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    Giving up....in a good way!

    Oh, how could I forget this? Hi Bruun! I hope your hand heals up soon. I've heard cat bites can be particularily bad. :l
    This Princess Saved Herself

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      Giving up....in a good way!

      Ah my girls, lovely to see you. Thanks for your good cheer. This bite not blood poisoning so am thankful. If anyone wants to donate say five tabs of vicodin a month to me for the rest of my life, I sure would love ya for it. And they say there isn't a good fix for Pms! Just think how much fun and sexton everyone would be having if there was just a smidge - a controlled amount - of relief each month. You see me fondling my rx bottle here, I know. I'm dreading the day I run out of my new 20tab stash. Now you know my secret. I am not heterodox or gay nor a tyrannies. I love me my painkillers - in small amounts that is. Bahama! Bahama!

      Space - guess which 3 words above were Kindle creations!
      :h

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        Giving up....in a good way!

        Hiya Bruun! I've missed you and your Kindle. Hugs.

        And hey, Taw, I'm a huge fan of infidelity. Without it, we wouldn't have even a 1/4 of the world's great literature, and I wouldn't have that 6 year trainwreck of a relationship that I'm still hung up on for some reason.

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          Giving up....in a good way!

          Bigamy Stuck, go to bed! Bigamy Stuck is supposed to read "Hiya Stuck!" ...hey- quotes keep Kindle from jacking my words! Lol bigamy after your infidelity comment! Suppose prude Kindle is trying to make a comment, or something! Go figure. Between Sirius and Kindle, its shocking I accomplish anything on a gadget. "Siri " not Sirius. SIGH.

          Space where is the weddibg report? Must find it this weekend.
          hope all was lovely and you are pleased.

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            Giving up....in a good way!

            taw;1377537 wrote: I do want to say that I am sorry if my recent post about what happened on Monday with the work guy upset anyone because of the infidelity/affair/cheating part of it. If you were hurt by someone in that way in the past, I truly am very sorry. I know how destructive it can be. I am not proud of my role in it at all.

            I'm sorry it I have caused anyone more pain.

            Taw
            Taw, I think we're all adults here (well I hope to fuck we are, otherwise I really shouldn't be saying "fuck") and I think we all understand that life, love and sex doesn't always follow the prescribed, fairy tale, linear, non-deviating path that we all hope it should. We follow our hearts. Sometimes they take us to places we'd rather not be but we have to go there.

            Hey Bruun, nice to see you back. Enjoying them meds, huh?
            "My fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them." Jack Kerouac

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              Giving up....in a good way!

              M, its the Kindle not the half tab of vicodin that messed with my typing last night. I try to Kindle in bed instead of reading myself to sleep and the auto-correct gets me. Between Kindle and Siri, it's a PITA.
              Cat bite much better and don't need any meds anymore so I'm donating them to the PMS Rescue drawer.

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                Giving up....in a good way!

                The PMS rescue drawer was sleeping pills and hot pads. That sucked so much. I remember the ex getting me anything to knock me out!

                And Taw, really. You have put your guts out there! I have been there time and time again.
                Married, buried, engaged, involved...we all need to figure it out. I did what you did exactly! I left but will always wonder. The song was right, I cried too.

                Love you girl,
                :l
                The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.

                *Don't look where you fall, look why you slipped*

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                  Giving up....in a good way!

                  taw;1352237 wrote: I am tired of living a double life...some people think I have been sober over 2 years, my family thinks since November, others know about the rehabs and still drink daily.

                  It is getting tiresome keeping up all the lies...and worst of all, my son is beginning to notice more...I cannot have that. I don't want him to put 2 and 2 together that I kiss his head when I am drinking, and lips when I am not....
                  This really hits home.
                  I will be sober so I can be clear and remember being a mommy and so I can be in the best place God wants to place me. I will be here! now! FREE! 12.5mg Topamax AM&PM, Ativan until safe from withdrawal syndrome & for anxiety. Thank God I Am Done!

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                    Giving up....in a good way!

                    taw;1353490 wrote: On our train ride home yesterday, I told him about the AB. The poor kid will be 10 next week and already knows too much about addiction. He has asked me in the past if I had been drinking. I said yes, I have had a glass of wine (which was probablpy more like 7 glasses at that point) and he said thank you for being honest with me. This has been happening more often, so I told him I am now on a med that I cannot drink at all. He said good! He knew I was never supposed to be drinking anything, but knew I would figure it out. OMG!!! Out of a childs mouth!
                    PLEASE EVERYONE tell your children, if not about yourself, then use someone else as an example! If my dad would have told me how awful his addiction to alcohol was, maybe I wouldn't have chosen to start drinking... (??) All I heard was Nancy Reagan "JUST SAY NO". What good did that do me? Just made me want to say yes more!

                    I think we owe it to our children to scare the shit out of them about addiction and how it has really hurt us. Please do it. Don't hide the truth. Your children's lives DEPEND on it!
                    I will be sober so I can be clear and remember being a mommy and so I can be in the best place God wants to place me. I will be here! now! FREE! 12.5mg Topamax AM&PM, Ativan until safe from withdrawal syndrome & for anxiety. Thank God I Am Done!

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                      Giving up....in a good way!

                      [QUOTE=taw;1373482]So, back to the grind today...which I am kinda glad. I like/need the structure of getting up routine getting to and working. Too much free time is not good for me!! And as much as I had a good time with my son, boredom was setting in....QUOTE]

                      So true. I hate weekends. I love the structure of the week. Am I crazy? Also, I get to sit here on the computer and waste time when I actually should be working! Bad Girl!

                      I wish we had the internet at home. I would take advantage (if the kids let me and the hubby didn't steal too much computer time!) of these websites during the weekend.

                      I wish I could fill my weekends up. Three kids (2, 7 and 8) doesn't leave much room for exploring different hobbies.
                      I will be sober so I can be clear and remember being a mommy and so I can be in the best place God wants to place me. I will be here! now! FREE! 12.5mg Topamax AM&PM, Ativan until safe from withdrawal syndrome & for anxiety. Thank God I Am Done!

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                        Giving up....in a good way!

                        Hi Rainy!

                        Sorry about your husband bringing home AL when you are trying to go AF! Have you two talked about going AF? Or does he know you are trying?

                        I know what you mean about the kid activities. Can you plan something out of the house so the bottles are not there tempting you? Maybe go pumpkin picking or hay rides or something?

                        I take AB, antabuse, and find that it is extremely helpful for me. I just cannot drink. And even if I decide I want to, it takes days before I can and by then at this point the urge is gone.

                        If you can find internet over the weekend, maybe the library, check in with us and let us know how you are doing!

                        Taw
                        "What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us." Ralph Waldo Emerson

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                          Giving up....in a good way!

                          Thanks Taw. I take topamax. It really helped the first time I started it, but I just cut back on what I drank. I've also tried Nal. That didn't work. I hate to go back to the Dr. and ask for another Med, but I bet AB would be great esp if I do like you and take it in the AM.

                          Thanks for the reminder about Fall activities. I LOVE Fall, and I didn't even think of that! We have lots of corn mazes here in Central Pennsylvania. Maybe I can get us outdoors to do that. Day time is always ok for me though. It's nights I hate.

                          Yes, hubby is trying to go AF too. He did really well a few weeks ago.
                          We are really bad together. We met as addicts. Him to drugs, me to alcohol. We moved out of California because we were both drinking and doing drugs and wanted to escape the drugs. Thank GOD! that is over. I can't imagine fighting two beasts. Anyway, his drug habit was just replaced by drinking. I think he blames me. He always says he used to not be an alcoholic until he met me. He forgets he was addicted to Speed.
                          I will be sober so I can be clear and remember being a mommy and so I can be in the best place God wants to place me. I will be here! now! FREE! 12.5mg Topamax AM&PM, Ativan until safe from withdrawal syndrome & for anxiety. Thank God I Am Done!

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                            Giving up....in a good way!

                            Hey Reg and everyone!

                            I am doing well for the most part. Still AF, 2 1/2 months. This weekend was a bit of a struggle. With the weather having gotten much cooler here, and the time of year seemed like a perfect time to enjoy a glass of red wine and make a batch of glugg (spiced wine) which I have done every October for the past couple decades! Luckily I had my son so that helped in the not drinking but this change in weather is really causing some cravings. Somehow when it is chilly a glass of ice tea, my latest drink of choice, just doesn't cut it!

                            So, because of that, I am toying with the idea of trying bac again. I kind of feel like AB is an easy way out because I CAN'T drink. I don't have a choice. It is not the same as being indifferent. I still think about it, crave it. I don't know. I also know that with the holidays and crap coming up, I am going to need all the tools I can use!

                            Hope everyone is doing well!! I have been reading everyday, just have not wanted to post and whine! I know how lucky I am.

                            :l:ls to all!!
                            T
                            "What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us." Ralph Waldo Emerson

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                              Giving up....in a good way!

                              2 and a half months! That's awesome, T! I know it hasn't been easy.
                              Summer is always hardest for me not to drink. But I know what you mean. I'm constantly stumbling across new, strange triggers that take me by surprise. For instance, I use ATMs all the time, but usually only to deposit money. I took a large amount out during the move and suddenly felt an extremely strong craving. I guess I associate taking a large amount of money out with buying a large amount of drugs. Who knew?
                              It's an interesting thought about trying out the bac again. Especially now that you're sober. You know I went as high as 225 mg but was down to 70 when I actually quit. When I stopped viewing it as a magic bullet that was somehow going to remove the bottle from my hand, I realized how much it really did help with my cravings, even at a lower dose. I know you tolerate the bac very well, so maybe you'll have to take more, but it's worth a shot. Are you still planning on keeping the AB?
                              How is the little man? Enjoying school? Does he have any halloween costume ideas? My two year old niece insists that she wants to go as a button. She cannot be talked out of it. And my sister and I have plans to dress up her 18 month old as a peacock. Since we own peacocks and have access to actual feathers, this may not be as involved as it would be for someone else. I'm thinking green onesie and a hot glue gun. We'll see....
                              Wishing you the best! And never worry about "whining" on here. That's what we're here for!:h
                              "Yet someday this will have an end
                              All choices made or choice resigned,
                              And in your face the literal eye
                              Trace little of your history,
                              Nor ever piece the tale entire
                              Of villages that had to burn
                              And playgrounds of the will destroyed
                              Before you could be safe from time
                              And gather in your brow and air
                              The stillness of antiquity."

                              From "At Majority" by Adrienne Rich

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                                Giving up....in a good way!

                                *Ahem* Where ya' been hiding, Ms. Taw? We miss you around here, and I'm afraid you'll have to come to us since I can't come looking for you. I end up in emergency rooms and jails every time I visit your fair city. :H oh, and :upset:

                                Hugs.

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