RIP - Clearheaded Committed Suicide

[Sticky]

RIP - Clearheaded Committed Suicide

Hey y'all (am trying to be American here but am from downunder NZ!)

Am so sorry for the loss of someone so young. Let's face it, it could have been any of us. That's where addiction leads. Tried to post on her thread but on her thread I found no recent posts. Forgive me as I am not here often. One of my best friends/ex sponsor committed suicide recently at 52 yrs old. She gave me the best advice of anyone. Better than any counsellor. But she couldn't be honest or reach out for help herself. Soo sad!! She was a mentor and did service in 3 fellowships but she couldn't tell any of us what pain (literally as she had chronic pain) she was in or reach out to any of us for help. We all would SOOO have understood and offered her the advice she gave all of us. She is missed and dearly & loved by us all but some of us (not me ) have also been very angry with her.
Sorry Clearhead and parents to highjack thread, but this is where i'm at.

Take care everyone
Sticky :h

[LibraryGirl]

RIP - Clearheaded Committed Suicide

My sympathy goes out to the friends and family of Clearhead (Anna). While I did not know her, I am deeply sorry to hear of any of our members who could not find their way out. Please accept my sincere condolences.

LibraryGirl

[Wildflowers]

RIP - Clearheaded Committed Suicide

What is so sad, is there are often underlying depression, anxiety or other mental health conditions that are left untreated. Or not properly diagnosed, or treated correctly. These may be driving the addictions themselves. Many GP's aren't trained to recognize or treat these mental health conditions. Many don't have health care. Then sometimes people become so desperate to try & find a way out of there misery & suffering. They self medicate. The Internet makes it easy to self Rx, depending on where you live.

Rest In Peace Sweet Anna. No more suffering now. I pray one day your family will find some peace, some comfort, in time. My deepest condolences to the family. My heart hurts for them. :h :l

[Chilipepper]

RIP - Clearheaded Committed Suicide

Still haunted by Clearheaded 247's suicide. She posted a thanks to everyone just 3 days before her self handed death. Her few posts were very sweet but yet you could tell she was reaching for help, big time.

Obviously, she suffered from severe depression. We don't know what transpired in her mind from the time of her last post until her disappearance three days later. She was a beautiful woman from the pictures in her local paper. I pray for her family and friends.

Chilipepper

[Chilipepper]

RIP - Clearheaded Committed Suicide

Still extremely haunted by the suicide death of Anna from England. She posted a few months ago asking for help and appreciating her responses.

I didn't know Anna in England as I am from the States, but I hope that we can get more sympathetic responses than 18 among thousands on this site, at least for her family who were obviously involved heavily with her life and knew of her troubles.

For those who haven't, please send a response to her parents and family. It's the least we can do for our world family - look, we have to "be there."

Chili

[mario]

RIP - Clearheaded Committed Suicide

RIP and my thoughts to her family & friends.

[Xadrian]

RIP - Clearheaded Committed Suicide

Anna (Clearhead247)

Okay, here's for all of you who didn't know Anna.

Anna kept a Baclofen blog from the first day she started taking Baclofen.
I started Baclofen two weeks later and came across het blog a week after I started, which is three weeks after she started.

Anna posted the progress of each day. It did not only concern the Baclofen, but also personal stuff, how she felt, what she did, her thoughts about the future, her problems.

So it was not only a Baclofen blog, but more like a personal diary.
She did not post every day, but sometimes it took 4 days and then she posted 4 posts of the past 4 days.
Every day I checked in to see if there were new posts and every few days I sent a reply on which she kindly replied back.
Anna numbered the posts with the date and the # of days she was on Baclofen.

After several tries to get the Baclofen the "normal" way, which did not succeed (doesn't that sound familiar to some of you?), Anna, who was 36 years old, weighed 55 kg and lived in London, ordered the Baclofen over the internet.
She didn't tell anyone about it, being afraid they would disapprove self-administered drug use.

She titrated up slowly, as recommended by Ameisen's book and the book of a British doctor, which name I don't remember anymore, because he didn't make much of an impression to me. I believe his first name is Phil I will correct if I find information about him somewhere on the internet [edit: His name is Phillip Thomas. I came to his name when I posted some links on "my" thread Xadrian's Baclofen Experience].

After blogging for months, being on 90 mg Baclofen and really optimistic about the future, she suddenly ceased posting in the beginning of July.
I became very worried, because normally it never took more than 4 days for her to post.
At first I thought that maybe she just was very busy and didn't have the time to post.
But she even didn't give a short reply when I asked her to. I remember another guy, nicknamed Dave77, also was worried. I don't know if he's also a member of the forum, but if he is, he maybe remembered also something about Anna's blog.

Anyway, Anna did also have a twitter account. I'm not much of a twitter person, but when she told me on the blog, I made a login, but never really did something with it.
After she ceased blogging for a while, I checked her twitter account and it appeared to be inactive.

I found that very disturbing. Maybee was something very wrong with Anna, or perhaps she was intimidated by certain people, stopping her from spreading the good news.
It even came to my mind that she wasn't alive anymore, but how could one delete a twitter account when that was the fact?

I tried to find a sign of life by trying googling on combinations of Clearhead247, Anna, Baclofen, alcohol, osteopathy, Chiswick, appartment for sale, etc. but didn't find anything else than her dead twitter account, her blog and some forums she had posted on.

On September 5, I discovered her blog had been removed from the internet. Was that good news or bad news? I couldn't tell. Anyway, now I couldn't read her story anymore and I regretted not having printing it out or saving an offline copy of it.

When I "found her back" on this forum on September 8, I read how bad she was going.
She appeared to be at 150 mg (for a girl og 55 kg!) of Baclofen, was very depressed and suicidal, blaming the Baclofen for that. Hey, this was far from how her how I knew her.
How in the world could she have changed this much within 2 months and how and why the hell did she titrate up to 150 mg. when she was doing so fine at 90 mg, came to my mind.

The sudden change certainly explained clearly why she ceased blogging, but scared me to death. I really was afraid for her life. Especially when she mentioned a week later that they were going to take her off the Baclofen (and Stertraline, which she also appeared to be taking lately) within a week, which is extremely dangerous.
But the so-called professionals knew it better and really did take her off the Baclofen within a few days, without any aftercare and charged her 6,000 pound for it.
I will not mention what kind of punishment I have in mind for them.

I then strongly adviced her to go to her parents before and after she decided to taper down to zero.
I don't know why, but being extremely anxious, this time she preferred to listen to the "professionals" instead of to her own knowledge about Baclofen and the opinion of her co-members on the forum.

Whe all know the result: Three days later she appeared to have taken her own life.
Although I was heartbroken by the news, I'm very grateful that her parents found the forum and informed us about her suicide.

Well, I'm planning to write here below all the things I remember from her blogging.
Regarding her personal stuff, I might not write all down of what I remember of it.
Although she did publish it herself, she then was a little more anonymous than she is after her death.

I don't know if her parents still follow this forum, but if any of what I am writing appears to be inappropriate to them, they can send me an e-mail and I will edit this post.
My intention is to let the co-members of this forum know some more of Anna, so that she won't be forgotten.
At least I won't.

What I remember of her blog, I will write here below. But it has to wait for another time, because first I have to make some money.
I might remember some other stuff after I post it, in the event of which I will edit this post.

[Rainyday]

RIP - Clearheaded Committed Suicide

Thank you Xadrian. I do feel a loss, especially for not really knowing her. This will be therapeutical for us, and I am sure for you as well.

[Rainyday]

RIP - Clearheaded Committed Suicide

Sticky;1387773 wrote: Let's face it, it could have been any of us. That's where addiction leads. Sticky :h

Unfortunately, so true. I get so angry. It's like you just want to give up the fight. Damned if you drink. Damned if you don't drink.

[StuckinLA]

RIP - Clearheaded Committed Suicide

At a certain point this is just voyeurism. She chose to keep a blog but that's gone now. She had a link to her blog in her signature when she first posted here, but she edited it out after Xadrian's first post, so it's clear no one was trying to silence her. If she wanted to distance herself from what she'd previously written online then there's no reason to reproduce it. And though it is important to learn from this tragedy and remind everyone that bac shouldn't be taken lightly, there's already plenty of information here for those purposes.

Nothing's going to bring her back, so how about we really let her rest in peace?

[Rainyday]

RIP - Clearheaded Committed Suicide

Stuck

I think Xadrian is trully upset by her death and this is a way for him to find comfort. I don't see it as voyeurism. But it seems you haven't been too fond off Xadrian from the beginning. Perhaps I shouldn't even have posted this thread. Should have just let her go.

Just my two cents. I'm in a pissed off mood right now, and this just bothered me.

[Xadrian]

RIP - Clearheaded Committed Suicide

StuckinLA

Dear StuckinLA,

Good to know who's in charge here.

Although you had your prejudices ready the first time I posted here and did not seem to like me since, I tried to give you a second chance about what I thought about you.

Well, congratulations, you just blew it. By accusing me of voyeurism, I just came to the conclusion that I definitively don't like you too either.
But that shouldn't be a problem. You leave me alone and I leave you alone. Agreed?

As posted earlier, I probably knew her better than you (as far as you can speak of knowing).
At least I tried to help her, which obviously did not succeed.

Like I posted, the reason for my plans to write some things about Anna's blog, so she won't be forgotten.
I don't think it will harm anyone.

If you're really interested, I think the reason why she deleted the blog was because she blamed Baclofen for the depression and anxiety, in huge contrast what she thought about Baclofen when she was still blogging.
I can assure you that it has nothing to do with me.

Thank you for making my day even worse than it already was. You really pissed me off. I suggest you don't do that again, or I might accidentally forget the "t" in your nickname.

[stumpy]

RIP - Clearheaded Committed Suicide

Hi Xadrian, My first quit date was August 28th and as a Newbie I decided to look through as many threads as i could. Anna's caught my attention, I read almost all of her threads in less then a week, I think it was all of them. I honestly felt like I knew Anna, I was so saddened to read of her passing. I also read a post from you asking about her, you seemed so worried. I really feel for you.

My hope is that no one on this thread taints it with negative thoughts, I think Anna would like to be remembered, In a sweet way.

[ifulovelife2]

RIP - Clearheaded Committed Suicide

Yeah, I have absolutely no idea why this particular thread was even started. Everyone paid their respects on Clearhead247s own thread and that's where they should have stayed. What on earth this is all about is beyond me. It's really kinda weird, guys!

Just my thruppence worth.

[Rainyday]

RIP - Clearheaded Committed Suicide

ifulovelife2;1390333 wrote: Yeah, I have absolutely no idea why this particular thread was even started. Everyone paid their respects on Clearhead247s own thread and that's where they should have stayed. What on earth this is all about is beyond me. It's really kinda weird, guys!

Just my thruppence worth.

Sorry for starting the thread. My gosh. I am a terrible person.