Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

[Vera]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

Xadrian thank you so much for posting this. Just wanted to wish you luck & a very happy sober new year

[Xadrian]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

I stopped baclofen completely over two and a half weeks ago, headaches are gone and I had no thoughts of beer.
Until yesterday. I had the bores, had a very stressful day and didn't drink much (alcohol free of course) during the day.
When I came home, I saw the mess that our home mostly is because the house is too small for 4 people and then the little devil inside my head told me (figuratively spoken of course): "f*ck it. You can drink some beers. You still have 6 cold in the fridge. If you do so much your best to not drink beer and your wife doesn't clean up the house, why should you not drink beer? By the way, after drinking those six, you probably will make it alcohol free for another month or so".

So I opened the fridge, took a nice cold ice tea and drank it to the bottom. After 30 minutes no thoughts of beer anymore. So, f*ck you beer devil!

I surely hope the thought of beer has been an incident and just was triggered by thirst and that it's not a sign that I can't do it without the baclofen. In that case I fortunately have a 3 month supply of baclofen for back-up, but I will try to do without.

[TexasAg]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

X, thanks for the update.

I'm definitely interested in your progress....ups and downs.

Agree FYBD!

Cheers!

[Xadrian]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

Yesterday evening I felt like drinking a couple of beers, so I dicided to take the test:
Will I immediately relapse and become an addict again, now I'm without baclofen?

While on baclofen, once every month or so I drank on average 8 (33 cl) of beer or so. It has been over a month that I drank beer, but the difference is that last time I was on baclofen and now I'm just plain me.

I already had 6 (25 cl only) beers cold in the fridge and I chilled 6 more.
The first one tasted good. So did the second and the third. Strange enough, the fourth didn't taste as good and with the fifth and sixth I regretted not taking a soda instead. Just like when I was still on baclofen. After the sixth I quit.

Could it be possible that the baclofen has permanently changed my brain? A friend of mine noticed that my behaviour still was different than before baclofen, even when I stopped baclofen over 3 weeks ago.

Anyway, I have the feeling that the 6 beers of yesterday didn't cause a relapse, but only time will tell.
I will keep you updated.

[joanna_d]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

please do (keep us updated)!!

[Hippyman]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

Xadrian;1444822 wrote: Yesterday evening I felt like drinking a couple of beers, so I dicided to take the test:
Will I immediately relapse and become an addict again, now I'm without baclofen?

While on baclofen, once every month or so I drank on average 8 (33 cl) of beer or so. It has been over a month that I drank beer, but the difference is that last time I was on baclofen and now I'm just plain me.

I already had 6 (25 cl only) beers cold in the fridge and I chilled 6 more.
The first one tasted good. So did the second and the third. Strange enough, the fourth didn't taste as good and with the fifth and sixth I regretted not taking a soda instead. Just like when I was still on baclofen. After the sixth I quit.

Could it be possible that the baclofen has permanently changed my brain? A friend of mine noticed that my behaviour still was different than before baclofen, even when I stopped baclofen over 3 weeks ago.

Anyway, I have the feeling that the 6 beers of yesterday didn't cause a relapse, but only time will tell.
I will keep you updated.

I'm thinking of going off baclofen but I will NEVER make the mistake of testing myself again! I have had several times of being sober for months and said I'll test the Baclofen and LOST EVERYTIME. I was instantly back on the bottle. NEVER, NEVER again for me. I CAN NOT DRINK...ever, PERIOD! I have Antabuse and will instantly take it to make sure I DO NOT DRINK!!! Pick yourself up and get the booze out of the house and start all over again.

[MaryGoRound]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

It is interesting to hear the different views. Unfortunately we are in the dark because we do not have enough long term studies. Although I am not a scientist, I do have a scientific/problem solving background (engineering). We need to have varied questions asked and tested..and tested long and wide enough to get a meaningful answers. Many of the test designs seem so weak. Also, probably due to funding, the test field is not large,deep, or long enough.

I appreciate X's self test. It appears you are aware enough to make adjustments if necessary. On the other hand, I can understand Hippy's view. For him, it is too dangerous for him to test anything.

Logically, I would say if I can can get past AL why would I ever go back? This may be a wired example but I never drink regular Coke (legal - full sugar version). I like the taste of diet and I have no desire for the empty calories. I feel absolutely no emotion in this regard. I simply do not want either the sugar or calories so I am never tempted. When we traveled to Costa Rica, my daughter mentioned that the Coke tasted different (and better!). It was confirmed by one of our tour guides that the reason is that the Coke in Costa Rica is made from sugar cane vs corn syrup. It really does taste different. Then everyone in the family had to try the Coke...except me...I still did not want to sugar or calories! Why can't I be like that with alcohol? :upset:

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

MaryGoRound;1446110 wrote: This may be a wired example but I never drink regular Coke (legal - full sugar version). I like the taste of diet and I have no desire for the empty calories. I feel absolutely no emotion in this regard. I simply do not want either the sugar or calories so I am never tempted. When we traveled to Costa Rica, my daughter mentioned that the Coke tasted different (and better!). It was confirmed by one of our tour guides that the reason is that the Coke in Costa Rica is made from sugar cane vs corn syrup. It really does taste different. Then everyone in the family had to try the Coke...except me...I still did not want to sugar or calories! Why can't I be like that with alcohol? :upset:

That is almost exactly what alcohol is like for me now. I like the taste, though. So I drink it very, very occasionally. It's just nice to have an occasional glass of something. I never want more afterward. I never crave it because I had it last night. I don't wake up thinking about it. If we open a bottle at home, there is undoubtedly some left over and we cook with it because we never drink it.

That was absolutely impossible for me before baclofen and indifference. Before, if I had one drink I was going to have several. After long-ish periods of sobriety I might have been able to control it for a while. (Meaning I would drink less than 6 beers in a night, or less than a bottle of wine. For 6 months or so.) But then...Then I always started drinking more, then more. The last time, when I started baclofen, I knew that I was probably less than a year from losing control completely and ending up back in rehab. Thank all that matters I found Ameisen's book and this forum.
It might not be possible for everyone. (Though I have a hard time figuring why not. If one takes the pills, and keeps taking the pills, it seems to work that way for almost everyone that does just that...)

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

By the way, X, there are a couple of examples of people that quit taking bac and didn't go back to drinking. I think for the most part they stayed completely sober. I know you are watching for that, and wary of the beast, and know what to do. But I just wanted to say all that!

Hope you're well!

[MaryGoRound]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

Ne-

Stay with me when I say this next bit...When I see someone clearly down on his/her luck begging for handouts, I think "there, but by the grace of god, go I" I am not remotely religious but I understand that concept. I am lucky to have my support (by the grace of something).

Then I read your various comments in various posts and I think, "there, by the grace of god, go I." A single word deletion changes the entire meaning. I am in no way trying to invoke higher power or a religious concept of god in the conversation...my real intent is to invoke the word GRACE.

Thank you for all your posts!

[TexasAg]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

Mary,

I completely agree with you on the need to know, problem solving, testing and retesting. I also appreciate X's self-test. I wish there was more examples but I know the risks are great and I wouldn't want to see that for anyone. For me, I'm with Hippy. While I know what the answer is if I went down and didn't succeed, I'm too new in my sobriety and this disease has caused me and my loved ones too much pain, to test anything right now.

Cheers to X for self-testing!
Cheers to Mary for soon being able to turn down the alcohol like the coca-cola!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

I'm humbled, Mary. Thank you.

Seems to me like you're doing just what I was doing to get from where I was to where I am. And that alone made all the difference in the world.

Thank all that matters. (I don't know what to call it either.) I am quite sure that gratitude helps and try to heap it on where it's due. Speaking of which, I owe a whole lot of it to the people that went before me, and the people that became my friends when I was going through it.

Hang in there!

[Xadrian]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

It's been over a week now since I tested myself and drank 6 beers while completely off baclofen.
No need or taste for beer since then. Even when it is one of the most stressful times in years for me right now and the opportunity was present, because I still have 6 cold beers in the fridge.
I guess that means I will be able to socially drink some beers once in a while without relapsing, but don't want to do that too often and only when I feel to.
Anyway, no more than once a month or so. Although I have some birthday parties before, I don't have the intention to drink any beers until my own birthday, on February 3. Until then, orange soda, ice tea, water and lemonade will be fine.

[Hippyman]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

MaryGoRound;1446110 wrote: It is interesting to hear the different views. Unfortunately we are in the dark because we do not have enough long term studies. Although I am not a scientist, I do have a scientific/problem solving background (engineering). We need to have varied questions asked and tested..and tested long and wide enough to get a meaningful answers. Many of the test designs seem so weak. Also, probably due to funding, the test field is not large,deep, or long enough.

I appreciate X's self test. It appears you are aware enough to make adjustments if necessary. On the other hand, I can understand Hippy's view. For him, it is too dangerous for him to test anything.

Logically, I would say if I can can get past AL why would I ever go back? This may be a wired example but I never drink regular Coke (legal - full sugar version). I like the taste of diet and I have no desire for the empty calories. I feel absolutely no emotion in this regard. I simply do not want either the sugar or calories so I am never tempted. When we traveled to Costa Rica, my daughter mentioned that the Coke tasted different (and better!). It was confirmed by one of our tour guides that the reason is that the Coke in Costa Rica is made from sugar cane vs corn syrup. It really does taste different. Then everyone in the family had to try the Coke...except me...I still did not want to sugar or calories! Why can't I be like that with alcohol? :upset:

I drink Diet coke as well but the real coke in Costa Rica was really, really good. I think if we had that here in the states...I might just be tempted.

I can't answer for you Mary but for me I can't make that kinda choice when it comes to alcohol. It isn't a choice for me. It's an over whelming compulsion that was calmed to a mere whisper by baclofen. Now I have the choice...and I choose NOT TO DRINK...EVER AGAIN!!!

[Hippyman]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

TexasAg;1446181 wrote: Mary,

I completely agree with you on the need to know, problem solving, testing and retesting. I also appreciate X's self-test. I wish there was more examples but I know the risks are great and I wouldn't want to see that for anyone. For me, I'm with Hippy. While I know what the answer is if I went down and didn't succeed, I'm too new in my sobriety and this disease has caused me and my loved ones too much pain, to test anything right now.

Cheers to X for self-testing!
Cheers to Mary for soon being able to turn down the alcohol like the coca-cola!

Some may be able to drink again. Cheers for them. I'm very content to have the power to say no to alcohol. Baclofen gave me that power because God knows that I couldn't do it by myself!