Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

[Hippyman]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

Ne/Neva Eva;1446156 wrote: By the way, X, there are a couple of examples of people that quit taking bac and didn't go back to drinking. I think for the most part they stayed completely sober. I know you are watching for that, and wary of the beast, and know what to do. But I just wanted to say all that!

Hope you're well!

I believe I will be one of those who can quit Bac and never drink again. The BIG difference now is that I will never be without Antabuse or Baclofen again in my lifetime. If I ever have a craving STEP 1, I will instantly take Antabuse...Then, I CAN NOT DRINK! Step2, I will slowly start working my way back up to 50 mgs. of Baclofen (or whatever dose it might take) to stop the thoughts of drinking. That's my life plan and I plan on a long happy, healthy SOBER life ahead!

[Xadrian]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

In my case, the "switch" feels more like a "reset button".
That means that I can drink some beers now once in a while, but I have to be extremely aware that things don't go out of control.
Since I know how that felt, I will take care that that never will happen again.

[Xadrian]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

Last Sunday, on my birthday, I drank 7 (small, 25 cl.) beers. The first 3, during a barbecue, tasted o.k. but the other 4, later on the evening didn't taste like they tasted in the past, so after the 7 I switched to cola.

No cravings so far. I rather drink soft drink or ice tea.

[Xadrian]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

Xadrian;1388859 wrote: I have been drinking from when I was 16 yrs old. I guess the real drinking problem started when I was 20 and it worsened when I was 23. I'll explain in a later post.

I still owe you my story, so here it is:

In 1989, when I was 19 years old, I was in the graduate class of VWO (high school) and was going to start studying for mechanical engineer the following year.

My transportation in that day was a 1970 classic Yamaha motorbike. One evening, when I returned from visiting a friend, I had to make a left turn, but had to stop for traffic from the opposite direction. After a few seconds, I heard a squeek and saw a car behind me in my left mirror.

Then the car hit me from behind and I remember flying over the car and sliding on the street. I remember the moment that I stopped sliding and I remember standing up, but I can't rember the small moment inbetween. When I realized my left heel bone and my Achilles tendon were visible, I walked to the side of the road and sat down. Someone brought me my helmet and explained to me that the car had hit me with almost 80 km/h (50 mph) and that when I hit the street, my helmet bounced some 10 metres (30 feet) into the air.

Luckily I did not loose consciousness after that, so I had been able to keep my had up during the slide. So far it appeard that only my left foot was severely cut open and since I wore a leather jacket, I wasn't injured from the sliding (only my jacket was).

When the ambulance got me to the hospital, I asked if they could check for concussion, because I had a severe headache in the back of my head. They only checked the pupil reaction with a flash light and told me there was no concussion. They were more concentrated on my foot.

The following days, I was tired to death and when I left the hospital after 10 days, even a hop to the bathroom exhausted me.

After 6 weeks of revalidation, I went back to school. I couldn't remember the names of most of my class mates, had problems with spelling words and could not remember scientific formulas.

The spelling and the names returned after a while, but the formulas took longer. Although it was a close shave, I passed my exams and went to college to study mechanical engineering. Pretty soon I discovered that the formulas were a big problem. Although I could work with them, when I had them on paper, I could not remember if V=I*R or if V=I/R. After 6 months I left college and went to the university to study biology (my second passion). After being warned that I probably would throw away 6 years of study, because there was not much work in biology, I also quit university and went working as a temporary employee. I stuffed containers with car tires, made file mechanisms, worked in a cheese factory, shoveled sand in an aluminum casting factory, worked in a poultry slaughterhouse, cleaned machines in a french fried potato factory, assembled paper trays for in a copier factory, piled up groceries for a grocery chain, etc. etc. Sometimes for a few weeks, sometimes for 6 months.

In those days I started drinking heavily when I got home from work. Although I never complained about the work and sometimes I gained less that a social allowance, having an IQ of 128 in combination with that kind of jobs did something to me.

Two and a half years after the accident, I was called up for a medical exam on behalf of the insurer of the car that hit me.
Although there were indications that something had been wrong, when the results came in, the conclusion was that I had a post-commotional syndrome, meaning that I have had an undetected severe concussion or even slight brain damage.
The "formula problem" had bettered at that point, but I couldn't study anymore during the day times.

After "climbing up" to warehouse asistent of an electrotechnical wholesaler and customs assistant, I did some correspondence courses and ended up in insurance companies and insurance departments of a few banks.

In that time, I got involved with the girl I was heavily in love with in high school and considered her my soul mate. She was the one for me, I knew it for sure.
Although, being a high sensitive person I have a sixth sense, I didn't see the day coming she told me she was in love with someone else (This was about a year later, just before Christmas).
I was completely disillusioned. I changed from a romantic , joyful person to a much harder person.

After we broke up, I started drinking even more. I guess it took me over 7 years to get over her, so you could say it really, really broke my heart.
I had 4 relationships in those years, but every time I broke up, comparing each new girl with my lost love, having the feeling I could not give them what they deserved, felt like they were second best.

When I met the woman I married to when I was 33 years old, I guess it had worn off sufficiently for a new future.

But I had this drinking problem that I could not get rid of. I tried and tried, but did not succeed in going 5 days in a row without beer.
Even the birth of my sons, who are now 4 and almost 7 could not get me of the alcohol, because the beaxt had me in his grip for so long. When my eldest turned 4 and became aware that daddy was drinking too much beer, I researched the internet and came to baclofen. In the mean time I tried to get rid of the alcohol by myself. I only managed to keep it under control sufficiently enough to be able to function normally at work. I hardly drank more that 12 beers (33 cl, 12 oz) on a night (never before 5 PM on a work day, never before noon on a weekend day), on average every third day.

But I also hardly drank less than 12 beers, so it was more or less like a standard amount.

At some point I decided it had to stop and went to my doctor with the paperwork I collected regarding baclofen. The rest of the story you already know, although I did keep a diary in the first weeks.
Maybe I will translate it some day and post it. Who knows.

So the above story is how my drinking began and how the beast caught me and about a year ago, the story began about how I planned to and were able to cage the beast.

[joanna_d]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

thanks X, for your story.
my god, how devastating it must feel to have your body shattered like that, and your life expectations along with it... can imagine how locked in it must feel to be so sensitive and intelligent and not being able to work those talents in your working life.
you must have a very strong character as well, to have worked your way through this and worked your way up, be it in different ways than you had hoped or imagined for yourself.

how are you doing right now? i read in another thread that you're taking some bac before sleeping.
how's things with drinking / craving after you've been off bac for a while? (okay, almost off, but 10mg sounds almost like a homeopathic dose to me when it comes to boozing )

[RedThread12]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

Thank you, Xadrian, for telling us this part about how this totally unpredictable, mostly unmanageable thing we call "life" has unfolded for you. What a profound reminder that we never know, really. And then we have to deal with whatever shows up in our lives. We just have to, if "life" is to hold any real meaning or authenticity.

I've been looking into the researches being done that demonstrate how totally "plastic" our brains are; they change in response to input and circumstances. Good, bad, and indifferent. To overcome this kind of trauma is truly admirable. Thanks so very much for being here and making such significant contributions. I really like your new avatar, too.

[Xadrian]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

RedThread12;1470019 wrote: I really like your new avatar, too.

I was tired of making fun of myself, so I changed the avatar.

The new one is an Urania leilus. It's a moth my son and I saw at a remote location on the island. However, I borrowed the picture from somewhere on the internet.

[GeauxGirl]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

I, too, love the transformation of you, and your avatar. Loverly!

GG

[joanna_d]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

RedThread12;1470019 wrote: And then we have to deal with whatever shows up in our lives. We just have to, if "life" is to hold any real meaning or authenticity.

that's so true Redthread!

[Xadrian]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

Since I stopped baclofen completely, a week before christmas or so (except for I have taken 10 mg before sleeping for 2 weeks some time ago), I have been drinking now and then, roughly once every 3 weeks.

The first 3 beers tasted good, but after that I rather drank soft drink, so no problem.
Even on parties (except for my own birthday party) I drank no alcohol or only 1 beer.

Thoughts of buying beer have been in my mind, but the effort of buying them was heavier than the need for drinking a beer.

Even when I was in the supermarket for other groceries and I bought some beers because I planned to drink some in the evening I eventually left them in the fridge for a week or so.

But a week ago something changed. I have been in a huge stressfull situation lately and last weekend I drank 12 beers. 5 on Saturday and 7 on Sunday.
Yesterday I couldn't take it anymore and drank 11 beers.

Because I don't want to derail completely, I decided to start taking baclofen again.
This morning I took 10 mg and before going to sleep I will take another 10 mg.

In 3 days I will titrate up 10 mg and do so every 3 days until I reach 50 mg, which appeared to be my maintenance dose, i.e. the dose where I didn't have thoughts of beer.

I will stay at that dose for a few weeks to see if the thoughts of beer stay away. If not, I will titrate up to refind my switch, which was 90 mg the first time (and hopefully not higher this time).
But I hope the 50 mg will turn out to do the trick. I will keep you informed.

Completely stopping baclofen wasn't such a good idea after all.
So I played with fire and I burned my fingers. I'm not sure if I will try to discontinue baclofen completely again. If so, I have to do go down a lot slower than last time. I'm thinking of going down 5 mg every 3 months or so.

[bleep]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

I've just been where you are, and decided the same thing - stopping baclofen wasn't a great idea. The good news is that it works again, and seems even easier the second time around. Your body seems to remember baclofen, so it's not the same as doing it the first time.

I've decided that we know nothing about baclofen, it's all just guesswork and theory, but I reckon that 50 will do you fine if it did the trick before. The 90 was just because you didn't recognise indifference when it arrived, and had to go past it to find it. Now that you know what to look for, my guess is that you'll see it early. As I say though, one more of bleep's theories...

I talk about my experience here, if you are interested: https://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...off-74308.html

[kronkcarr]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

Xadrian,
Thanks for your posts. I'm interested in the part where you talk about hitting your switch and titrating down. I was thinking about this and pulled up the French doctors' protocol (don't have link on phone, but maybe someone can post it). It says to stay at the switch for 2-3 months. I'm opting for 2. But, you've done this before so you know what works for you. I just wanted to point that out for newbies like me.

kronkcarr

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

X, I'm sorry it took looking down that awful road again. I'm really glad though that you know the road to the way out.

Thanks for continuing the journey here, too. It's informative for all of us.
:l

[MaryGoRound]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

Sorry that the experiment did not seem to work but I am also very grateful that you shared online so we can learn together.

One question, did you notice feeling better when you were off the Bac? In other words, besides the unfortunate effect of cravings returning, did you notice a difference in your mood off the Bac?

As a comment, I am wondering if the only way to really get off the Bac is to swear to a life of abstinence. Maybe that wouldn't work for everyone because the return of cravings would be too much but it does seem risky to go off Bac completely and still try to be a casual drinker.

Best of luck X and I am sure you be where you want to be very soon.

[Colin]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

The recent tales of bleep, Xadrian and TexasAg last year are all cases where confirmed alcoholics stop drinking, fall off the wagon, brush themselves down and get right back on the wagon with a minimum of fuss.

Go tell that to an AA meeting and see if they are ready to open their eyes and minds.

Good luck to all of you.