Progress thread

[emily]

Hi

I'm half way into week 6 since starting my journey with bac and thought it was about time I posted my progress.

I'm just went up to 60 mg per day and as I've went up really slowly SE have not been bad at all. Some days especially if I'm sitting on my butt I do feel really sleepy but if I get off my butt and do something the sleepiness completely disappears. Night time sleep has been great, out like a light.

Strangest side effect has been a burning sensation in my lungs a couple of times!! but nothing unbearable.

Something I noticed 2-3 weeks ago was that I have completely went off red wine. At first I thought I had just picked up a type of wine that I didn't like, literally poured the whole lot down the sink, unheard of before, -I would have plodded on through it regardless . I persevered and tried red wine again and similar thing. The thought of it now makes me feel a bit sick.

After the wedding hangover I drank a bottle of cava on the Wednesday and a bottle on the Thursday (just one bottle each night, another win as I drink it like lemonade and can easily get through 2 bottles).

On the Friday, I read a post about how bac balances brain chemistry and I thought I would go AF to give the medication a chance. On the Sunday I had 1 can of lager. My brain didn't have the usual 'light up' effect and there was no more beer anyway but usually it would have meant hubby going to the shop to buy more as one would never have been enough in the past, to the point that I would have left it because craving more and not being able to get it would have been awful.

AF all week without too much hassle although noticing I'm eating crap more which I'll have to put a lid on as I'm putting on weight. Anyway, cutting myself some slack so not being hard on myself on that score, time enough to get back to clean eating and I will start exercising again next week.

Last night I had around 4 small bottles of beer - not even buying Cava as scared of wanting two bottles, but again a plus as I would never, ever have considered 'just' drinking a few of hubby's beers before - I would have to have had my own wine for the night and plenty of it. I even left half of the last bottle, made a cup of tea and went to bed.

When I was drinking the beer I was very aware that I didn't really like the taste, bit chemically.

I am so pleased that this is happening and on a relatively low dose too.

I wil go up another 5 mgs next week and I am kind of wondering if this bubble is going to burst as I thought I would be ok at the wedding and well, that went tits up, big style.

Wondering though if maybe enough time has passed for the bac to kick in and my brain chemistry is changing, also I think going AF gave it a chance to work, don't know, maybe.

I'm very aware of the light up feeling and watched the You Tube video that was posted showing that the brain of an addict does actually light up. I can remember my first sip of wine after stopping for over two years and that is what it felt like, Blackpool bloody illuminations (a UK town that is decorated with lots of lights each Autumn) in my brain.

I'm truly hoping that the Bac is doing it's job and the light show in my brain has been dulled down to a couple of street lamps.

[bleep]

Progress thread

Sounding good Emily.

What you say about a little AF period helping baclofen do its job rings very true. I remember that happening to me a while back. The powerful association seems to be effortlessly broken. I also remember that it was possible to still get drunk, and given old habits, easier than it would be for a 'normal' person, so bear that in mind.

[emily]

Progress thread

Thanks Bleep and yeah, have a night out coming up and really want to just have 2 or 3 drinks and come home remembering the whole night with no hangover the next day.

Where I'm from binge drinking appears to be more accepted than someone who doesn't drink!! A sad fact so I will be extra vigilant that night. I do not want to let myself down.

I've also been working on my self esteem (which has been shot to pieces recently) alongside taking bac.

I got the book 'How to raise your self-esteem' by Nathanial Brand. I am reading it first then will go back and do all the required exercises.

I didn't realize until I started reading this book just how much I 'go unconscious' in a lot of aspects of my life and don't allow myself to feel.

Anyho, last night I had 3 bottles of beer and there is still one in the fridge!!

I am going to go up to 70 mg today although if I'm finding how I am just now perfectly acceptable, do I have to go up?

I think I will try it but don't know if I need to go any higher than 70 mg.

Have a great Easter Sunday everyone.

[bleep]

Progress thread

If you are perfectly happy where you are, then baclofen has done its job, and I wouldn't see why you need to go higher. Just be aware that it is still within the realm of possibility that you aren't there, that this is just a good level. But it sounds like you are ok to me.

It now takes practice to drink normally. The alcoholic's default position is just to keep drinking, and that's still quite easy to do when you are out at a party. So despite not intending or even wanting to get drunk, if you drink all night long at a party, guess what will happen...

[emily]

Progress thread

Hi Bleep

Great advice - I totally get what you mean and yes, all night drinking will just lead to one thing, blackout mode. Two of the girls that will be with me are 'normal' drinkers. What I will do is study what they do and mirror them. I know one of them never drinks more than 4 drinks at any social situation.

[MaryGoRound]

Progress thread

For me, one issue with Bac is the inability to understand that I have had too much, "please be careful and proceed with caution."

Actually some of the worse consequences of my drinking have happened since I have been on Bac. I do not blame the medicine, I think it is more, "it is always darkest before the dawn" concept (and seriously I am so sick of running silly quotes on my own head as well as subjecting the community to them..sorry!).

My real point is your idea of observing others is good but just make sure you are observing the right people.

[emily]

Progress thread

Had night out last night and did good.

Over a 4 hour period I had 5 beers and even managed to leave about one third of the last one. The two girls I was with, 'normal drinkers' drank more (or stronger alcohol) and faster.

What I've been doing is having AF days but if I do have a drink sticking within the recommended alcohol units, which in the UK for a women is 3 units - 2 beers.

Even managed to go to a gym class this morning. Normally on the day after a night out I would be nursing a hangover and starting again late afternoon for more of the same. I would also have had my night out drinks then made sure I had a bottle of wine in the fridge for when I got back. Last night I had tea when I came back and no cravings at all for anymore drinks.

God this stuff is good. I feel I'm finally at the place I always wanted to be.

[kronkcarr]

Progress thread

emily,

You sound great! Congratulations. Isn't it funny when we're able to see how others drink because we're not obsessed about our own drinking?!? My friends say that I'm just sticking my tongue in my wine like a baby bird. I feel great too--so that makes two of us.

kronkcarr

[Juan BH]

Progress thread

Sounds like things are progressing nicely Emily. :goodjob:

[bleep]

Progress thread

It's when you don't think about this that it really becomes as great as it can be.

Well done emily.

[MaryGoRound]

Progress thread

Emily,

How are you doing?

[emily]

Progress thread

Hi Mary

I'm doing good, thank you for thinking of me. I'm up to 80mg and a bit scared of going any higher than that. I have another 'night' coming up on Saturday and it's with a load of drinkers, no normal ones in this crowd and it's in my house. I plan to drink beer again instead of wine and keep a note of how much I drink. I'll also get in some non-alcoholic beer too. Bac has given me confidence in that I can stay responsible and I will not be letting myself down as I normally would have done.

I feel I'm going through huge changes in my life and it's bloody scary. I've finally admitted deep down that I have alcoholic brain chemistry, still don't like the word alcoholic!! Went through loads of feelings of shame, humiliation, regret and hopelessness. At times I felt like my whole life since my early 20s had been one huge big cover up so that no-one found me out, including myself!!

My marriage also isn't great, noticing how much my husband drinks and just how far apart we are. I don't have the strength right now to deal with this so putting it on a back burner just now until I have healed enough to deal with it. I honestly feel as if I've just woken up and I don't like what I see.

I also feel I want to move from where I live, it's a small town with small minds and It almost feels like I've finally accepted the role of an adult and it's up to me to find the courage to do something amazing like working in another country, the idea of that scares me but I also find it exciting. Another shift in my thinking.

Bac has no doubt given me my life back and I now feel a bit lost as to what I now do with this life. But hey, please don't think it's all doom and gloom, it's not. I've been working on my self-esteem, which was shattered after that feckin wedding but I now see that it had to happen that way, it was an awakening that was long overdue and for that I'm very grateful.

[TexasAg]

Progress thread

Hi Emily, a belated :welcome: and :goodjob:

One of the hardest parts for me was taking a step back from my lifestyle and stringing together AF days. But once I did, it made a difference. I don't know how the science works exactly but it seems it gave my brain a chance to re-wire and let indifference kick in.

I'm slowly easing back into my lifestyle, less the alcohol bingeing and it's been relatively easy not drinking. My point is if you can string together some AF days it helps.

But be easy on yourself, it's a process. JKTTP! :H

Cheers!

[emily]

Progress thread

Hi Texas

Thanks, I have managed to go AF most days and if I do have anything I'm sticking to the recommended daily AL intake. Last week I had one bottle of beer on the Friday, 2 on the Saturday and 2 on the Sunday. Possibly habit, but AF all week apart from those days. This week AF until Saturday when I have the party.

Something Bleep said about it taking practice to drink like a normal person really resonated with me and I thought, you know, how does a normal drinker drink? So, I'm really taking that on board and sticking within recommended safe drinking limits. After this party is over I plan on seeing how I do the next weekend and if I can easily not drink at all.

Maybe will go up a bit on my bac to see how I go with that one, week days are fine now but I still feel I need to drink on the weekend.

If I could get to a place where I only drink in a social setting and don't bother about it at all in the house, well, that would be a great place to be.

[emily]

Progress thread

Another social event has passed. One which, I would have been absolutely rat arsed at normally. However, I did drink, yeah, but hardly anything. We even all went out to the pub and I had one bottle of beer and said no 3 times when asked if I wanted another drink. Everyone else there was drinking heavily. I wasn't.

When they all went home I had a cup of tea.

I'm finding that I'm not getting the fix I got in the passed from alcohol. I'm able to drink responsibly.

Last night was a huge test as it was a night, where I was the host and would normally have been the worse one there. This did not happen and I did not feel the need to glug the stuff down as I would have pre Bac.

As I've said before, my brain is not lighting up now.

Should I go up on my doseage if I'm happy where I now am? That place being, I get to easily be AF but can still drink a little bit in a social setting. Am I kidding myself again? Should I be going for this indifference that everyone talks about?

Although last night was proof to me that I am now in control I think I'll still need quite a few events to final prove to myself that I will not lose control.