Giving up....in a good way!

[windycitylady]

Giving up....in a good way!

Oh, and who are these sick people who go out, order a glass of wine, and only drink half?! Don't you just want to smack them?

[spacebebe01]

Giving up....in a good way!

windycitylady;1356318 wrote: Oh, and who are these sick people who go out, order a glass of wine, and only drink half?! Don't you just want to smack them?

No, Im more likely to be waiting for a chance to drink the left over half:H
Well done on the night out TAW, it must be good to know you can go on a date and be ok with it even if you didnt fancy him.

Hope you son enjoys his birthday.

[taw]

Giving up....in a good way!

Thanks everyone! I think leaving that half glass is AL abuse! It didn't do anything except to be made to drink!!!

BUT, now I am having a war in my brain. It's not the angle/devil on the shoulders, it is my sober brain fighting with my AL brain. Basically the battle is this: stiop taking the AB, you have been sober almost 2 weeks, with another week to go before you can safely have a drink...you will be able to drink normal after this...start back on the bac and gabapentin and you will be fine!

The other side is saying NOOOOOO, there is no safe drinking for me...keep taking the AB, take the gabapentin for cravings, stay AF!!!!

So I am sitting here on a Saturday afternoon at 1:30 p.m. by my self with nothing to do. Errands have been run, house cleaned. I normally would have had a few pops in my by now. I don't necessarily WANT a drink, it is habit, natural, the norm. I just poured myself some ice tea with a splash of fruit juice for a treat! My friend that I usually spend time with when D is at his dad's is all messed up on Oxy right now so I want nothing to do with him.

I though last weekend with my son and being AF would be hard...trying not to be super bitch withdrawl mom....This one is a doozy tho!....going to go for a walk, then start reading a book! What ever it takes!!!

[Rusty]

Giving up....in a good way!

Hi Taw,:l

Hey, if I were not working on some clients' projects right now, I would come and visit you....I really would. Yeah, I know about breaking the habit....and not necessarily craving AL...but it's just been so part of your routine for so many years that it's kinda like....."what do I do now to fill the time???" No errands, cleaning to do. Why don't you hang out on here for a while? Also, have you ever watched the "Rain In My Heart" Documentaries on the General Discussion Thread? OMG! Powerful....powerful. I'm proud of you for taking the AB. One thing that helped me when I first stopped drinking was thinking, "ok, if I take this 1st drink....I don't know what will happen next....other than it will be a real-life horror movie that I will not be able to walk away from." I hope that helps. I'll be here the rest of the afternoon if you want to PM me.:l

[StuckinLA]

Giving up....in a good way!

Yes, congrats on the successful night out. And thanks for the tip, as I will ALWAYS pay attention to my shoes now.

I'd watch On the Bowery before Rain in My Heart, and honestly either of those would make me want to drink. But I also used to get plastered and watch Intervention. So maybe not so much with movies about booze? Try really stupid comedy movies, or anything that doesn't make you think or get emotionally involved.

Better yet, stay active. After your walk maybe go to the grocery store and get stuff to make a complex, healthy dinner. Or anything, really. Stick around here tonight. As NE once said to me, we're always open. And I'll be around all night.

[spacebebe01]

Giving up....in a good way!

I feel myself right now about stopping taking the AB TAW so I can have a drink next weekend, I took it this morning tho and I will see how I feel about it tomorrow. It must be difficult for you that your son is at his dads, the habit is really hard some times and its just like somethings missing, which it is really drinking has become such a massive part of our lives. But you also have th opportunity to do whatever you want and Im sure you will find things to do with your new found freedom, the skyes the limit really if you start thinking about it. But I totally agree with everyone else for today you can hang round here, read and just post when you want to. I dont like things about booze, it actually makes me miss drink more even when they are showing the worst side of it.

Stuck we women notice things like shoes and socks, I once went out on a date with a guy and when he sat down I saw he was wearing these washed out old off white socks and that was it, the rest of the evening all I could think of was what was he thinking putting them on to come out and meet me, was he short of cash and couldnt afford a pair of black socks or just a minger, in which case what would his boxers be like, I stayed for a few drinks and then had to leave and go and get pissed on my own in another pub.

I will be about on here a bit tonight TAW so let us know how you get on.

[taw]

Giving up....in a good way!

I think, well know, the whole thought of drinking came into play today because when my date came to pick me up he brought a 12 pack so we could have a beer before we went unbeknownst to him I wasn't drinking. So first thing this morning when I opened the fridge, I saw it sitting there. Then all day long I saw it. I am not even a big beer drinker. And before this when I started taking the AB I got rid of all the booze in the house. So, after my walk with a lot of Metallica and Beastie Boys blasting, I put it in a drawer in the fridge...hopefully out of sight, out of mind.

BUT, I must confess, I did open one...and had a couple sips. Then I got paranoid about how it would react with the AB and poured it out and refilled my iced tea, took a gabapentin and a prozac!

Rusty, thank you so much for checking on me and I know you would come here if you could! I am doing better now. Read for a bit, went for a long walk, had some smarties. Trying to come up with a plan for tomorrow....I think another walk, forgot how much I enjoy them...definitely a trip to the grocery store, preferably before the liqour dept opens!

Space, what is next weekend that you want to drink? Will your kids be there if you are drinking? Or are you just bored of being sober? Believe me I totally get that!! I am by no means in a situation to tell you what to do, but make sure you think long and hard about why you want to drink, then think of your kids...and feel free to remind me of this when I debate going off AB!!!

Stuck, don't think I am a snob because of the shoes, it really was the whole outfit but the overly clean white 10 yr old gym shoes stuck out!! Oh, and I think I figured out what he meant about the comment about me being my father's daughter. I really think he is looking for someone to rescue, take care of, save. That is not me. I don't need rescuing or saving and I can take care of myself just fine.

As for the grocery shopping, I hate to say it but I don't cook. Basics, scrambled eggs, pasta, lots of frozen dinners. And had I gone to the store today it would have been a bunch of junk food we don't need or stuff I plan on using to figure out how to cook that would go to waste. So, tomorrow morning when I know I will be feeling better I will go and concentrate on some healthy foods and snacks for work since I rarely eat for the 9 hours I am there and am a raving bitch by the time I get home, which is why I am usually grabbing for a glass of wine before my keys are out of the lock.

And maybe some basics to make some healthier dinners for the lad and I. Heck, I cannot screw up salad or baked potatoes can I?

I think the best thing I did was the walk. I did not walk on the bike path like most people do. I walked up and down residential blocks with Metallical and Beastie Boys and Eve 6 blasting imagining myself and my son in our own home again one day.

Thanks for sticking this out with me today! I'll be on tonight too if I can help any of you!! :l

[StuckinLA]

Giving up....in a good way!

Hey Taw and Space, I know, the clothes make the man to an extent. I'm a jeans, black socks & boots kind of guy... and black T shirts, so I guess it's a good thing I'm not trying to pick anyone up!

Taw, it's maybe not my place but those couple sips worry me a bit. I hate to be that guy, but maybe best to pour those out? If you were here I'd say find a homeless guy to give them to (they're easy to find), but whatever you do, having them in the house is perhaps not the best idea. 'Cause you're on AB anyway, so can't drink them. And you're on AB because you don't want to drink them.

From what I can gather, you like the AB because it takes the debate off the table. But now the debate is gonna be whether or not to take the AB. Especially with beer in the house--and geez, now that the 12 pack is open? To me that makes it even worse, like if I had 1/2 a bottle of something it would be worse than having a full, unopened bottle. And again, I'm in no position to judge... I actually do have an open bottle here. But with this much bac I can't seem to get past the second glass even when I want to.

Just keep hanging in. And yes, I'm here all night and a couple hours behind you, so if you have any trouble sleeping you know where to find me.

:l

Now to go "flirt" with the bartender...

[taw]

Giving up....in a good way!

Hey Stuck, how goes the flirting? Funny as I was reading your post, Sober by Pink came on my IPod.

I know, I am disgusted with myself for even having taken the sips. I guess the quandry I have is am I just going to take AB every day for the rest of my life? I somehow have to come up with a way, and come to terms that this is for life. I know in AA they say one day at a time, and I get that, but that does not help me in coming up with a plan for the long term.

Will bac work for me now that I have some sober time? Should I start over on bac while sober and see if it works like it has for NE, and so many others? What is the magic combination for me? Am I just weak for giving up on the bac at 320 because the SE's were too much....so many others struggled thru them and got the prize.

Or am I just living in a day dream that I will somehow feel normal about AL? That even tho I never reached the "switch" I will somehow feel indifferent to AL? Will I ever not feel like a defective typewriter?

UGH!!! I hate that is has become an all consuming thing. And has been for so long.

Maybe I just answered my own dilema. Or just confused myself more! Just took another AB just to be safe!

[StuckinLA]

Giving up....in a good way!

Ha! I wish I could really flirt. It's fine. One of the guys bought my first round and looks like he wants to by the next. But I'm drinking so damned slow.

I have a lot of thoughts on your dilemma. Maybe now, at the bar, on my phone isn't the time. But I was sober up to 150 and 150 was magical. I don't think your a wuss--320 is a lot. But the switch might come easier if you're not drinking...

[spacebebe01]

Giving up....in a good way!

StuckinLA;1356441 wrote: I'm a jeans, black socks & boots kind of guy... and black T shirts, so I guess it's a good thing I'm not trying to pick anyone up!

That outfit sounds just fine Stuck, stick with it, in fact perfect for flirting with the bartender:H

Im not doing anything next weekend TAW I was just counting how many days before I could safely drink again, I got up and took the AB today anyway it is those pain in the arse thoughts that come with AB, yes it does take away the debate of to drink or not to drink, but replaces them with thoughts of whether or not to take AB.

Im worried about you and these beers, especially because you opened one, also I know I couldnt handle having booze in the house while Im taking AB it would drive me nuts, in fact just thinking of it now is making me feel a bit sick never mind having it there. I have started taking bac again, I have tried twice with bac to go up but havent even managed to get above around 100mg but I do know that when I was taking around 40 - 50mg it did help me a lot. I also take gabapentin. Over the past few days I have been wanting to drink, I am really glad I didnt/couldnt because of my kids, and also because I do feel like it could go out of control right now but I also worry about the future, I definately dont want to carry on feeling like I am now which is why I have restarted the bac. This is worth it TAW, even on the days it doesnt feel like it.

[taw]

Giving up....in a good way!

Hey All....just have a minute...but just wanted to let everyone know, the BEER is gone! I have it to one of my neighbor's last night!

More later!

[windycitylady]

Giving up....in a good way!

Yay! I think that was a good decision. Any thoughts on adding the tiniest bit of bac for the cravings? If you made it up to 320 (jeez!), than slowly going up to 40 is probably doable, right? I just think it helps me a lot, even at that low of a dosage.
Oh, and I wanted to clarify something I said earlier. When you brought up gabapentin, I mentioned that I take 1200 mg. I definitely didn't mean that you should just jump in at that level. I don't think you took it that way, but, yeah, just wanted to be clear.
Enjoy your Sunday!!

[spacebebe01]

Giving up....in a good way!

taw;1356759 wrote: Hey All....just have a minute...but just wanted to let everyone know, the BEER is gone! I have it to one of my neighbor's last night!

!

Thats good to know

[StuckinLA]

Giving up....in a good way!

Aww shit, man, I wrote this out last night and thought I pressed "post." I in fact did not, though...

/last night
OK, so back at home and on an actual keyboard (and I swear I'd prefer a defective typewriter to this black box).

AB forever? No. AB to get you through some rough patches and give you a chance to get your head in the game? Sure, why not. That is NOT to say you're not in the game already. Jesus, clearly you are. But it's one way to make a very clear cut decision--or rather take the decision away--while you get used to just living.

Go on some practice dates, and see that it can happen and be OK. Do some chores and run some errands, and feel a little lost when it's all done, and find out that you can choose to take a walk. Even better, find out that the walk actually helps. AB? This is just the Beta version that lets you test the whole thing and work out the kinks.

Would some bac help? Probably. Maybe even 30 mg/day, like the studies they've done here in the U.S. Or 60 or the PDR max of 80... Whatever, see what works. But (and I have no basis for this) I don't see much reason to reach into high doses unless you're hunting for the switch again. And that's up to you. Nothing wrong with hanging around a dose for a while, in my opinion. Hell, I've been Stuck at certain doses forever. OA was on LDB for a year before going higher and hitting his switch.
/Picking up this morning

Yeah, it's all about doing what you've gotta do. Some people find daily naltrexone helps with cravings (I personally wouldn't go that route, and we can talk about why), or topa, or gabapentin, or any of the natural hippy stuff they talk about elsewhere.

And so, so happy to hear about the beer finding a good home. The alligators in the sewer system have had enough as it is, I'm sure.