Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

[StuckinLA]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

Two things, X. The first is that I'm feeling a lot of similar things lately and just kind of fed up with everything when I shouldn't be. I'm writing every morning, my girlfriend is moving out here and we'll be together (and I'll get laid a lot), and things *should* be going great, but I don't feel like they are. So I watched Le Feu Follett last night, about an alcoholic writer who's sobered up in a treatment home for 4 months and decides to kill himself. He goes about his day, seeing old friends and settling his affairs, gets drunk, and the following morning shoots himself. This, you should not do - the shooting part or in God's glorious name watch the movie. It was depressing as hell.

Two, dialing back on the bac is obviously your call. I can, and will, say though that coming down quickly might aggravate things, and by aggravate I mean deaden feelings even more. I had a rough go of things when I did, and I was going down about 10mg/*week*, not per day. Like a blackness descended over me. So just be careful and keep an eye on your thoughts and feelings, and by any means necessary remember that they are only temporary.

[kronkcarr]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

Xadrian,

I read your post with interest. I'm sorry you're feeling the way you are. I'm happy that you are going to try something different to see if baclofen is the cause. I'm sure I read your thread when I came on here in March of '13 but I went back and reread some of it today. Our experiences were similar in some areas. So I hope you keep posting as you titrate down.

I have felt unmotivated and out of sorts off and on. I don't want to be social and I'm not except when I work. I have wondered about going off bac to see if that changes. I've also wondered if I'm not a different person now--more quiet, less needing to share stories with friends. It's hard for me to describe but I'm aware of it and I don't think it's stress related.

I was going to say something about your fast titration down but then I read about your quick titration up.

So, I do wish you luck and I do hope you post.

[Cassander]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

X- sorry to hear this. My 2 cents is to remind you that all we can expect baclofen to do is eliminate the craving and leave us indifferent to alcohol. That's it. The rest is for us and balance and well being in life can be hard to find. So I would hesitate to blame the bac and I would be reluctant to go down too fast. I would echo some of your other friends' thoughts: Get some regular exercise, make sure you are doing your best to sleep well, and if there is some external stress in your life try to address it and reduce it. Please do consider seeing your doctor and exploring the appropriateness of an AD. You have plenty of friends here who wish you well. Cass

[Xadrian]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

Yesterday I was at 90 mgs.
So far no noticeable withdrawal symptoms, except maybe I woke up a few times last night, but fell asleep right afterwards and this morning I had a weak feeling in my legs. I get this feeling all the time when it's time for my next dose, but now it was a little worse.

Today I'm going at 80.
Possibly I'm going to take a break at 50 (which used to be my former maintenance dose), but I did not make a decision about that. I have 4 days left to think about that.

[Xadrian]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

Yesterday at 80 mgs.
Except for being very grumpy this morning, no pronounced baclofen withdrawal signs.

Although the mood was slightly better yesterday, today it's back as before.

I have not been working yesterday, today I'm planning to work only in the morning.

[redhead77]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

Hi Xadrian,

I'm sorry you feel so overwhelmed and dark. Please be careful with the tapering. My experience with rapid tapering (and not nearly as fast as yours) hasn't been positive. Intense anxiety, almost to the point of needing medical intervention, and then possibly some pretty dark depression. Almost suicidal depression. You're already pretty down, do you think you should jack around with your neurotransmitters more?

Today is the first day off my shift marathon. On Sunday my nanny discovered my 5 year old had lice. I came home from work and did what I could. Woke on Monday at the crack of dawn to begin all the cleaning and washing I needed to do. Worked until very late. I had to get it done because I was working the next 2 days. If you don't get everything, they'll keep infesting your house. I literally thought on Monday that I can't do this anymore. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown.

Today looks brighter. Damn life is hard.

[redhead77]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

And I doubt it's the baclofen. You're overworked, many people rely on you, and you have almost no time for yourself. You're stretched very thin. I could see how you'd be overwhelmed. This is coming from someone who has a taxing life too, so I don't say that lightly.

Just my opinion.

[redhead77]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

Actually, I think the time I had the rebound depression was not a time I tapered. I just dropped my dose. That's a bad idea if you've been on it a long time.

[redhead77]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

In an instant my whole outlook has changed. I just read on FB about a woman I used to work with being diagnosed with a very aggressive form of breast cancer. We used to chat quite a bit. She's only 35, and the mother of two young boys. Today she starts a equally aggressive chemo cocktail consisting of three different ones for the next 12 weeks. That's if her body can handle it. And then on to radiation. She's fighting for her life.

I'm whining about dealing with lice. No more of that! I hope you're day is starting to look up a bit, X.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

redhead77;1671138 wrote: ... She's fighting for her life.

As were we. And most of the people here still are, I would imagine. (Why else would they be here?) Your point is well taken, though. Still. Lice sucks. :H Sorry. (Sorry to laugh, too. I'm laughing with you, not at you. And lice is funny for non-parents.) EDIT: I'm not making light of the situation, Red. Just the lice. Because lice is funny. I know you have a HUGE undertaking and I admire you a great deal for your strength and fortitude. If people around here knew, they'd be awed just like I am.

Hiya, X. I hear ya' about the depression. I don't know what to say about it, though. I went down to 80 mg from about 160 mg over 8 months. It didn't really help but I was dealing with huge stress, imminent death, and then grieving. I'm still recovering. Oh, yeah, and then the damn dog died.

So I went back up to 175 mg. Things were sort of copacetic, but I am still very unmotivated, and not at all happy. (Spending the entire day inside, reading, or doing a bit of gardening, keeps me content. Meanwhile the stuff that really needs to get done isn't getting done. And the stuff that makes me actually happy doesn't even enter my mind to do.)

Anyway. I'm not trying to tell my life story over here. I understand what you're doing and why. I don't know if the issue (for me) is baclofen. I hope it is! I'm going back down simply so I can figure out what else I need to do to be more engaged than this. I'm tired of...everything. (That really struck home.)

Sigh. This is too long. Sorry.

Hang in there, and for God's sake, don't lose your mind. I've seen too many people do that here and I really like you and we really need you.

:l

[redhead77]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

Ne/Neva Eva;1671147 wrote: As were we. And most of the people here still are, I would imagine. (Why else would they be here?) Your point is well taken, though. Still. Lice sucks. :H Sorry. (Sorry to laugh, too. I'm laughing with you, not at you. And lice is funny for non-parents.) EDIT: I'm not making light of the situation, Red. Just the lice. Because lice is funny. I know you have a HUGE undertaking and I admire you a great deal for your strength and fortitude. If people around here knew, they'd be awed just like I am.

Hiya, X. I hear ya' about the depression. I don't know what to say about it, though. I went down to 80 mg from about 160 mg over 8 months. It didn't really help but I was dealing with huge stress, imminent death, and then grieving. I'm still recovering. Oh, yeah, and then the damn dog died.


:l

That's a good point. I'm not trying to make light of what anyone is going through here either. Alcoholism kills and so does depression. I guess I just looked at it as happening more quickly and aggressively in her case. This isn't necessarily true as we both know. Suicide happens in an instant. It changed my outlook today. That's all I know. I also know her personally, so it's affected me. We are somewhat close in age, and she's very healthy. I can't believe it. It scared the crap out of me. I still don't know what to post to her.

I'm pretty lethargic today. My outlook has changed, but I haven't recovered my energy yet. :H

[redhead77]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

And I'll stop blowing up your thread with my posts, X.

[StuckinLA]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

redhead77;1671191 wrote: And I'll stop blowing up your thread with my posts, X.

Hey I thought you were going off to work on stuff around the house and yard!

[redhead77]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

Nah, I just told you that so you wouldn't feel guilty getting your own work done. There's still time left for me to somewhat pull it together today. ::help!:

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Xadrian's Baclofen Experience

Ah, jeez. There I go glossing over and then ignoring the meat of the matter. I am in a weird place where I completely ignore death/serious illness. I've done it here, and I've done it in 3D life. Eek.

I'm very sorry about your friend, Red. Truly.

Back to you, X.