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Very hard 7th AF day!

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    #1

    Very hard 7th AF day!

    Hi to everyone. - I am proud of myself tonight, but that does not reduce the anxiety and generally bad feelings. Sorta wanted to stop at liquor store on my way home tonight, but it wasn't too hard not to. Then I saw an email that indicated an online charge had been rejected. Semi-long story. Partially my fault, but not totally. I have been working on reestablishing good credit, and this incident negates some of that, damnit! I kept playing a computer game, while I was telling myself that getting one drink/bottle wouldn't be sooo bad. I also told myself that I could put on my pjs and not go out.

    I really wanted the relief that several drinks would give. I still do. But I took another dose of bac, and am here, in my jammies, trying to wait out the craving to escape.

    So, good news: I didn't drink. Bad news, the almost overpowering need to reduce the anxiety isn't gone. Just one "bad" thing (screw-up), and I want a drink, bad!

    I really want bac to be my answer, and I know that I'm very new to it, and I'm taking only 50mg, but..... I want what I want, now, please! If only life worked that way. Sigh. :argh:


    I've read all the new posts on this forum. I will chime in when I don't crave so much, and can think beyond my own needs and thoughts.

    Thanks for reading/listening. Saying how I feel may have helped a little. See you on the other side.

    GG

    GG
    Tags: None
    #2
    Very hard 7th AF day!

    YAY JAMMIES!

    yeah yeah yeah!

    The money thing. omg. There is nothing that can put me in a funk more quickly than messin' with the money. And for a looong time.

    Glad you are stickin' with it. Wanting what you want when you want it is not such a bad thing when it comes to wanting sobriety. 'cause guess what? You're sober. Right now.

    And it gets better and easier and more fun.

    Guess what else? You will not believe how much money you have when you don't drink it, or make silly decisions about what to buy when you have been drinking. Credit comes.

    xxoo and huge HUGS

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      #3
      Very hard 7th AF day!

      Hey. I had to log back on to say that I'm sorry if it seemed like I was making light of the situation. I'm not. It's tough! I know.

      Hang in there GG.

      Comment

        #4
        Very hard 7th AF day!

        Hey GG there is nothing like the relief of beating the urge - and waking up the next morning still AF You are in the right place doing the right stuff. the thing with the money, it will get better. if you were drinking you would not care - but it would get worse - You're awesome - you can do it - keep it up!!!

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          #5
          Very hard 7th AF day!

          Go Girl!

          Couldn't help myself. Sorry.
          Seriously, congrats on 7 days. And there's other things that can help with the cravings/anxiety. Look into L glutamine and L theanine. I love those two. And kudzu actually can help too as long as it's high quality.

          The money stuff is tough. I hate AA, but I always loved the AA Promises. And it's true, things do get better is sobriety. It's not magic, it's just that by being present in your life and able to make informed decisions, your situation will improve. It will, I swear.

          Reward yourself for being AF. Cook a delicious dinner. Take a bubble bath. Watch a few hours of trashy TV. Anything that feels like a treat to you. You deserve it.

          You're doing great.
          "Yet someday this will have an end
          All choices made or choice resigned,
          And in your face the literal eye
          Trace little of your history,
          Nor ever piece the tale entire
          Of villages that had to burn
          And playgrounds of the will destroyed
          Before you could be safe from time
          And gather in your brow and air
          The stillness of antiquity."

          From "At Majority" by Adrienne Rich

          Comment

            #6
            Very hard 7th AF day!

            GG,
            It does get better. Trust me--I'm 2 1/2 months in and 2 weeks ago I was totally blindsided by the same sort of experience you described. I too didn't buy alc and I came home and wrote and wrote and I gained a stack of self esteem. I actually am worth it! I had to look the definition up as I hadn't had much self esteem in my personal life. And the really cool part is that it extends into how I'll let others treat me.

            Keep on,

            kronkcarr

            Comment

              #7
              Very hard 7th AF day!

              Well then, you've earned this on two occasions........one, 7 wonderful, glorious, stupendous, astronomical, deeeeelishous, AF days, and two for not letting the beast win. :goodjob:

              Attached files [img]/converted_files/2065475=7268-attachment.jpg[/img]
              Living on Planet Sober since 05/02/11




              DAREDEVIL COOKIE MONSTER

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                #8
                Very hard 7th AF day!

                Way to geaux, girl! Three thumbs up!
                Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Very hard 7th AF day!

                  Thanks to NE, WCL, kronkcarr, RB, Nelz, and Xadrian for the acknowledgements and promises of future good happenings. It really does help to write about what's happening in my head and to hear from others who understand and CARE!

                  I overslept this am; not really a too big problem. We are having a sunny, cool day, after weeks of seemingly endless rain. If weatherman is right, my yard might dry up enough to be able to get garden ready almost on time. (Last frost is early-mid March). My mood is soo mch better when I can get my hands dirty!

                  I am grateful that I made it through last night w/o AL. I am realizing that while I didn't have major hangovers, my mood is better, and my irritability quotient is much lower. My dogs appreciate my willingness to play with them, not just tend to their breakfast. Yeah, Mom!

                  So, overall, Yeah, Me! 7 days AF, and I plan on adding another AF day today. My pattern right now seems to be one really rough day, followed by a not-so-rough day. Here's hoping it is true of today. Last night was really hard. I also hope that I remember next rough night that I did it once, and survived, and I can do it again. That seems to be a good motto, right? At least while the white-knuckcling is at play.

                  Again, many thanks to all, and may today be a gift to us all.

                  GG

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Very hard 7th AF day!

                    GeauxGirl;1470190 wrote: My pattern right now seems to be one really rough day, followed by a not-so-rough day. Here's hoping it is true of today. Last night was really hard. I also hope that I remember next rough night that I did it once, and survived, and I can do it again. That seems to be a good motto, right? At least while the white-knuckcling is at play.

                    GG
                    Hi, GG.

                    One of the really experienced people here, Byrd, swears that we won't have 2 horrible days in a row. She has been pretty much correct on everything else as far as I can see so I think you can believe that.

                    You are doing a great job!

                    Lucky you thinking about getting into the garden already. It is snowing here... but, I'm working on my 'attitude of gratitude' and trying to convince myself that it is pretty...

                    Have a wonderful AF-day!

                    -NS

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Very hard 7th AF day!

                      Thank you, NoSugar....it's true! I don't know why, it is a merciful phenomenon....you won't have 2 bad days in a row.

                      On behalf of Star and the Newbie's Nest, Please accept this small token of a BIG JOB! You have earned the coveted FULL MOON! :moon:
                      You have conquered each day that the week can throw at you, and won!! This is a big win in our world! Well done!! Byrdie
                      All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
                      Tool Box
                      Newbie's Nest

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Very hard 7th AF day!

                        GG: hang in there and congrats!!!
                        Alcoholic (or Ally)

                        "Only a fool knows everything.
                        A wise man knows how little he knows."

                        Please feel free to block/ignore my posts through your control panel.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Very hard 7th AF day!

                          Thanks NS, Byrdie, and ALC! I am thrilled to get the full moon!

                          Today I tried talking myself into getting a bottle of champagne as I was leaving the office. But it seemed more of a "habit" rather than a craving. So, no alcohol then, or now.

                          Got togo.need to sleep

                          GG





                          H 7

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Very hard 7th AF day!

                            GeauxGirl;1470536 wrote: . So, no alcohol then, or now.
                            OR EVER!!!!

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