Progress thread for Sticky

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi Ne & everyone

Thanks for your support, as always. I once did a sleep course which involved calculating how much time to spend in bed based on how much time you were sleeping when sleep deprivation hit. My quota was stay up 'til midnight and get up at 5am!!. Have been trying to stay up late and get up during the night if I can't sleep (and read) then get up early. It really does help. My other issue is I'm so worried about my good friend/ex-sponsor who is missing. She has been missing for over a week now and the cops are about to hit the media with a photo of her. We're not sure exactly what that entails, but of course it is worrying to the extreme. Particularly when for the past 5 years I have known her she has always been available and been an absolute rock for me. I am in contact as the days go by with more and more women who know my friend and I'm trying to keep them all in the loop. Also have organised for some of them to run our Fri lunch-time women's AA meeting as this week my youngest son is hoping to get a place in the school cross country race.
Life was never meant to be easy, was it?

Cheers
Sticky

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

My good friend/ex sponsor committed suicide last week. i am stil in shock. I thought she was such a rock and almost infallible. Her advice was the best of anyone's. How wrong was I!! I'm very upset to hear that she was using prescription drugs and lying to her family. Getting pills from friends, going to different doctors and attempting to refill already filled scripts. I thought she had been sober for 10 years. Perhaps she had, but prescription drugs took over!
Nicky xx

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for Sticky

I am so, so sorry to hear that, Nicky.

My heart and thoughts go out to you, and to her other friends and family.

:l
Karen

[spacebebe01]

Progress thread for Sticky

I am sorry for you, her family and friends Sticky, this is a bastard of an illness. :h

[StuckinLA]

Progress thread for Sticky

So sorry, as well. All of her advice is still good, but it must sting to learn how truly sick she'd been.

My heart and thoughts also go out to you, and her family and friends.

:l

[TexasAg]

Progress thread for Sticky

I am truly sorry to hear about your sponsor. It's a terrible illness and I hope you're doing ok.

G-Bless!

Day 41 on Bac – 120mg
AF – 12 days
Binge Free - 12 days

[baclofan]

Progress thread for Sticky

Sad story indeed replacing bad addiction with another one which tends to be much worse that the original one.

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi everyone

I've been to 2 memorial services in the past 2 days for my friend. Yesterday i made a speech which i was very nervous about, but i think it went OK. Had a few positive comments. Yesterday i found out that she had been drinking for some time too. The police accessed her bank account details when they were trying to find her and there were many purchases at the local wine shop. So disappointing! And unbelievable. Now i am "charged" with taking over control of the womens AA group. but as someone said to me today, i shouldn't be in charge if i'm not a true AA person & can't be honest about what I'm doing. (i.e. bac.) Yet another reason to feel guilty! But if i've learned anything from my friend's suicide, it's that i need to be honest and to reach out when i need help. I can't be honest in AA, only at CADS or with AA people outside of the meeting. Will try and get others to take over control of the meeting and also try not to feel guilty for not running it as i felt i "should."

Thanks for your support everyone.

Cheers
Sticky :l

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for Sticky

I have had a similar experience this week with funerals and memorials, Sticky. In this case it was for someone who literally lost a part of his mind about ten years ago because of the addiction.

My closest friend found her father on his couch, unable to get up, with bottles of vodka all around him and a bucket he could pee into. She hadn't been able to reach him for days. The doctors were able to save his body, but he was severely brain injured from malnutrition, dehydration and alcohol poisoning.

He was celebrated as having been a genius, and the life of the party...The last ten years of his life as a paranoid recluse, living with his daughter--who was unable to keep even mouthwash in the house lest he drink it--largely ignored. (A shameful secret, though one that polluted everything everyone said about him.)

He died at 54 in his sleep of unknown causes. They knew he was sick but he was too paranoid to go to the doctor. Another one lost to the ravages of the disease. Not in 2012, mind you, but in 2002 when his 16 year old daughter found him on the couch.

There is a way, I think, to share your experience without undermining the experience of others who are looking for a different way out. I don't know what it is, but I think it's there. And if you save one person (and you count as the one!) from the ignominious fate of this curse we bear, then you have lived a full life.

Much love and peace and strength to you.
Karen

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi everyone

I started taking bac on 1st June. I've been at 130g for 3 weeks. This last week has been amazing as far as my alcohol consumption goes. 4 nights drinking, but one night only 1 glass of wine, 1 night 1.5 beers, and 2 nights of 3 drinks. I've felt like drinking other nights then I've realised I don't need to.

Was lucky enough to go on a girls ski trip for 3 days and have 2 awesome days skiing and one day reading, sleeping and helping cook dinner for 27 people! Chose not to buy any wine and share my friends' wine, so I guess that helped limit my intake for 2 nights.

The somnolence can be hard to handle as I'm busy with work. The kids have just started 2 weeks school holidays so it will be the juggling act of working, going to counselling and group, and keeping kids from spending all hols on PC/Playstation!

I'm very optimistic bac is going to be my salvation from the ongoing dramas of being an alcoholic.

Cheers
Sticky

[StuckinLA]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hells yeah, Sticky. You're doing great and it's really great to hear from you. Especially when you're talking about spending a weekend on the slopes, being a ski bunny with a few other girls. I don't know a damned thing about skiing, so I'm just imagining a weekend sitting 'round a hot tub overlooking snow-covered mountains...

Cheers and keep up the good work.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for Sticky

Congrats, Sticky. Life is often about juggling, isn't it? Won't be long before you have one less thing to juggle. And that one is as heavy as an anvil! Thanks for the update and hi to my Kiwi friends.

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi everyone

I almost feel I might be near my "switch". Like I said I had a really good 10 days moderating. Wasn't feeling so good in general - bit down and sad I was spending so much time working and doing CADS counselling and group rather than spending time with my kids in school hols. This week will be different though. Also I feel like Stuck that drinking doesn't have the same appeal. I was able to stick to 1, 2 or 3 drinks max for that 10 days and have at least half the days AF.
So for the past 10 days I've only had one day hungover. But I often feel hungover/foggy/slightly headachy/tired due to the bac alone or bac and moderate drinking.
None of this is an easy ride. Just like my 20 year journey in and out of AA!!

Hope you're all having a good weekend.

Cheers
Sticky

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi Stuck & NE

Thought I'd post here since i come here so rarely and no-one responded when i last posted on my own thread.

I'm struggling with bac this week. Up to 150g since Tues last week. I take 3 x 10mg at brekkie and lunch & the rest in the evening 8.30 or 9.30 pm. Perhaps this is not helping? Can't bear the thought of being even more tired during the day than I already am. Each day since Sat has been more a struggle than any fun and I look forward to being able to lie down for 30 mins/1 hour after lunch. Often I fall asleep. Have to set an alarm sometimes. Mostly I have been sleeping OK, just a bit restless and I get sore/restless legs, cramps occasionally or sore shoulders. But I never wake up feeling well rested. On the nights I still drink a bottle of wine (twice a week) I feel like crap all the next day. Yesterday I felt quite depressed and shed a few tears a couple of times. Kept thinking I'd feel better today after a better sleep. But I've been awake since 3.30. i may have mentioned before, but i did a sleep course a few years ago and know what I shoud do - force myself to get up. It is just SOO much harder on bac. Also after 17 months on TSM i slept quite well during that time and didn't need to force myself to get up. Will just have to make more effort.

Also I have suffered constipation since I was 20 & lately it has been awful. I struggle to remember to take enough Benefiber for it to work.

We are in our busiest time of year workwise, i.e spring and everyone wanting their landscaping done before Christmas. Xmas time schools have 6-7 week hols (vacation) downunder and we & our staff usually have our longest break for the year. I find i am even more forgetful than my usual near menopausal self (!) & am getting pissed off about that and worried how i am going to cope with the silly season build up. Guess I could do what you've done, Stuck, but i really want to perservere with this. Would so love to get to a point of being able to moderate successfully without having to titrate up much further. No such luck so far.

Am quite down at the moment but hopefully will regain my optimism some time soon. It's good to see some other sane posters on here. if i were still on TSM I'd be welcoming them and responding to them, but just don't have the energy or time for any of that these days.

Take care everyone
Sticky

Copied from Stuck's thread at Colin's suggestion. From last Fri. Was drinking while posting. My bac GP told me off for doing that but often did on TSM website!

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hey guys

Thanks so much for your words of wisdom on the shitting front!! I have to say that fortunately I saw the GP prescribing me bac today. He gave me some Coloxon which, though it's a laxative (which i'd rather not take), worked almost immediately! Yay! But those ideas above are great, esp spinach as we have that from our vege order and in the garden, and Magnesium.
Also instead of the super low dose Diazepam (4mg for every 2nd day) the doc's been giving me once a fortnight for a coupla months, I am now going to try melatonin to help me sleep. The last time I took that was back in the 80's I think over the counter in the U.S. in my trolley dolly (flight attendant) days. It made me feel so zonked out the next day i didn't bother again. Anyway this stuff i got today is homeopathic & apparently will not make me feel zonked out tomorrow. Worth a try & not addictive, unlike benzos and sleeping pills.
Had to cancel a dinner at home tonight we had planned for a friend from Oz and another couple as I was so not up to it. Also hubby was so not up to it. He is tired, grumpy and stressed and was pissed off with me today as i haven't been in the office much. We have lost some potential work b/c neither of us has had the time to get back to potential clients. Having said that we still have plenty to last til Xmas. This is traditionally our super busy time as mentioned above. Now we just have to tie something up for mid/end Jan and we are sweet. Except we aren't. My other frequent worry since I've know hubby (nearly 20 years) is lack of money and not paying bills on time. The joys of being self-employed and having an overly optimistic partner! The fact that he is overly optimistic and even now somewhat of a workaholic has meant he has successfully had his own business for like 30 years. The last 14 years it (they, as we have 2 businesses for the past 3-4 years, but no time to develop the secondary one to its full potential) have had my Assistant Manager input.
Must sign off here as time to tuck in younger son.

Cheers
Sticky
(Copied from Stuck's thread last week)