just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

[joanna_d]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

i have that skin thing going on as well X.
of course drinking makes your skin look puffy and your pores tend to open wide up (like they're all saying "yuck" and are on the verge of vomiting). after my first week of AF i had an appointment with my therapist and she noticed me stroking my own cheek :H

my face has receded (is this the right word??) a lot. the puffiness and thorough beatedness has gone. i still look tired, but not beat.
and yes, yesterday i went into the city to buy me some warm sweaters (i sold a small drawing just after new years, and have a huge lack of winter clothing)(of course i returned without new clothes, only some new teas cause i just hate shopping, especially at holiday times like these) and guys in the streets complimented me (kind of respectfully, not the usual remarks that you don't quite know how to take: as a compliment, or as an insult).

about the younger guy thing, i'm not a good comparison. before i stopped visiting bars about two years ago (it always got me into big trouble) somehow the men that came onto me were 28 years old a lot. i've no clue why! at a certain point when a strange guy started talking to me, i used to say (the cynical alkie-with-an-attitude me) "oh, you must be about 28 years old". and the answer was mostly "yes! how did you know that??!!" "just a wild guess, 's all"
i'm not into younger guys, although i woke up with them quite a lot of times and they were quite good looking (i'm not that into that kind of good looks either), feeling utterly depressed. and you know: younger guys tend to hang around till you are wide awake.

[joanna_d]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

so Ne, how ARE you doing???

[Ne/Neva Eva]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

Good morning!

I've really enjoyed reading about what it's like to be you at the moment. It rekindles that old glow a little bit. I start to get nostalgic, and wish I could get it back, then I look in the mirror. It's still here.
A couple of months ago I was in the hardware store (a favorite place of mine), staring at a bunch of saw blade/bit thingys and a man walked up and asked me if he could help me find something. We spent the next 10 minutes looking at various things before I realized that he didn't actually work at the store. Because he asked me out.
I've been married for almost ten years and for most of that time I really only wore my wedding rings for special occasions. (They're plain bands. Nothing special. But I never really got used to them. Plus, Ed and I spent more of our married life separated than together for several years. Really. We lived a block apart for more than a year, and dated each other. :H) Anyway! I've started wearing them every day because I found that other people--men--noticed that I glow now. Weird but true. Or maybe it's simply that I'm happily married and I don't notice them? I don't think so, though. I think it's the glow. Beware! It can be very distracting. :H

I'm well! Thanks for asking.

I've rescheduled my appointment for hypnosis to quit smoking 4 times. All for very legitimate reasons, I'll have you know. Traffic was bad. I was tired. Ed isn't ready to quit. *sigh* Next appointment is next week. I WILL make it and I WILL quit.

I am in the process (still) of fitting into this new house. It's working. Finally!

Wondrous things are happening now that I have my anxiety bac(k) under control. It was out of control again for a while and I wasn't very good at managing it! (Even though I was trying. I'm still trying!)

I've erased most of my thread here, and will continue to delete stuff. Which fills me with a bit of regret! But there are a number of reasons and I'm sure it's the right thing to do. I'm going to try to figure out a place to post the entire thread where I have control over it. (I know this seems weird or disingenuous or something. Sorry for that.) The only reason I want to post it is because I still believe it's SO important for other people to see real people go through the whole experience. It's such a help, isn't it?

I've also decided to continue with AA because I think I may be able to reach out there. I figure I'll attend the same way most of the Catholics I know attend church: Knowing most of "the rules" are irrelevant to every day life, but with the purpose of connecting with tradition and other like-minded people.

Sorry for the tome in answer to your innocent query! I've been looking for the time, and a place, to post!

Vera, if you happen to read over here, I'll get back to you shortly!
Ifull, Happy Anniversary, love. :l

And HUGE HUGS to you, Jo. Keep posting, will you? It helps me grasp on to this gift and lifts me up.
xx

[missyabby1]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

Hi "Ne"

Whoever you are pretending to be Ne....you really haven't got it. I seriously don't know what is going on here. There are so many things you have got wrong. Ne would never ever speak about AA in such a manner, let alone a lot of other things she would not say. To everyone on this site, be very, very wary about what you post. I honestly think it has been contaminated. I am now thinking I am not going to post here anymore. I know I sound like a conspiracist but the fact is something is not right here.

It is seriously not out of the question that the "powers that be" have not infiltrated this site. Money gained from alcohol consumption is important. Throughout history keeping the "workers" happy to some extent has also been important. To find a miracle drug that no longer keeps people dependent on alcohol would be a huge threat to a capitalistic society. It would upset the balance. Why do you think the AA paradigm has gone on for so long? It certainly has no voracity in today's world.

Anyhow, just my thoughts, and absolutely no way , and in fact, no way at all going against people who are truly seeking sobriety. I think that there is a chemical factor in alcoholism. I also think there is a genetic factor. I also think there are people who can gain from both promoting "fixes" and those who get gain from damping it all down.

In most societies there is a way to manipulate the "ants". We can make them work really hard but then we have to keep them "happy" in some way. Alcohol, tobacco, etc etc. If baclofen became the almighty cure then I doubt most governments would be very happy. Not only would they lose the taxes, but also would lose a certain amount of control.


I am sure the baclofen story will unfold but don't expect it to be easy. Far too many people would not benefit from such.

Missy

[Hippyman]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

Chemical factor and genetics ...both! Yep. Bac is a way to correct the chemical factor. At least it has for me.

[Colin]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

missyabby1;1438474 wrote: I know I sound like a conspiracist but the fact is something is not right here.

Just because you're not a conspiracist doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

missyabby1;1438474 wrote: Whoever you are pretending to be Ne....you really haven't got it.

Hiya, Missy!

It is me! Ne! lol.

I certainly hope I haven't lost it, 'cause I still feel like I got it.

And perhaps what I wrote about AA was insensitive? I'm just looking for a way to take this to the 3-D world, and yet keep some of my own privacy so that it doesn't bite me in the future. You know? Lots of alkies right here in the world...And no one has heard anything about baclofen.

I still don't drink against my will. More importantly, and to the point, I saw that you posted you are free, too. That made my heart happy. And out of the relationship! (Though you mentioned that before, I'm still glad it's still a done deal.)

I don't post much, and very rarely lurk! I do still read just about everything though, usually in bursts. And then I find I've run out of time...THAT (running out of time) is the story of life in sobriety for me...And it's not any different today! Ed's home, we have project lists that make me wanna cry, I need a nap! (Been up since 4am) and we're taking my grandmother to lunch at a deli that puts a pound of meat on every sandwich. (If there is anything unlike Ne, it's eating a pound of meat! But I'm trying on the paleo thing, because I want more muscles and energy! booya!)

Take heart, Missy. MWO is the same. It's quiet these days, but the kerfuffle has died down for the moment. The conspiracy, if there is one, has only to do with Phill and his approach to selling information about baclofen. Whatever! Same old song and dance, and we're all just plugging along trying to focus on the only goal that matters...

Huge, huge hugs, sister. SO glad to hear you're doing well. (And welcome back!)

[joanna_d]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

i'm quite happy with the Ne you are Ne!

i love hardware stores to. as a matter of fact, maybe i should visit one today to liven up my spirit
and about dating your husband; seems like a brilliant way to be married to me!
but it's great to hear you found the love of your life back again. how would that be, two people waking up from ages of booze fog and looking at each other for the first time in this totally new way?
curious about how the hypnotherapy will work for you. if all goes well with the not drinking, i might just quit smoking myself one of these months. would be a good thing for my heavy allergies too.
i thought you were going to do the pills, champix (?) to quit smoking. to be honest i have some notes against taking pills like that (they're a type of ad's, and those are also pills i want to gradually stop taking in due time)

i've started taking 12.5mg less again yesterday. (of bac that is)
my switch dose (although quite low compared to other switch doses over here... of course i'm a total wimp compared to you guys ) is rather burdening, cause although i feel okay mentally, i'm physically too beat to do something with my new life. and too numb in the brain.
also i switched the doses some yesterday, thought maybe it'd be better to take the 3 smaller doses (37.5mg) in the beginning of the day, and the two heavier doses (50mg) in the end (so i'd have more energy during the day), but yesterday at 6 i suddenly thought of buying a beer. i took the 7pm dose a little earlier and then was fine. so today i'l spread the doses differently.
still feels bit scary to diminish, but last week i actually felt indifferent (differently indifferent than before ). walking by the booze racks in the super market and not giving them even a look. feeling that just doesn't exist for me anymore (and not even thinking about that consciously)
it's been 4 weeks since my switch, and although one week of those i dropped my dose, i wanted to try if it'd be enough to diminish some again. it sure made me feel more alive last time (but yeah, after a few days i woke up with the hangover of the century).

i need to get out some of the shit that's boiling in my guts real quick!!
had a pencil and a paper lying round yesterday. scribbled some, realizing i HAD to dive the fuck in again.

[Colin]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

joanna_d;1440313 wrote:
i need to get out some of the shit that's boiling in my guts real quick!!
had a pencil and a paper lying round yesterday. scribbled some, realizing i HAD to dive the fuck in again.

Ah, those bodily functions just won't go away.
Some people advise staying several months months at your switch dose. Still, it's your way out so you are perfectly entitled to ignore them. I guess a permanently runny bum might be considered a mitigating circumstance.

[Colin]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

joanna_d;1440313 wrote:
i need to get out some of the shit that's boiling in my guts real quick!!
had a pencil and a paper lying round yesterday. scribbled some, realizing i HAD to dive the fuck in again.

Ah, those bodily functions keep raising their ugly heads.

Some people advise staying several months at the switch dose. I suppose a permanently runny bum might be considered a mitigating circumstance for ignoring them.

[joanna_d]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

:H i don't mean a runny bum (nice expression though!!). i mean the energy that's boiling in me now, and doesn't get out.
i'm an artist (i make drawings, sometimes combined with painting, and animations), and i haven't made anything since a few weeks after starting with baclofen. the bacboozing just got the best of me. and now, i'll have to start up my creative process again in a totally different (sober!) atmosphere. quite a nice challenge. but i need some spirit to engage in it.

[Xadrian]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

joanna_d;1440354 wrote: :H i don't mean a runny bum (nice expression though!!). i mean the energy that's boiling in me now, and doesn't get out.

I assume Colin understood what you meant.

I like his humor

[joanna_d]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

ah me too! the :H wasn't meant to laugh at him. it was because i just found the runny bum (that would make great name for a bar, wouldn't it?) very funny.

i guess i'd like my bum to be more runny (figuratively speaking, that is)

[Hippyman]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

Runny Buns...:H :H :H I LOVE your humor!

Colin;1440325 wrote: Ah, those bodily functions just won't go away.
Some people advise staying several months months at your switch dose. Still, it's your way out so you are perfectly entitled to ignore them. I guess a permanently runny bum might be considered a mitigating circumstance.

[joanna_d]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

yesterday i had giggles throughout the day, having thoughts like "my bum runneth over"