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[kronkcarr]

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Thanks for your well wishes. I'm so happy for all who've found their way through. Good cheer to all of you.

[kronkcarr]

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my 15 month story

I've not posted my story here and spirit has asked that I do so. I am a 56 year old 130 pound woman. Here it is:

I was a junior in high school the first time I drank. I didn't like the taste but I got smashed. In college I over drank and smoked pot daily and did other drugs through my Bachelors and Masters degrees.

I got married at the end of my undergrad years and drank so much on weekends that I cheated on my husband. We got divorced after 9 months at my request. I got married 1 year later to a guy who smoked pot daily. I smoked with him and over drank when there was alcohol at gatherings. We divorced after 5 years because he found a woman who was more mature than me.

During all of my drinking I was loud, funny, or so I thought, and I wouldn't stop drinking. I was functional in that I got great grades--just short of 4.0 and I never missed a day of work.

After my divorce I moved to Key West with a boyfriend. I worked hard there as a pastry chef. The saying was, "You work hard. You play hard." I continued pot smoking and over drinking. I got sober in AA (over a year) and I don't remember why or when I started drinking again. I started a chapter of Rational Recovery. We didn't last long because AA people that didn't want us there came to meetings and hassled us. I couldn't speak up so we shut the group down.

I returned to the mainland and returned to school for 3 more years. I dated a guy in AA so I stopped drinking. I started drinking and he gave the ultimatum: him or alcohol. I chose alcohol. He and I have a 15 year old son.

Years later I got married because I was so sure I'd learned lots about relationships. In the beginning it was great. As time went on not so great. I drank too much. I drank at my office just to face going home. I stopped at friends' houses to drink before I got home. I drank a bottle of wine a night to cope with my life. I over drank at parties and gatherings. I was passive/aggressive.

In all my relationships I could never express myself. I wanted everyone to like me and I tried to take care of everyone. So I drank for relief. When I was drunk all the things I didn't or couldn't say came out with venom.

My marriage was emotionally sick on both our parts. At my insistence we went to marriage counseling. After 10 years of marriage we divorced.

I was sure when my son and I moved out that all would be well in my world. Hahaha! I sat on the lanai after my son went to bed and drank 1/2 to 1 bottle of wine a night. I was still functional.

And I was stuck. After a year I tried a few more relationships and I worked all of my drinking around my communication with these men. I wanted a guy who wouldn't mind me partying but I didn't want to date a drunk!

I was in a phone/text/email relationship with a guy who said he was moving to my town. I was so nice, understanding and pleasing, but I had many questions that I didn't have the nerve to ask. One night I got drunk, we talked and all my questions, concerns and snarky comments spewed out. I was devastated because I'd ruined another relationship.

I read lots and during this time I'd picked up Dr. Ameisen's book at the library. I thought it might pertain to some people I work with. I didn't think about it for me.

After my drunken phone call a light went on. I decided to stop my madness with alcohol. I asked a friend what doctor to call. I made an appointment for a baclofen prescription for alcohol abuse. I was a freaking mess. I'd really not been honest with anyone about my drinking-- maybe in AA. I can't remember.

My dr scripted 30 mgs/day and said I could go to 50 mgs/day. My titration was slow because of my dr. He finally let me go to 80 mgs/day and the following month wanted me to titrate off bac. Dr L treated me after that. I also used liquid bac. I was lucky to hit my switch at 80 mgs. I maintain at 60- 70 mgs/day. I titrated down to 40 mgs/day and anxiety set in so I went up. I take 10 extra mgs if I'm in a stressful situation.

When I started bac I wanted to stop my nightly drinking alone and I wanted to be able to have drinks with friends. I didn't bring alcohol into my home. I did have 1-3 drinks with friends here and there. When I drank 3 drinks I had to nap and I had daymares. So I stuck to 1-2 drinks.

My SEs were that my sleep was horrible--up late, up early. I accepted it and mostly moved on. I had low level nausea and lost 15 pounds. Food did not interest for awhile and I had to eat to fuel my body. I also slowed down and saw the beauty in all the nature around me. I had tremendous insights into me and into others' behaviors.

Only once in the first 4 months did I forcefully fight off a desire to drink alone.

As my months on bac increased I went through many SEs: I cleaned my house and took pride in it, I got very unmotivated, I couldn't hike the distances I used to in hot temperatures, my organs hurt, my neck hurt. Mostly I came to gently understand who I was. I didn't know I had anxiety until I started on bac. I didn't know I was compulsive until I took bac. I started to stand up for myself, to respect myself, to love myself. I saw people for who they were and quit taking things so personally. I emotionally moved away from people who drained me or used me. I mind my business. I mind my money and for the first time in my life I have more than enough money. Work is full tilt crazy and I'm taking care of myself while working insane hours. I'm better at my work.

At almost 15 months on bac I'm not the woman I was when I started bac. It's the second best thing I've done in my life (right behind having my son).

[Yourfriend6116]

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I was crying by the end of this. What a beautiful, honest story. :thanks:

[Samandkatharine]

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Holy moly....:thanks:

Newbies, this is what it's all about.

Sam

[Xadrian]

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Thanks for sharing your story, Kronk.

I wish we had had known about baclofen 20 years ago. What a difference that could have been.
Sigh.......

[Colin]

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Samandkatharine;1634641 wrote: Holy moly....:thanks:

Newbies, this is what it's all about.

Sam

Exactly Sam. Baclofen doesn't suit everybody but when it works it is remarkable.

[gumtree]

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WOW. I'm a newbie here, trying Topamax. Still early days, but if it doesn't work out will try Baclofen. Your story is amazing. Thank you for sharing.

[kronkcarr]

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Thanks to all for your posts. gumtree, I hope you get great results with Topamax. Samandkatharine and Yourfriend6116, I'm happy you read my post. It's important for me to add to your information about the possibilities of baclofen. Colin, for sure, when it works it's a beautiful thing and Xadrian, no kidding--the possibilities! There's still time.

[dopey]

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how did you quit drinking?

[kronkcarr]

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Hi dopey,

I didn't quit drinking. I quit over drinking, drinking alone and drinking to escape the world and how I felt and I did it with baclofen.

When I started baclofen it was around Christmas and I did have 1-3 drinks every so often with friends. When I had 3 I fell asleep. Also from the start alcohol really didn't seem to have any effect on me. Maybe because I didn't drink enough? Maybe the bac? Someone else on here has had the same effect.

There was only one night where I desparately wanted to drink alone and I just wrote and wrote in my journal. I didn't drink and I gained confidence and self respect that night.

Looking back over the last 17 months I'm amazed at my baclofen journey. It's easy for me to forget the side effects I had. There were plenty but they were doable. When I started I hated my behavior when I drank and that's what I wanted to change. It's changed and my life is better than what I'd imagined when I started baclofen.

[Lostinspace]

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Thank you, kronk, for your story. It's very inspirational. I first learned of baclofen through dry, scientific articles (not that science is dry, I love science). But stories like yours are what inspire me to move forward.

[Cassander]

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Hi kronk

I missed your story -- with its wonderful outcome -- the first time you posted it. I'm glad it bumped back up. Baclofen is a miracle, or more accurately a wonderful medical discovery, that really works and I think it works in exactly the way it worked for you. What a relief to have your life back and to be completely in control of it.

I am so so glad for you.

Cass

[RedThread12]

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You tell your story with humility and eloquence. I read it when you first posted. In fact, I was threatened of dire things if I did NOT read it :H:H

I so appreciate your writing this - making it tangible, so to say. And I am grateful for all of you who remain here, holding the torch-light with your own experience, along with many others who have been here, stopped drinking against their will, and are out there amongst all of humanity - 98.237649 % of whom have no idea, much less inspiration, that there is a way out. There is. Baclofen was my magic. We all have our own paths.

*off topic alert* Kronk, I am just slammed for time. But good things happening for the work of our bro' on the other side.

*back on topic* Stories like yours, and oh so many others in this amazing forum WILL be a force to break down the wall of addiction. And THAT is what I am guided to convey. :l

[kronkcarr]

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I thought it was a good time to give an update. Tomorrow is 1 year and 9 months since I started bac. What a difference.

When I started bac I was tired of my behavior when I was drinking and, although I didn't realize it, I was tired of my behavior when I wasn't. When I was drinking I drank before parties, gatherings or banquets. It was just something I did. I didn't think I was anxious. I was always thinking how to get more to drink without others knowing. When I wasn't drinking I was stuffing my anger and irritation and it would come out when I did drink. It was a habit for me to feel like a victim.

Baclofen worked for me from the start. I relaxed, I had insights, I came to like myself and to stick up for myself. I had a lot of the usual SEs. Recently I posted on another thread that the heat was beating me down when I ran and I wanted to taper off bac. I got down to 20 was anxious and decided to go back to 30 mgs a day.

My choice with bac was to drink occasionally. After a year or so I went through a short phase where I was buying wine and having a glass or 2 a night. I thought about it and reasoned that I wasn't acting like I used to and that was acceptable and good. But I was running and had/have a plan to run long distances so I quit buying wine like I was. I feel great running with a schedule and a plan.

It's funny. I used to make a lot of grand plans and tell people and then back down. I started that this time with running. I had the idea to do an intense race with Racing the Planet (4 Deserts Official Website). I was almost in and then I realized that I wasn't even sure that I liked trail running. So I'm taking logical steps to see if a race in 2016 may be appropriate. When I over drank I'd never have thought rationally about it.

My finances have been amazing. I'm self employed and I work with people and their pains--physical and emotional. I became better at my job, better at listening. For the first summer in 19 years of business I didn't fret about $$. My work has been seasonal until this year. I'm so stoked to have $$ in the bank. I find that I'm not so impulsive about purchases--I think Ne mentioned this recently. I think off and on for a month or so before I make a major purchase.

I got sick in July. I thought it was a brown recluse spider bite on my upper back. It wasn't. It was a staph infection, mrsa. I let it get bad before I went to the clinic--a big sign that I still don't have my self care totally in hand. After getting it lanced and expressed twice and 10 days on antibiotics and stuff I had to put in my nose I had a short respite before it reappeared in another spot. I went back to the clinic and underwent the same procedure. It hurt like a bitch and I was afraid I'd never get rid of it. I bought a bottle of wine, came home, told my son I was going to sit on the couch and drink the bottle for the pain. I did. I don't remember the tail end of the night and that cured me from thinking it'd be a good idea to do it again.

Amazing to me is that I bought affordable health care and haven't paid even $15 so far. When I was over drinking I had no desire to follow the law to get the insurance. I was willing to pay the fine on my taxes without even checking into the cost.

I don't crave alcohol. If I drink it's because I make a choice. Baclofen continues to work for me.

[Lostinspace]

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It's nice to see an update from you, kronk I'm glad to hear everything is still going really well for you, outside of the MRSA infection this summer anyway. It's awesome that you're making big goals and actually taking steps to follow through with them. I think we're probably all guilty of dreaming up grand plans for our future, then doing absolutely nothing to pursue it, when we're drinking. Ultramarathons are actually one of the things that I drunkenly fantasized about doing one day, although my sober self doubts that I could actually do it.

Your shift to a more positive self-perception and better ways of interacting in the world are probably the greatest gift of bac, though, outside of the obvious freedom from cravings. I'm happy to see that things have changed so much for you.