just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

[joanna_d]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

i know. i think it's a part of me that always refused to grow up. maybe now she will (she'll propably have to)(and hey, maybe she'll find it'll be fine like that)

but please, i don't want to continue talking about this 14 year old stuff. it's kind of embarrassing, and makes me feel like a wanker (hey! a missing emoticon!)

so the "black" stands for the black hole in your pocket huh?

[TexasAg]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

Good to hear from you Jo!

I'm having back spasms right now, well not exactly RIGHT NOW, but these past few days and your bioddynamic massage sounded interesting.

Cheers!

[soberwannabe]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

Hi Jo. As a newbie here too, I think our 'first days, months, years are spent trying to figure out who we really are.

I know I am. I spent so many years hiding behind the bottle ... giving it up means finding out who I am without it. I am all signed up.. that's why I want baclofen to work! But it's still a scary proposition!

I don't think ANYONE says stuff that is creepy or out of sorts..
I wish you the best that today can bring.

[StuckinLA]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

Black Friday is pretty creepy and out of sorts... But man it's a great day to buy a tv.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

StuckinLA;1414571 wrote: Black Friday is pretty creepy and out of sorts... But man it's a great day to buy a tv.

exactly!!!

[joanna_d]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

:H you made me giggle Stuck

even while yesterday drank over 25 (units, i drink different types, so it's easier to describe it this way) and today i feel like my brain is dead. when my dog barks, it feels like my skull is bursting.

you're right soberwannabe (i'm not sure how to shorten that ). thanks

[joanna_d]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

but i think i did okay today.
i thought i'm not gonna spend my day on the couch and just float in some more misery, so i took my dog in the car to the nearest by forest.
which was kind of challenging, 'cause my dog tends to panic in a car, and then bark my ears off (and all that with this ninja hangover). when we arrived at the forest i was numb from the barking that topped the hangover, but we had a great long walk, then i had a bloody mary at a place in the forest called the little pig (i love that place, it's a wooden shack where dogs are allowed to go freely. it's run by a mother and a daughter. mother's a grumpy old woman, and daughter's a very nice and openly woman. went there often with my previous dog, but after a few weeks of my new dog panicking in the car, kind of i avoided it. which is bad of course, and i wanted to start training him for car rides, which i kept postponing over the last year. i settled to walk in the nearby park, which is okay, but not nice like walking on the beach or in a forest of course).
so i i feel i did some good for myself AND my dog today. we're both completely busted right now and i'm up for a quiet evening, hopefully not drinking too heavily, like yesterday, but i think this will work out, as i don't feel like drinking so much.

i'm up to 172.5mg now, the biggest leap i've made until now within a week. i'll have to go up with 12,5mg now, 'cause i tend to make a mess of separating the 10mg from the 25mg pills (when i've been drinking). i'm not gonna get more of the 10mg pills, and were out of them the last few days, so i was forced to go up a little (to halves of the 25mg pills). and today i decided to go up with 12.5 again.). okay. this was a very clear story, wasn't it...? :/
anyway, i've noticed a change for the better in my feeling, so i feel up to increasing the dose right now. (Ne: bring it on girl! but you're probably all wrapped up in the thanksgiving thing)

i'll have to stop drinking wine, 'cause it makes me throw up (yesterday and today again). i guess it's too much on my stomach with the baclofen (which can cause stomach bleeds).
that's a pity, cause i tend to drink it slower than beer.

[TexasAg]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

Hi Jo, sorry to hear about your bursting head....I remember many a day when I would call in "sick" to work and my dog would decide to bark non-stop in the backyard. I would debate whether to open the back gate and let her go roam the neighborhood so I could rest my brain a few hours. I never did cuz with my luck I wouldn't be able to find her and my kids would be devasted and I would feel like an even bigger a-hole.

I hope you're dog stops barking! And I hope you're nice to yourself today!

Cheers!

[joanna_d]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

throwing up wine makes me confused: how much alcohol has stayed in my body now? maybe i'm way under 15 now...
otally sick, these thought, of course

[joanna_d]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

ow yes, and Tex, a packing dog has the most piercing bark of 'em all.
and as big as he is, as big is the reach of his sound. horrible.
i'll have to get me some ear plugs for the next forest walk.

[Sticky]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

Hi Jo

Am trying to join in on a few other posts. When i was doing TSM i was online all the time. Times change. Also our support networks change. You have made yr way up to a high level of bac. Well done! After nearly 6 months i have had to reduce from 150 to 140mg due debiliating SE's. OMG, I so want this to work for me. I spent 17 mths doing TSM only to hv it back fire and i have been in & out of AA for 19 years. Am so over this f-ing up my life. I so hope it works for you.

Cheers
Sticky

[joanna_d]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

happpy thanksgiving you guys :cheering:
(this is the first time i ever said or wrote that)

hi Sticky, good to hear from you. what a bummer to have to go down on the bac... when you're investing so much and also so much hope i can imagine setbacks like that could be very frustrating. i hope you can find a way to go up again without that much pain.
se's for me are heavy, sometimes really heavy, but doable in the end. and when i got over 145mg they somewhat softened, i'm starting to feel a little life in me again (hope this will keep going until i'm bursting with life).
only thing is: my drinking makes them so much worse. but i don't know if i could do it any other way right now. i think i can't, yet.
by the way, what is TSM?

[joanna_d]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

i'm reading about the fluff issue. are you lot pro or against fluff? you funny people you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jpw64PkCJn8&feature=player_embedded[/video]]fluff commercial

[Xadrian]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

joanna_d;1415383 wrote: only thing is: my drinking makes them so much worse. but i don't know if i could do it any other way right now. i think i can't, yet.
by the way, what is TSM?

Say Jo,

Did you already try to stay sober for just 1 day while on bac?
Maybe you could substitute the alcohol with some non-alcohol for 1 day and see what happens if you give it a try.
It certainly will give you inside in the difference of how you feel the following day.
Are you sure you still drink alcohol because you HAVE to, or just because you CHOOSE to for being used to do so? Could be you already reached the switch without noticing, just because you are used to drink alcohol, but don't need it anymore. But you yourself can feel that the best. In my case I felt the switch coming, because the beers didn't do for me what they did before baclofen. I mean, they weren't rewarding to me anymore, so it wasn't difficult to drink a soda instead of a beer.

I remember drinking 3 liters of orange soda (sinas) per day after hitting the switch, just because I was used to drink large amounts of liquid.

Take care, keep going and you WILL get there.

[joanna_d]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

i feel kind of lost when i hear you say that Xadrian.. (i guess i hear when i read)
it makes me feel like i might be doing this all wrong, and i'm missing the whole point. this switch business is a vague thing to me, what if i'm missing it without seeing it's already there?
but if it's there, why don't i feel it? i'm trying to be very mindful about drinking. trying to feel if i really enjoy it, and really want another, or if it's just my habit.
i'm still drinking, aren't i?
i honestly don't know. i don't really like the taste of the first beer, but still feel the booze is giving me an escape, and makes me feel better. and after 2 beers (8,5% i drink duvel, maybe you know it) i feel kind of relieved.

all the while, i must say i'm starting to feel a difference in my overall feeling. not caring so much about ?verything, while feeling more sussceptible than ever.

maybe i'm doing this all wrong, i'm scared of that. but i don't see how to do it any other way.
sometimes i think it would be good to get me a bottle of librium and get of al with that and try to maintain it. but i'm afraid my gp will lose faith in the process when i ask her. she's no idea about high dose baclofen, and i'm so fortunate to have her go along with my trying to get out like this.
also, i doubt whether librium will make the difference right now, as with baclofen, i don't have heavy withdrawal symptoms that urge me (physically) to drink.