Screwed up; re-starting

[StuckinLA]

Screwed up; re-starting

Day 1: rock on, sister. :l:l:l

[GeauxGirl]

Screwed up; re-starting

Caro. I really appreciate you. You are so right. Sometimes I just want to jump on the inner tube and float down the river of alcohol.

Stuck. Thanks for the atta girl!

Working on today. Need to just go home after work and get on the damn treadmill.

GG

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Screwed up; re-starting

Brilliant thread, GG. Brilliant replies, too.

In so many ways, on so many levels, this is a marathon. Of the best kind. You've got a pretty clear finish line, but the truth is, at least for me, that there isn't really one definitive thing (once the definitive thing is done!). I had to focus on the bac to get rid of the booze, and all the rest was toward that end.

I learned so many incredible lessons when I was titrating up. Here're a couple:

I can focus all of my energy on doing just one thing, even if that means doing lots of little things to get to that goal.
I don't have to do them all well, at the same time, or in any particular order.
I can be gentle with myself and a total hard ass/bad ass at the exact same time.

When I forget these things (every single damn day) I try to remember that it was a great JOY in my life when I started cleaning up the kitchen at night, because I wasn't passed out on the couch. That was a huge milestone. Sadly, it doesn't happen every night anymore and sometimes I wake up to a feckin' mess, but whatever. It doesn't even rank in the top 52 of things I try to do everyday anymore.

Point (I think? ) is that I am really psyched for you that you didn't beat yourself up and that you ate well and that exercise is on the radar, and for half a dozen other things you've posted about. Rock on!

[GeauxGirl]

Screwed up; re-starting

Neva Eva I really related to your post about cleaning up the kitchen. Even when I am only drinking "some", I found it nearly impossible to spend the 15-20 minutes necessary to pick up the kitchen. Not drinking, it doesn't seem such an onerous task. I cleaned mine yesterday,! And I knew how good it would feel this morning, and it did!:whee:

I started thinking about drinking shortly before I left work, but I went to a friend's house, having told myself that if I really, really had to have one I could go to the drive-through after the visit. In my alky brain, that would be better than a bottle (or 2) of wine. Still played a mind game n the way home: I could still go get it but first I needed to stop at home and feed my fur kids, knowing that frequently I really don't want to go out again.

Since my mind tells me I really, REALLY, need a drink, I'm trying to use that same brain to talk my way out of a drink. It worked yesterday! And I plann on it working today. In order to help it happen, I am taking care of business today, knowing if I don't I will feel guilty, and I'll resent myself; a perfect storm to believe I need a drink tonight. Although, I would love a day off with the gorgeous weather we are having, but it's not worth risking the chance of hearing the voice inside my brain chortling that since I am really a screwup, I should just drink.

So a quick coffee fix and I'm off to work. I'll deal with me again as I near the end of the day. I'm taking bac 20 x 4 a day, and a triple dose of glutamine 2 x a day. I'll up the bac to 100 a day for the weekend. So far the only SEs I'm having are rather vivid dreams, and very dry mouth. Those I will gladly trade for feeling in control.

Thanks to all who share their stories, of triumphs and not so good times. I am not alone!!!!!

GG

[caro]

Screwed up; re-starting

Hi GG,

Sounds like you are doing really well. You are not alone and if you do have a drink you are not a "screwup" so never think that. Just somebody doing the best they can with the cards they have been dealt.

Take care and good wishes

Caro