Gabapentin

[spacebebe01]

Gabapentin

One things for sure, being in pain cant help at all with drinking. Play did you always take 300mg of a night, that seems quite a low dose but if it worked thats great you got pain relieve at that dose. I am following your story with lots of interest on the other thread

Greg I too have noticed there are quite a few stoners, fun drug people on other forums (and the guy on you tube) who are saying about tolerance, maybe that is where the tolerance thing has come from. That they cant slam 1800mg everyday and get high off it.

I have noticed in the past that when I have been AF for a couple of months I go into a depression. Maybe that is just me, I do suffer from depression, or maybe it is something to do with the PAWS thing. or maybe it is something to do with reality hitting home. Tghe only thing I know for sure is that it happens to me and others so maybe what causes it doesnt matter as much as what we can do about it. It has happened to me so many times for years on end, I bob along ok with being AF for a few months then bam, Im back on the vodka. I have also done lots of things to change my lifestlye in those times, join the gym, get a job, make friends, go on holiday, take antabuse, start yoga, therapies you name it but none of them have any effect on the sudden overwhelming depression and the sub-siquent all consuming need to drink, when my head will be messed up about why I even stopped.

This time I am now prescribed gabapentin so I will be able to see what that does. It is too soon to tell, but waking up this morning without pain seems to be a great start.

[windycitylady]

Gabapentin

Thanks, Play! I don't know anything about topa, but I would think 300 mg gabapentin a night would be ok. I'm glad it has worked so well for you in the past. If you like, let us know how adding it to the topa works out.
Space! A morning without pain! That's great! I'd never thought of gabapentin for pain outside of a shingles/herpes/diabetes situation. It's your back that gives you trouble, right? Maybe I'll give BF 400 mg and see if it effects his pain at all.
Space, I know what you mean about the depression. I feel like I'm doing everything "right". Not drinking, eating right, taking vitamins, going to the gym everyday. I think when I'm drinking, my world is so small. Hangovers are shitty, but they kind of focus your attention. Like, all you can think about is, Jesus if I wasn't so hungover, I'd feel great. You're not worrying about the state of your life, the state of the world, your future, etc. And then later, once the hangover is lifting, you're just focused on drinking again. There's just not a lot of room to worry about everything else. Does that make sense at all?
Lately, I'll just be watching TV, and then all of a sudden I start thinking, God, I have no money. I need money to buy a car. I need money to go to school. I'm never going to go to school. I'm never going to amount to anything. I'm never going to have kids. How am I going to pay for retirement? And so on and so forth. My anxiety is lower in general, but when I start having these thoughts, it feels damn close to a panic attack.
I also think I have (and maybe you too, Space) a lot of what CBT would call "cognitive distortions." When you've been depressed for so long, the ideas you form about yourself and the world while depressed remain even after the depression has lifted. I'm so used to hating my life and the world, that any positve thoughts just sound like bullshit. Which is why I REALLY need therapy. But then that's less money for a car, to move, to go to school. Sigh.
Space, what's your dosing plan for the gabapentin? And how quickly do you find that it helps with the pain?

[Bruunhilde]

Gabapentin

Hey there my friends,

I read this thread last night on my Kindle but didn't have the fingertude (aka fortitude) to pick at the keyboard with one finger when I can get on line on a real pc and type 80 wpm.

Anyways, I wanted to say that gabapentin is a god-send, but so is my lifestyle change. If you've read any of my posts over the past year, you'll see I have a history of deep dark depression and huge anxiety. I was self-sedating with alcohol.

Now I sedate myself three new ways: baclofen, which helps immensely with muscle pain in general and specifically with cramps and with getting Aunt Flo going and out of town asap; gabapentin, which helps with all of pain and mood immensely but I use AS NEEDED instead of like baclofen, which is 50mg at most daily.

However, both of these didn't relieve my anxiety as much as getting a new 'job' to do. In my case, a sort of internship/school thing, which on top of the job, the house, the travel, the cats and dog, is alot for a coach potato like me. Too much time on my hands is murder for me. I think I want it, but when I get it, I set loose a mad woman in my head - much like Windy's wild thoughts.

In my twenties and thirties, I worked daily 8am til 7pm then worked out til 9pm or later, then got home and had a couple of beers for dinner and then milk to help me sleep (calmed the hunger pains). I focused alot on my body, its defective bits, and got more and more insecure I think, as a result of comparing myself to others at the gym all the time. And my dad shows old photos of me and calls me "the beauty queen" and you know, he was right. I didn't know it and missed it.

Now, I work less whenever I can, and I spend any free time thinking or doing this new thing. Its really interesting, how its changed my mindset. I don't know how to explain it except the empty spot is filled to the brim so I don't much room for negative stuff. Plus I spent alot of money on tuition so that is MAKING me work on this, and I like it, mostly, and I'm learning.

So Windy, those exact thoughts (minus the babies) have been ruining my health for years. For the first time in my life, I am not worrying about that stuff anymore.

On top of the three things I mention above (bac/pentin/school), I am also working on praying and visualizing a positive outcome. I was trying to do this desperately last year, and for many years on and off, with temporary success. This time I'm hoping its permanent. The combination of all these things are life changing, but any single one made NO difference in my depression longer term. And no I'm not religious, shunned it for years, but I think I finally found a fit with how the world works and how my mind contributes to it. Thoughts become things.

Gabapentin helps me with my mood and pain a great deal because I only take it these days PRN. Tolerance isn't a concern for me as a result. 400mg really can make me feel a little high, which is fine, I can still function, but its not the martini high I would prefer. On the other hand, I'm not drinking, so martinis are not an option.

Last, don't assume my positive outlook is at all attributable to not drinking. I have been drinking alot, off and on, but I'm AF this week. I know you can see it in some of my posts (although some of my Kindle posts look drunk and I'm not. Kindle makes me look like I'm high while gabapentin actually makes me high, LOL).

Best of wishes to each of you. I think about your situations and how alike we are. :l I want us all to get happy and healthy and all of this sharing is hopefully helping. It has sure helped me over the past two years. Green Eyes, if you're out there, thanks for the TUT.

Love you all lots.

[playland]

Gabapentin

Hi Friends, well, I'm finding myself drawn to this thread, can't believe how similar we all are as you said also Bruun. So, Allthestars, I think you must be at about the max dose of Gaba right? Its amazing to me that it has such a good record with so few bad side effects.

Windy, I have not watched the U-Tube video yet, I found your Gaba story very interesting. When I first started taking it I was so anti taking anything and it's startling to see how many people are really taking it, I never knew, I feel like I have been so out of touch, even though I am a nurse, hmmm. I took it for pain and never noticed anything out of the ordinary regarding depression or anxiety, and I never noticed that I had to increase the dose to get the same effect on pain control. I stopped increasing the dose as soon as I noticed that it was having an effect, and that was only 300 mg, and I never did take more than that.

Space, I took my Gaba only at night because I am so terrible about taking pills at specific times during the day. I take my "All One, Rice Formula" in the morning with almond milk, or coconut milk, a banana, frozen strawberries or blueberries or whatever, some youghurt, protein powder, all blended up and it tastes like a wonderful smoothie, I have never had a problem with the taste at all, and I took my Topa in the AM also. At night, I just took my Zoloft, Gaba, and melatonin for sleep. I tried at first to take all the supplements that were listed in the MWO program but I just couldn't do it. I get up early to be at work at the hospital and am just not organized enough to have everything ready and during the day I am unable to find time to stop and take supplements as well. Space, I'm not sure what you are referring to about wondering if your Bac is contaminated and wondering about if where you are getting it is ok. I don't really read other posts so that might be the reason, but I get things from River and they seem very professional and you can always talk to someone if you need to. Also, Space, are you now taking Gaba and Topa at the same time and are they seeming ok together? I've started my Gaba again and also the Topa, so interested to hear if that is working ok for you.

Windy, I have been thinking about what you were saying about how your negative thinking seems to continue on even when your depression has lifted somewhat and positive thoughts sound rather like BS. Well, I know exactly what you are experiencing. I believe that tendencies toward depression are hereditary and all of my children take SSRIs and have since they were in high school, that probably tells you that they had problems that were more than just a "little bit of the blues". Anyway, my youngest daughter who is 34, is now probably feeling as well as she has ever felt, but her negative thinking patterns seem to just be unchangeable. I have given her hypnotherapy tapes but she won't listen to them because she thinks it doesn't work, she has thought this way for so long that she doesn't know what it feels like to see things in a different light, and even tho she wants to change her mindset, so far she doesn't have the strength to try. It's almost like trying to stop drinking, just a different habit that is ingrained in her mind. She tells herself she will never get married, never have children, etc., etc. My daughter has been thru alot of therapy, I'm sure it has helped, but not changed things, in my mind, I think hypnotherapy is a quicker route to go, I have some things I bought for her and would be more than happy to make a copy for you if you would be interested, just PM me.

Hi Bruun, It is ever so nice to see you, when I first started on the Topa thread you were there quite often as you knew Sun mostly I think. But it is so encouraging to hear that you have found a plan that is working so well. So, the Bac you take at only 50mg a day, that is rather like the Gaba, they are a little alike in working for the pain, and you use Gaba only PRN, very interesting, I might try this plan if the Topa doesn't work for me this time. I have been totally, totally afraid of the high doses of Bac that people take, but that little dose you take seems very harmless.

Well, sorry for the long post but I wanted to try to catch up with everyone, this thread is a great help I think.

Love to you all,
Play

[Bruunhilde]

Gabapentin

Hi Play,

Yes the little dose is harmless most of the time, unless I drink and forget that I took it and take it again! Alcohol sucks!

I drank martinis last night chasing that 'martini high' I mentioned. Somehow whenever I write something like that or hear someone saying they're drinking, something clicks in my brain and I go drink, like a robot, I just do it. My AB had worn off and I know that's stupid, but that's what I did.

Today I woke with negative thoughts, alcohol suck!

Gotta go, no time to be a baby, thank god.

[windycitylady]

Gabapentin

Damn it.
Accidentally erased my post, and now I don't have time to rewrite it.
Well. I said that this is a great conversation. And, Bruun, your words really struck a chord with me. Like they made me teary. I need to find things that inspire me and a goal to work towards. Sometimes I feel like I'm treading water.
Play, awesome post, and your description of your daughter could have been one of my parents talking about me a year or two ago. Plus crippling alcoholism! I hope she finds her way. She's lucky to have you. I am intigued by the hypnotherapy. Is it something you listen to while you sleep?
Well, I intended this to be much more profound, but I'm out of time now.
But thanks, you two. Very moving and thought provoking stuff.

[spacebebe01]

Gabapentin

I thought I had replied here yesterday but obviuosly I havent, (where did that go?), Windy I am thinking the talk of tolerance is meaning the people who use gabapentin as a fun drug or maybe as a kind of rapid relief drug, who are wnating a sudden big effect, If you have been taking it for so long and its been working then I dont think it would suddenly stop working, do you get it prescribed for you or do you get it yourself? I am thinking that whether we notice it or not it is actually working when we take it everyday for time, otherwise why would I have been told to build up over 3 days then it will become more effective over time, with it taking up to six weeks to work at its best.

I think Windy that you have had a lot going on which will stress you out and also I have always noticed that whenever I have been AF for a few months I go into a bad depression, different to what I have been like these past weeks and I am sure it is something to do with the changes in the brain that happen when we stop drinking, as I have met so many people who stop drinking, feel great everythings going well for them without drink then a few months down the line .... something happens and suddenly its not great and they are not feeling good. I dont know whether this is PAWS, reality setting in when our brains start clearing, having no escape or break mentally anymore or what, but I know it happens to me and I believe it happens to others as well.

My back hasnt been too bad today, but then like the idiot I am I went and did too much, (45 mins) gardening, and now I am back in pain. But thats my own fault, I need to learn and accept what I can do and what I cant do. By the way I wasnt doing my new bit of garden with the plants in, thats easy now Ive got them in I was doing the mowing and raking stuff. You wouldnt think I had two lads here, they are so lazy I know I need to tell them they need to help me but it stresses me so much asking them and reminding them and them never doing anything so I carry on as I have always done and do it myself.

There you go I came on to try and talk to Windy and I have gone into one about me again.

I know you will find the way though this Windy, dont worry about talk on here I think sometimes I get some kind of passed on panic, a few days ago I was worrying about where I get my bac from and if its ok but Ive now forgotten all about that pretty well. We all have our worries and insecurities and I know I pick up on other peoples as well and make them my own sometimes. But its good to air them, that way we can see we are not the only people who worry about these things. And also by saying whats on our minds someone else my give me the clue Ive been looking for and couldnt see.

Bach to my experience with Gabapentin, so far since I started this dose, which is only a few days I have noticed 3 things,
1, It is helping my pain, I am suddenly realising I havent had to take my pain meds anywhere near as much
2, I am not sure about the depression yet I thin its too early to tell but I cant say I noticed much difference,
3, today and yesterday I have been craving a drink of a daytime which I havent done for quite a while but I have actively had to not drink rather than just not really be bothered by it ... but when I have had a lager I just havent got anything really off it and it has made me feel a bit sick,,, so I dont know what is going on there, time will tell.

:l

[Bruunhilde]

Gabapentin

Space, interesting post about the gpentin. I loooooove it for monthly cramps. Totally helps me night or day. I'm glad its helping your pain, and maybe you should take low dose baclofen because that helps with muscle recovery which might be good for you as well. I don't recall if you're still taking it or if you gave it all away to that person who called for help.

Windy, I think this discussion resonates with you because you know you need to create steps towards your goals. So far, I know you have a goal of school and you want a family. I think the first step to having that family is to be whole in yourself, so going back home and going to school will be your second step.

Your first step HAS to be firing your BF from the BF job he hasn't been doing anyways. You have no future with him, and if you stay with him, your present time is invested in him, not you, and pulls you down into his abyss.

You have no future with him because:
He is not parenting material,
He has stated you two should break up,
He has demonstrated he's not husband material sexually. You can't reproduce without sex, most of the time.
He has no intention of stopping alcoholic drinking
He is a roommate. And a needy one emotionally and physically and possibly financially. That's a crap ass roomie.

Everyone needs to grow and you need to be ambitious about your own life to grow.

I treaded water for many years, just like you, but now I realize a universal truth that I can see in everyone I know: If you don't grow, you go in the other direction. You shrink in every conceivable way: emotional strength, physical integrity, self esteem, etc.

Look at people who retire early and have nothing in their lives but their house and car and their tiny dog. They become boring because their minds and bodies aren't challenged. They start to think the smallest events in life are stressful. And no, this isn't you, Windy, you're already growing. That's the pain you feel. Compare it to growing pains a kid has, a baby teething.

One of the sayings I've recently had drilled into my head is this: If you feel fear, that's GOOD. That means you're growing, changing, moving ahead. Embrace it! Recognize that feeling in your stomach or your skin or wherever you feel fear and stress. Don't just react to it with negative thoughts, feel it and examine it and turn it around.

One thing I believe is that to find a good mate who will be a good parent and supportive - is you have to focus on it and be practical about it. And you have to have self worth or you will find yourself in a co-dependent relationship again.

Writing down your goals and defining every small step needed to get there, so you have a clear path, is the start. Every challenge you meet and conquer, every class you pass, every time you don't drink but do something helpful for someone else or for yourself ... these things will help you become whole. Make that list right now. What have you already done towards this big goal? What's the next step?

Okay, I'm being mighty preachy for a lost soul. Take it with a grain of salt.

[spacebebe01]

Gabapentin

That wasnt a kindle post was it Bruun :H

Yes Im still taking bac I just sent Stars some to get by until her delivery came, I wouldnt go giving my whole lot away, even when I wasnt taking it I wouldnt have done that because I never know when I would need it, like I do now. Not to sure what its doing for me and the only way I could find out would be to stop taking it which Im not going to. Thats the thing with taking meds for a while, especially without a doc is theres no one to go to and ask about it. I know Ive got you lot on here but I mean a doctor with responsibility is totally different.. even tho hes a knob most of the time.

I have really hurt my back today I am in bad pain, why am I such a divvy when I felt the pain I should have stopped but no, I go and carry on and probably end up layed up again for the next few days.

When I was drinking my life was just sitting in the house and drinking, that was it. That is the hardest thing is the wanting/needing to stay in the house and do nothing, that behaviour is so difficult to change and keep that change up. I know part of my problem is that I go from one extreme to another, either doing nothing, or running arouind like a chiken with no head non stop until I have worn myself out and end up back in bed exhausted. Balance. Thats probably the most difficult thing to get in life

:l.

[Bruunhilde]

Gabapentin

Balance! Absodamnlutely.


Space! Stop hurting yourself. Ever notice how many of us have chronic pain issues? No wonder we ended up here.
:l

[GingerDust]

Gabapentin

Bruunhilde;1311104 wrote:
I treaded water for many years, just like you, but now I realize a universal truth that I can see in everyone I know: If you don't grow, you go in the other direction. You shrink in every conceivable way: emotional strength, physical integrity, self esteem, etc.

As someone who has felt pretty shrunken lately, that statement slapped me right in the face. Thanks, Bruun. :l:l

[Bruunhilde]

Gabapentin

Hi Ginger.

I assume you know I was philosophising and not intending to do nuttin' but share my lessons learned. For all of my adult life I have felt there was a giant lack of meaning and purpose. And life was mostly tedium punctuated by fun drunken dancing and boyfdiendssho were codependent.

I searched religions and relationships and life generally. I couldn't understand ppl who wanted to bring kids into this horrible world which was full of hare and violence and judgement.

Kindle - btw. Please excuse typos.

So. What I am saying is that I tried to survive in a world I saw no merit to belonging. Why push to be a bigger cog in the asshole fuck wheel? Plus I have some sort of undiagnosed learning disability. Everything was so hard and I failed so much.

So my message is that it all came down to thoughts become things.

I have to stop adding to the universal misery and my own most of all. The gabapentin thread I think is where I posted my current coping methods.

Having problems with Kindle....sorryA. I cannot see my whole post and put it in order.

nd my job challenged me and kept me dancing on glass. Its a big part of who I am - it made me a high pressure victim and it made me seek for SO many years.

[spacebebe01]

Gabapentin

I think we have talked before Bruun about the lack of meaning in life and I have said to you about just my not understanding the point of it, what IS it about. I mostley wonder about this when I am in depression as I cant find the reason for doing anything. My best way of dealing with this now it to try and connect with nature in some way, to feel part of the bigger picture. My kids dont get why I want to stop off when Im driving to my mums to feed ducks and seagulls, I also take stuff with me to the crem when I go with my mum to put flowers for my dad for the birds, rabbits and squirrals who all live there. It somehow helps me feel part of the small part of the world I live in. I am finding the longer I do this the more I am drawn to wildlife and it is less of a them and us belief when I can help them and be a part of there lives.

Its wonderful that you are finding a way Bruun, we have both struggled with life for so long and I do believe there has to be a reason for it.

[Bruunhilde]

Gabapentin

I have always been drawn to animals and wildlife in particular - in spite of the fact that I just chased a couple of mallards out of my backyard! They ruin the PH of the pool and poop all over the place. On the plus side, they do eat alot of snails. Anyways, Space, the meaning of it all ... I think you need to seek more and wonder less. Seek meaning like you're doing with the wildlife. Don't you wish you were just a duck sometimes? No wondering about the meaning of life. The struggle is purely to survive and reproduce.

[GingerDust]

Gabapentin

Bruunhilde;1311266 wrote: I have to stop adding to the universal misery and my own most of all.

Yes, I really get that. I love your posts, Bruun.