Progress thread for Sticky

[StuckinLA]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hey Sticky--

I'm fairly rushed for time, but it's great to see you back, even if it's not under the bestest of circumstances. It's tricky when your GP is dictating the pace, but dropping a little before going up again is not the worst idea.

Things really are never the same twice at each dose, it seems, and I spent a lot (a lot) of time waffling right around where you're at now. It feels like 190, or 200, 210, or whatever is just mind-blowingly impossible, only to find out that after dropping a little for a week, the second time around 200 is a piece of cake. I'd just say keep reading here, like I'm sure you've been doing, and listen to yourself and your body a tiny bit more than your GP.

All my best.

[Colin]

Progress thread for Sticky

I have been helped with insomnia by different timing of the last dose and extra baclofen at night.

If you take the last dose at bedtime try taking it 2/3 hours before bed. Or the other way around.

If I wake before 3.00 am take an extra 25 mg. Waking any time after, take the first morning dose very early.

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi Colin (& all)

Thanks so much for your words of advice. Will take it on board. Of course I can drop down if i want to and I saw after rereading some of my old posts that i did slightly late last year. I do feel a little better today even after bad sleep. That half a zopiclone which I'm not supposed to be taking every day and don't want to be taking is now only getting me thru to 4am. But it's still only day 3 of 190 so will see how I go.
Also trying to put into place what i learned in sleep course years ago so I don't just lie there for hours getting more depressed! Sang in the car today and enjoyed my support group. Also arranged for a one on one counselling session next week. All free - yay!! Except of course that I'm out of the office and not helping to sort out our financial heap of s**t. Hubby is mostly supportive so I'm lucky.
Shouldn't really be on here as heaps to do, but will check out your thread when I can. Also phoned friend in AKL who is also doing this, so it's nice to have a baclofen buddy in the same town!

Cheers
Sticky :thanks:

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi Sticky!

Glad to see you around! I'm sorry that it's so hard for you again.

I am a fairly strong believer in the fact that baclofen should not suck more than what is absolutely necessary. That said, you have to take enough of it for long enough in order for it to work, right?

Here are my thoughts/reactions for what they're worth:

You have a couple of options, right? Go up, go down, quit drinking.

When I got to the point where I didn't think I could take another minute of the misery almost everyone told me to give up and get off of bac. That made me mad. A couple of people on here told me to JKTTDP and go UP. So I did. A lot. I figured that I wasn't giving up after so many months of trying, so I put my life on hold, and started titrating up dramatically. I don't actually recommend that, even though it worked for me. It seems to me it's dangerous and foolhardy. But desperate times call for desperate measures. And it worked.
My life got really hard during that time, because I couldn't function very well. But once it was all over EVERYTHING changed for the better. I lost my job (only partly related to that period of time). But once I stopped drinking I found out that I could manage money much better. I haven't worked since then, and we have more money then we've ever had. (I know this seems impossible. It seemed impossible to me at the time. I thought we were going to be bankrupt in a very short time. I was actively making plans for when we got evicted from our apartment. Now we own a house.)

I was also planning on a divorce. There didn't seem to be any way to salvage our marriage. Obviously that didn't happen. I am able to be more present, more available, more of everything (except drunk) than I have ever been in my life. You can't know or imagine what it's like to not crave alcohol. You just can't, Sticky. But it is AMAZING. Miraculous. There aren't words... And you'll just have to take my word for it, because I couldn't have imagined it either. It wasn't for lack of trying.

You could also go down. I did that many times, and I still made it. I've also seen enough people around here find that when they went down a little the SEs got much better and then they suddenly found that without that anxiety and discomfort they didn't really feel like drinking. It seems completely backward, but I've seen it happen too many times to dismiss it. It's really not a bad idea.

Booze makes everything worse. And it makes taking baclofen absolutely and completely miserable to the point of being almost impossible. I drank all the way up, so I can't very well tell you not to drink. But you'll feel much better if you don't. Do not underestimate the power of the bac-hangover. It lasts for days and days and it is a miserable state. Sorry you're going through it. :l It makes me really sad, actually.

The whole thing makes me really sad. I know you (sort of) well enough to say this: Please trust in something (the universe, a God, your family, yourself) that everything, absolutely everything, gets better once it's over. It is absolutely worth it.

One last thought, and forgive that I'm about to offer a bit of a lecture. What's the priority? If you were free right now, would that change the outcome of your financial problems? Probably yes. If you take a couple of weeks, a month, off from being fully functioning, will the entire rest of your life be better? Will you have a better relationship with your husband? Your kids? Yourself?

If you continue to struggle, continue to do battle with this disease without focusing your full attention on it, it will just draw it out.
If you can stop the carousel, and get off for a little while, and let things slip and slide wherever they will go, trusting that it will be better soon, then you will get better sooner. That's my belief, my wish, my hope and prayer for you. That you take the time to do this thing and get off the merry-go-round once and for all. That could mean going down, or up. I also trust that you'll make the best decision for you. Which reminds me that no doctor was ever able to tell me what was best for me, ever.

Trust, Sticky. It gets better. :l

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for Sticky

By the way, I want to offer an explanation for my new avatar, because it makes me smile and literally laugh out loud sometimes.

Touch a spider! HA! hahahahaha!

Basically it means to me that I might actually be ferociously brave and fearless...later.

Cheers, sister. xo

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Thanks NE & hi everyone

I laughed at touch a spider and it reminds me of this HUGE spider we saw 2 years ago elephant trekking in Thailand. I was with our youngest who was 9 then and so hoped he didnt see it and freak out!

Thank you so much for your kind and heartfelt words. I didn't feel at any point that it was a lecture. That whole believing in something greater than myself we were discussing last night. I am never going to be religious but there are many more things out there more powerful than me. What you are saying about taking that time out could in theory happen with my family later in the year. It would piss hubby off right now though, as we had almost a month not working which we couldn't afford. Thought more money was coming in b4 Xmas which is still dribbling in now for reasons not our fault. Also we meant to sell our small old yacht but haven't yet. We are only temporarily "broke" and have sat down and done some work with an accountant for our 2 businesses to be more profitable. I need to be here and semi present to help hubby with all that. I did 1st year accounting at Uni and do all the MYOB, GST, PAYE etc etc. Plus marketing, general dogs body, mum (the most important role). I guess it's cool that I get to sleep with the boss!

The other issue is that the GP I'm seeing will not let me go up super fast. He has a slowish titration rate. Slower for me than for my friend. He thinks that after 100 and after 200 it has to be slowed right down. He probably isn't going to agree to a fast race to "switch". I don't know. Don't really want to go down the track of ordering off the internet, especially if it's illegal. Tried to get topamax years ago and most of it got confiscated.

I guess I'm keen to keep plugging away where I am. Earlier in the day I wouldn't have said that though. Had my head over the loo 5 times today & at one point it was " get me off all these meds right now!" Serves me right for staying up til 4am with hubby. I did so well at dinner and the other alkie and I drank stuff all. But it ended up being our celebration for our 15th wedding anniversary/20 years together as well as we couldn't justify going out for dinner. Maybe on our real 20th anniv if we get there... Anyway the tequila came out. Yuck!!! No work in the office today except paying the staff. It took all day to catch up on the dishes. Had another AA friend for lunch & lay down every opportunity I got.

Here's a really novel idea, laced with sarcasm. I could do what I spent most of the last 20 years doing and actually try to NOT DRINK AT ALL! I expect that would help.

Cheers
Sticky

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi everyone

Did a rapid titration down from 190 to 150mg in 4 days as SE's were unmanageable. My GP was pleased I phoned him and got his advice before doing so. Feeling more human. Still not sleeping well, but achieving closer to my "normal" level during the day at work, with kids etc. Much closer to hubby & kids. Hubby & I were both over me feeling so depressed. Still optimistic this will work in the long run. Have "permission" from hubby to take time out at some stage if need be to do rapid titration up to "switch".
Enjoying weekly group at CADS ( Community Alcohol & Drug Services) where I can be honest about bac. Bac(k) into on-on-one counselling.
Nearly 4am, so must try and get more sleep.

Take care everyone.

Cheers
Sticky

[TexasAg]

Progress thread for Sticky

Sticky,

Sorry your SE's were so hard. But don't give up, the brain is weird and things happen when you least expect it. I dropped down because of SE's and come to find out it was what I needed. Again, mine wasn't an on/off switch but slowly but surely the light bulb went on (or off when it came to craving alcohol). Give yourself a break, regroup and do whatever you need to. It's not a sprint and however long it takes, once your done and can look back, it'll seem like the blink of an eye. It doesn't feel like it now with the SE's but hopefully soon!

Cheers!

[StuckinLA]

Progress thread for Sticky

Second that, Sticky. Be nice to yourself--and one of the first steps to that is not hanging around a dose that doesn't treat you nicely. Some doses just plain suck, and I know we say it all the time but it really is different for everybody. 190 will probably feel a bit different the second time around, and higher than that who knows. Just see how you feel and don't be afraid to make small moves up or down along the way. (And 190-150 doesn't sound too bad. I did 200-170 or something like that, and it was good. And, you know, I did like 240-0 in about 2 months. Now that I do not recommend. )

It's great to hear from you. Glad you're bac(k) with us! :l

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi guys

I've been lurking here for a while. And dropped to page 7. Freaking out about going back up again. I've been at 150 for nearly 6 weeks and now am keen to do a rush to the "switch". As if that's going to happen in the next 3 weeks as I'd like!! Being at 150 has meant I could be a parent helper on my son's camp to Goat Island and go snorkelling. I was panicked about this a month ago as dates in Feb were same as Mar and got confused as to when it was. Luckily there were lots of keen adults who paid for the trip as we all wanted the Goat Island marine experience. I felt like a dick the first night though when I piked out of the night snorkel. Luckily it didn't stop any kids from going. I'm not a super confident snorkellor and when my group wasn't going with a trained instructor I had to say no. Also I wasn't with my som's group.
Sticky xxx

[bleep]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi Sticky, I've just been reading through your thread to catch up. Sorry you are having such a rough go of it. You don't say that the SE's are much better at 150 that they were at 190, but I presume they are? Can you remember what 150 was like the first time around, and is it better this time? Each time at a different level is different, and so hopefully your rush up won't necessarily be bad.

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi guys

Just posted a long post to have it vanish as I got signed out. Probably just as well as it was a bit of a rant!

Have just gone up from 150 to 180mg. I'm going to feel it tomorrow as I've been drinking tonight.

I'm hating the ongoing SE's of bac after 10 months of this. But I don't give up easily. Luckily I have the support of my long-suffering hubby and kids, GP prescribing me bac, Local Comunity Alcohol and Drug Services group I go to and another attendee. And you guys, although i've only been lurking for 6 weeks or so....

Take care
Sticky

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi NE

I hope you are well. I've just lost a msg I composed to you so will have to be brief. Now I find your private msg box is full so hope you see this.

Do I owe you an apology for my comment about otherwise helpful people discounting SE's of bac? Really I was referring to Colin's discounting of bac causing depression. I am very worried about my gums, but it could be paranoia.

i never meant to upset you and should not have posted while drinking.

Please tell me you are still on my side as I coudl really do with your ongoing support?

Take care
Sticky

[Colin]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi Sticky,

Your mood seems much improved compared to a month ago.

I don't believe baclofen causes depression but that the longer and more frequent lucid moments due to baclofen may result in a previously undiagnosed depression being more obvious.

In my own case I didn't know that I suffered from depression until I talked to a psychiatrist regarding my drinking. After a couple of months sobriety I tried citalopram and was amazed by the enormous mood elevation. Prior to this experience I thought that everyone was just like me and depression was just something for neurotic losers.

Untreated depression will make a mess of anybody's attempt to stay sober.

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi Colin & everyone

Thanks for your reply. I firmly believe HDB causes depression. Not only does it reduce interest in alcohol, but it reduces interest in everything else (anhedonia?). That coupled with the tiredness and extra anxiety has to cause depression in many. I first got diagnosed with pre-natal depression. I've been on ADs since 2002 continuously and before that on & off for a few years. In hindsight I'd suffered from depression before that. My Dad has suffered from it his whole life.

Obviously drinking exacerbates it, as alcohol is a depressant. My friend in NZ on bac is also on antabuse and not drinking, but still finding HDB is making her depressed. Others on this site have mentioned becoming depressed on HDB.

I hope we can agree to disagree!

Yes, my mood is better. For now. I'm now optimistic that going to 210 next week will be my "switch". Don't think I can stand too much more of the SEs.

Cheers
Sticky