture).

I too am a chatty drunk and I tend to reach out for connection (to girls, family, strangers in bars, etc) when drunk. It feels great to me at the time and then usually embarrassing to me later. Luckily, my family has suffered me with grace for the most part when I subject them to this...

Try to be good to yourself today and use the recent shittiness as learning experiences.

Also, shitty stuff aside, you should feel good that your talk was well-recieved!

[kronkcarr]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Stuck,

Congratulations on your presentation. It's cool that you surprised yourself with what you know.

I hope you're feeling better now. I know that feeling and I hate it.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Thank you for the replies. Would write a bit more but exhausted and have to start on some work this morning. No benzos yesterday, and sleep was rather poor. Hanging in, will be around more soon.

[skullbabyland]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hang in there buddy- and try to get a couple AF days in there will probably help clear the fog and help gain balance and equilibrium.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Yeah, today's day 4 and I have no plans or desire to drink. Though of course I said something similar last week, too. Anyway, sleep has been *terrible*. On Monday there was no way I would have made it through without chemical assistance - 1mg Ativan in the morning and 1/2 a Xanax in the evening (not sure what dose Xanax pills are, got them a while back from that one chick...) Slept fine that night :H. Since then not so much. Just generally convinced I'm dying, but other than that OK. Getting a little writing done, playing some Xbox, and catching up on food.

[redhead77]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

I just wanted to drop in and say hi before my slumber. I'm not sure if you're opposed to herbal type assistance, but have you ever tried Valerian root (good source) for help sleeping? I take it some nights, like tonight before I work, to ensure I'll fall asleep at a reasonable hour. Sometimes I mix it with a couple of other things for an herbal cocktail. It's not super strong like a sleeping pill but a good dose does help. I also take Ashwagandha to help when anxious. Mostly, I just wanted to say hi. :l

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

redhead77;1637656 wrote: Sometimes I mix it with a couple of other things for an herbal cocktail. :l

Herbal cocktail? That sounds pretty good. I'd probably mix it with a spiced rum, maybe Sailor Jerry? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z02KuZvlRZY

Thanks for stopping by, Red! And hi! Hope you're doing well and not super-overworked like usual, and getting enough rest. :l

Last night was the first night in a few days that I've gotten a decent bit of sleep and didn't feel like my life was ending every time my head hit the pillow. Well, at least not *every* time. I basically just played Xbox until about 11:30 and then rolled over to try to sleep. Earlier in the week I was doing better about rationing the Xbox - play a few games, then buckle down and write for an hour, then play a few games, then read for a little bit before sleeping. Oh well.

Getting a little bit done - wrote for an hour so so far this morning. Problem of course is that it's not my dissertation. Haven't worked on that in almost 2 weeks (??!!). Between the conference paper and then funding applications and crap, there's been quite a bit going on. Then I was going to work on the diss this week but Monday I got a personalized and positive rejection from a major (majormajor) literary journal. The editors said they liked the story I'd sent but ultimately couldn't publish it - but they hoped to see more from me soon. It's actually pretty uncommon to get personalized rejection notices, and this one even made some specific comments about my writing. I'm kinda a connoisseur of rejection letters by now, and this one's pretty good. So I dropped everything and have been working on finishing this long story that I've been fumblef**king around with for too long. Just want to finish it and send it to them as soon as I can, and I'm almost there. But of course this means I'm not working on anything else. Ugh!

Got some big stuff coming up, life-wise. A buddy wants to go out tomorrow for pre-St. Pat's, and he doesn't always respect my decision not to drink. He'll drop it eventually, but it's annoying to get ribbed about it. Then Las Vegas. Then New York next week, and this same friend will be in NY and it's his birthday next Friday so we'll go out and he's planning to get sh*tfaced drunk. Guess I'll just tell him I'll stay sober to make sure he doesn't die or whatever.

And the girl has started the for-real discussion of her moving out here, possibly in the beginning of June. That is a big deal. Big. And I feel like it's kind of a delicate situation, what with everything that we need to consider regarding the future. F**k me, right?

Anyway, again, no real desire to drink and no booze in the house. So I'm safe for a little while, I think. Hi again, Red. And hi everyone. Hope all's well in the world. :l:l:l

[redhead77]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hi Stuck,

You might be on your way to wherever right now, and obviously you have some busy and adventurous weeks coming here. Don't worry about replying. I understand the having so much on your plate, and not knowing what to tackle first. Or the feeling of working on one thing only to have many others pressing on you, and looming in the recesses of your mind. I've discovered that it doesn't help in the long run. I can never really be present with what I am accomplishing, when I'm feeling guilty or anxious about everything I'm not. Good luck on completing this article, and I'm glad your personalized rejection letter gave you some pointers.

I have to actively remind myself of this, and then the anxiety goes away. I believe I am still overworked. I don't see how that can change while working and being the sole parent to three. I have started to try and get more rest. I'll go without sleep and burn the candle so badly that I literally burn out. I'll crash and barely be able to get out of bed for a couple of days. It's a little scary when I absolutely can't force my body to do what I want or think it needs to do. It's like a glimpse into what people with chronic fatigue syndrome might deal with. So I'm trying to sleep earlier and get more rest (I'm not always successful but am trying.) I'm lightening up on my expectations for myself. That means letting some things go. Figuratively and with my responsibilities around here. Right now, my house looks like a bit of a pit. Oh well. I worked a bunch last week, and refused to stay up late cleaning. Instead, I read before bed (to myself and my kids) and took hot baths and just generally did some unwinding. I feel no guilt for the state that it's in. I'm not going to clean today either. :H I've cooked us some tasty and nutritious food instead.

I have no doubt that you'll be able to remain sober during your festivities. It's really amazing what you do when you set your mind to it. I'm not sure what to say about "the girl", I have no advice at the time, so I'm not going to say anything at all. These things usually work out in the way they were meant to. Maybe don't force yourself into anything you're not ready for. I just don't know. :l

Have a happy and safe St. Patrick's Day.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Of course I drank in Las Vegas.

[paulywogg]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Vegas,ahh it's nearly impossible to NOT drink here

[treetops]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Maybe but Pauly you are proving that it can be done!

[LadyLush]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

I haven't been here in forever and had a hard time sleeping because I am going through the I hate men thing. I couldn't even remember my password.
Stuck, "of course you drank in Las Vegas" has me rolling on the floor. I really needed that laugh. So simply short and to the point with no elaboration. I think I'll have another beer on that! LMFAO!:H

XOXOXO
LL

Plus I had messages in my inbox from a couple trolls. I mean really. I do know the difference between newbies and trolls, I have been around the block%

[LadyLush]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

I haven't been here in forever and had a hard time sleeping because I am going through the "I hate men" thing. I couldn't even remember my password.
Stuck, "of course you drank in Las Vegas" has me rolling on the floor. I really needed that laugh. So simply short and to the point with no elaboration. I think I'll have another beer on that! LMFAO!:H

XOXOXO
LL

[Yourfriend6116]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hi lady. I sent you a PM. I am not a troll. Just looking for help/guidance.

[StuckinLA]

Totally new to forum, sort of new to bac

Hiya, Lushy!

Glad you found your way out of the woodwork and posted. It's good to hear from you.

So, I didn't mean to drink while in New York, but I'm drinking in New York. I'm out of benzos so don't have any withdrawal options. Trying to keep things kinda under control but not doing great at that. Doing a lot of sightseeing though and a lot of walking around. Went to the public library yesterday and the Met today. New York is pretty cool, gotta say. And great bars here. Wedding tomorrow in the morning, so that'll be interesting. More tourist stuff Monday then back to LA on Tuesday. Guess I'll figure some things out then.

Hope everyone's doing well. :l