Progress thread

[bleep]

Progress thread

If it was me, I'd be content with what was on offer. There is always the option of going up further if you feel it is needed. You are really the only one who can answer this, and it will depend on what you were after when you started.

You sound like you are in a good place, and that is great to hear.

[emily]

Progress thread

Thanks Bleep

You've been a great help to me. much appreciated, x

[emily]

Progress thread

Just a quick update

Still at 90 mg, take it as 20, 20, 20, & 30.

Everything fine, at the weekend, after an AF week I had 3 small bottles of beer on Saturday and 1 glass of wine + 1 bottle of beer on Sunday, (just because it was there).

Have tried to avoid wine as it was my weapon of mass destruction in the past and was a bit worried because I really enjoyed the wine but after drinking the beer I truly didn't want anything else and had a cup of tea.

The thing is I have had pretty bad anxiety for the last couple of days, can't seem to shift it, it's lying there heavy on my chest.

Could this be because of the alcohol I had at the weekend? If it continues should I go to the Doctor about my anxiety? Or, if I increase my bac would that shift the anxiety? Any advice on this?

I think what's happening is that I'm facing lives ups and downs without hiding from the pain using alcohol.

I'm working on my self esteem and haven't realised what a wimp I am that doesn't stand up for themselves or allow themselves to feel anything but fear. I seem to be in a constant state of fear!!

Is it just a case of having to give myself time to heal and grow stronger?

[bleep]

Progress thread

Anxiety can definitely be caused by baclofen, as well as being cured by baclofen. Bit of a conundrum, but that's baclofen for you. The problem here is that it varies from person to person as to how to get rid of it. Some say keep it level for a while, others say change it, either up or down. Personally, I'd change it, and I'd go up, a little. That way, when you drop back down, the SE's feel comparatively less. That's my odd logic, anyway.

Baclofen is a very personal drug. You will start to get a handle on how it works for you after a while, for now you must just try and listen to your body, and adapt as necessary. Then, after a while, it is just something that you take, and doesn't make you feel anything.

And facing life sober certainly has its own set of challenges, that as alcoholics we are ill adapted to, so that is probably adding to your woes!

What I, and a couple of other people did when we reached the point you are at, is to go for 30 days without drinking. Something that pre-baclofen would have been an enormous challenge, and accomplishment, is suddenly pretty easy to do. It solidifies in your head that you are really free, and makes a big difference to your outlook. A lot of the time you just don't start again, for a long while, and it's a good place to be. Maybe try something like that?

Proud of you emily, You have got to a place that many people thought for a long time was an impossibility.

[emily]

Progress thread

Hi Bleep

Have increased to 105 mg from today and the 30 days without drinking makes perfect sense and agree that it will not, this time, be preceded by another rock bottom and followed by another spectacular fail.

Liking this process very much and feel much better today.

Thanks for the guidance, I hope that I can be of as much help to others, that are starting out, as you have been Bleep.

[kronkcarr]

Progress thread

emily,

You sound good and it sounds like you have your plan. Congratulations on this journey! I kept meaning to comment on your statements about living life sober. I've found the bac makes it easier (probably due to its effect on my anxiety) for me to say what I think and how I feel. I used to agonize horribly over this stuff.

You said your self esteem is coming back and it will continue to build. I like that you're choosing things to put on the back burner. You sound strong and I'm sure you'll figure it out!

[emily]

Progress thread

just a quick update

Due to a strained muscle in my back I've ended up on various pain killers. When the sore back first happened I was on 105 mg of Bac but due to being zonked out on pain killers (for a couple of days) I only managed 70 mg. So, once I was a bit more compos mentis I decided to go back down to 80 mg. I didn't notice any side effects coming down from 105 to 80 quickly but I was in too much pain to notice.

Felt as if I was rattling due to all the pills. I'm in about week 4 of this strain and still in pain, never mind, it's getting better.

I'm feel I'm getting to the stage where sometimes I just forget all about the Bac and have to double up so I hit my target of 80mg. Could be the pain killers.

Alcohol wise, I still haven't done the 30 days but I only drink max of 2-3 drinks and usually just on a Saturday. Although there was one day a couple of weeks ago where I got a bottle of Cava and did drink the whole bottle! for the pain?? That's what I told myself anyway. It totally panicked me but on the up side I would have, in the past, been on bottle number 3 'for the pain'.

I totally, totally get what Bleep always says that Bac doesn't stop you drinking, that makes perfect sense to me now. I didn't get that before - I thought because it reduced my drinking and stopped me craving more once I had started drinking that there must be a certain amount that would just stop me from ever drinking again. No, it allows me to have a choice.

I feel fine at 80 mg and I do plan on doing a 30 days and hopefully reducing down to about 50 mg. I feel I have hit the indifference (switch?) that folk talk about.

Anyway, apart from finances, which are getting better, although slowly and still under a lot of pressure - things seem to be looking up all round.

I went for a walk in the park today with the dog. I don't know how many Mondays and Tuesdays were spent at that park in absolute hopeless despair because I could not get off the cycle that I was in. Today, it was just a fleeting thought of how things used to be.

[kronkcarr]

Progress thread

emily,

I'm sorry about your sprain--ouch, and I'm happy that you're doing so well with the bac. Thank you for pointing out bleep's comment about us having a choice to drink or not. I don't believe this can be posted enough! For you to maintain at 50 mgs would be lovely. Congrats!

kronk

[emily]

Progress thread

Thank you Kronkcarr

[Juan BH]

Progress thread

Good to hear from you Emily! It sounds like you are doing very well and I'm happy for your success. I'm also considering the 30 days AF bleep suggested. It certainly wouldn't do any harm! I'm at the point where it would be pretty easy to do.

[MaryGoRound]

Progress thread

:goodjob:

Glad to hear things are looking good (minus the back). It is nice to be grateful for every good moment.

i just watched a video from a well known motivational speaker. His theory is we are not held back by a lack of resources rather we hold ourselves back by a lack of resourcefulness. There are always going to be bad days (and bad reactions) but the stronger we get the more we can chose how to react.

All the best...

[emily]

Progress thread

hey Mary, absolutely agree, saw something today on facebook which totally hit home, it said something like "blame no-one, expect nothing, just do something" - after a shit day with my classes (I'm self employed) on Monday, this prompted me to be more resourceful and bring more money in, also felt much better taking some action.

Hey Juan, sounds like your pretty much on track too. I have a couple of things coming up in June that I will be having a couple of drinks at. I'll let you know when I'm starting my 30 days and if you haven't done your 30 by then maybe we could do it together.

[emily]

Progress thread

Hi Everyone

Thought it was time for an update. I've been keeping up with all the posts and some very wise words that are jumping out at me are being posted.

JDizzle's posts were of particular interest to me especially the 'drunk by choice' one.

Now, I had a quick read through some previous posts of mine and in 2011 I posted up that I just wanted to be normal like my friends. I now have that as the craving has gone because my brain no longer lights up when I drink.

I even went to a beer festival last week and managed to stay in control, and, yes I did drink all day but very slowly, also sipped water and had a fantastic time and remembered the whole day.

I can honestly say that I am now the 'normal' drinker that I always wanted to be.

But,

What I've found is that I still get that excited feeling about alcohol (JDizzle posted about this). I've found myself buying these one glass bottles of wine just because I can now just have one glass, almost to keep proving to myself over and over again that one is now enough.

The thing is alcohol still seems to be very important to me so I don't seem to have reached the switch I thought I had but someone described the switch as being in the place that I am in, so really confused. I'm a bit scared what with drinking all this alcohol, even in small amounts I'll bring back the brain chemistry of alcoholism.

Could it be that because of what I've 'we've' all been through, being a normal drinker isn't enough, we have to be so far removed from drinking alcoholically that we punish ourselves for treating alcohol as many normal people do and have to reach a place beyond normal this place of 'indifference'. Is there a normal? what is normal? My sister doesn't drink hardly at all, is she normal, it holds no interest to her whatsoever.

Anyhow, the importance of it in my life (I no longer associate it with numbing myself out but seem to be strongly associating it with relaxing, celebration and reward) is worrying me.

What I have noticed is that I still drink the first drink fast to get the buzz, I seem to need one more beer or one more glass and then I'm quite happy for that to be enough until last night that is.

I've decided to increase to 120mg (highest I went was 105 and that wasn't for long). I'm up at 90 mg just now taken at 3 x 30mg per day. I will do up to 100mg tomorrow. I drank more last night than I have in a while (1 bottle of cava and 2 cans of beer) - I just wanted to feel drunk (by choice) as JDizzle had posted.

This hasn't panicked me as I've read how people can increase AL when they increase, is that correct?

Once I'm at 120mg I will stop completely for 30 days to see if I can reach this indifference place and alcohol is no longer so important to me.

[Colin]

Progress thread

Lots of questions Emily and nobody has answers. Those of us wanting to drink without it getting out of hand are in unknown territory. I am approaching this like yourself; carefully and only making small adjustments on the way.

I have never really wanted to get drunk - it just seemed like that. I haven't set myself any clear goals beyond not making a fool of myself as a result of drinking.

Good luck.

[Xadrian]

Progress thread

When on my maintenace dose, I was able to control my drinking at on average 8 beers once evry month on average.
Compared to 12 beers every 3 days before baclofen, which is 1/15 of the alcohol consumption of before bac.

I never wanted to nor tried to drink within a few days or weeks after my once a month drinking, so i don't know if it would be wise or maybe "dangerous", but the once a month drinking never gave me cravings or the need to do it again soon after, so I consider that as safe.

At special request a disclaimer: Results are not typical and may vary from person to person and achieved results are no guarantee for the future, I'm not a doctor, blah, blah, blah