just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

[Xadrian]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

Fine you made a final decision, Jo.

The neighbours you were referring to, were probably the fanatic religious type, right?
And I don't mean the Amish, but the ones from North Africa.

I know the feeling of letting them scare you away doesn't feel good, but it's probably the best decision.
I hope you will find yourself a nice new home.

[zampa75]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

StuckinLA;1542058 wrote: That actually sounds amazingly meditative, relaxing, and even a little productive to me, Jo. Except the numbness. I know you don't want to slide back into bad old habits--but I am a little jealous to be completely honest.

I don't think I have any advice. But I am thinking about you and wishing you well. :l

Hi there, Jo.
I've read your journey and I am impressed, and happy for you - except for the neighbors

But you do mention "drink" as a daily habit again in your last post... Is Bac no longer working as much, or you manage to just drink socially, in which case I really envy you??

[joanna_d]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

hi Zampa,

thanks! and good you asked, cause i can imagine confusion when reading about me drinking.
i don't think baclofen looses it's effect. i don't think it works that way.

after switching dec 10th last year on 225mg i stayed on my switch dose for 2 months, i've diminished to a fairly low dose of 100mg. i stayed on that dose since i think the beginning of may. it already sounded quite low to me, i didn't want to test it any further.
i stayed AF that first month, no problem. then in the beginning of june i found out i could drink without being repalled. the previous time i had tried drinking, i just disliked the stuff.
i found there are (of course) still some psychological leftovers from my addiction. "if i can drink, i'll have to drink", something like that. i was so unacquainted to having a choice.
got used to that, and to choosing not to drink.
at the dose i'm at, i think some effort on my part is needed to keep making that choice. why am i at this dose? just challenging i guess. why make life easy, when i can give it an edge right? :{
when this neighborhood stuff started escalating, of course old mechanisms crawled back up. suddenly smoking pot again a few weeks ago, which i'd quit also not long after stopping drinking. the old urge to crouch away. drinking, though not more than 3 glasses a night (a few exceptions there). i just don't get the buzz i just to get from drinking i used to get.
i don't know if i'd call this social drinking but yes, there's certainly a limit and i'm not drinking cause i have to.
not that it's making me feel better doing it. i'll be way better off not drinking at all again.

anyway, haven't smoked pot the last 2 days, i think i'll sort out the drinking again as well. have to find my comfort zone again in this out of place situation.
now trying to go up a little bac wise, also cause i felt so sensitive to all impressions. damaged amygdala from drinking?

finally internet trouble mostly over. and since two weeks living at my studio.

[joanna_d]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

joanna_d;1546188 wrote: hi Zampa,
at the dose i'm at, i think some effort on my part is needed to keep making that choice. why am i at this dose? just challenging i guess. why make life easy, when i can give it an edge right? :{

i was doing myself wrong here, being self cynical.

after getting a bit of a taste for alcohol again in june (i had 6 months of AF time before that, during which alcohol even tasted disgusting to me), i drank 1 or 2 glasses a week, which i didn't feel good about. i tried going up bac wise, but found i coulnd't handle the se's (extreme fatique and dizziness). so i got back down to 100mg, which i'd been taking from the beginning of may.
to find i was able to get back in charge and could easily refrain from drinking.
i concluded it'd been a psychological issue, more than a matter of craving.

then later after fleeing my house, spending 2 weeks at a friends house, and returning to town (studio instead of home) i found myself drinking again.
i increased the dose again.
thought i'd try to add extra bac in the evening, so my body could get used to the dose without too much se's during daytime. in the situation i'm in right now, i have to have some vigour to deal with things, make decisions about how to move further.
i increased with 12,5mg 2 times (before i did 25 - 25 - 50, so i got up to 25 - 25- 75). i felt fine. i realised though that taking extra bac late at night wouldn't have the desired effect (less inclination to drink, or perhaps even regaining the absolute distaste i had during the 6 months after reaching my switch).
so i tried to spread the doses over daytime (25 - 25 - 25 - 50). no luck. could hardly keep my eyes open, totally out of focus.
so last week i got down by 12,5mg again (212,5 mg: 25 - 12,5 - 25 - 50) and felt fine again. what a relief.
strange though. how did i ever manage to tirate to 225 and reach my switch last december?? my life is in a different place right now of course. my body as well, though i would've expected it to tolerate more than back then...
all the same, it is what it is.

i'm finding now i'm getting back in charge when it comes to drinking, taking the mindful approach.
for clarity's sake: not that i was out of control. like i said: there certainly was a limit. but do i want to drink? do i need that stuff back in my life even a little? a definite no.

the line i wrote "i'm not drinking because i have to", left me asking myself "well then why the hell am i drinking??"

now realizing how hard i've been trying to keep my head up high, again, being the rough me that can handle all of this (by myself of course). just like i did when i was still an alcoholic. that attitude might have been a trigger to drink, even though i didn't need to.

and the good news is i can handle it. the whole fleeing my house thing is turning into something good. i needed to get out of that place (even without taking the neighboor threats into account). it's actually transforming into a great next step for me, on with my life, after being freed from alcoholism.
apparently it's not easy for me to fight and mind myself at the same time.

hm, this has become kind of a messy post. while writing it i lost some parts (laptop being sensitive to my every touch). feeling i'm totally missing my point now.
it's taken me quite some time writing and rewriting, so i'm not going to rewrite and add more now. have to go take my dog for a good walk. and i'm not gonna delete it either.

(sorry for not replying more quickly and in person to you all before. things were a bit messy, also with regard to internet connectivity)

[StuckinLA]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

Yeah, it's funny isn't it, Jo? I couldn't imagine being anywhere close to 240 anymore--I don't know how I functioned back then. Maybe there's something to AA's "gift of desperation"? I woud've (and did) go through hell to find out if the switch was real, if bac worked, and, of course in my case, to see if I could continue to drink moderately. But I don't feel desperate anymore. Panicky sometimes and having some rough patches, sure, but not scared and not desperate, and I think that's the difference when it comes to thinking about what SEs I would tolerate. (This is all hypothetical at this point, since I'm not taking bac at all.)

Anyway, whatever that was it turned into kinda a mess. What I meant to say is rock on, sister! Sounds like things are moving in the right direction for you, and I'm so happy to hear it. :l:l:l

[hopless]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

Hello am new to this forum...am not even sure if am postinga msg or starting a convertion...my dad died of alcholisim am diein too so is my brother.. Guys need help i have been a a.a member for 14 years..sober 4.....man am sick of this craving and not feeling normal...any body tred baclofen pls share is this the wounder pill

[StuckinLA]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

Hi Hop, yes baclofen can take away cravings. But you have to be careful and start with a very small dose and increase the dose very slowly. Check out this link to start: https://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...ule-52878.html

[skullbabyland]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

Hop- yes baclofen does seem to work- definitely agree with Stuck- your best chances for it to work are to increase dose very slooooowwwwly. It really does work, keep the faith, all's not lost.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

HULLLLLOOOOOOOOO sunshine!

Wow. So much in your last post that I can relate to or that triggers memories and emotional reactions. Lots and lots. But I'm just going to respond to this part:

joanna_d;1552794 wrote:
the line i wrote "i'm not drinking because i have to", left me asking myself "well then why the hell am i drinking??"
That's not an easy question, is it? And it hasn't always been easy to figure out if I was drinking (or just wanting to drink) because I needed it as a release (or whatever) or if it was just a fleeting thought. In retrospect, I think both. In the way that some people, when they have a really awful day think, "I'll have a drink and relax." Doesn't mean it's alcoholic drinking, right? But if those days add up, then hmmmm. That's what it was like in the beginning. (First year?) I mean that the bad days had the potential to add up. Not that my days were bad! Just the opposite. But for 20+ years, the only relief I could find was in the bottom of the bottle. Even though I didn't want to, and really couldn't, find relief with booze, it was often a thought. And fun, too. Let's not pretend having a drink isn't fun. It can be. But man, it wasn't fun for me for decades. I don't ever want to think it's a real way to have real fun.
Anyway, I guess I'm rambling now. I know you know, and are figuring this stuff all out too.

This really struck me, because I think I do it all the time:

joanna_d;1552794 wrote: now realizing how hard i've been trying to keep my head up high, again, being the rough me that can handle all of this (by myself of course). just like i did when i was still an alcoholic. that attitude might have been a trigger to drink, even though i didn't need to.

My stress last summer was really bad...In no small part because it felt like it was ALL up to me, and that the decisions were going to be life-altering. Then again, sometimes that's accurate. It can be a solitary road and times can be tough. I hope I get better at figuring out which is when and what to do about each. I'm so glad that I am so clear that booze doesn't help. In fact, it makes these mind-fucks so much worse.

And this, too:
joanna_d;1552794 wrote: and the good news is i can handle it.

Yep. You can.

It's still pretty fluid for me. Not the amount of baclofen I take. I keep that steady. (Finally! Messing with baclofen is not a very good way to stabilize brain chemistry! duh.) Finding the right amount is important, and it (sort of) makes sense to me that the amount sometimes changes over the long haul. I'm at 90mg now and wonder occasionally if that's enough. Then I remember that I don't really care about booze and that's all I ever wanted or needed baclofen to do. What I do with the freedom is still up to me. And like you, I've got this.

It's so great that you got out from under the drama created by the neighbors. Environments can suck the life right out of a woman. And for soooo long, I tried to re-create the environment, or change the person, or deal with someone else's drama. Every self-help book in the universe (even the shitty ones) will tell you that's no way to live well. Right? I'm sorry it sucked for you (and sounded kind of scary). I'm really glad you're...free. Free! Woop!

Do you know this song? It's one of my standards when I forget...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=em328ua_Lo8[/video]]Mary J. Blige - No More Drama - YouTube

So funny, to listen to this song right now, and realize that she's singing about a man. In my mind, the bad guy is booze and all the drama it brings in the form of people and places and things. I thank all that matters that I'm free of that.

Rock on.
xxoo

[joanna_d]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

one year...

hey guys & gals, guess what...

today's exactly one year since baclofen cured me from my severe and longterm alcoholism.

if it weren't for dr. Ameisen, i'd have lost everything and everyone by now (except my mom.. i don't even wan't to think of what it would have done to her to see me go through one more increasingly destructive year).
i was well on my way to total disintegration. until i found baclofen and just, like magic, got out.
such a gift.

i don't believe in heaven really, but i kinda do for people like dr. Ameisen. there just needs to be a place where he's surrounded by humming birds, the most beautiful skies, and overall love.

and you people here, who saw me through. i'm so thankful to have found you at that decisive moment in my life. don't know how i would have done it without you.

thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart.

oh, and it had to be today: after a few months of living in my studio after fleeing my old house, i got this news: i've got a new house.

[Mandiekinz]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

Hopless, did you not ever get your baclofen from when you ordered it in September?

[Ne/Neva Eva]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

Congratulations, Jo! And happy anniversary. I just spent a significant amount of time reading through your thread and once again thoroughly enjoying your mind. :l and :h

[kronkcarr]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

joanna,

Wow! It's a year already. I'm happy for you AND I'm happy you got your home. Here's to another year!

[StuckinLA]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

Happy Anniversary, Jo! That's so wonderful to hear, about a year of freedom, about your new house, and everything. Big hugs, sister, big hugs. :l:l

[Ne/Neva Eva]

just started with baclofen, a bit desperate

Morning/afternoon, Jo!

I'm looking for more information about the baclofen study at University of Amsterdam. Here's the link: Grootschalig onderzoek naar medicijn tegen alcoholverslaving - Universiteit van Amsterdam

I translated the first page but I was wondering if you'd mind looking up more info on it. I gather that it's just starting and that it's located in a couple of different places? Any more info would be greatly appreciated.

I dreamt about your studio or home last night. I hope it's as light-filled and homey as my imagination pictures it.