Chigg's bac experience

[chigg]

I've lurked for a long time and posted a few things but figured I might as well just make my own thread. If for no other reason it can be a place to unload some of my stuff for my own sanity and folks can ignore if they want.

I've been on a steady 180mg dose of bac for around 6 months now after titrating up using Dr. L's schedule. The immediate relief after white-knuckle sobriety was amazing. All of a sudden my obsessive alcohol thoughts disappeared. Then 3 sober months into that 6 month period I decided to have a microbrew with some friends. It slowly re-awoke the beast and though I'm still drinking much less (used to be 3/4 of a fifth of whiskey, now it's around 1/3) alcohol is once again something I look forward to and use as an escape and reward. Obviously not indifference.

Now I know there aren't doctors here and I'm not asking for or expecting medical advice. But if anyone's ever done a plateau that led to 'less' addiction or known anyone else that has? Should I just start going up from 180mg by 20mg in weekly increments and hope to get closer to indifference? Should I titrate down to zero and then start over?

The only other thing is this week for some reason a crippling anxiety came back. I think it was having trouble running out of bac, on top of some work issues, and then the just devastating news in the U.S. I'm also on Lexapro so haven't had this happen in a while so I'm wondering if it's the increased drinking on top of bac. I have taken a couple .25mg alprazolam pills here and there so I'm also worried about getting addicted to those.

[Lo0p]

Chigg's bac experience

chigg;1429134 wrote: Should I just start going up from 180mg by 20mg in weekly increments and hope to get closer to indifference?

chigg;1429134 wrote: Should I titrate down to zero and then start over?

If I were to ask myself "Should I go to hell and back, just to see if it's sunnier when I get back?" On second thought, I don't think I'd ask myself that question.



chigg;1429134 wrote: The only other thing is this week for some reason a crippling anxiety came back. I think it was having trouble running out of bac, on top of some work issues, and then the just devastating news in the U.S. I'm also on Lexapro so haven't had this happen in a while so I'm wondering if it's the increased drinking on top of bac. I have taken a couple .25mg alprazolam pills here and there so I'm also worried about getting addicted to those.

Could be all of them, who knows? It's impossible and a mind game to boot (in my experience) to nail down the causes of some of the anxiety I deal with.

You can become physically dependent on alprazolam if you take it it every day but addiction and dependence are two separate issues. Only you know if you are addicted to them.

In my own personal experience it's impossible for me to be addicted to alprazolam while on HDB. It is the type of drug I would abuse the sh$t out of if I weren't immune to addiction (personal terminology).

Dr. Levin would say it can't happen.

I'd say it's tough but everybody's different and anything is possible.

I'm not a doctor and can't advise anyone to do anything that I personally know for a fact is the right course of action.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Chigg's bac experience

I concur with everything Lo0p wrote. Especially the part about going to hell and back. :H

Booze and bac=increased anxiety.

It took me months to actually use the medication you mentioned even though I had it from a friend that it would be okay. (Lo0p and others. I wouldn't take a doc's word about anything. Not even L's.) It is an extremely useful tool. That's the bottom line.

In my experience, bac doesn't erase the need/craving for booze. Bac removes the need/craving. Period. Which is not to say I believe it's not something you can "lose". But that's for the other thread.

Jkttdp. (just keep taking the damn pills.) Hang in there.

(EDIT: Beware the anxiety. It's a function of the disease. Using all kinds of tools to get rid of that is a really good idea. Like exercise. I still don't believe how much of a difference that makes in how I feel and handle life. And nutrition. And whatever else you can think of that reduces anxiety. It's a baddie and to be dealt with accordingly.)

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Chigg's bac experience

chigg;1429134 wrote: But if anyone's ever done a plateau that led to 'less' addiction or known anyone else that has?

Yes. Many people have. I don't recall names off hand, but there are many that have gotten to a place where they drink so much less that they stay in that place. Until they get tired of the beast in their brain. They usually quit taking bac or go up. Enough bac for long enough means no more beast. It is less painful if you get rid of the booze. But whatever. I drank all the way up to the day when I didn't anymore. Still worked.

[chigg]

Chigg's bac experience

Thanks so much for the responses. I actually didn't drink anything the last couple of days because the the buzz just didn't seem worth it, but I know the craving will come back at this dosage. Now it's day 3 of withdrawal and that just compounds the stress that was already there. Ugh.. what a ridiculous disease. Oh well, taking your advice and going up to 200mg tomorrow.

PS I know I've read that baclofen can be used for withdrawal, but man I still do seem to get headaches, shakes, irritability and nerves when going straight sober after 4 months of nightly drunkfests even on bac. Maybe it's psychosomatic.

[joanna_d]

Chigg's bac experience

i don't think it's psychosomatic. i went from over 20 standard glasses daily to zero last week (hitting my switch i believe) and felt very sick for days (i'm still recovering now i guess). thumping in my head, shakes, small cramps, etc.
after more than a week, last night was my first dry night. before that i was soaked in sweat all the time. even towels in bed didn't help anymore.

[chigg]

Chigg's bac experience

Ugh, sorry to hear you have to go through that. It really sucks. Well here's to hoping we can find the right tools to removes the craving not have to go through a withdrawal again.

I can sometimes start to feel the tipping point between saying things like, 'I can't WAIT to start drinking it will be SO much fun, I really NEED a drink right now' to saying things like 'Why would I have a drink right now? It will just make me stupid and then frustrated and tired, and then I'll wake up in the middle of the night with insomnia and get to the point that I have to withdrawal again.'

I'm hoping indifference can mean that I can see alcohol as something like in the 'Easyway to Stop Drinking' book - as a poison with absolutely no advantages or at least something close.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Chigg's bac experience

Drinking sucks. I like to do it very occasionally, but it doesn't mean I don't recognize that the stuff makes me feel yucky for a day or two. Even just a little bit. It is very nice not to be scared of the sauce though. So yes, in a way it's like the book. Recognize it for what it actually is, without all the hooha.

Drinking alcoholically (against one's will) is a totally different thing altogether. Moderation doesn't exist, it's a lie and a myth, if one is still addicted. And that doesn't just suck. That's slavery. I don't ever, ever need a drink. But sometimes I need an outlet. Exercise helps. As does turning up the music until the speakers/ear drums are close to blowing and doing something with enthusiasm! That often happens when I'm pissed off, or excited. And I am often pissed off or excited!

I still sweat at night occasionally. It's a nuisance. It's not my hormones, but it doesn't happen to my husband, and we take the same amount of bac. I hate waking up as though I've just gotten out of the bathtub. ugh. But it's not regular. The weather here doesn't help. It may be winter, but it doesn't really get cold, and we have a down comforter made for the pre-global-warming temp. :H

Hang in there.

[chigg]

Chigg's bac experience

Are any other folks thinking about making sobriety their New Year's Resolution this year? I know some would say that if a medication has removed the desire to drink that a resolution is pointless because if you need to promise yourself that you won't drink then you're still trapped. But I'm wondering if committing to sobriety as a resolution could still be valuable just as that added boost. At 200mg of bac I still feel like I'm hovering around the faint edges of addiction but could leave it after the holiday celebrations end. I'm really almost forcing myself to get a buzz because others are and it's just tradition.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Chigg's bac experience

That's what I did. It was in June, but I'm always running a bit late.

I 'switched' in Feb. Started drinking again (but not much) a couple of weeks later. (I had also gone waaaay down on bac, and my husband was still drinking alcoholically, so it was very easy to have a beer or two with him.)

Sometime later I decided to do 30 days abstinent. I did. It was effortless and really wonderful. I can see now the difference even a glass of wine makes in my mood and energy level. It's probably not even related to the baclofen. It's just that booze makes everything not-so-great the next day.

Try it! You might like it!!

[chigg]

Chigg's bac experience

One thing I'm noticing about alcohol craving being removed by baclofen is that I'm still finding something 'missing'. The first month of sobriety is always so nice because of how healthy and alive I feel. But now those extra mundane hours at night are starting to get SO boring. I'm back to craving a buzz, but alcohol isn't appealing at all. I've actually started really wanting some pot because it's a buzz that may cure that longing for a different mindset. It's probably for the best I don't know how to get any. It's fascinating what you learn about yourself when that alcohol addiction is removed. This is probably how the alcoholic monster was born - just that need for a 'buzz' and alcohol was available. Now that the monster is dead the need has just returned without an outlet. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I'm working on meditation and exercise. I guess I'm hoping that just putting it out in the ether may help.

[Xadrian]

Chigg's bac experience

You could try to pick up an old hobby, go sporting or go to the gym, read a book you never came to, watch a movie, visit some friends or family now you're not too drunk to drive, follow a course, you name it.

[Hippyman]

Chigg's bac experience

I went thru a short time of feeling bored. I looked for ways to be of service to my community. Now I'm back doing things that I always enjoyed but was too drunk to be able to do. All my energy went to wanting another drink! It takes a while to rebuild a social network and make new friends who don't spend their lives in a bar. Follow your gifts. What are you really good at other than drinking? Figure it out and do lots of that. Take a class. Join a club.I'm back doing my Artwork again. Life is getting exciting because I'm putting myself out in the middle of things. No longer am I locked away hiding in a bottle. I am finally free and so are you!

[chigg]

Chigg's bac experience

Thanks so much for the positive responses. I am so impressed and envious of those people who can turn around and turn that addiction energy into something positive.

Maybe I just need to tackle my negativity first. I wish taking a class or finding a new hobby worked as quickly and so intensely as a drug, but I just need to keep persisting. Maybe this is some latent alcoholism rearing its head. I'm going to go up to 220 and see if it helps at all with the craving for a buzz.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Chigg's bac experience

I read a really good article some time ago about the mind of the person with ADD. It had something to do with the fact that people with attention deficit don't get the same rush from experiences that others do. It was very science-y, though. (The lack of dopamine receptors, or lack of dopamine in enough quantity, to create the reward in 'fun'.) (80% of the stuff that I read about ADD and alcoholism I pretty much dismiss, in no small part because it usually ends with "We really have no idea how it all works together, but this is a small piece of it. :H)

The article really resonated with me because when I got sober I got bored. Or rather, the potential for boredom was HUGE. TV irritated me. (omg. I can still barely tolerate television.) Sitting on my behind and reading is something I love, but it can't be done all the time and it gets incredibly uncomfortable. Not to mention the fact that it's pretty isolating. In fact, everything I came up with is fairly isolating. And kind of boring, too. (Meditation, exercise, blah, blah, blah.)

The article was actually about a successful entrepreneur. He realized when he gave up booze that he craved novelty. And the high. I realize(d) that I crave novelty, too. So that's what I do. Something novel. It's actually much easier than you'd think. And cheaper! (Well, we bought our first house. That's novel, new, different, and rather expensive! )

I guess my point is that it doesn't take a neuroscientist to figure out that we need/want/crave a way to get out of our heads. TV or a good book isn't going to cut it for many of us.

One last thought: Whenever I meet someone who has done something incredibly novel, my first thought is, "Oh, you've got 'it' too!" :H I met a guy last week who climbed Mt. Everest! Guess what? Yep.

Good luck.