My TSM journey

[kino1]

I used to post on the TSM board but stopped for various reasons over the months. Just thought I'd post on here about my journey as its not your run of the mill type of experience. PLease stick with it as its a bit of a long post.

I was what you might call a poly drug user whereas I'd drink and that would lead to various other forms of drug abuse, mainly stimulants (Cocaine, MDMA etc) but for the most part booze was my down fall. I'd been a binge drinker from 15 and gradually over the last say 5 years it had became worse with losing jobs and nearly everyday drinking. I'm now 37.

I found this board about 5 years ago but never really decided to take the plunge properly. I had ordered a small amount of Baclofen about 3 years ago. tried a couple of 100mg doses here and there but didn't feel much. Not what would call following procedure. I also ordered a small amount of of Nal way back but the same process was followed.

Anyway, last summer things had come to a head and I knew something had to give. I choose TSM before Bac as it looked like the best option as if it worked I'd be med free. (Was never sure why I was worried about this as I'd been on some sort of drug all my life, even though recreationally).

Anyway I order a 6 month supply of Nalorex (don't trust Indian meds from past experience with they're benzos) so I knew I had a trusted brand. From day one I felt an effect. After a week my units where under control. 24/7/12 I's started and I was hovering around the 30-40 unit mark from a 50-100+ before TSM. I was very very please. I had a few blips but for the most part I could get drunk even if I really tried. TSM changed my life for 6 months I didn't touch another drug. Life was as good as it could get at that time.

What I noticed was that my craving never really went down from the off which I thought was strange as most posters experience a reduction i craving as the program goes on but I thought I'd just motor on. I really struggled with AF days and I constantly still thought about drinking. I suppose I used TSM to allow myself to drink thing every session was helping.

Roll on Christmas. I ran out of Nal for about 2 weeks over January. Some Cocaine was taken and also some Benzos. Now I've heard this can mess with the program. I'd say I drank about 15 times without Nal but as the TSM was still working it was 2-3 beer at the most each night. Now I've been told this can set you back.

Here's the thing.. I started back on Nal on the first of Feb and since then I noticed I was catching a buzz nothing major but it was there. I found this strange as when I first started in the summer from the first tablet my units dropped. Fast forward a few weeks into February and I have been drinking like a fish. More units than I've been drinking in living memory nearly everyday. I don't know if 2 weeks off the program would slid me back this far and if it did why am I in total reverse with results like I'm even worse than before I started TSM?

I'm 3 months back in and I'd call this a fail sadly, I'd call it a total disaster. Its like I'm eating sugar pills.

Now I'M NOT KNOCKING TSM before any TSMers flame me. as it did work for me. Weather my mishap ruined the effect over the holidays I'm dubious. TSM workd for me straight of first time round. I don't see it getting better from here after 3 months with just that mishap fro 2 weeks. I personally think I battled through the barrier and just by mind over matter I wanted the booze more. I believe I'm drinking out of GABA controlled reasons an Baclofen is on the horizon. My anxiety is pretty bad. I tooka panic attack getting blood work done last month and am afraid to go to the barbers for f**k sake in case the same happened.

I've seen the proof believe me. I've read all the studied and the book (which doesn't tell you anything you won't find on here) and know it works. But from the off I knew I wasn't going to be one of those percentage that woke up one day and just felt indifference. My days are consumed by alcohol thoughts.

Anyway sorry for rambling. The post sort of had to that long:thanks:

[YouKayBee]

My TSM journey

kino1;1483940 wrote: I used to post on the TSM board but stopped for various reasons over the months. Just thought I'd post on here about my journey as its not your run of the mill type of experience. PLease stick with it as its a bit of a long post.

I was what you might call a poly drug user whereas I'd drink and that would lead to various other forms of drug abuse, mainly stimulants (Cocaine, MDMA etc) but for the most part booze was my down fall. I'd been a binge drinker from 15 and gradually over the last say 5 years it had became worse with losing jobs and nearly everyday drinking. I'm now 37.

I found this board about 5 years ago but never really decided to take the plunge properly. I had ordered a small amount of Baclofen about 3 years ago. tried a couple of 100mg doses here and there but didn't feel much. Not what would call following procedure. I also ordered a small amount of of Nal way back but the same process was followed.

Anyway, last summer things had come to a head and I knew something had to give. I choose TSM before Bac as it looked like the best option as if it worked I'd be med free. (Was never sure why I was worried about this as I'd been on some sort of drug all my life, even though recreationally).

Anyway I order a 6 month supply of Nalorex (don't trust Indian meds from past experience with they're benzos) so I knew I had a trusted brand. From day one I felt an effect. After a week my units where under control. 24/7/12 I's started and I was hovering around the 30-40 unit mark from a 50-100+ before TSM. I was very very please. I had a few blips but for the most part I could get drunk even if I really tried. TSM changed my life for 6 months I didn't touch another drug. Life was as good as it could get at that time.

What I noticed was that my craving never really went down from the off which I thought was strange as most posters experience a reduction i craving as the program goes on but I thought I'd just motor on. I really struggled with AF days and I constantly still thought about drinking. I suppose I used TSM to allow myself to drink thing every session was helping.

Roll on Christmas. I ran out of Nal for about 2 weeks over January. Some Cocaine was taken and also some Benzos. Now I've heard this can mess with the program. I'd say I drank about 15 times without Nal but as the TSM was still working it was 2-3 beer at the most each night. Now I've been told this can set you back.

Here's the thing.. I started back on Nal on the first of Feb and since then I noticed I was catching a buzz nothing major but it was there. I found this strange as when I first started in the summer from the first tablet my units dropped. Fast forward a few weeks into February and I have been drinking like a fish. More units than I've been drinking in living memory nearly everyday. I don't know if 2 weeks off the program would slid me back this far and if it did why am I in total reverse with results like I'm even worse than before I started TSM?

I'm 3 months back in and I'd call this a fail sadly, I'd call it a total disaster. Its like I'm eating sugar pills.

Now I'M NOT KNOCKING TSM before any TSMers flame me. as it did work for me. Weather my mishap ruined the effect over the holidays I'm dubious. TSM workd for me straight of first time round. I don't see it getting better from here after 3 months with just that mishap fro 2 weeks. I personally think I battled through the barrier and just by mind over matter I wanted the booze more. I believe I'm drinking out of GABA controlled reasons an Baclofen is on the horizon. My anxiety is pretty bad. I tooka panic attack getting blood work done last month and am afraid to go to the barbers for f**k sake in case the same happened.

I've seen the proof believe me. I've read all the studied and the book (which doesn't tell you anything you won't find on here) and know it works. But from the off I knew I wasn't going to be one of those percentage that woke up one day and just felt indifference. My days are consumed by alcohol thoughts.

Anyway sorry for rambling. The post sort of had to that long:thanks:
Sorry you have had such a bad time, yes as you know from the TSM forum benzos mess with the process, and drinking without TSM definitely readdicts in a short time. I've never drank without Nal since I started and am completely craving free, and am actually AF at the moment without any effort and I am actually repelled by the thought of bars I used to drink in. Your story has for me reinforced the messageto never drink without Naltrexone.

Hope you can find some peace with Baclofen.

[kino1]

My TSM journey

Thanks UKBlone. I've followed your progress and think I might have PMed you before as your progress up until my mishap was quite similar to yours. Believe me I've given this some thought but I honestly think its not doing the job for me any more.

I tried and tried to get drunk even when it was working but never could but since my mishap its just went out of control. I really can't see things getting back to the way they where. The last few weeks have been mental. 20+ units everyday. I never drank like that even before TSM. Maybe on the weekend. The one think I wish I never done was trying to steed up the process by drinking more than I even did (most days) before the program. I'm not blaming this solely on TSM as I was becoming an all day drinker but it definitely helped towards it.

If starting TSM DO NOT change you drinking habits to try and speed up the process. Just my bit of advice.

TSM gave me a cracking 7 months of drug free lifestyle. I was off all hard drugs as I never got drunk enough to give into the temptation to go looking for them. I'll always be appreciative for that.

[YouKayBee]

My TSM journey

kino1;1483946 wrote: Thanks UKBlone. I've followed your progress and think I might have PMed you before as your progress up until my mishap was quite similar to yours. Believe me I've given this some thought but I honestly think its not doing the job for me any more.

I tried and tried to get drunk even when it was working but never could but since my mishap its just went out of control. I really can't see things getting back to the way they where. The last few weeks have been mental. 20+ units everyday. I never drank like that even before TSM. Maybe on the weekend. The one think I wish I never done was trying to steed up the process by drinking more than I even did (most days) before the program. I'm not blaming this solely on TSM as I was becoming an all day drinker but it definitely helped towards it.

If starting TSM DO NOT change you drinking habits to try and speed up the process. Just my bit of advice.

TSM gave me a cracking 7 months of drug free lifestyle. I was off all hard drugs as I never got drunk enough to give into the temptation to go looking for them. I'll always be appreciative for that.

I like your honesty.

Yes people do interpret drinking on TSM differently and some think you have to force the drinks down to drink "as you normally would". I say drink as you feel, if you fancy going AF do it and a few of us found there came a point where actively cutting alcohol intake speeded us further down the removal of cravings path.

I will add here that because TSM made my drinking safe by cutting my units from the off, I did start to become a nightly drinker instead of once every 5-10 days. I had however during various periods in the past made myself a daily drinker, pre-TSM and I did actively take action to break the new habit with TSM once I felt strong enough. I do think if I'd not done that that things may have been different.

I don't mind which method people use so long as it works for them and improves their lives. I've been extremely lucky to have found a way which is so simple, worked so well and has removed my desire for alcohol. I think I've also de-addicted myself from enjoying drinking in pubs. Spent all of yesterday fantasizing about getting dressed up, going out to a pub in town, drinking my favourite alcoholic drink and couldn't bring myself to do it. The feeling(which is just like a mental block) is exactly the same as when I make myself think about getting drunk - I just can't place myself there mentally and so I think I've also destroyed the association with bars.

I can also identify with the getting drunk looking for drugs feeling, I went through that some years ago but made a mental decision to cut that bit out, and was able to do so without TSM. I don't know how I did it but I just got so scared(the people and possible consequences were scary/contrary to my future) that I just stopped it and stuck with alcohol.

Let us know how you get on with Baclofen, do you think it be worth continuing the TSM alongside it?

[kino1]

My TSM journey

I thought about this for the last few weeks but have came to the conclusion I'm gonna call it a day. I know its not the preferable protocol and some will say be careful but when I get enough Bac to start I'm gonna hit it hard and fast like some posters have in single doses to try and flood my gaba receptors.. There is proof it woks and from experience I can tolerant most drugs especially GABA agonists pretty well. If the SEs are too much well... I can always taper.

Should be a week before I get enough Bac to start so I'll keep you all up to date.

Best Regards everyone

[YouKayBee]

My TSM journey

kino1;1484497 wrote: I thought about this for the last few weeks but have came to the conclusion I'm gonna call it a day. I know its not the preferable protocol and some will say be careful but when I get enough Bac to start I'm gonna hit it hard and fast like some posters have in single doses to try and flood my gaba receptors.. There is proof it woks and from experience I can tolerant most drugs especially GABA agonists pretty well. If the SEs are too much well... I can always taper.

Should be a week before I get enough Bac to start so I'll keep you all up to date.

Best Regards everyone

Please be careful, I chucked in high doses along with a load of booze (started craving sugary alcohol pops)when I started with bac and I had some very scary moments (passing out, vomitting, legs collapsed under me and I injured my spine).

[kronkcarr]

My TSM journey

Hi, kino1,

I've just happened upon your posts this morning. Kudos to you for not giving up in your search. I repeat Ukblonde's sentiment. Why not follow the bac protocol so that you give bac a real try and not just a try as you see it? Otter has posted the French protocol and others' threads have protocols in them. Read posts of people who did what you're suggesting. See how it turned out for them.

I went even slower than the protocol because that's what my dr was comfortable with. I wouldn't give those first month positive SEs up for anything. My experience was that the world was beautiful. I spent hours outside watching hawks float on drafts, I got incredible insights into my interactions with others and it was my favorite time in the 3 1/2 months I've been on bac.

This is just my experience and my thoughts. Whatever you do please keep posting so that others can read your experience. Bac works for me and I hope the same for you.

kronkcarr

[kino1]

My TSM journey

Thanks all for the kind advice. Believe me I've read it ALL from going back 4-5 years now. I'm under the believe that a high dose in one go IF you can handle it is the way forward for me.

Now... I know this isn't the usual procedure but I feel this is the was I'm gonna go. I know thr risks believe me. I have taken upwards of 200mg of Bac before just to see what would happen. I'm a bit of a drug fiend that way. I know GABA a drugs aren't the same but I've taken enought Diazepam to make the any doctor dubious as to weither I'm telling porkies before.

Hey.. If it doesn't work then the 1-1-1 titeration won't hurt. I just believe that a high dose IF doeable once a day is my prefered method. I know all about 1/2 life and think people read to much into it. At the end of the day theres is still half the drug in your system after the (4?) hours. and I'm told with TDB the HL gets higher.

To be honest I personally don't see as much damge going up quickly fast if you can, its going down to fast that is dangerous in my book.

Please take my post as just my views. I'm not condoning what I want to do to others and know there are posters on here who have gone throught hard times going up 10mg a week.

Best Regards...
Thomas

[bleep]

My TSM journey

Hi Thomas,

All the best with your efforts. Can I suggest something; I'm all for taking it in one go, if you can handle it. Once you have been on it a while, I don't think it actually matters how you take it, and once is much more convenient that several times a day. I think that's the only real reason to take it in one go, btw. Back when I was taking it, I ended up on once a day as well, purely for the convenience factor. When I was titrating up, I used to take it every hour at one point, which is pretty ridiculous, but it did the job at the time. But to get back to what I was going to suggest - take 100, if that's ok, then the next day take 150, etc... There's no need to go nuts on day 1 and push the envelope, rather work out what level you can take it to with tolerable SE's, and work upwards from that, than the other way around. The worst you get is it takes a few days to get to whatever level you are going to get to.

I'd also want to add that I don't think you will notice an immediate effect. It takes a few days at a level for the effect to become noticeable, and perhaps this effect is multiplied if you just immediately leap up from nowhere?

Just an idea, and best of luck with whatever way you choose.

[kino1]

My TSM journey

You read my mind mate. The thinking is 100mg/150/200 and 250 if the SEs allow. Hopefully I'll not need to go much higher than that. I'm really looking forward to it. I dream of an AF year at least to get my house in order