Advice needed

[Hippyman]

Advice needed

Ne/Neva Eva;1481435 wrote: Byrd makes some reasonable points. I particularly like the part about it being a diagnosis and not label. True words.

But holy shit, I hope you're not going to immerse yourself in any kind of pain, particularly the pain caused by your drinking. And if/when you decide to go down that road, I found really interesting stuff about therapy related to this topic.

New research seems to indicate that reliving/rehashing all the old stuff actually makes it worse. And that the mind, when it revisits past events, either makes them worse or makes them better. It just does this. It doesn't have a way, apparently, to give a completely un-objective perspective.

They found this out when they began looking at PTSD patients. When they compared the ones who got better to the ones who did not, they found that the ones who did not were encouraged to relive the scenario and to try to make sense of it. The ones who got better moved on, made plans, lived in the moment. A lot of this research was done on veterans from our various wars. A lot of those patients committed suicide. It was particularly dangerous when they were in group therapy rehashing this stuff. It was also the conclusion of a bunch of well meaning people who put together a program to help the first responders (and others) after 9/11. Same thing.

So much for media-free today. But now I'm off to play with mulch in the yard and turn my own brain off for a little-bitty-while.

I agree with Ne!~!~ Keep your eyes straight ahead on the prize. Time to focus on what you DO WANT and pay very little attention to what you don't want! A HAPPY SOBER LIFE IS STRAIGHT AHEAD!

[emily]

Advice needed

I have absolutely no idea why Bryd thinks the post is 'off', what do you mean by that?

Yes, I've been on and off this forum for a long time, I am aware of that fact! Around 2 and half years of that was spent completely sober. My tendency was always to post when I was doing well and not come on when I fell off the wagon. Off, on, off, on.

At the end of my tether I found the posts about baclofen in February , - I had never, ever considered medication before and had always used mind work in the past - the Alan Carr book had helped me stop in the past.

I was doing well, although I don't know what I was playing at drinking while taking Bac until that comment to me at the wedding which has plunged me into despair. I have now stopped drinking while taking Bac as I feel terrible and look terrible and from reading the posts - which I've been doing all day - I can see that I may miss something if I continue to drink while taking bac. I am currently on week 5 and taking 55 mg.

The immersion in the pain was an NLP technique I had found, again an attempt to help myself using mind work in which you had to list 5 things that were really bad about your 'problem' and immerse yourself and then destroy then by blasting them into space, sounds bizarre but at the time it did help, although not for long.

I apologize for only posting when things are going well or when I need help, thought that was the point of the forum.

Feel totally attacked

[Byrdlady]

Advice needed

Emily, I'm not trying to attack you.
The lady at the wedding was wrong to make a scene, but was what she said wrong? If you had been sober this would all be a moot point, wouldn't it?
Are you mad because maybe the lady at the wedding was right? I tell you, there is nothing harder than looking in the mirror sometimes...I'm not trying to be the bad guy here, I'm trying to help you see that for us, one drink is too many. I'm trying to help you to stop bullshitting yourself so you can heal. If I'm the bad guy for that, so be it...this is not FaceBook. Most of us come here in the fight of our lives. I'm not going to tell someone what they want to hear, just to win a popularity contest.
Those were your own words, how can I use those to attack you?
Good luck with whatever it is you are trying to accomplish. Byrdie

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Advice needed

Yeah. Some people, with the best of intentions, can kinda be off putting, themselves. (No judgment, Byrd. I just have a different take than you do. What's new?) Nothing like a little judgment to start the day, eh? A big reason I posted what I did. Anyway...

And I hear you about the facing the demons straight on and demolishing them. AA is based on that, and also on being in your face about past stuff. Two reasons I find the meetings excruciatingly painful. That crap kept me sick and wounded (and drinking) for many years.

When I first started going to therapy, I kept expecting my therapist, who I believed was a confirmed supporter of the 12 step strategy, to blast me. I finally asked her when we were going to get to the hard stuff. (EVERY damn program/shrink I'd ever been involved in reiterated that we had to address and atone for the sins of the past.) My therapist was like, "huh? Why on earth would we want to dig up that ol' stuff?"

That wasn't enough for me. Every now and again, I'd start to feel like I didn't feel badly enough and I'd bring it up again. She was the one who sent me to look up the information about how therapy works. And how it doesn't. What doesn't is looking back, including looking back at stuff you posted a loooong time ago when you were in a different place. Hayzeus. That hurts, and believe me I know it. It has been done to me one too many times and I even started deleting my old posts. I should be finished with that in a year or two. Unless I keep posting, dammit.

Point is, I feel ya'. I don't doubt this might elicit a response that could be angry. Whatever, sister. I don't have time for other people's judgment, and I don't have time when they decide to reach out from God knows what place in their own journey to comment on mine. What I do have time for is a conversation, a discussion, reaching out when someone looks like they might want it.

And trust me when I tell you I have said or written the wrong things many, many times. I have hurt people's feelings. Been a total bitch myself. (Just ask. Plenty of people around here are still pissed off about it. ) And I'm still not a shrinking violet (obviously).

You can feel attacked (again!) if you want. But rest assured this is a safe place where you can come to find answers and look for solutions without needing to beat yourself up.

Best gift I got from doing this with medication (and absolutely nothing else, mind you) is that I realized I have a mother fucking disease, not a mother fucking spiritual malady, or a mother fucking moral problem. When I think about the sins of the past now, I feel compassion and empathy for myself, not just for the other people involved. It always hurt me more than it hurt them.

jkttdp, sister. You'll get here. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
:l

[kuya]

Advice needed

Ne/Neva Eva;1481615 wrote:

Best gift I got from doing this ................... is that I realized I have a mother fucking disease, not a mother fucking spiritual malady, or a mother fucking moral problem. When I think about the sins of the past now, I feel compassion and empathy for myself, not just for the other people involved. It always hurt me more than it hurt them.

:l

TATTOO THAT TO MY MOTHERING FUCKING FOREHEAD ! :H:H

Emily......when I read your post I had to remind myself that you were taking meds now, and I therefore have to modify my response as it is a TOTALLY different route to the zero tolerance of abstinence.

So don't feel attacked, cos reading this, I can see where Byrdie was coming from........and it does no harm to remember that being happy, without alcohol controlling our lives, is the reason all of us are here.

[nancy]

Advice needed

different philosophies

I am so glad Ne'Va wrote those responses. I agree.

I know some people buy into the shame/judgment/reliving the past/atoning for sins route. I think that can be extremely harmful for other people. I think it's better to be motivated by positive things.

And as some say, don't water the weeds in your garden.

I think what the woman said was pure nastiness. Obviously she doesn't care about you. So that's why you are upset, not that it hit a nerve. If she had done it sensitively it might have hit a nerve in a good way. Gossiping about and belittling people is wrong. A lot of people like to belittle people with substance abuse problems, including those who have bad problems themselves.

Good luck Emily!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Advice needed

Hey Emily,

I woke up this morning thinking about you. I don't really get or use PMs anymore, but it would be great to hear from you.

Ne

[emily]

Advice needed

Hi Ne

Your PM inbox is full so this is the message I was sending you.

Hi there Ne

thank you so much for being so kind and thinking of me.

I'm fine, think the last few days has been a major wake up call for me, what with the wedding situation, the hangover I had afterwards and bryd's post. I read it again and could see she wasn't attacking me. Was a bit sensitive to say the least.

Looked up 'denial' just now and looks like I've had some very unhealthy long term denial going on.

Looking over the past 20 years I feel sad and you know, I've tried so hard to help myself, although unconsciously, if that makes sense - just realized this - I've signed myself up for everything, teaching lots of holistic practices and I now realize all this 'teaching' and helping others was actually me trying to help myself. It is now time for me to heal, I see that now.

I'm doing well with Bac, - was hoping to get to that magical place of being able to have a 'glass' and not have my brain light up so that the one glass leads to 2 bottles but I really have been looking in a mirror the last couple of days and it's like I've seen my life for the first time and yeah, it is sad and I need to say goodbye to alcohol for good. Your posts and johanna d are really inspiring. I'm still reading through Johanna's thread now.

I didn't drink last night and it was fine, I'm wasn't climbing the walls or eating every bit of sugar I could get my hands on - which is what I done when I stopped for the couple of years. Won't drink tonight either and will keep popping those pills.

So again, thank you for thinking of me, it means a lot,

Emily xx

[Colin]

Advice needed

You don't need to knock yourself out trying to be teetotal at this stage. If you do slip up and get completely drunk you will be doing what a lot of MWOers have done and this is regarded as nothing more than a hiccough. The only thing you eventually need to do is get back to a more even keel, maybe six drinks a night instead of twelve. If you can do that and keep taking the pills you have a great chance.

Suppression of Alcohol Dependence Using Baclofen: A 2-Year Observational Study of 100 Patients

This paper is the first scientific survey of 100 alcoholics over a two year period who were treated with baclofen. At no stage were any of the participants put under pressure to stop or reduce drinking.

This is a summary of the results:-

PubMed Central, Table 2: Front Psychiatry. 2012; 3: 103. Published online 2012 December 3. doi: 10.3389/fpsyt.2012.00103

If you can keep taking baclofen for three months and get your drinking down to maximum two glasses per day you will be in the sample that is almost certain to have drink under control two years later.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Advice needed

Hey Emily!

So glad you checked in. Thanks. I have PM issues.

I'm also relieved you found some useful points in Byrd's post. I think Kuya and Colin have a point, too. We (in the meds threads) generally have a different approach than the vast majority of approaches. It's not just the medication, though obviously that's a big part of it!

I'll speak for myself when I say that it was, and is, all about the medication. Like you, though I haven't traveled the river Denial in a loooong time, I dabbled in a lot of things looking for a way out. Couldn't find one. When I started bac, and particularly after I found indifference, I realized that there wasn't anything I could do to treat my alcoholism short of medication. This isn't true for others, obviously.

Anyway, I am actually posting for an altogether different reason. I find when I am facing some bit of something about myself I then attack the whole rest of my self. Not only is that very unpleasant, it is really counterproductive. It definitely sent me back into the bottom of the bottle many times! I hope you'll be gentle with yourself. No labels necessary, and no need to dredge up every damn thing! The catalyst, contrary to conventional wisdom, could as easily be a hallelujah moment, instead of a gutter-moment.

And sister I can tell you that getting sober is a hallelujah moment that keeps on happening.

Hang in there. xo