An introduction

[StuckinLA]

An introduction

COS: I did get the same thing the one time I actually spoke to people at AA, when I got the Welcome chip. Guy comes up to me after and asks what brought me here. I said, you know, I've always been a heavy drinker but I've started going on some real benders lately. "Oh, real ones?" he said with a chuckle. Then I said I have 2 DUIs. Really, he says, I have 5.

So I wasn't hardcore enough, either. Though he was also willing to bend over f--king backwards to get me meeting directories, gave me his number, offered me a ride home. Of course, with that last one I was like, how come the guy with way more DUIs than me is the one with the damned car?

J: I used to do that, too. Had a friend of a friend die at something like 32 or 33. Another guy I vaguely knew did the same of liver failure at 31. Didn't have to stop there, either. Looked up famous (depending on what you consider famous) people, like William Burroughs's son, who got one of the first liver transplants in the country at I think 27. Then died of course of liver failure when he started drinking again at 30.

That kind of thinking doesn't do much good, though. Just get the liver tests, get the blood work and check kidneys, pancreas, all that.

I have a good friend here--well, he's kind of a dick but I'm stuck with him--who's 26 and already has an enlarged liver, and liver pains, and when I approached him with all this research and even my own experience of reduced cravings, he rejected the idea outright.

Can only do so much, ya' know, even with the meds. Folks still have to want to stop.

[COSGringo]

An introduction

I hear ya. Just still never found anyone one I could sit down and talk to.
Been lucky, never got into any trouble. Should have, could've, would've. Never met too many career folks in those meetings and such. Less selection probably where I am at. You're in LA. I am in CO Springs so if I was back in the Philly area or on the West coast probably would have been different.
I used to go to another group out here and there were a lot of docs and such in there but most of them had a snobby attitude like they did not belong there. Had to get those check marks on their cards to show they cared and keep working towards getting their pro licenses back.
So just did not find someone to sit down with and hit it off with. Such is life.
All is good now just wish it would cool off. Thank God for A/C.

[COSGringo]

An introduction

BTW, Stuck I hope you don't take that in any odd way. I just did not find someone I could go and grab a cup of coffee with or tea for that matter.

I don't hold myself above anyone at all. I tend to be an all or nothing person so I can understand it. I just did not find someone to connect with.

If I needed a ride I think I only called once and that was my wife. I felt like an ass but she was proud of me and I think back and I realize it was one of the few smart things I've done when I was messed up.
Other times I took a cab. Most of the time I drove and if I had a GPS I would have arrived home a lot sooner. Sad but true.

I went to meds because I did want to stop. I tried expensive counseling and AA. None of it worked.
This was my last shot. I thank God it seems to have worked.

I had a beer today, as it was my b day. That was enough. I felt buzzed after that and I did not drive. As my wife was driving. Back in the day, well we can all guess.

[StuckinLA]

An introduction

Oh no, COS, believe me when I say I didn't find anyone to have a coffee with, either. I'd only been sober like 4 days, was shaky as hell, and when you raise your hand as a newbie you're like blood in the water. I never went back to that meeting, because it was like 2 hours of bus-riding to get there and back.

And happy birthday! I'd say you deserve that beer, with the fires and everything going on. And you've pretty much (all the much?) hit your switch anyway, so no biggie.

[COSGringo]

An introduction

Thx LA!
BTW, why are you stuck there? I mean the 5 is bad between 7 - 7 pretty much but you should be able to drive out of there somehow? Just joking around.

What we need to do out here is tap the Coors brewery in Golden and douse what's left burning that I keep seeing when I am driving around. Low enough alc content to not make it worse.

Bus, ugh. Is it called the RTD out there? I forget. I took it one day when my car was in the shop. Not pleasant. At least not in LA. But I was young when I was out there and moved there with $400 for me and the fiance. Soooo, Bellflower was not a nice place. What did I know?

Sorry, I am in a weird place today. Took nitrazepam to sleep still only got 3 hours and drank a double strength double size sugar free rockstar drink. Had myself a black velvet (guiness with a splash of champagne) and I am bizarro world. I had good times in LA but I moved there when I was 18 so who wouldn't?

[Ne/Neva Eva]

An introduction

COSGringo;1344280 wrote:
I went to meds because I did want to stop. I tried expensive counseling and AA. None of it worked.
This was my last shot. I thank God it seems to have worked.

Me, too! I am still so relieved that it worked. And still find it hard to believe.

StuckinLA;1344324 wrote: ...I'd say you deserve that beer, with the fires and everything going on. And you've pretty much (all the much?) hit your switch anyway, so no biggie.

hmmm. Deserve a beer? More like punishment. :H Maybe not yet, but it will be. That's why indifference is so cool. Okay, one of the reasons. But the idea of earning a drink becomes oxymoronic after a while. It's kind of unimaginable for a long time even after indifference. But it happens.

We went out for brunch the day the contract on our new house was accepted. It wasn't until we saw our waitress deliver mimosas to the table next to ours that we realized that we toasted with coffee. :H Not very fancy, but I can assure you that we looked and felt a helluva lot better than the people at the next table. (In a resort town, like where we are, everyone is lobster red, or worse leathery brown and hungover looking around there. Even if they're not drunks!)

[COSGringo]

An introduction

Well you are probably correct but I am not drinking this week that's for sure. I have a big exec meeting in lovely Albuquerque next week.
Got to be on my game. Get to find out who HP decides to let go. Pretty sad.
Hope you are doing well Ne!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

An introduction

Ne/Neva Eva;1344539 wrote:

hmmm. Deserve a beer? More like punishment. :H Maybe not yet, but it will be. That's why indifference is so cool. Okay, one of the reasons. But the idea of earning a drink becomes oxymoronic after a while. It's kind of unimaginable for a long time even after indifference. But it happens.

What a persnickety response. ugh.

What pushed the button for me was the idea of 'earning' a drink as some sort of reward. Drinking stops being a reward. It stops being anything.

Glad you had a beer! SO glad that things are settling down in CO and that you are safe and sound.
And yes, the storm was freaky, but we were snug, and didn't even lose power. But holy guac. I cannot imagine that kind of wind as any kind of regular thing. (wait was that this thread??? ach!)

Sorry, Justin for the derail! Sounds like you're doing well, too!

[COSGringo]

An introduction

No worries. I guess if I did not earn the b-day beer then I would really have an excuse to have one anytime at all. Dunno.
CO is fine now except hot.

Glad you did not lose power. I can't imagine uppers 90's and high humidity. Yuck.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

An introduction

COSGringo;1345152 wrote:

I can't imagine uppers 90's and high humidity. Yuck.

That's just life on the middle east coast! When I lived in Wyoming for the summers I kept wondering what was missing. Turns out it was the humidity and the bird-sized mosquitoes.

[jaddyday]

An introduction

Good afternoon folks,

Well I'm feeling a little angry today. I went away on Saturday night to visit a friend - good night, lots to drink, no ill effects apart from an horrendous hangover from which I am still suffering!

I have just got off the phone to a friend who has been very supportive of late. However, when I told her that I had been drinking at the weekend she became quite scathing. I've been quite honest with her from the start in that my goal is not total abstinence. I've been there and done that, I did it for two years, it was hell. She just has this mindset that alcoholics can never drink again and have to go to AA meetings. She doesn't seem to have read any of the literature that I have given her regarding Baclofen. She keeps trying to coerce me to go back to AA - an organisation I hate with every fiber of my being (no offence intended to anyone on here) and one about which she knows nothing. The most annoying thing is that she is totally intransigent in her opinions but does not actually have a clue what she's talking about! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Anyway, I just had to get that out of my system! The trouble is that she is a really good friend and her advice is well meant, if misguided. I'm sure I'm not the first person on this board to experience this problem so any pearls of wisdom would be gratefully recieved.

Justin

[StuckinLA]

An introduction

Oh man, oh man, I hear you, J.

I really don't want to send anyone over to my thread at the moment 'cause I'm a little embarrassed of my tipsy ramblings from last night, but I had an incredibly similar experience with a fairly close friend.

And, my friends who know I'm taking bac are pretty much the same way that you're describing--they still don't get it, don't want to get it, and think a drop of booze is the end of the world.

If I'm not drinking, it's like "wow, that's great I'm glad this is making it a little easier for you." But otherwise it's "don't talk to me if you're drinking again..."

Anyway, glad you could vent--it helps IMHO...

[jaddyday]

An introduction

Hi Guys,

I have a question:

A few of my friends have been asking how I will know when I'm on the correct level of Baclofen. I've told them that when I reach a point of indifference to alcohol I'll be there. However, I've been thinking about this for a couple of days ever since I read on someones (I think it was Ne) tag line "stopped drinking against my will on (date)".

I'm now on 240mg/day Bac, I'm not drinking against my will and I stopped obsessing about alcohol on 120mg/day. I still have the desire to go out partying every few weeks but I would have thought that was quite normal for a 29 year old single man. I'm not thinking about alcohol an a daily basis and am interested in 'life' again for the first time in living memory. It was not like that when I was abstinent for two years. I convinced myself that I was focusing on my career but all I really wanted to do was make as much money as quickly as possible so that I could start drinking again!

What more, if anything, can I expect from continued titration of Baclofen? Is it really going to relieve my desire for a social life and do I really want it to even it it has that capability? Does everyone experience a eureka moment type switch or does it happen more gradually and subtlety for some?

Any thoughts?

Justin

PS. StuckinLA - thanks for your response to my last post, we've just agreed to disagree now and said that the proof of the pudding will be in the eating. I went over to your thread and read the bits you felt embarressed by. Christ we sound bloody similar! Lack of respect for authority, sexual promiscuity, incessant partying and trying to shag the bartender - you could have been talking about me!

[StuckinLA]

An introduction

Thanks for that, J.

I'm not the person to talk to about the switch, but it sounds like you'll know when you go to the bar and don't order alcohol. Or you order alcohol but forget to drink it.

I actually had that with my first drink at 150--I'd been sober 62 days, poured a Jameson and sat down to watch some TV. It was like I kept reminding myself, oh yeah, there's a drink there...

Of course now I'm throwing back whiskey like the mother's-milk it's always been... So time to go up, up, up. How are you dealing with 240, if I can ask? I was getting terrible, terrible anxiety and insomnia, as well as way-slow thinking and trouble concentrating, and drinking a whole lot (well, still doing that I guess) at 210. So came back down to 175 and tried to stick out sobriety for a while, which didn't work.

[jaddyday]

An introduction

Hi Stuck,

In answer to your question, I seem to be having a pretty easy ride with regard to side effects. I immediately experienced nighttime insomnia and daytime drowsiness even at 30mg/day, but it's nothing more than an annoyance and doesn't adversely effect my life. Once I got past 120mg/day I started to experience congestion and other hay-fever-esque symptoms. This is getting a little tedious and seems to get worse the higher I go. Both of these side effects get more pronounced every time I titrate up and then they begin to subside. They never seem to disappear although I have been going at it hammer and tongs reaching 240mg/day in seven weeks! My anxiety and cravings began to subside almost instantaneously.