just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

[Ne/Neva Eva]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

Lol. Yep. I'm feeling pretty energetic and spirited! You will be too.
I am trying to accept an occasional B, by the way. Other people in my life seem to think I need to lighten up a little bit. I can't imagine why. It's got to be a high B. Very high. Then I'll be pissed off I didn't get the A. Then I'll promise myself I'll study smarter for the next one. And so the cycle begins. Too bad there isn't a pill for neurotic perfectionism. Extraordinary enthusiasm also gets annoying for those around me.

Which reminds me that a while ago you said (I think?) that you liked being sensitive. You had a term for the kind of dysfunction, but said you embraced it. I generally feel that way about the things that make me a little...different. You know? I've got ADD of a sort (that's kind of like saying I have "anxiety". Not accurate, but the best description I've got. anyway...) I like it most of the time. Finally. Glad you like those things about yourself too.

Hope you get some work done today!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

Oops. Missed the first post.
HA! hahaha!

Look. You're sick. You're getting better. Really.

Unlike a deadbeat spouse, you can't sue it. You can't leave it behind like a lover who leaves you cold. And you can't run and recreate yourself the way you would from any other abuser. The beast goes with us. It isn't divorce. It's death. Kill the beast. Murder says helium.
And then, if you get a little bit of the Ne in your Me, you might be a little like helium. (I could just hear the little pink thing giggling. Disease.... hahahahahahahahahaha.)

oh my. That made me chuckle out loud for real.

You'll look fab for the exhibit. Or not. But probably so. Thank goodness for makeup. And the rest? Well, it just takes time. Sorry for that.

It does work. Period. It just does. 9 out of 10 quit. Many of them right before the magic of it. (That's an AA thing...Don't quit before the miracle. And OA mentioned it in his book too. That he didn't want to die right before they found the cure...I can totally relate to that. I KNEW there had to be a way out, god dammit. Damned if I wasn't going to find it or die trying. Turns out it wasn't even that hard, though it was the hardest thing I've ever done.)

Alright. I'm actually going to do some work. IF I can muster some will power and discipline. First I might paint the kitchen, though.

[joanna_d]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

I WON'T QUIT!! where would i be if i quit? IN HELL! )) and of course, i am already in hell, but i'd like to take my chances and get out of there.

i just need to hear that sometimes, that it WILL work. it's hard for me to imagine that.
i keep thinking "chemo for alcoholics, chemo for alcoholics". just keep going.
have to run now, i'm gonna try and drive to my brother's house now. yeay! party....
i'll try not to trip on the bags under my eyes (but hey, if i crash my car, they might serve as air bags, who knows)

[Xadrian]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

Hi Joanna,

Literally 10 minutes after I posted and told that I haven't been bad on baclofen, I got a 39 degree centigrade fever and got sick. I will save you the dirty details.
It had nothing to do with the baclofen, it's probably just a virus, but now I remember again how feeling bad feels like.
I skipped my dinner and spent half the night on the toilet. This morning I also skipped breakfast, but I did take the baclofen, as well as yesterday.
I need some coffee, but I don't dare to drink it. If I don't get coffee, I will get a huge headache in the afternoon and it's almost noon over here.
By the way, baclofen didn't help me with my coffee addiction, but I don't have a problem with drinking 4 mugs of coffee every morning.

Well, I hope we both will get better soon.

Ne, success with your papers

[joanna_d]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

oww Xadrian, it's heavy flu season over here huh....
i'm sorry you feel so sick.
you know what really helps when you're sick and throwing up? boil rice, and eat/drink the rice water (with some herb bouillon to make it taste okay). it really soothes your stomach (a friend once gave me that after alcohol poisoning, when i'd been throwing up all day. it has been my stomach recipe since. really healthy too, lots of minerals.)

well i'm never going to drive a car when i'm in a state like this again. i had a hard time keeping the car straight. almost bumped into someone, and i was too numb to hit the breaks, so i felt my car just gliding in there (my stoned like head).

never again! i'm fucking lucky to have made i home safely. like driving on xtc.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

Man-o-man I hate being sick. I'm sorry Xadrian!
It's cold season here, too. And college kids...They're almost as bad as preschoolers for being germ factories. My classes are full of sniffling, sneezing and coughing. Yipes! I'm very self conscious about getting too close, which makes me self-conscious about keeping at a distance. But I really hate being sick. Studying germs has not helped the situation at all!

Jo. The driving thing. Yeah. It's a touchy subject around these parts (obviously) but...yeah. Not a good idea. It will all level out, though, when everything levels out.

Sounds to me like the booze and a whole lot of bac are having their way with you. (I dreamt about this! About how sometimes it feels like the only thing that will take the edge off is booze. But booze makes everything worse.) I think there's a really fine line there, and the easiest way to navigate it is to simply (ha!) manage the anxiety about it all. The bac and the booze. If it were as simple as staying home and pushing through the really uncomfortable part of withdrawal anxiety (from the booze) and too-much-bac-anxiety...Well, maybe it is. It just doesn't work like that, unfortunately.

Keep in mind that if you continue to feel totally out of sorts stepping back a bit with the bac doesn't mean failure or giving up. While it can help to go up, it can also help to go down. (Stuck, are you reading all this and wondering why the hell I didn't say this to you??? :H I did. But there comes a point where it's just time...Anyway.) I had to quit taking it two or three times before I started with a plan and an incredible amount of focus. Then I went up and down so that I could deal with life. (This is also not a good idea. I did way too much of it, and really suffered the consequences. On the other hand, doing it with a premeditated plan, based on how you're feeling in general, not in a bad--or good--moment, is a reasonable way to approach it. Right?)
So if you've got to re-enter life, or if it becomes untenable (BEFORE it becomes untenable!) have a plan...That's all I'm trying to say.

Hope you have fun tonight!

[joanna_d]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

i'll just keep going steady for now, and see what each days brings. don't want to go down with the doses really, i'm already where i am right now and want to move forward.
and reading my messages here, i see there are days when it's much better, so that brings my panic moments into perspective a bit.
i'll just take it easy with upping the bac, meanwhile trying to get in touch with life more, and with balance.

yesterday night i drank only one bottle of wine, after 3 beers at the birthday. this is mot much for me, so it gives me some hope that i can diminish. drinking wine seems better, i drink it way slower than beer.
i have to try and get out of the real heavy drinking, so the se's can become less heavy.

Xadrian, i hope you're feeling better today!

we'll see how today goes... pfffffff

[mby82266]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

help!!!

I am a return member. to day is day 2 AF. I woke up this morning with my right eye swollen shut. Is this a side effect of Gaba or Lglutamine??

[Ne/Neva Eva]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

Nope. I'm no expert but I can't see how a supplement would result in the swelling of one eye. I'd head to the doc if it doesn't get better quickly.

Jo. ODAT (one day at a time. It's an AA slogan. :H) Getting out probably means getting out of your head. Given that being in my head can do my head in, and brings aches and pains of all kinds, I would imagine it's a good thing to just get...going. And keep going. Rock on sister!

[Xadrian]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

mby82266;1405495 wrote: I am a return member. to day is day 2 AF. I woke up this morning with my right eye swollen shut. Is this a side effect of Gaba or Lglutamine??

Only if you took it through your right eye, instead of through your mouth ;-)

Sorry for the joke, I couldn't help myself.
But seriously: It doesn't seem to be a side-effect very likely

[joanna_d]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

i think your body can respond in all kinds of ways when suddenly going off alcohol, i think it could become very sensitive at first, trying to grow new skin.
i know mine would (and besides, it would be dangerous for me to suddenly go AF).

it sounds like a bacterial infection mby. there's a good & fast cure for that. go see your gp tomorrow.

[StuckinLA]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

Hey there, Jo, what's shakin'? Um, I mean, how are you and how are things?

[joanna_d]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

hi Stuck, thanks for asking, i'm hanging in there.

yesterday another moderate drinking day (yeeey!) and today going up 5mg again to 125mg. this is the last time i'm going up this week, 'cause friday and saturday are going to be heavy working days for me, and i have to have a clear head then. (*lauging on the wrong side of my face*)
glad to have some days off (though it feels like the opposite of holidays) so i can take it easy and do the things i need to do.

yesterday at the opening was okay. not great, as i felt like a sleepwalker (while trying to compensate my zombieness with high heels and make-up, both of which i hardly ever wear. i didn't fall down, that's a plus ), but not bad. glad to have done something out in the world again, and even got somewhat inspired, so i'm hoping to do some drawing (still didn't draw the last few days).

in the evening i drink wine veeeerrrrrryyyyyy sssllllloooowwwly (one liter bottle, after two drinks at the opening) and fall asleep on the couch.

se's: weird sleep, small blood shed watery eyes (when i walk my dog, i look like i'm crying the whole time), ghastly tired, numb, tingling limbs.
so that could be worse

how are you doing, your exams and stuff?

[joanna_d]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

doing website design while having se's is not a great thing to do, i can tell you that... (it beats driving a car whith them though!)
but i managed to finish a design proposal today, threw another letter in the raving madman's mailbox (the story got even more crazy, you know, the guy that threatened me, but i'm not gonna bother you with that) and now i have the rest of the day for me, the dishes, my dog, and, who knows, drawing.

unfortunately, drinking wine makes me throw up. my stomach is somehow very sensitive to red wine, and with the bac (which has stomach issues as a side effect) it's too much. so i have to return to beer. i don't drink liquor, cause it makes me go crazy. don't know what else to drink except beer, though i'm used to drink ithat like i would drink lemonade. when i drink wine, over the last weeks, i find i tend to drink less.

(by the way: no, that's not me in the picture)

[StuckinLA]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

Oh lord, anything at the computer is tough! Take breaks, get up and move around, anything.

I'm hanging in there, kind of sort of figuring things out maybe a little bit. Who knows? But the exam stuff is going to happen whether I want it to or not, and whether I'm ready for it or not. So no use stressing over it. All I can do is go over everything a couple more times and psych myself up for it.

Timed writing is so dumb. Grrrrrrrrrr.

Hope you're well! I'm off to start the day.