Giving up....in a good way!

[taw]

Giving up....in a good way!

Glad you are doing well, Red. I saw the post before you edited it...I will keep my fingers crossed for you!

I am feeling like I want to cry right about now...I got up my nerve to ask one of my questions, finally, after being here 12 hours, and he did not hear me then a bunch of people walked in so I left. UGH!! I guess the answers don't matter. He made his choice. And I wasn't it. End of story. Time to stop torturing myself.

Stuck, the "pink cloud" is overrated!! I am sure with your new found indifference you will have a similar, differently, more entertaining named experiece! :H

[spacebebe01]

Giving up....in a good way!

Hi Taw, how are yu feeling today, I dont really know what to say, I just want to give you a big hug :l

[ifulovelife2]

Giving up....in a good way!

taw;1374802 wrote: I am feeling like I want to cry right about now...I got up my nerve to ask one of my questions, finally, after being here 12 hours, and he did not hear me then a bunch of people walked in so I left. UGH!! I guess the answers don't matter. He made his choice. And I wasn't it. End of story. Time to stop torturing myself.

Taw, you're right. You don't (obviously) need me to tell you that but I will again anyway: you're right. For whatever reason, he didn't choose you and so the answers don't matter. Clearly the guy is a dick. Now, think of all the things that make him a dick and keep repeating them to yourself. All his failings. I bet there are loads. You can list them here if you like and we'll all have a giggle over them.:l

[taw]

Giving up....in a good way!

It is only Tuesday and it has been a rough week so far!

Yesterday would have been my 12th wedding anniversary. I got an email from NN that he still loves me and what a great day our wedding was...

And then on the way home, I got a phone call from Work Guy...well, I got my answers. Broke my heart, but I got them. He thinks I am phenomenal and he has strong feelings for me and I am one of his best friends and we can talk about books and sports and planes and anything and we have an amazing physical and emotional connection, but he loves his wife. (Have I mentioned that him and his wife are 19 years older than me??) And with our age difference what would happen in a few years? Well we have been together for almost 6 years and if anything it has only gotten stronger. Long and short of it is, it is over. Whatever he is missing with her that he has been with me, he needs to figure that out. I am not going to be a #2 anymore. He hopes I find someone much better than him, that treats me like I deserve to be treated and loves me completely.

Let me clear up that when we first got together, I was seperated, getting divorced and he was not married. Had just starting dating her...they dated in high school and reconnected...

Have I also mentioned that NN is living with his girlfriend from high school??? You hear about all these guys going for younger women and both of these guys are with woman 18 and 19 years older than me! Not a real good confidence boost for me!!!

So I went home after that phone call and had such a cry! I don't think I cried that much or hard when my marriage ended. but I ended the marriage. Altho, I never loved NN like I love him.

I feel incredibly empty right now, like the biggest stupid loser, sucker, igit. I know that will pass. And I will eventually feel better. But know it really fucking sucks!

[StuckinLA]

Giving up....in a good way!

Aww Christ, Taw. So much to say and no time to say it! Thinking a whole lot about you now, and for the rest of the day, and I'll be back later.

Love ya' for realsies.

:l:l:l

[taw]

Giving up....in a good way!

Sorry, slow sappy country song, but I think this sums it up nicely!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPG1n1B0Ydw[/video]]Sugarland - Stay - YouTube

if this works to copy this song!

[StuckinLA]

Giving up....in a good way!

Promised I'd come back, and what a lousy job I made of that. At least you'll have a note to wake up to, though of course there isn't really anything anyone can say.

This all just sucks. And it's gonna keep sucking for a while. But you aren't #2 to a damned person, Taw. I'm sorry it's all working out the way it is, but you do deserve better. These guys are saying that as a matter of course, because that's just what shitbags say instead of taking responsibility. It's the quickest way for them to deflect. But the truth is they're exactly right. You should be with a better person. You've worked hard to improve yourself and your life. It's paying off, and there's no place for unhealthy badness now. Guy doesn't want to leave his wife? Fuck him, she can have him, his loss. Ex husband decides to call on your anniversary and fondly remember the wedding? Fucking dumbass. Who does that? Sad, lonely, usually drunk people do that. And there's zero reason for you to be held down by the past anymore.

How many times has life burned down around you, only for you to rise up again? All phoenix from the ashes and whatnot? This is just the next thing that had to go. It's not a loss, just cleansing.

Glad you had your cry, got it out, and now just shake it off and keep going. 'Cause things are a whole lot brighter ahead of you than they were in the past.

[redhead77]

Giving up....in a good way!

StuckinLA;1377006 wrote: .

This all just sucks. And it's gonna keep sucking for a while. But you aren't #2 to a damned person, Taw. I'm sorry it's all working out the way it is, but you do deserve better. These guys are saying that as a matter of course, because that's just what shitbags say instead of taking responsibility. It's the quickest way for them to deflect. But the truth is they're exactly right. You should be with a better person. You've worked hard to improve yourself and your life. It's paying off, and there's no place for unhealthy badness now. Guy doesn't want to leave his wife? Fuck him, she can have him, his loss. Ex husband decides to call on your anniversary and fondly remember the wedding? Fucking dumbass. Who does that? Sad, lonely, usually drunk people do that. And there's zero reason for you to be held down by the past anymore.

.

What he said! Stuck summed it up perfectly. I read what you wrote last night and wanted to say something, but couldn't find any words that would be good enough. Maybe I could have said Hi with a hug. That's about all I had. :H

[taw]

Giving up....in a good way!

Thanks guys!! I am feeling better and now the anger is setting is, which is better than sad, for me anyway. Makes me more motivated to just get over it. I feel cheap and I don't like that feeling at all!

The good thing out of this is that I did not get drunk. I did have a little wine Monday and last night, but because of the AB, I could not drink much. I didn't take and AB yesterday because I had planned on not taking it anymore, getting drunk and just saying F it! Then last night, mid glass, I said WTF am I doing?? Poured it out along with the rest of the bottle, and took my AB this morning!

He has taken so much from me so far. He will not take my sobriety too! The funny thing is, however, that of course my first instinct was to get drunk, and since I knew I could not do that, my next one was to make it a goal to run every morning. Which I have been doing, and I feel great. He can have to old, wrinkled, bitter bag (Yes, I have met her and she is all those). I will be in the best shape I have been in in a long time!!

Lesson learned. Let the cleansing continue!!

Hope it is a great day for everyone!! Many, many :l:l:l

[StuckinLA]

Giving up....in a good way!

Rock the f-ck on, girl. Love ya'.

[SaguaroSon]

Giving up....in a good way!

taw;1377103 wrote: Thanks guys!! I am feeling better and now the anger is setting is, which is better than sad, for me anyway. Makes me more motivated to just get over it. I feel cheap and I don't like that feeling at all!

THIS! It's been six months since my ex and I broke up, after 14 years, and when I start having those regret/alone feelings (which is happening much less frequently now), if I can steer them more toward "anger" than "sad," I get over it faster and I feel a lot more powerful, like I can do something about it.

So... I'm sure you have your own angry songs, but here are three cheesy pop songs that I've been using to steer me away from "sad and pathetic" and towards "angry and powerful." They are yours to use if you like. (And yes, you do have to kind of ignore that one line about getting drunk in the Pink song, but it goes by fast )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jNlIGDRkvQ[/video]]P!nk - Blow Me (One Last Kiss) - YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WA4iX5D9Z64[/video]]Taylor Swift - We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together - YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuwfgXD8qV8[/video]]Katy Perry - Part Of Me - YouTube

Hang in there, taw!

[Bruunhilde]

Giving up....in a good way!

Hey Taw! I haven't quite caught up because I have the attention span of a gnat being all tired and eye hurty and also happen to be the happy recipient of a vial of vicodin for a cat bite due to a cat fight I somehow got in the middle of but that's a very long story. All i can say is why the F do they ruin the vicodin by putting tylenol in it? My liver don't likey.

Anyways, question LA asked about pink cloud I just have to say there's nothing cloud like pink cloud as much as there is dark void depression and agnst with lady time of the month, so don't associate the two.

And Taw, sounds like you're doing great by your son, and please don't worry about me, I'm so consumed with stuff in my life these days that when I have down time which is quite often, I can't watch a PC screen or a TV even, my eyes are so fatigued as are my digits. My whole left hand is swoll up from the cat bite so that isn't helping either.

Can you please help me understand this? Quoted from your previous post.... "(No it is not NN or FN)"

I may take a while to check in again or not, but answer and I will eventually see it. Hoping to get back in the groove with you all soon, miss you and want to support ... and possibly be supported! :h

[taw]

Giving up....in a good way!

BRUUN!!! Glad you checked in! We are always here for you!! And miss you in these parts, but I understand! NN, is NumbNuts, my ex husband...FN, is FuckNuts (named by Mx) my boss, who used to be NN's best friend before we got divorced!

SS, good to see you back! And good job on taking the AB...I know that is from another thread, but wanted to say good job again! Thanks for letting me borrow your angry songs! I hope you are getthing thru this tough time. We are here for you!!

Thanks Stuck!! Love ya too!!!

Have a good day y'all!!
xo
T

[taw]

Giving up....in a good way!

I do want to say that I am sorry if my recent post about what happened on Monday with the work guy upset anyone because of the infidelity/affair/cheating part of it. If you were hurt by someone in that way in the past, I truly am very sorry. I know how destructive it can be. I am not proud of my role in it at all.

I'm sorry it I have caused anyone more pain.

Taw

[redhead77]

Giving up....in a good way!

Taw, I experienced infidelity and I'm not hurt. I know you're a good person. I think the situation was a little different in that he was dating you first, and then met and married this woman. It sounds strange, and like it must have been very confusing for you.

You're free from it now, and you can move on. It must have been a tremendous weight on your shoulders when you were still seeing him.

Luv ya!