45 days into my BAC to getting on track..

[Helix]

I had a bad day on Sunday, a fight with a good friend. I did what any of us do when we are week and upset, I drank. I drank about 1/2 of what I normally would have since I have really dialed back my drinking. I woke up with the most mind numbing brutal hangover I have had in 15 years. I guess it could be a good thing because I am frightened to drink that much now. Is this normal?

Here is the good news about my progress. Less drinking due to BAC it has been rather effortless. Before BAC the sirens call would be deafening if I even just thought about not drinking myself into a coma on any given day. I am currently about 45 days into my titration. I am up to 125mgs in 5x25mg doses. I wish I didn't have to spread it out like that but the SEs seem way more intense if I bunch it up. I hands down absolutely notice a huge difference in my indifference (if that makes any sense). I can drink a few beers and call it a night. Before I would drink a case and pass out and make sure I had a beer on the night stand in case I woke up and needed another gulp or two. I also notice my dreams are getting extremely lucid. I wake up thinking my dreams were real. Perhaps it is because I haven't dreamed in so long because I used to pass out every night. Also I am loosing my beer belly! I am extremely active with running and crossfit but could never get rid of the spare tire! Guess what! It is finally quickly going away! Six pack here we come baby!

The down side of my progress is. The side effects though are annoying. I am constantly sleepy. All I want to do during the day is take a nap. I have never taken naps. Sometimes I will sleep when I get home from work until 9pm and be delirious the rest of the night. I am really spacey too. I constantly leave the house without my keys and wallet. And driving makes me a little nervous. I am also constantly pondering what will happen when I reach my switch. Can I titrate down so I don't have to constantly fight these SEs? Coffee doesn't really help me anymore either. I used to drink it like crazy to fend off the grogginess of the previous nights drinking. Now when I buy coffee it sits there and gets cold. It is almost like the BAC is taming my craving for caffeine too. Plus I can drink a Vente Starbucks then take a nap and snooze like a baby. Have any of you coffee drinkers noticed the reduced craving and effect of caffeine?

On another note as I am lifting out of the alcohol fog that I have lived in for so many years I am really starting to feel the burden of dealing with the train wreck alcohol has made of my life. It is time to stop partying so much so I am trying to occupy my time elsewhere but I spend a lot of time dwelling on the past and trying not to slide into a depression. When I hang out with friends now it is much more work for me to be engaged. I find my self not paying attention to the conversations and getting bored or zoned out. I have been going to a Zen Center every week to do meditation but idk if it is really helping much. I suppose I just need to hold onto the reigns and trust I will see better days when I am completely AL free soon. I also hope with some considerable AL free time under my belt I can ween way down or even off BAC. I don't really care much for the idea of staying medicated for the rest of my life. Although as much as I have searched I haven't found many posts about people sucessfully accomplishing that. Thoughts?

Thanks for reading. Any advice would be much appreciated. I am going this pretty much alone. Nobody aside from two of my friends knows what I am attempting to do so I am really just kind of dumping this out there for a little support and encouragement. Thanks again, Helix..

[StuckinLA]

45 days into my BAC to getting on track..

Wow, Helix. 1st and very foremost, congratulations on the reduced drinking! There's a whole lot in your post that I very much want to respond to, but my battery is dying and I need to shower and generally gtfo of the house. It does sound like you're on track, and things sound pretty normal (:H).

I'll be back around in a bit. Until then, hopefully some other peeps can jump it.

[jim65]

45 days into my BAC to getting on track..

Hello Helix, sounds like you are making great progress. I see you just posted and only stuck was available, do not fret. These folks are extremely helpful with a great amount of knowledge. Before you know it you almost have too many replies. I have yet to take the bac but am almost there. The side effect that worries me most is the daytime sleepiness, I'm a delivery driver. Perfect huh! It makes a whole lotta sense to me that the caffeine craving is down after all bac supposedly helps with all kinds of addictions. The only place I gain weight is the old spare tire area as well. The six pack sounds like a great motivator. Wow six pack as a good thing for an alcoholic, how ironic. Depression hurts, I know. Let us know how you steer clear. The zen sounds cool. Jim

[StuckinLA]

45 days into my BAC to getting on track..

OK, Stuck's back with a full battery + charger, so watch out! Just kidding, I'll try to keep this short.

The hangover? Completely normal. Bac hangovers are no joke. I was blessed with quite a few hangover-free mornings, and a couple that were life-changing. Mostly, from what I can gather from personal experience, is it seems that I know what a hangover should feel like. I bet you're right there with me, right? Been dealing with them for years and years. Some aren't too bad, and I know I'll feel better by noon-ish, some are worse and I know I'm in for a long day until happy hour creeps along, and then there's the ones where I'm drinking whatever's left on the nightstand right away and taking a beer into the shower.

Suddenly on bac, though, things feel a little different. And I'm an anxious, hypochondriac-type, nervous twitchy f-cker, so as soon as a new feeling comes along I don't like it one bit. Drunk doesn't feel exactly like drunk, either, and so I drink more than I want to drink, which leads to a worse hangover, etc...

As to the reduced drinking? Go with that feeling once in a while. I found that habit started to override the bac after a while, even above the dose you're at so far. You'll be the best judge here (or not :H), but maybe make sure you don't have hard stuff or too much beer at home.

The sleepiness is a motherf-cker. All day? It hits me in the afternoons, usually, and sometimes around 10-11 PM, but I wake up in panics (that also is not uncommon but doesn't happen to everybody by any means). Then the insomnia... Lord, the insomnia. Maybe stay at a dose longer before going up? Try to settle in to a dose before increasing... I've heard of someone starting to dislike coffee and the caffeine buzz. That's not me at all, I drink coffee like I'm at an AA meeting. Cigarettes, too. One thing almost everyone agrees on, though, is no matter how bad the sleepiness gets, do not resort to energy drinks. Doesn't really work, anyway.

Do what you've gotta do, dosage-wise. One guy here (bleep) took pills every 2 hours, and adjusted his dose that way. Personally, I put off taking more than 50mg at any one time as long as freaking possible. That was tied to one very specific circumstance with my doc and a panic attack (long story). I went from 3 to 4 doses to avoid >50mg, in fact. Now I'm just over 50--like 55--at a time and I swear I feel a serious difference. I do think it's a mental/psychosomatic thing.

The crushing weight of all the stuff we were avoiding by drinking? Yeah, that's gonna happen. So is boredom. Bac doesn't cure any of the reasons we drank, except the chemical one. Sorry it's happening, though, it blows obviously.

Finally, there's too much debate (and that debate is rearing it's head again lately, it seems) about staying at the switch dose. I won't get in to it, but from what I can gather it's a pretty personal thing--depends on goals, and how SEs are tolerated. Do you want to try moderating or are you going alcohol-free (AF)?. If you're moderating your drinking after indifference, going down too much is not a good idea. AF? Again, it depends on how you feel but you'll probably be able to come down significantly. There's only a few cases--and I don't know of any specifically--of people coming all the way off and staying indifferent. That'll be for you to decide when you get to that point.

Whew. That was a mouthful. Hope it's helpful. Now, again, some peeps may be around. But I gotta say: read, read, read around here. Read the threads at the top of the boards. Dig deep and look for old progress threads or people who've reached indifference. I'm blanking on a bunch of names right now... bleep (originally bleep69), Ne/Neva Eva... actually Ne's PM box is fixed. She's really really busy right now but she's the guru around here and can point you in the right direction, so consider sending her a PM (private message... sorry).

[Helix]

45 days into my BAC to getting on track..

"Drunk doesn't feel exactly like drunk, either, and so I drink more than I want to drink, which leads to a worse hangover, etc..."

EXACTLY! I am hanging out with friends or talking to a girl and I feel that anxiety coming on. It used to go away when I attacked it with alcohol. Now the alcohol doesn't really have that effect. But I also notice the anxiety isn't as bad to begin with.

However I hit a milestone last night. Only 2 beers!! I made myself go to bed early but I made it through a day with only 2 fu@#ing beers! That is absolutely unheard of for me! Hopefully soon I can get a AF day and then start stacking them. I am quickly learning thought that I will need to readjust the way I do almost everything, routine, habit, socializing, fun, etc.. I hope I can make myself do this with the help I am getting from bac. At least it is taking the weapon away from the AL and letting me stand up and handle what I need to do to get back on track.

Thanks so much for your reply Stuckinla!

[Helix]

45 days into my BAC to getting on track..

For anyone that cares, yesterday was my first completely AF day in 10 years. I am going to be ambitious and shoot for 60 days starting now! Wish me luck!

[StuckinLA]

45 days into my BAC to getting on track..

Geez, Helix, you just won yourself all the awards with just that 1 day. Shoot for the moon, and we're with ya'.

Good luck! (But it's really not luck, though still best of luck!)