Still Striving

[MaryGoRound]

Still Striving

Tex-

I have had the same issues. I agree with what you said...I am GRATEFUL for Bac in reducing the cravings but for me the medicine does have the effect of taking away both the highs and lows.

I am willing to live with this for now. There is no silver bullet. Perhaps one day they will refine it so that it doesn't have the "blunt" effect (based on my experience only).

I look at it as an opportunity to give me space. I still need to deal with the "why." I am a full advocate of the biological imbalance BUT there is something in my mind that loves the easy way out. For instance, my first impulse when my real computer gets crazy is either "alt-control-del" or unplug the computer and restart. I sometimes (reluctantly) try to figure out why my computer is getting jammed. When I am brave enough to just read or listen to all the free advice out on the Internet for fixing the problem I usually end up with a better fix. I also feel smarter for having taken the time to think a problem through with a calm mind.

So, maybe we give ourselves the time we need using BAC but then also build our circuits so that one day we can go it without. There is no rush...

[Hippyman]

Still Striving

MaryGoRound;1441260 wrote: Tex-

I have had the same issues. I agree with what you said...I am GRATEFUL for Bac in reducing the cravings but for me the medicine does have the effect of taking away both the highs and lows.

I am willing to live with this for now. There is no silver bullet. Perhaps one day they will refine it so that it doesn't have the "blunt" effect (based on my experience only).

I look at it as an opportunity to give me space. I still need to deal with the "why." I am a full advocate of the biological imbalance BUT there is something in my mind that loves the easy way out. For instance, my first impulse when my real computer gets crazy is either "alt-control-del" or unplug the computer and restart. I sometimes (reluctantly) try to figure out why my computer is getting jammed. When I am brave enough to just read or listen to all the free advice out on the Internet for fixing the problem I usually end up with a better fix. I also feel smarter for having taken the time to think a problem through with a calm mind.

So, maybe we give ourselves the time we need using BAC but then also build our circuits so that one day we can go it without. There is no rush...

Mary, For me Bac was a tool for me to do something I could not do without it! Now that I can stay sober it will be a process of rebuilding a life destroyed by alcohol. It'll take time but it'll happen!

[TexasAg]

Still Striving

Hi Mary, good to hear from you.

I'm with you, I'm hoping this is a phase...learning to live life sober and such. I definitely liked being sober and being able to remember the holidays. I'm thinking my family truly enjoyed the sober "boring" me. But my wife did ask me a few times, "what's wrong?". Nothing was wrong, but I've always been a catalyst. Lately I just feel like I'm on the outside looking in and kinda quiet and reserved. Maybe this is the real me. I've literally been drinking since 15 so it has occurred to me that I might not even know who I really am. So this "space" is probably a good thing.

I'm sure you're right, being patient is probably the answer. But being so young in sobriety and not understanding the science is frustrating.

Besides, seing how feisty Ne, IULL, Otter, Bruun, Red, Murph and many others are gives me hope!

Cheers!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Still Striving

TexasAg;1441243 wrote:
I'm not sure how Bac works exactly, I kinda think it fixes the elevator in your brain so you don't get too extreme feelings, high or low. The reason I bring this up is I think I'm stuck on even keel.
...
Maybe this is what it feels like to be normal. Maybe I'm in a bit of a depression.
MaryGoRound;1441260 wrote: Tex-

...but for me the medicine does have the effect of taking away both the highs and lows.

I went through periods of time, both while I was drinking and after I'd stopped, when I felt like I wasn't really feeling or engaging. I had several long conversations about it with my mother (a psychologist) and my husband.

There are a couple of things that I'd draw your attention to, though. The first is that I experienced this in my brief periods of sobriety before. (When I wasn't on a scary emotional roller-coaster, cruising from melt-down to melt-down that is.) It is not unusual to disengage after being completely disengaged (drunk) for a long time.

The second thing is that (I think) this inability to really engage was a definite side effect of the medication for me for a while. But, like all the others, it goes away. I miss the experience of not reacting immediately to things (I completely lost my temper a couple of days ago, and that is such an unpleasant experience. Physically and emotionally! Not to mention the fact that I really hurt my husband's feelings and pissed off a couple of other people.)

What I don't miss about those times is wondering whether or not I actually 'care' about things. I felt like a robot (Mr. Spock or Data ) and wasn't swept away by something funny or exciting. But it ended. And then the new normal set in and like everyone else new to sobriety, I had to figure out how to manage my emotions. (But without the overwhelming rushes of them. For that, I credit bac. And it's no small thing. If you spend a little time reading in the other parts of the forum, you'll see that the emotional responses to new sobriety are fairly overwhelming, and often lead to relapse. Bac changes that.)

Hope it's a good day!
:l
Feisty

[TexasAg]

Still Striving

Thanks Ne, I appreciate your sharing, it always seems to calm me down. :thanks:

Funny, I wrote that yesterday and in the evening I had a blow up with my son (definitely wish I had the filter on before that!).

As with most things, time is a great healer. I had a huge high from realizing I was free and I guess I just wanted to keep it going. But life, history and uncontrollable circumstances seem to have brought me back to earth. Still, I'm very grateful for my new life and am looking forward to see what comes my way.

Cheers Feisty!
:l

[RedThread12]

Still Striving

Wouldn't it be interesting to know what a "healthy emotional life" actually looks/feels like?!?!

[TexasAg]

Still Striving

Does it exist?!..at least not in my circles!

Mr. Rogers comes to mind, just not sure the sweaters would look good with my boots.

Cheers!

[TexasAg]

Still Striving

Happy Friday!

Just wanted to give y'all an update on my melodrama. Just as Ne and others said, my spirits are starting to pick up. I've thought about it (too much!) and it could be learning to live life sober or mid-life crisis or overwhelming workload or a freakin hard 2012 and my spirit just taking a well needed break. Perhaps it's just this West Texas boy is used to open clear blue skies and this cloudy, rainy, cold Houston weather had continued for way too long. Probably all of the above.

Today, the sky is blue and the forecast calls for no clouds this weekend. I'm going with my wife to her friends wine birthday party tonight. I'm a little anxious about it and I'm not sure why. I've been at many parties and settings where alcohol is involved and have not had any urges or cravings, Baclofen has taken care of that. Maybe I just HAVE to have something to worry about. Maybe it's just "normal" to be anxious.

Ok, I don't want to be a downer, like I said my spirits are picking up.

Cheers to a great Friday and a great weekend!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Still Striving

Hiya, Tag!
Friday's are my absolute fav. I don't have class, Ed's working and all is quiet on the home front. It's my new day. Hope yours is fun, too.

TexasAg;1446128 wrote: ... I've thought about it (too much!)
...Maybe I just HAVE to have something to worry about. Maybe it's just "normal" to be anxious.

Oh, I can relate! :upset: and :H

There's this hypothesis that alcoholism and anxiety go hand in hand. And that perhaps the anxiety is the issue, and alcoholism is the symptom. I subscribe to that notion, because I think it most fits my experience. If that rings true for you it might be a good idea to let the wheels spin on how to deal with that underlying anxiety. (The feeling of needing to have something to worry about.) Because for me, it's not that I need to have something to worry about, it's that I worry a great deal over things that don't necessarily need worrying over if I'm not...well. So the more stress I have, the more things going on, the less control I have over my day to day deeds, the less control I have over my thoughts. And when I start worrying (having anxiety) about sort of nebulous things that aren't really that worrisome, I know for sure I need a break! (Counseling, meditation, exercise, sex nutrition, etc. etc. etc. You know the drill! *sigh*)

And when all that doesn't work or I just don't feel like it (I've got a "headache" [] for life sometimes, you know? And I just don't feel like doing all that good-for-me-stuff.) THEN I take a nap. (Well, I do that as much as I can anyway. But you get the idea.) And I tell my little voice to shut the h*ll up. 'cause sometimes it just needs to shut up.

There are tons of tools. Look for 'em! Because they are really, really useful and help me stay feeling pretty okay. (A big one for me is knowing the signs and symptoms of stress. Can you tell when you're being stressed out by something simply because you're stressed? That's a good place to start.)

:l

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Still Striving

And if none of that rings true, then fuggedaboutit! And I hope you really enjoy the party tonight. I'm really glad you're able to go and be with your wife and her friends and not be the "life" of the party.

[TexasAg]

Still Striving

:H :H

I read your post and it immediately brought a smile to my face! It's good to know there are others on the same wavelength!

I definiteley have to tell my little voice to shut up. Usually prayer and meditation will do it for me. Most of the time . Sometimes I just have to be forceful and tell it to go pound sand. (especially when it won't shut up about my wife!)

I am going to enjoy the party tonight and hopefully the "after party" . I'm leaving the little voice at home, and if he decides to crash the party I'll :b&d:

Cheers!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Still Striving

Morning, Tag!

(This is in response to your question on the other thread.) It stands to reason that you can take too much bac, or that it can have SEs that don't quite sit right. (Lack of zest for life.) I know that I can slip into what I call "general malaise". I've never really been able to figure out whether it's bac related or not, and most of the time I'm too busy spinning wheels or juggling flames to go to that place. But when it happens it feels like swimming through mud. (Emotionally maybe, too.) I can't say whether or not it's bac, and what you should do about it. But here are some thoughts:

How long have you been on the dose you're on? Have you varied your dose? Where are you in relation to booze? Are you doing other things? Is it a result of coming down from the rush (good and bad) of the upheaval from the last year of your life? ('cause it has been a rather dramatic year for you!)

Gotta run!
:l

[TexasAg]

Still Striving

Hi Ne,

Thanks for responding. Sorry for my delay. Things are ramped up at work, I'm starting my South America projects and there doesn't seem to be enough time.

Back to my joie de vivre (google translate is great ), I was feeling really blah. You described it perfectly, swimming through mud. I went on a weekend retreat with my church and these retreats have always recharged my batteries and gotten my spirits up but unfortunately, nada.

I have been on 100mg since my travel binge in November, I had gone down to 80mg pretty fast after hitting my switch and I don't think I was ready, for either titrating down so quick or the travel. That's when I binged. After that I planned and went up to 110mg but out of forgetfulness or lazyness I settled on 100 and have been AF since that binge. I think I've had an occasional wine, but to be honest I don't remember, which is kinda weird. Probably cuz it seemed insignificant. Before my November binge I was AF since august. I have no cravings whatsover. Do have the occasional, "Man today would be great for golf and a beer" moment. But I'm learning that is not alcohol craving but more of I want to get the heck away from this desk.

So that was my question on your other thread https://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...k-3-73086.html (which I think is a great thread, most of it made sense :H:H). The air conditioning comparison made sense, and that's what got me thinking. Is this blahness an SE and will pass, or is my air conditioner in my room kicking in and the air conditioner from open door from the baclofen room cooling my room to the point I can't feel the heat at all. You also made a great point, last year was an unbelievably hard, dramatic year. Things have pretty much been working out and settling down, so could that be it? Then there's the idea of being an alcoholic and growing up in a high drama family, so maybe I'm missing that. A combination of all? Maybe.

I dropped down to 80mgs this week but I'm worried (anxious :egad because I'll be travelling pretty constant for the next few months. The other thing that's got me worried is the travel and the situation at home. Things are working out and I hate the thought of taking steps backwards. I know if I drink it won't be the end of the world. But dammit, I don't want to create any more pitfalls.

I wanted to get y'alls opinion/advice/suggestions. I don't mean to sound whiny and unsure, but who'm I kidding, I'm whiny and unsure. I would NOT trade my sobriety and baclofen for drama, good or bad but I'm hoping there's a happy middle ground. Since we're guinea pigs, I'm hoping others will benefit from my whiny unsuredness.

One other thing I need y'alls advice. This one concerns my daughter. She's away on her second year at college and I spoke with her on the phone a few days ago. She told me something that broke my heart. She's doesn't drink (maybe once every month or so) but when she does, she can't stop. She tells me she doesn't feel the need to drink and can stay away from alcohol but it drives her crazy the thought that she could have a problem. Plus she's in college and her older sister that's 40 miles away at a different college can party with no problem. She's also sufferred from anxiety. So my question to y'all; most of us that have taken baclofen have done it when we were desperate alcoholics or desperate bingers. Anyone know of someone with a similar situation like my daughter and took baclofen? I see myself in my daughter and I don't want her to suffer like I did for so many years so any thoughts are appreciated.

Thanks again for all your help and support!

Cheers!
And Cheers again cuz it's Friday!

[Colin]

Still Striving

TexasAg;1459127 wrote:
One other thing I need y'alls advice. This one concerns my daughter. She's away on her second year at college and I spoke with her on the phone a few days ago. She told me something that broke my heart. She's doesn't drink (maybe once every month or so) but when she does, she can't stop. She tells me she doesn't feel the need to drink and can stay away from alcohol but it drives her crazy the thought that she could have a problem. Plus she's in college and her older sister that's 40 miles away at a different college can party with no problem. She's also sufferred from anxiety. So my question to y'all; most of us that have taken baclofen have done it when we were desperate alcoholics or desperate bingers. Anyone know of someone with a similar situation like my daughter and took baclofen? I see myself in my daughter and I don't want her to suffer like I did for so many years so any thoughts are appreciated.

I too have wondered about baclofen's use before the fall. Would it help? Is it necessary or is this just a passing phase? It would be a disaster if you do nothing and she turns into a hopeless alky. The average GP can't give you good advice so if you try anything you are probably on your own.
Tell your daughter everything you know about baclofen and tell her to wait a few weeks before diving into the murky water. Whichever way you go it could be wrong so make sure you both know that it's by way of an experiment which your daughter can safely terminate with no bad side-effects.

[Lo0p]

Still Striving

I'd get her fifty pills of naltrexone from All Day Chemist, to keep it off her medical record.

Tell her about TSM.

At her age and drinking patterns she is a prime candidate for TSM.

1997 Targeted Nal Early Problem Drinkers

edit: warn her about the nausea