Progress thread for Sticky

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Oh & Stuck (& everyone else)

Re your leg pain thing, i have had sensitive gums since starting bac. GP didn't think it was related but i know it's since starting bac that it's happened and when i take bac it gets worse. Also like i said i am taking the bulk of bac at night 8.30/9pm. Mentioned that to GP today but he didn't suggest changing it. Is this a dumb idea and should i spread it out a bit more?

Stuck, you may not see yourself as much of a role model, but i did mention to doc today your idea of going down. i have no desire to go from 170 to 80 at this stage nor to do what i think NE said she did and go up & down. But a slight decrease is not out of the question. i said to Scott (GP) today i wanted it all fixed tomorrow, after 17 months which ended in disaster doing TSM. And 20 years in AA with many relapses. But in the real world we all know that's not going to happen. i also said perhaps my only opportunity to be at so high a dose where i couldn't drive a car was when we go to Sydney 4-20 Jan for younger son's futsal (indoor soccer) tournament and summer holiday. But by the same token i don't want my holiday to be ruined. Holidays are something i need and very much look forward to. They are not to be ruined at any cost!!

Sorry to rant on and maybe i should strike up my own thread again. I'll play it by ear.

Thanks for your support
Cheers
Sticky

(copied from Stuck's thread)

[StuckinLA]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hey Sticky! Awesome to hear from you (again), and to see your thread. Mine's been pretty quiet as of late, which is fine by me. I probably owe people a great big update soon, but that'll just have to wait. But it sounds like you're doing fairly well, no?

I always spaced things out a bit, into like 4 doses with the last 2 being a bit bigger. Not sure if if made a difference. It really warms my heart to hear that I've been able to give some encouragement to you and a few others. Bac sucks but it does work, that's for sure, so just getting there is the tough part. So rant away!

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi all

Well my thread is up & running again & I've copied and pasted my last few rambles on Stuck's thread.

I've taken it upon myself to go from 150mg down to 140mg. 150mg resulted in an inability to get enough sleep at night and I got depressed. I just couldn't do it at this time of year. Maybe I will go up later. In the meantime I plan to use some moderating techniques. When I really have to I can do it. We had a party here Sat night, a rare occurrence these days. We are both over 50 after all!) Did really well all evening by delaying starting drinking, leaving my drink to go talk to people, dancing, etc. Should have gone to bed at 1.30am when most people left. 1 guy crashed on the couch, but not until he jammed with hubby on guitar and talked 'til 4am. I got stuck into cleaning up. Then the shots came out. That was my downfall! 3am to bed. Semi-slept til 10am, but felt exhausted on Sun.

Have only had one craving on Wed but nothing to drink since early hours Sun morning.

I hope everyone is doing well.

Cheers
sticky

[Colin]

Progress thread for Sticky

Sticky, nice to see that you have resuscitated an old thread. I have also concluded that I won't be making a run at the switch dose in the near future so I might as well drop down a little to be more alert during the day. Another reason for staying at a constant bac dose is that I've just started increasing doses of amitriptyline which has doziness as an SE. I will be better placed to identify the cause of somnolence if the bac input is fairly constant.

Good luck.

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi guys

Yet again I'm on here after drinking. Have had a rough coupla weeks on bac trying to go from 140 to 150, not being able to sleep much, then getting depressed. Then got prescribed melatonin, which made things worse. Now I have 4 sleeping pills/ fortnight and have just taken a half for the past few nights. Couldn't stay at 150 - had to go back down to 140 due SE's. Crazy time of year work-wise as everybody wants their landscapes finished before Christmas. Boys winding up for summer hols, esp 14-yr-old who has practically finished for year... Then most people have at least 2 if not 4 weeks off for our summer hols...

Also after 5 months of 'behaving' myself, I did the ultimate in bad behaviour as a mum and buggered off for 18 hours last weekend. Argument with hubby and left at 10.30pm last Sat night. Hopefully only 10 hours from family's point of view. Still inexcusable.

Happy silly season to everyone

Cheers
Sticky

[Colin]

Progress thread for Sticky

I'm sure most of us have been at the buggering off scene. On reading your post I remembered clearly a day 15 years ago. I couldn't take any more nagging and just left around 4 o'clock in the afternoon for a relaxing day drinking until I fell asleep in a hotel. AWOL for about 20 hours and no nagging on my return. I can't remember what the argument was about and the incident was never mentioned again. Hope you got the same treatment.

I've just dropped from 150 to 137.5 in order to keep a close eye on the amitriptyline. I certainly feel a lot better and might easily drop another 12.5 if it seems like a good idea. Hope you are feeling better, just keep plodding along (jkttdp).

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi Colin & everyone

Thanks for the words of encouragement. Things have been better this week. My regular GP, not the bac one, told me I'd taken zopiclone in the past. The last time was 3 years ago & only a short course. So my bac GP has prescribed me 4 of those per fortnight. Amitriptyline was also suggested but bac GP said it would make me more tired during the day. The zopiclone has helped. Since last Sun I have gone back up to 150mg. The somnolence is bad, but I feel like my obsession with alcohol is lessened. Last night I had 3 drinks. Most weeks I have been drinking twice a week, but a whole bottle each time. Now I hope I will get some moderation in.

I'm still struggling with the busy pre-Christmas rush, but managing to get some enjoyment as well. Roll on holidays!

Have a great weekend, everyone.

Cheers
Sticky

[Colin]

Progress thread for Sticky

It's now seven days since I dropped from 150 to 137.5 and the mood swings have been more extreme than at any other time during my bac-trip. Today is the first time in the past week that I can describe as "normal". The fresh snow looked nice but not excessively so. A certain equanimity has returned.

Sleeping patterns and bac somnolence during the day did not improve slowly but followed an erratic path until now (7 p.m.) is the first time I have felt reasonably alert in the evening. I'll stay at this bac dose for another week before deciding whether to drop another 12.5.

Still no sign of the migraine aura. If this keeps up it will be an unexpected bonus from the amitriptyline.

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi everyone (& Colin)

I'm struggling with the SE's of bac at 150mg. Got so excited at first that this might be my "switch" b/c I felt so ill in the morning and had no desire to drink. I might only be drinking 2-3 times per week, but when I do there is still no telling where I might end up. Colin - if only hubby didn't care too much about me going AWOL. He deserves to care however as i am still at times on a suicide mission. When I went AWOL 2 weeks ago I slept rough in dangerous places. I fell over and the grazes and bruises are still healing. Hubby was angry at first and didn't speak to me for 24 hours except when necessary for work. i had to apologise to our boys yet again for not being there. And tonight i want to go out and get more wine. When will this end, if ever?

Sticky

[Colin]

Progress thread for Sticky

Sticky;1424219 wrote: Hi everyone (& Colin)

And tonight i want to go out and get more wine. When will this end, if ever?

Sticky

I am extremely sorry about your terrible experiences of late. Giving advice is probably a case of the blind leading the blind. However, if you absolutely must go out and get arse 'oled identify a place to collapse in (hotel or whatever) before starting the binge. If your last half-dozen drinks are in a safe place you have a better chance of surviving the episode.
You won't enjoy wakening up but you should at least feel better than if you'd slept rough.

Enough advice from an old piss-head.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for Sticky

I second that. I pretty much set up my life so that I could drink with minimal harm and maximum secrecy. I highly recommend that at this point. NOT the secrecy part. The harm reduction part.

It WILL end, Sticky. With enough bac and enough time, it just does. It just goes away. Really. Unmanaged stress and anxiety always end up where it ends up, in the bottle. So if you're craving more, I'd look there. (Look hard!) and get to the gym/walk/etc.

But the bottom line is that if you're headed for a bender, you know it, and it's better to plan for it than just unexpectedly find yourself in the middle of one. In my very humble opinion.

Stay well. Stay strong. It works.
:l

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi all

I dropped to page 6. Hardly surprising since i haven't posted since Dec 12. Have lurked a bit and went away for 2.5 weeks. I sure could use some support now though. Its taken me since June 1 (over 9 months!) to titrate up to 190mg under a GP. Is this the longest titration on record? Just went up to 190 yesterday so feeling extra bad.

For the past few months I have mostly felt like crap. Always tired. Don't sleep well. Quite down, even when on holiday, which was very sad. I feel like a shadow of my former self. Even less confidence than usual. Chose to start taking 1/2 sleeping pill every 2nd night rather than go the benzo route to help with the SE's. Don't like having to do that as they are addictive. Just about crashed into a car going out of my driveway today as am so zonked. Also have a metallic taste in my mouth, itchy skin, leg cramps or night sweats and man do I snore, apparently!

Don't know how much longer I can keep this up. Added to this have huge cashflow issues back at work. Of course we shouldn't have gone to Sydney, but we'd promised our youngest we would for his indoor soccer comp. Also expected to have more money in before Xmas and to have sold our boat.

I keep thinking each time I titrate up, maybe this is it (the "switch".) Still drinking too
much quite often on 170mg. Sometimes i can have one or two or just half a bottle of wine, but other times it's the whole bottle and wanting to hide under the covers all the next day. Which of course I can't.... Kids and business call.

Sticky

[Colin]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi Sticky, glad to see you?re still alive.

I?m having a similar experience with increasing doses. A couple of weeks ago I was at 200 mg per day, also after ? 9 months escalating but found that any ambition was being sapped by the somnolence. Since then I have dropped back to 150 and things are a lot better, better than my earlier times at 150. Maybe just drop back a little and take a break before pushing on.

You seem to have more control over your drinking. Good luck.

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi Colin

Thanks for your support. The thing is I can't just drop back a little without my GP's approval. And after it taking so long to get here I don't want to drop back. Of course the first few days are the hardest after going up. It's now 6am and I've been awake since 4.30. So much for the half a sleeping pill - even that doesn't always help. So instead of forcing myself to get up or trying to do some meditation (neither of which I could make myself do as bac just makes it too hard) i lay there and ended up crying. I always knew I'd get to the point where the f-ing somnolence would be unbearable and i might not be able to drive for a while. it worried me b/c i can't just take off a few weeks/months from being a mum and business partner. i am just going to have to attempt to suffer thru it. Am sorry i haven't been around to enjoy your witty posts. Haven't laughed much for a long time or sung to the radio in the car.

We probably have people coming for dinner tomorrow. 2 old hippy Westie friends of my hubby's. My concerns are: will i be able to stay awake, hold a conversation and not drink too much?

Thurs (Valentine's Day) is our wedding anniversary & my mum's birthday. I'd suggested to hubby we do something special since we have actually been together 20 years. If the roles had been reversed i would have run a mile from him that first year we were together as that was the year I found out I was an alcoholic! Now i just feel so shattered i'm not looking forward to a nice dinner out.

Enough moaning. I'll read some more positive posts.

Cheers
Sticky:upset:

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi Colin

Thanks for your support. The thing is I can't just drop back a little without my GP's approval. And after it taking so long to get here I don't want to drop back. Of course the first few days are the hardest after going up. It's now 6am and I've been awake since 4.30. So much for the half a sleeping pill - even that doesn't always help. So instead of forcing myself to get up or trying to do some meditation (neither of which I could make myself do as bac just makes it too hard) i lay there and ended up crying. I always knew I'd get to the point where the f-ing somnolence would be unbearable and i might not be able to drive for a while. it worried me b/c i can't just take off a few weeks/months from being a mum and business partner. i am just going to have to attempt to suffer thru it. Am sorry i haven't been around enough to enjoy your witty posts. Haven't laughed much for a long time or sung to the radio in the car.

We probably have people coming for dinner tomorrow. 2 old hippy Westie friends of my hubby's. My concerns are: will i be able to stay awake, hold a conversation and not drink too much?

Thurs (Valentine's Day) is our wedding anniversary & my mum's birthday. I'd suggested to hubby we do something special since we have actually been together 20 years. If the roles had been reversed i would have run a mile from him that first year we were together as that was the year I found out I was an alcoholic! Now i just feel so shattered i'm not looking forward to a nice dinner out.

Enough moaning. I'll read some more positive posts.

Cheers
Sticky:upset: