Progress thread for Sticky

[TexasAg]

Progress thread for Sticky

Sticky,

I'm glad to see you're sticking to the HDB. I wish you the best and hope you hit the switch soon! Or as in my case, gradual switch!

On the subject of HDB causing depression, if you would have asked me in Jan and Feb I would've wholeheartedly agreed. I was going through a lack of zest and feeling of going through the motions. I definitely thought it was the HDB and while grateful that I wasn't binge drinking, I didn't like how I was feeling.

Fast forward two months and I'm feeling much, much better. There are probably a ton of reasons why I was depressed. High on that list was looking back at the destruction my alcoholism had caused. Trying to live life sober without a crutch being another reason. But one thing I think Bac did was calm my brain. I wasn't making mountains out of molehills. I wasn't feeling the extremes, either the joyous highs or terrible lows. I was just on cruise control. That was very weird for me. I was so used to feeling extremes that not feeling them was disturbing. This is what I wrote about back then, not having the zest for life.

I don't know if my brain just needed a rest or a reset but I'm feeling better. I'm still not making mountains out of molehills (for the most part :H) but I am back to smiling and laughing and worrying and being frustrated and best of all, being silly with my kids. In AA my sponsor would tell me, "once you get sober what you worry about now, won't even be a blip on your screen a year from now". Well I'm 9 months into my Baclofen journey and thank God most of what I was worrying about in August is not on my radar.

One thing I will add is when I drink (not often, and not much), I don't worry about going back to my alcoholic ways, but the "blahs" affect me afterward for 3 days or more. Maybe it's my brain still adjusting, but it brings me to a funk. I hate it, and since I don't need to drink anymore I avoid it.

JKTTP!

Cheers!

[kronkcarr]

Progress thread for Sticky

TexasAg,

Thanks for your comments. I identify. I'm at the start of my 5th month on bac and just this past weekend I've started to feel that zest for life. For 6 weeks before that I'd plan to do something and get up the next day and not feel like motivating to do it. It's nice to come out from under that!

I've also found that I'm not the same person in some ways. I was goofy and quite a cut up. Turns out that was me on alcohol. Last weekend I missed that me but not enough to over drink to get there.

You said the highs and lows aren't as extreme and I agree.

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi guys

Thanks for your posts TexasAg and Kroncarr. I've been at 210 since Sunday. The SEs are almost unbearable. I am a zombie!! Awake at 2 or 3am every morning. Needing to sleep in & have hour rest early arvo. Can't concentrate to do breathing exercises or meditation. The good news is I don't crave alcohol at all. Am so hoping this is the "switch." It's school holidays here this week and next. Poor kids are spending way too much time on PC games, especially Minecraft. I'm still capable of driving them around, but only just.

We are going away Fri-Sun with my mother-in-law. Would so like to drop back to 180 to enjoy it more, but I'll hang in there. Feel I need to test if this is "switch" by drinking Fri &/or Sat nights. If I can stop at one or two, that's my aim. I'd rather drink socially than not at all.

Is 2 weeks realistic for staying at "switch" if this is my switch?

Thanks for the support.

Cheers
Sticky :thanks:

[TexasAg]

Progress thread for Sticky

Howdy Sticky,

I don't think I ever had a "switch". I've explained it as a dimmer switch that gradually came on. It wasn't until I couldn't stand the SE's and decided to come down a bit that I realized, wow, I can say no to that first drink and the rest of the day/night no problem. But everyone is different, some experience the actual yuck this drink tastes like crap switch.

The only thing I can advise is to try stay at your switch dose as long as you can, then if you have to, come down slowly. I know the SE's suck but they will go away in time. I can't tell you how long before they go away but they do. That being said, be nice to yourself. And if you want to come down a bit you'll be fine. The beauty of this medicine is that if you're not there yet, you know what to do.

Sorry I haven't gone back and read but is abstinance your goal?

Cheers and best wishes!

[kronkcarr]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi, Sticky,

It's good to hear how it's going for you. My switch was, well, totally uneventful. My dr would not let me go above 80 mgs. Early at that level I white knuckled it one night (because my goal was to not over drink once I started bac) and didn't drink. A few weeks later, still at 80 mgs, I realized I had reached indifference!

So, I was 6 weeks at 80 mgs and started titrating down. I got to 40 mgs and my anxiety started up. Now I sit between 60-80 mgs depending on how I feel. I thank bleep for all his advice about trying going up or down to find a good stop spot.

I do have 1-2 drinks with friends every 2 or 3 weeks. I do like the taste, but I do it more for the ritual. I think my friends might refuse me if I wanted to over drink! At times I do miss that silly, nutty person I was when I'd had just that right amount. I don't crave it though.

Good luck this weekend!

[MaryGoRound]

Progress thread for Sticky

Sticky-

Stay in there. I made a mistake a few days ago and I think I took an extra dose. I wasn't sure if I took it or not but I knew I was going to either under dose or over dose for the day.

I am pretty sure I over dosed and very glad I did! I am not feeling great...but it might have been the final push. I am not sure yet.

I know it is so tempting to drop down to feel normal again. I completely get that! If you want to test the switch, I get that too!! I wish I could give you my experience but I think we are in the same place.

My gut tells me to push through it...stop being scared and just do it. I would never have consciously made the jump I did two days ago but I did and I am still here. I am not suggesting doing anything silly but I would say there may be a significant difference in 10-20-30 mgs.

Also, keep control of your mind. It can work for you or against you. Make sure it works for you. I know that sounds trite but I do think Bac will help by navigating where you want to go. If you give it the wrong address you might end up in the wrong neighborhood :H

[MaryGoRound]

Progress thread for Sticky

Happy ANZAC day!

I wish I had a flag but I don't. Pretend I do and it is flying in the air!

[bleep]

Progress thread for Sticky

A lot of people are able to reduce their dose after they reach indifference, and I think this is caused by either titrating too fast, or not actually realising they were indifferent on the way up. Indifference is a state of mind, and not always that recogniseable, it seems. So certainly you will be able to fiddle with your dose once you are there, and congratulations are due, by the way, it sounds very good!

The key to the whole thing is experimenting, and listening to what your body is telling you. One thing to take note of is that it seems to take about 4 days for either a decrease or an increase to be 'felt' in terms of drinking, so bear that in mind as you change doses. The SE's from a change in dose will be immediate though.

What Mary says about pushing through is valid, and is probably the approach that I would take. That said, there is a another point of view that you can consider, and that is to take it easy. If a small reduction is going to let you enjoy the weekend much more, then it's hardly going to derail the train if you take that route.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for Sticky

Morning (for me) Evening (for you), Sticky!

My words have all but dried up recently, but you've been on my mind this morning and I thought I'd share.

I think it's pretty much a rule that if one keeps drinking, one keeps drinking. So setting things up to continue to drink (going down for the weekend so that you can enjoy yourself) and testing the efficacy by having a drink, on one or maybe two nights, and maybe one or many drinks, kind of defeats the purpose (and the efficacy) of baclofen treatment. Right?

There is always something that gets in the way of changing one's mind/life. Always. Money, time, pressure from intimate relationships, you name it. But the thing about mind/life changing events in my experience is that they always, always, always turn out to be better.

Just about everything in my life is very different than where it was, and much, much better. We live on much less money than we used to, and have more of it somehow. My two closest friendships have changed dramatically. Even, and really most dramatically, my relationship with my husband has been transformed.

There is not one instance, not one example in my life (or Ed's for that matter) in which we miss drinking. Alcoholically or not. It is nice to have an occasional drink, of course. But would we miss it if we didn't? Not really. And it's not because we hate it, or are scared of it. Drinking alcohol only matters, it only makes a difference, when you care about drinking alcohol. (EDIT: This is not actually accurate. I think I would miss drinking if I wasn't able to have a drink if I wanted one. So while I will leave this here, I will amend it by saying that I'm very grateful that we have had extended periods of complete sobriety. Starting with 30 days, which I sort-of-counted, until I forgot and then realized it was way more than 30 days. Because if all things stay the same, meaning if I came home from work and poured a glass of wine every night, indifferent or not, I would probably still be drinking against my will. Does that make sense? Also, it took a while to figure out that booze doesn't work anymore, when I'm completely out of sorts and just want to get drunk. I can get drunk, but it's really an effort, and then I feel like shit because there really isn't much fun in being drunk. Just watch someone else get drunk. They might think it's fun. But it really isn't. just sayin')

Which is all to say that moderation does not exist. If you can 'moderate' it very likely means you didn't care about booze the way I cared about booze when I was sick. Otherwise, drinking "moderately" is just another term for controlling the beast that can't be controlled.

If you want freedom, take the damn pills, Sticky. Take them every single damn day. Set up your life to do this thing that will allow you to be the mother, the wife, the business partner, the person you want to be. Manage the side effects. Get some good sleep using whatever means necessary. Do the other things that help people get healthy when they're sick, and stay healthy when they're better.

Taking baclofen sucks. The side effects suck. Once it's done you will not regret a single day of it. I am absolutely opposed to the idea of experiencing regret (in general) but if I had a regret it's that it took me so damn long to get here. If I had known on day one of taking baclofen what day 700 (and something) was going to look and feel like, I would have...done what I did. Taken the damn pills and gone through the hell and voila!

It's not magic, it's medicine. jkttdp. The rest falls into place when the deed is done. Isn't it time?

That's my .02.
:l

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi Sticky!

I saw (much after the fact) what you'd written. Sorry I didn't get back to you more quickly! I certainly don't have anything negative going on, just very little MWO time.

I hope you're well. And hi to my other kiwi friends if you should happen upon them!

xxoo

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi everyone

I decided to stay at the same dosage at the weekend. Friday night was good. Duck for dinner at hubby's uncle's and 3 small glasses of wine.
Saturday night we stayed with friends in another small town. Had probably a whole bottle of wine. Thought I'd forgotten to take my night-time dose so took 110mg at around 4 or 5 am. Couldn't wake up the next day. It wasn't until the next afternoon that I realised I must have over-dosed by mistake. I think I took 80mg before bed. No wonder I felt so bad. Was wobbling when I walked, had electric shocks in my hands, leg cramps, no appetite. I was quite scared. Tried to call my bac GP but he is away on holiday for a week. So skipped the night-time dose last night. Today has been better. Have got some work done and even did some exercycling. Usually I like exercise, but had no energy to do much last week.

Sounds like you, Mary. I hope things are going better for you.

Cheers
Sticky

[Colin]

Progress thread for Sticky

Maybe you could use a pill-box to establish more control over the dosage by putting each of the four? daily doses in separate compartments. Looks as if your weekend was spoiled by the erratic pill taking.

Good luck with a more stable continuation.

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hubby suggested I put the pills for one day in a separate container, so I've started doing that. Friday & Saturday were fun, but the trip home on Sunday was not fun!
I'm finding the sleepiness hard to deal with. No desire to drink at least!

Cheers
Sticky

[StuckinLA]

Progress thread for Sticky

That's awesome that you don't have a desire to drink, Sticky! It's great to hear. The sleepiness sucks, though. Hopefully that SE calms down a bit for you. :l

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi everyone

Sorry to be so slack about posting. I lurk a bit. It's almost like I'm scared of jinxing this whole process as my 17-mth stint on the Sinclair Method ended disastrously.

I was at 210 for nearly 2 weeks then had to come down b/c of SEs and overdosing twice by mistake. The second time I spent a night in ED at local hospital. Scary stuff. Couldn't get hold of my doc for a few days as he was away.

Have been coming down 30mg/wk. Last week at 150mg was great - only about 9 standard drinks on 3 nights in 1 week. This week at 120mg and I'm nervous I might want to get plastered.

The trouble is I don't know if 210mg was a "switch". I had to come down, but I might have to go up there again in the future. I get really depressed on HDB. It's only the last couple of days I've felt a little better and not so tired. Now I'm worried about my youngest (11) who has been showing signs of anxiety.

Also have had so little energy at doses above 170 that I've struggled to exercise. Normally I enjoy it.

Take care everyone
Sticky