Gabapentin

[akaMonique]

Gabapentin

windycitylady;1310441 wrote:
I think when I'm drinking, my world is so small. Hangovers are shitty, but they kind of focus your attention. Like, all you can think about is, Jesus if I wasn't so hungover, I'd feel great. You're not worrying about the state of your life, the state of the world, your future, etc. And then later, once the hangover is lifting, you're just focused on drinking again. There's just not a lot of room to worry about everything else. Does that make sense at all?

WCL, This makes so much sense to me! I was having that exact thought last night. How my drinking is making my world so 1 dimensional. And the relentless cycle of drinking, thinking about drinking, getting something to drink, bemoaning the hangover (but yes, it is distracting in its own way)... and also the thoughts/worries at 4:30 a.m. "I'll never be able to retire." "How will I ever clean up my back-taxes?" "Will I ever get married again (for the 3rd time)." In my rare rational moments, I sometimes remind myself that today, I'm ok. Today, the IRS isn't breaking the door down threatening to put me in jail. Today the sun is shining and I have a boyfriend who is washing my car. Today I'm going to drink less than I did yesterday. Today I will exercise and read something and clean up my house. And this week I start on meds of some kind for withdrawal/anxiety/depression. I've been on 300mg of Wellbutrin for eons, so a full psyche eval is on the horizon to see what might be better Rx for my situation.

I've never hear of gabapentin so am finding all this very interesting and wondering if I should mention it to the Dr. this week.

Thank you all!

[Kradle123]

Gabapentin

This is why I love you all here at mwo.
Even though I have been living that way for a gazillion years, it wouldn't be so clear to me without you pointing it out so clearly.
Yet another reason to pick a date...

[windycitylady]

Gabapentin

Just deleted my stupid post again.
I even started the post by saying that I had 18 minutes to try to express all the feelings that this awesome conversation is inspiring in me. Now I have 3 minutes. (Length of train ride.)
Shit.
Well, Kradle and Monique, I'm glad that this conversation is resonating with you like it is with me. I've got things to say to both of you! And everyone else! And no time!
Ok, Bruun. You never cease to amaze me! Where does this awesome wisdom come from? And why do enjoy making me cry on the train home from work? Just kidding. But a couple of your posts, I couls hang those on my fridge for inspiration. Fucking beautiful.
Ans Space, I have those same feelings about the seeming meaninglessness of life. I'm especially focused lately on mortality and the unfairness of death and aging.
Arrrgh! Next stop is mine!
Really quickly. I have never been religious, in fact quite the oppsite. But if I had to pick a book to live by, it would be "The Prophet." (Bruun, in it he says "your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding." Kinda what you were saying the other day.) And his piece on religion is the best that I've read. Gonna post a link to it. The parts I especially like are the ones that start "your daily life is your religion and yout temple" and "if you would know God". It just seemed to fit with all the meaning of life talk.
Be back later.
Kahlil Gibran On Religion

[Bruunhilde]

Gabapentin

Windy, Monique, that's exactly how it is, alcohol as a focus itself is a way to procrastinate living life. Then after ten or twenty years of one dimension, you're afraid of more dimensions. I don't recall how to live them. It's overwhelming.

Windy, my posts are full of hindsight and I'm hoping my 20/20 vision will help you avoid my pitfalls. If I had known then what I know now, etc.

Thanks for the link: You're right, its like what I said about living with ambition instead of just going with the flow:

Your daily life is your temple and your religion.
Whenever you enter into it take with you your all.

Loving sharing with you all. It keeps me focused on why alcohol is an attractive escape and also a hellish trap.

Today I am hungover from Cinco de Mayo party. I had to get up at 6am for a marketing thing this morning for my class/business. The task this morning was one of those fear provoking things, and its amazing how exultant you can feel about accomplishing a tiny little thing that you feared. Any instance of rising above fear is huge and a step. I don't care if its fear of getting out of bed, and you do it, its a step in the direction of your life and its good and its strong.

So its barely noon and I'm thinking, if I hadn't had those drinks last night, I'd be raring to go on the second half of my day and plant those 12 bushes I bought two weeks ago. I planted 6 but bought 18 and then last week another four when I saw lavender on sale and mexican primrose. All this stuff needs to be planted and I'm tired and disappointed in myself.

I look in the mirror and I see a fat 49YO person that can't possibly be me. I worked my whole life, until ten years ago, to be beautiful. How did I let alcohol do this to me?

Well, that person in the mirror ISN'T me. That's just what the mirror shows. There's much much more than that, and my slow path away from alcohol will help improve the mirror's reflection of this shell I live in. Ugh. Its taking so long... I'm determined to age well - alcohol isn't proving to be much of a preservative. Antabuse will be on my diet log this week.

Okay, I'm going to go plant some stuff and sweat out some toxins and teach my dog to chase ducks. I don't care if I suffer. Goal of 6 plants today (my soil is hard clay and rocks!). More if I want to, but 6 is what I would plant if I wasn't hungover so that's what I'm going to do regardless. Stupid alcohol. I will feel so much happier if I do it. When I do it.

And all in all, even tho I drank last night, I didn't get drunk in front of my friends (did that later at home alone), and I did get up this AM and work on my new life. So I'm not going to beat myself over the head anymore about it.

Thinking of you Ginger... and all of you posting here! :l Welcome Kradle!

[spacebebe01]

Gabapentin

I have been out today to my mums and also to the crem, we put flowers on my days plot and I also took food for the wildlife, although I think it will all get eaten by the wood pigions who where all hanging round there. My back is still hurting and I felt even worse when I couldnt keep up with my mum and she was laughing at me.

Last night I noticed that even tho I had been wanting a drink in the day and started drinking earlier I still didnt over do it, it just didnt want to, I was pretty sure when I started this drinking lager thing that if I started early, (by early I mean before around 6 - 7pm not early as it used to mean when I woke up in the morning and started), it would spell disaster but I just cant seem to drink much, I mean I probably could if I really wanted to make myself but obviously I dont, right now I am at 2 - 3 cans a day with one AF day a week. I do want to start having 2 AF days a week soon tho but I dont want to go back to the I am not allowed to drink thing.

I also do think my depression is lifting, with my back being like it is I cant run round doing things or anything but the pain isnt getting me down anywhere near as much as it usually does even tho it is worse than usual.

Hi Monique and Kradle its good to have you join us.

Bruun you sound like you are really starting to find your way, I am so happy for you, even tho youve got a hangover never mind, you do make me think how similar we are tho with all the bushes you have bought, why do something the easy way when we can go over the top hey. They will look brill when they are growing, I am not a good gardener so I do have to allow for loss when I plant, I think about half the ones I put in post last year died but thats ok because the ones that have survived are doing great.

Windy you are helping me so much right now, more than you could know. I love reading your posts

xxx

[GingerDust]

Gabapentin

Bruunhilde;1311513 wrote:
Okay, I'm going to go plant some stuff and sweat out some toxins and teach my dog to chase ducks. I don't care if I suffer. Goal of 6 plants today (my soil is hard clay and rocks!). More if I want to, but 6 is what I would plant if I wasn't hungover so that's what I'm going to do regardless.
I love the determination in that statement.

So I'm not going to beat myself over the head anymore about it.

Good. All that would get you is a hurt head. :l

[GingerDust]

Gabapentin

spacebebe01;1311536 wrote: My back is still hurting and I felt even worse when I couldnt keep up with my mum and she was laughing at me.
That would definitely hurt my feelings.

but I just cant seem to drink much, I mean I probably could if I really wanted to make myself but obviously I dont

That's wonderful, Space.

I also do think my depression is lifting, with my back being like it is I cant run round doing things or anything but the pain isnt getting me down anywhere near as much as it usually does even tho it is worse than usual.

I hope it eases up for you soon. Depression just makes everything bad seem even worse. I'm glad yours is lifting.

Hi Windy, Kradle, Monique, Play and everyone. :l

[Bruunhilde]

Gabapentin

Space, do you think the gabapentin is responsible for your depression lifting? It does attack the pain and it elevates mood for most of us, and I think your doctor said the cumulative effect would build? I'm so glad you're feeling better. I agree with Ginger, my feelings would be hurt if my mom laughed because I had an injury that I was suffering alot from. I wonder how much of that was in your childhood, that insensitive behavior by her towards you? I'm so glad you're doing better, whatever the reason.

I also wanted to share with you what the Dalai Lama says about life and happiness, because I read a few pages of The Art of Happiness after planting and watering and squirting Bubba with the hose (no, his name isn't really Bubba). If you want to skip this quote, just bypass the blue font below.

The purpose of our existence is to seek happiness. It seems like common sense, and western thinkers from Aristotle to William James have agreed with this idea. But isn't a life based on seeking personal happiness by nature self-centered, even self indulgent? Not necessarily. In fact, survey after survey has shown that it is unhappy people who tend to be most self-focused and are often socially withdrawn, brooding, and even antagonistic. Happy people, in contrast, are generally found to be more sociable [etc]...

Our feelings of contentment are strongly influenced by our tendency to compare. They go on to describe if you compare to those wealthier than you, you feel sad and poor. If you finish a sentence that says "I'm glad I'm not ____" then you generally feel happier in comparison with the person you would be if you had whatever that is.

"I believe that happiness can be achieved through training the mind. []I'm [] referring to 'mind' []in the sense of the Tibetan word Sem which has a much broader meaning, closer to 'psyche' or 'spirit'; it includes intellect and feeling, heart and mind. By bringing about a certain inner discipline, we can undergo an transformation of our attitude, our entire outlook and approach to living.'

Okay, confession, I only planted four plants. Then I ran into palm tree roots and really dry clay/rock. I can't move the stuff. You'd think with all this weight on that post hole digger/shovel, it would budge. I'm going to have to hire someone to help me. I did make up for the other two plants by doing chores like laundry, sorting weeks of mail, writing up a report for the postal inspector for stolen mail (rx from insurance company).

And now its 3:30pm and I'm wishing it was 7pm, I'm too tired to read or weed or go to the dogpark.

Ginger, how are you doing? Windy, write after your shift!

[GingerDust]

Gabapentin

Just a bump, just 'cause this thread warrants being at the top!

[spacebebe01]

Gabapentin

I have just been posting on another thread and wanted to copy this and put it here as well as it is probably more relevant here

I have been told many, many times over many, many years that I cannot drink at all in safety, that I will always end up drunk and out of control and regretting it, I heard this so often and for so long I believed it to be true, I am now proving to myself that is not true, if I can prove this then I can find and prove the other untruths for me and discover the truth though the myriad of lies and incorrect information and beliefs.

, I think you might have guessed I will search until I find what works for me, and right now I seem to have something that is working for the drinking. I honestly cant drink much, I have an off switch that I never had before, I have some lager and just stop, I dont want more I have had enough and instead make my hot milk and go to bed. I cannot emphasize enough that I have never done this before, the off switch that other people seem to have when they have a few drinks and dont want more didnt exist within me and now it seems to be there. This is only days and may be a fluke, I am wary of talking about it on here because of this, I dont want to tempt fate but I am going to carry on with it and see what happens.

The feeling kind of sick after drinking is new and started when I started taking this dosage of gabapentin. I dont mean sick as in wanting to throw up I mean like when I have eaten too much kind of sick, I do that, I have a meal and enjoy it, then go on when I know Ive had enough too eat and force that last potato down, and thats kind of what I feel like now with the drink, I have liked it but want to finish the can so have the last glass, this is nothing like before when I got no signals of ever having had enough, just a need for more.

Some of this post is on the topa thread, when I was in conversation with play, after tyoing it I thought I sould have put is on here and it relates to my experience of my meds, but when I am typing on here I very rarely edit things, if I was talking in real life I wouldnt, so I have just copied and pasted a bit

[GingerDust]

Gabapentin

spacebebe01;1311839 wrote:
, I think you might have guessed I will search until I find what works for me, and right now I seem to have something that is working for the drinking. I honestly cant drink much, I have an off switch that I never had before, I have some lager and just stop, I dont want more I have had enough and instead make my hot milk and go to bed. I cannot emphasize enough that I have never done this before, the off switch that other people seem to have when they have a few drinks and dont want more didnt exist within me and now it seems to be there.

That's cool, Space. I remember that was a study showing that gabapentin helped alcoholism. Recently I read that it is being used for people addicted to MJ too.

[spacebebe01]

Gabapentin

Whats MJ?

[GingerDust]

Gabapentin

Marijuana.

[Bruunhilde]

Gabapentin

Space, you're on topa too, right? That made my hair fall out (what doesn't?)

I hope this lasts for you. I've had it four days tops, and the mistake I made was not eating before drinking, so I could drink more beer. Don't let yourself switch to hard stuff or wine - my experience is that there is no off switch with hard stuff at all, and for wine its half the timeline of lager or less. Its got to do with the glucose or insulin jolt or whatever happens when you flood your body with jet fuel sugar, I'm sure.

[spacebebe01]

Gabapentin

Hi Bruun No Im not on topa I will go back and read to see why you think that. I know I could never do this with spirits, so that leads me to believe there is something about the time its taking me to drink lager and also to do with other things, yes sugar, insulin. But the thing is this isnt just to do with the fact that I switched to lager, I have tried so many times before to switch to lager and it hasnt worked, I just drank too much lager then got drunk then went and got vodka. I also dont know where I am going with this, I dont want to drink everyday because its not good for me, either physically or mentally, but its a hell of a lot better for me than vodka benders which I know would eventually kill me in one way or another.

Another thing is Im not ever looking at vodka or even wine, Im not intersted in it. I am wondering (again:H) if I put a bit more effert into it would I feel like that about lager as well. But there I go again , wondering and wanting to rush things, trying to fix something that isnt necessarily broke just needs tuning maybe.