Brittany's Hope - Baclofen Journal

[greathopebrittany]

Brittany's Hope - Baclofen Journal

Wow Mary, thank you for the great post. You are right. Not sleeping definetly causes me to drink. And yes, being AF is my number one objective. I want to focus on that. And will work on the Ambien when I have some AF days.

Today was day five. Yesterday I stuck with 20/20/20. I took 1/2 ambien to sleep. The 1/2 and my 20mg at bed allowed me to sleep most of the night. I woke up and read my book for an hour, then fell back to sleep. Side effects: sleepy and a little foggy. Still these effects are not like the hell of a bad hang-over. Ive taken my 20/20 today and will take my 20 at bed time. I am still fighting the urge to drink. Honestly, not sure if I will make it tonight.... Still hoping.

[greathopebrittany]

Brittany's Hope - Baclofen Journal

OMG! day 6 20mg/20mg/20mg I swear, I think it is starting to work! I sat in front of a glass of wine tonight my friend poured for me for 2 1/2 hours. Just didn't want to drink it. Even tried to drink it. Just didn't want it.....could it really be working? That is unheard of for me. I can't believe it.

Taking my 20mg and 1/2 an ambien and going to bed. I feel hopeful. I get to wake up without a hang over.

BAC side effects today: just a little foggy and sleepy, not bad though. Again, nothing compared to a really bad hang-over.

Hope I'm not getting ahead of myself. I know better than that, but tonight was too weird (in a really good way) for words.

[bleep]

Brittany's Hope - Baclofen Journal

Hah, that's great to hear. Get ahead of yourself, why not? The trick here is to listen to your body when it tells you that it doesn't want booze, and to not drink. It is so easy to just slip back into your old habits, and carry on drinking regardless.

Well done Brittany.

[greathopebrittany]

Brittany's Hope - Baclofen Journal

Ugh, had a midly unsuccessful weekend. I have been able to stick to my 20/20/20. Saturday night I had three glasses of wine, not bad. But the only reason I succeeded was because my sister cut me off. I was thankful for this. But last night was wierd and frustrating. I made it to ten pm, then the cravings kicked in. I was driving home in the car and the obsession to stop and buy a drink was insane. So I stop at the gas station thinking I will buy two tiny bottles. Well, won't you know, they don't have the little bottles, only the big ones. So of course, I proceed to drink the whole thing. I woke up today feeling terrible. Last night, I tried to think it through. For some reason I kept flashing forward to bedtime. Why am I so consumed with sleeping? Its not like I'm going to die from not sleeping, yet it seems to be part of what drives my addiction. Or maybe it is just my addicted brain's way of getting me to take that first drink. I wish I could and would be stronger. It's time to do some seriously hard internal work. I think I need to get back in AA. I'm hoping the BAC will help, but I can't seem to get even more than one AF day under my belt.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what kind of mother I am, and the example I am setting for my daughter. I don't like what I see. I just have no strength or energy to be a good mom because I feel like crap all the time. I really, desperately, want to turn my life around.

Plan of attack: work harder to stop drinking, perhaps through AA. Increase dosage to 80 mg a day, as I've been at 60mg.

If you read this, can you let me know what dosage worked or helped you?

Hope, strength, prayers - Brittany

[StuckinLA]

Brittany's Hope - Baclofen Journal

It was all a very different and inconsistent road for me. Sometimes I did really well in the 180s, sometimes I drank like a fish. At 240, what I believe was my switch, one night at a party with old college friends I tried to relive old times, and drank 1/2 a bottle of bourbon and most of a bottle of absinthe. The day after that disaster I was effortlessly AF for over a week, and one night at dinner the waiter misheard me and brought a margarita instead of a diet coke. I was nervous about it, but nursed the one drink over dinner and went home without cravings.

Hang in there--you don't need to go super high if you don't want. Just pay attention to how you're feeling on any given day. I find that AA makes for a good promise to myself, when I feel like making promises to myself, and kind of keeps me honest, for a little while, anyway.

[greathopebrittany]

Brittany's Hope - Baclofen Journal

Day Nine - stuck to my 20/20/20. Ready to move up to 80mg a day, just trying to figure out when to fit it in. I was foggy today, seem to keep dropping stuff. I really have to concentrate to get anything done at work. Still, as I've said before better than a hang-over. Another thing I've decided, although the BAC has some SE's there is no guilt about those feels. I know I am working towards a solution. I feel very strong in my resolve to do this. Dr. A said it took 38 days to feel the full effect. I will give 38 days for sure. I was AF today. Honestly, I hardly thought about taking a drink. It's interesting how when I'm craving a drink I post about it, but when I don't crave a drink I forget to mention it. Isn't that just life?

Thankful to being going to bed sober tonight. Still on my path with hope, prayers, and BAC.

[bleep]

Brittany's Hope - Baclofen Journal

Good stuff Brittany, and well done on not drinking. I would add the 20 in as a separate dose altogether, so you would take 4 doses a day.

A lot of people have reported that Piracetam helps with the fog. I've never tried it, simply because you can't get it in this part of the world. Also, Ritalin helps, but only every 3rd day or so otherwise a tolerance builds up. Modafinil, etc. will all help you get through it.

Everyone is different in their reaction to baclofen. Some are fortunate, and achieve indifference at low doses, others have to go up pretty high. Some get really horrible SE's, a fortunate few enjoy them. It's best not to compare, just do what you are doing, and hang in there. Your attitude is in the right place, which is extremely important. I will say that if you are already noticing drinking slipping down your priority list, that's a really good sign.

[greathopebrittany]

Brittany's Hope - Baclofen Journal

getting frustrated with SE. Do they subside? Is this really going to work?

[StuckinLA]

Brittany's Hope - Baclofen Journal

Depends. Sometimes they do after a while. Are you still moving your dose around up or down? They are pretty unpredictable until you can settle somewhere. That said, they aren't necessarily 'worse' at higher doses. It's kinda like there's a special amount for your unique alkie brain that might be a perfect fit.

Not trying to make light. The SEs do suck. I'm just in my own special place this afternoon where the SEs of AL withdrawal suck pretty hard balls, too.

Best of luck, hang in, JKTTGDP, :l:l

[bleep]

Brittany's Hope - Baclofen Journal

As Stuck says, they will subside when you are able to peg your dose, and take it consistently.

And it seems to me that it is working already in some way. If you are getting frustrated, maybe hold off on going up, and let the SE's settle at your current level? I personally just wanted to get it done though, so pushed through.

[greathopebrittany]

Brittany's Hope - Baclofen Journal

Day 13. Something has changed, for the better. Two nights ago my thoughtful neighbor brought over a bottle of wine as gift. Just dropped it off....great. I'm home alone with a full bottle of wine. I can't resist the urge to open it, so I do. I drink half a glass and realize I don't want anymore. What? Is that possible? How is that possible? That is totally unheard of in my life.

Last night, was "Ladies Night" at a friend’s house. I felt obligated to go. I show-up and there are open wine bottles everywhere! How can I resist? I can't, so I pour a glass. I drank half a glass and realized I didn't want anymore. Again, how is that possible? I can't comprehend it? They even stranger thing is, I didn't feel the need to leave the party. Usually if I am forcing myself not to drink (which I rarely accomplish) I want to leave and go home. But I stayed. I actually enjoyed myself. Is this what non-alcoholic feel like?

Right now I am up to 80mg a day. I am having SE. sleepy, foggy, numbness in fingers and toes. And I drop into these heavy, heavy sleeps at night that kind of trip me out. I weight 120, 5'3'.

I'm going to stick to 80mg as I've only been move from 60mg in the last two days. My other problem is the Ambien. The side effects from Ambien (which I've been taking for two embarrassing years) are insane. I knew that before I started the BAC. I can't tell what my current SE are from, alcohol withdraw, Ambien, or BAC. I want to clear my system of everything but the BAC. I've been wanting to stop taking Ambien for a long, long time. It really screws me up. But I have this insane fear of living without it. Why? I did a very hard thing yesterday. I gave all my Ambien, except for two pills to my friend to flush down the toilet. I couldn't put them in the toilet myself I am going to quarter the pills to come down slowly and then I will simply have to face the music of a few nights without sleep. Still I am excited about the prospect of being off the Ambien. I'm kind of wondering if the BAC is finally giving me the mental ability to do this?

So taken back by the results of BAC. No liking the SE at all, but still better than the guilty and pain for hangover.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Brittany's Hope - Baclofen Journal

Hi, Brittany.

I don't know what a non-alcoholic feels like, but that's pretty much how I feel when I drink and I don't drink alcoholically anymore. Congratulations! Pretty amazing, isn't it?

Now about that ambien thing...There's a big difference between being addicted to something and being dependent on something and using something as a tool. Right? Addiction is defined by using something regardless of the negative outcomes. Being dependent on something is defined as needing it in order to function. Dependence does not imply addiction. Not at all. People who take allergy medications regularly are dependent on them. If you take aspirin regularly enough, your body comes to rely on it. (In other words, the body adapts to whatever we take in.)

A tool is something that we can use to get or stay well. Aspirin. Baclofen. Antidepressants. Sleep meds.

I guess what I am suggesting is that perhaps you could reevaluate how you feel about Ambien. It's just a tool. Regardless of whether you take it or you don't take it, you don't have to feel bad about it. My friend takes one every night. Along with tagamet. He doesn't feel bad about it. He feels good about getting a good night's sleep without heartburn. He's definitely not an addict. He'd be silly to stop, too. Ouch! The acid reflux alone would keep him up all night, even with a sleeping pill.

See what I'm saying?

And one more thing: The single most important (in my opinion) thing any of us can do to get and stay well is to get a good night's sleep. Period. It starts there. Alcohol disrupts sleep. Baclofen disrupts sleep. Disrupted sleep is really not-so-good.

Plus, everything seems to be going well. So don't worry if you change your mind. okay?

[chaos]

Brittany's Hope - Baclofen Journal

Ne/Neva Eva;1497812 wrote: Hi, Brittany.

I don't know what a non-alcoholic feels like, but that's pretty much how I feel when I drink and I don't drink alcoholically anymore. Congratulations! Pretty amazing, isn't it?

Now about that ambien thing...There's a big difference between being addicted to something and being dependent on something and using something as a tool. Right? Addiction is defined by using something regardless of the negative outcomes. Being dependent on something is defined as needing it in order to function. Dependence does not imply addiction. Not at all. People who take allergy medications regularly are dependent on them. If you take aspirin regularly enough, your body comes to rely on it. (In other words, the body adapts to whatever we take in.)

A tool is something that we can use to get or stay well. Aspirin. Baclofen. Antidepressants. Sleep meds.

I guess what I am suggesting is that perhaps you could reevaluate how you feel about Ambien. It's just a tool. Regardless of whether you take it or you don't take it, you don't have to feel bad about it. My friend takes one every night. Along with tagamet. He doesn't feel bad about it. He feels good about getting a good night's sleep without heartburn. He's definitely not an addict. He'd be silly to stop, too. Ouch! The acid reflux alone would keep him up all night, even with a sleeping pill.

See what I'm saying?

And one more thing: The single most important (in my opinion) thing any of us can do to get and stay well is to get a good night's sleep. Period. It starts there. Alcohol disrupts sleep. Baclofen disrupts sleep. Disrupted sleep is really not-so-good.

Plus, everything seems to be going well. So don't worry if you change your mind. okay?

Re: "See what I'm saying?" actually I don't!

[Colin]

Brittany's Hope - Baclofen Journal

chaos;1497999 wrote: Re: "See what I'm saying?" actually I don't!

Good post. Someone on this forum once advised keeping posts down to a maximum of three sentences. Good advice for those giving advice.

[greathopebrittany]

Brittany's Hope - Baclofen Journal

Hi Neva, thank you for your post. I agree with what you are say about dependance vs addiction. But for me, I abuse the Ambien. If i have a day off work, I will stay in bed all day and take it over and over again (it's embarrassing to even admit that openly). That is some kind of very unhealthy. I love Ambien. The side effects are horrible for me. I can't think, I'm sleepy all the time, I get emotionally upset. I am a wreck on it. It's got to go!

But thank you for your feedback though! Last night I took a quarter pill (that's got to be more placebo vs effective) and I sleep just fine....