Hi All!
I guess this is where the journey begins:
I'm 43. I began drinking and experimenting with drugs and alcohol in my teens. I did coke for a couple of months when I was 18-19, a lot. I was able to stop and never did it again ever. I have, however, drank every day since then. I have always been involved with the family business, which I am currently running wit both of my parents in semi retirement and still coming in to stay occupied. I bought a nice house in '96 and had a son in '98. I was drinking about 12 beers a night at this time. His mother and I never married. She left my son and I when my son was 5. Never to be heard from again. My parents offered to have my son move into my old room.So he lived between our houses for several years. In '03 I attended Le Cordon Bleu School of Culinary Arts. Upon graduation I started working at an upscale restaurant. My son went to living with my folks pretty much full time after that. I was at the Restaurant just about every night and only saw my son on my days off for about 4 years. At this point I was drinking 14 to 18 beers a night. I'm sure I shouldn't have to explain that I am suffering from depression, non-suicidal, since my early teens. Coming and going usually seasonally end of summer until about Halloween. I left the restaurant and came back to the family business. This is about the time I feel like "The Monster" really took over. Business was bad money got tight and made every excuse I could find to be at the bar only with friends or home by six or seven. I have never had a DUI and have always even today to not drink more than four beers over a 3-4 hour period before driving(this is a more recent rule the my old rule which is NEVER have more than 1 drink if I'm driving). The Bar rule started about 4 years ago, except I am at the bar even if my friends aren't. Club soda until 5, beer until 7 or 7:30. Let me digress a bit. My son has always had ADHD. and has been a handful for parents and I. I really felt my life was out of control. a couple of years ago.....I appreciate you still reading this, as I am crying like a baby as I go on....my son would ask to sleep over at my house and I always had an excuse why he couldn't. The truth is my house is my cave and I don't want anyone seeing me drink. I even stopped going to parties or would only have a few if I did. No one has been in my house but me for at least 2 years. I know I am starting to ramble, but this is where I KNOW I'd lost complete control. In Nov. '11 we received a very substantial contract that would have us very busy for at least 5 years. HOORAY!!!! Things were looking up. I told my self I was going to start going to the gym, cut back on my drinking. I planned on getting a dumpster and clean my cave out. I starting making plans on taking my son to Germany this summer. Things were looking up. I still had the stress of my son doing poorly in school. Signs of depression started show in my son. I sent him to my old shrink. My habit at that time somewhat less as it now,but currently : Bar 3 or 4 pints, home 4or5 12oz beers then by 9PM a 6oz bottle of Jagermeister an Ambien and a few more beers until I pass out. When I wake up in the middle of the night thirsy and unable to sleep, I will have a beer or two to get back to sleep, repeat until nothing passed 5am on weekdays and sleep until 9 lay in bed until 10am. Go to work a few hours to get my work done. Back at the bar at 3 or 4 PM. Now in the blurred and confusing period between Nov '11 and today 1) My 14 year old son started experimenting with drugs 2)While on something unknown went into a fit of rage and threatened to slice his wrist in front of his grandparents. This got him locked in a psych. ward for 5 days. 3) Got expelled for having pot in school 4) constant arguing and talking him down(only I can do this, because I KNOW what he is feeling) You get the picture. He's now in a different learning environment that I am in love with.And, he is getting A's and B's! I'm proud of even though he is struggling emotionally. AND I AM A FRIGGIN" BASKET CASE. Two weeks ago I made the decision that I was tired of being in this alcoholic hell. I told everybody I knew except my son and parents. That I was going to find a way to quit. I am ready the"easyway" book and and almost finished and it makes sense and I was going to try Fresh Start with the Neltrexone implant. I read a lot of posts here and all ove the web. I read up on all of the different meds. I finally went to my doctor yesterday and asked for Naltrexone to see if would help. I took my first pill yesterday. I actually cut 6 beers out last night. I haven't done that in the last few years. actually decrease instead of increase. I woke less and slept better. I know it is only the first night and a new broom always sweep great. I also did what was probably the hardest thing I have ever done, yesterday. I told my son, who was feeling really down yesterday that I had a drinking problem and that was why he hadn't been to my house. Because I didn't want him to see me drink myself stupid. I told him I was getting help and that I was going to a Psychiatrist in two weeks. I asked him to help me as we go down this road together. We cried together. Folks he is ALL that I have. I haven't dated since his mother. He is more important than alcohol and I am going to slay "The Monster" With Naltrexone or whatever it takes. I apologize for my verbal vomit. But, I feel a little bit better now. I don't want to hide who I am anymore. Thank you for reading and good luck to every one of you on this road that we call recovery.
I guess this is where the journey begins:
I'm 43. I began drinking and experimenting with drugs and alcohol in my teens. I did coke for a couple of months when I was 18-19, a lot. I was able to stop and never did it again ever. I have, however, drank every day since then. I have always been involved with the family business, which I am currently running wit both of my parents in semi retirement and still coming in to stay occupied. I bought a nice house in '96 and had a son in '98. I was drinking about 12 beers a night at this time. His mother and I never married. She left my son and I when my son was 5. Never to be heard from again. My parents offered to have my son move into my old room.So he lived between our houses for several years. In '03 I attended Le Cordon Bleu School of Culinary Arts. Upon graduation I started working at an upscale restaurant. My son went to living with my folks pretty much full time after that. I was at the Restaurant just about every night and only saw my son on my days off for about 4 years. At this point I was drinking 14 to 18 beers a night. I'm sure I shouldn't have to explain that I am suffering from depression, non-suicidal, since my early teens. Coming and going usually seasonally end of summer until about Halloween. I left the restaurant and came back to the family business. This is about the time I feel like "The Monster" really took over. Business was bad money got tight and made every excuse I could find to be at the bar only with friends or home by six or seven. I have never had a DUI and have always even today to not drink more than four beers over a 3-4 hour period before driving(this is a more recent rule the my old rule which is NEVER have more than 1 drink if I'm driving). The Bar rule started about 4 years ago, except I am at the bar even if my friends aren't. Club soda until 5, beer until 7 or 7:30. Let me digress a bit. My son has always had ADHD. and has been a handful for parents and I. I really felt my life was out of control. a couple of years ago.....I appreciate you still reading this, as I am crying like a baby as I go on....my son would ask to sleep over at my house and I always had an excuse why he couldn't. The truth is my house is my cave and I don't want anyone seeing me drink. I even stopped going to parties or would only have a few if I did. No one has been in my house but me for at least 2 years. I know I am starting to ramble, but this is where I KNOW I'd lost complete control. In Nov. '11 we received a very substantial contract that would have us very busy for at least 5 years. HOORAY!!!! Things were looking up. I told my self I was going to start going to the gym, cut back on my drinking. I planned on getting a dumpster and clean my cave out. I starting making plans on taking my son to Germany this summer. Things were looking up. I still had the stress of my son doing poorly in school. Signs of depression started show in my son. I sent him to my old shrink. My habit at that time somewhat less as it now,but currently : Bar 3 or 4 pints, home 4or5 12oz beers then by 9PM a 6oz bottle of Jagermeister an Ambien and a few more beers until I pass out. When I wake up in the middle of the night thirsy and unable to sleep, I will have a beer or two to get back to sleep, repeat until nothing passed 5am on weekdays and sleep until 9 lay in bed until 10am. Go to work a few hours to get my work done. Back at the bar at 3 or 4 PM. Now in the blurred and confusing period between Nov '11 and today 1) My 14 year old son started experimenting with drugs 2)While on something unknown went into a fit of rage and threatened to slice his wrist in front of his grandparents. This got him locked in a psych. ward for 5 days. 3) Got expelled for having pot in school 4) constant arguing and talking him down(only I can do this, because I KNOW what he is feeling) You get the picture. He's now in a different learning environment that I am in love with.And, he is getting A's and B's! I'm proud of even though he is struggling emotionally. AND I AM A FRIGGIN" BASKET CASE. Two weeks ago I made the decision that I was tired of being in this alcoholic hell. I told everybody I knew except my son and parents. That I was going to find a way to quit. I am ready the"easyway" book and and almost finished and it makes sense and I was going to try Fresh Start with the Neltrexone implant. I read a lot of posts here and all ove the web. I read up on all of the different meds. I finally went to my doctor yesterday and asked for Naltrexone to see if would help. I took my first pill yesterday. I actually cut 6 beers out last night. I haven't done that in the last few years. actually decrease instead of increase. I woke less and slept better. I know it is only the first night and a new broom always sweep great. I also did what was probably the hardest thing I have ever done, yesterday. I told my son, who was feeling really down yesterday that I had a drinking problem and that was why he hadn't been to my house. Because I didn't want him to see me drink myself stupid. I told him I was getting help and that I was going to a Psychiatrist in two weeks. I asked him to help me as we go down this road together. We cried together. Folks he is ALL that I have. I haven't dated since his mother. He is more important than alcohol and I am going to slay "The Monster" With Naltrexone or whatever it takes. I apologize for my verbal vomit. But, I feel a little bit better now. I don't want to hide who I am anymore. Thank you for reading and good luck to every one of you on this road that we call recovery.
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