I've certainly had my share of ups and downs on bac. As anyone who has read my thread "My Baclofen Experience"in its entirety will know, I have a lot of issues with depression, and these usually end up derailing me.
I enjoyed significant success with bac when I started in May 2010. I was sober for about 7 months from October 2010 to May 2011. I don't recall exactly what set me off, but I sunk into a terrible depression, and started drinking again. Part of the problem was that I had tapered down the bac too much, too soon.
I ramped "bac" up, and enjoyed another few months of sobriety here and there, but the constant battle with depression kept finding me back in the bottle.
In August of this year (2012) I found myself so far down the well of despair that I was drinking a 750mL of vodka daily. I had stopped eating, stopped exercising, and I was in a considerable amount of pain, both physically and emotionally. I got to a point where I was waking up in the middle of the night with a mouth full of puke. I don't think I would have lasted another week, and I didn't really care.
I had ordered 10 boxes of bac a couple weeks earlier, and when they finally arrived, I decided enough was enough, and ramped up fast and hard. Having been on bac for 2 years, I knew what I could handle, and I'd been around 200/day for awhile. I also knew that this was my last chance.
Serendipitously, I received some news that turned out to be life-altering. I regret that I cannot share it publically, as it would be too personally identifying, but it has truly given me purpose in life, something I haven't had in 30 years. I may share this in PM to some of the folks who have been with me here since day one, if you are interested.
All of this combined gives me the strength to fight the depression and the alcoholism.
I ramped up to 375 in short order, and touched 425 a couple times. It was at this point that I finally managed to hit the Actual Switch last Sunday. I had gone out and bought a case of beer and a bottle of gin, having drank about 22 beers the previous night. I opened the first beer, took one sip, and realized I didn't have the slightest interest in drinking the rest of it.
I just left it on my desk and did something else.
The next 4 days are a blur. I went through some major detox/withdrawal. I had the shakes, sweating, severe nausea. I was so wired up I thought I was going to have a stroke. My hands turned yellow on Wednesday, but fortunately returned to normal by Thursday.
I think the only thing that prevented me from landing in the hospital or the morgue with DTs was the fact that Baclofen works similar to benzos in staving off acute withdrawal symptoms.
It has now been 1 week, and I am feeling a lot better. I am eating again, I am sleeping again. I am at 375/day bac, and I am once again hopeful for the future.
Best,
Moglor
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