Update from Juan (Baclofen)

[JDizzle]

Update from Juan (Baclofen)

I just went and looked at my sugar free rockstars and they contain that too. I'm not experiencing that. I love my afternoon rockstar. Anyways, I learned long long ago.... If something works or makes sense to you....go with it. It's ur life not ours.

[skullbabyland]

Update from Juan (Baclofen)

As mentioned elsewhere... hope ya'all don't mind me poking my nose in almost every active thread to say hi... I'm trying to really get engaged in this community

Juan, despite the heavy somnolence, sounds like bac is helping you out with the cravings... a couple cervezas and no need to get hammered is great! That's what we're all looking for, right?-- the ability to decide to NOT get plastered?

Sounds like the switch may indeed be close... luck and strength to you

[Juan BH]

Update from Juan (Baclofen)

Thanks for checking in Skullbabyland. Pleased to meet you!

[spiritwolf333]

Update from Juan (Baclofen)

Hi Jaun - thanks for the posts. I have not posed this question directly before and I don't think I even like doing so now. But I am going to ask: I assume you are still drinking some (a few beers and then you are not interested). Are you catching a relaxing buzz or high? How do you feel the next morning? Are you sleeping ok that night? The next day, do you even feel like you drank the night before?

Jaun, my entire journey for the last 60 plus days has been with the goal of long term abstinence -too much damage from the past. But, I still have thinking patterns of an alcoholic (i'm a newbie recovered drunk for the nth time), so I forgive myself for even asking these questions. I just don't want to be fooling myself and setting myself up for a future drunken episode. But I am curios. Thanks

[Juan BH]

Update from Juan (Baclofen)

Last Friday I drank and it was against my will. I felt compelled to do it and I still haven't been able to put my finger on why. It could have been the change in my administration of baclofen. The Inositol thing is probably not an issue. People are taking that for anxiety but in thousands of milligrams, so I don't think 1 can of Red Bull affected me much. Part of it was that I just really wanted to drink 'cause it was Friday afternoon and that is what I do on Friday afternoons. There was an abnormal amount of craving though, I have to admit. That was almost a week ago now but it's still kind of bugging me. I added another 10mg last this week to get my daily total to 240mg and that might just be enough. Time will tell.

[Juan BH]

Update from Juan (Baclofen)

Spiritwolf- you have asked some very pointed questions and I thank you for that. I have been reflecting as a result and have some answers and some remaining questions to think about. I will have to finish this post a little later though because I am using my half-wit phone and my lunch break is about over. More to follow!

[spiritwolf333]

Update from Juan (Baclofen)

Juan BH;1516460 wrote: Spiritwolf- you have asked some very pointed questions and I thank you for that. I have been reflecting as a result and have some answers and some remaining questions to think about. I will have to finish this post a little later though because I am using my half-wit phone and my lunch break is about over. More to follow!

Thanks Juan. I look forward to reading.

[Juan BH]

Update from Juan (Baclofen)

spiritwolf333;1516054 wrote: Hi Jaun - thanks for the posts. I have not posed this question directly before and I don't think I even like doing so now. But I am going to ask: I assume you are still drinking some (a few beers and then you are not interested). Are you catching a relaxing buzz or high? How do you feel the next morning? Are you sleeping ok that night? The next day, do you even feel like you drank the night before?

Jaun, my entire journey for the last 60 plus days has been with the goal of long term abstinence -too much damage from the past. But, I still have thinking patterns of an alcoholic (i'm a newbie recovered drunk for the nth time), so I forgive myself for even asking these questions. I just don't want to be fooling myself and setting myself up for a future drunken episode. But I am curios. Thanks

Again Spiritwolf- Thanks for giving me some specific things to reflect on!

It is definitely relaxing to have anywhere from 2-5 beers now (three last night, two the night before), but that might just be because it's my ritual to have some cold ones later in the day. You know, it's comfortable and like JDizzle said, "they taste sooooooooo good!" A small buzz is a welcome thing too, but I don't think that is why I am drinking anymore.

I can definitely tell when I've had alcohol the night before. The next morning I get some confusion and elevated body temperature, that kind of stuff. One thing is for sure... I am not the walking hangover I used to be! I used to sweat visibly in short sleeves with a 50 degree ambient temperature outside! Kind of embarrassing. The morning after feelings these days are completely manageable. I sleep pretty well at night and I am truly thankful for that. Actually, my side effects are virtually non-existent except for occasional somnolence and a couple of minor panic attacks.

Abstinence? That is a tough one. I love the idea, but my life has been so completely focused on alcohol the last 8-10 years, I don't know if I can do it. I actually had a period of abstinence in my early to mid 20's where I white-knuckled it for about 7 years. I was miserable. Productive, but not very happy. I think there is a good chance I could be abstinent again and be happy with baclofen available. I would like to stop taking baclofen at some point if I can be abstinent for maybe two years or so (Lo0p's suggestion).

So, I am pretty clear on everything except the drinking thing (and that's the only one that matters, right?). I think Indifference is like a ghost that comes to visit me once in awhile. Maybe it's not sure if it wants to stay and maybe I'm not ready for it to move in! I am MUCH improved that is for sure and I will stay the course for as long as it takes. Thanks again for checking on me.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Update from Juan (Baclofen)

Hiya Juan, and good morning East Coast time!

I am a big fan of thinking waaaaaaaay toooo much. Well, not so much a fan of it. I'll worry a thing to bits and pieces and then start gnawing on the itty bitty pieces if I'm in the right (wrong) frame of mind.

While I know the sole purpose of this baclofen thing that each of us goes through is to quit drinking against our will, there's a whole lot more going on than just putting the bottle down one day and walking away. There's the whole, "What now?" scenario after that. (Not one I had to contend with, thankfully, as I was ready to go with lists and lists and lists of things to do that I couldn't do before! I highly recommend that approach, btw.)

But just as important, at least for me, was experiencing the whole continuum of not drinking/drinking. In some ways, I think the people who get to the switch in seconds flat, or who are abstinent the whole way, have a completely different experience with sobriety. Because as much as I didn't want to drink against my will and it was the sole focus of my whole life, I really didn't want to quit drinking. I didn't know that until much later, but it was accurate. (Doggygirl speaks eloquently about this perverse phenomena.)

While I don't want to be like, "Yay! Drink up!" I also don't think it's that...out of line (or whatever) for someone on HDB to drink occasionally. (Mind you, even a little booze and bac might kerfuffle your day, as you've noted. And I couldn't tell sometimes when I was going to drink one or 21. That was not good at all.)

As to worry in general, that's to be combatted by any and all tools at my disposal. It goes right along with shame and regret (though to a lesser degree.) Things will all work out just as they are supposed to...Really. Pisses me off when they're not the way I want them to be, but what're you going to do? I usually pout.

And totally off-topic, I find the PM thing overwhelming. But I'm here and real and carrying on the best way I know how! woop! :l

[Juan BH]

Update from Juan (Baclofen)

Thanks Ne. I am picking up what you're throwing down! You are awesome.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Update from Juan (Baclofen)

Bacatcha.

[spiritwolf333]

Update from Juan (Baclofen)

Juan BH;1516748 wrote: Again Spiritwolf- Thanks for giving me some specific things to reflect on!

It is definitely relaxing to have anywhere from 2-5 beers now (three last night, two the night before), but that might just be because it's my ritual to have some cold ones later in the day. You know, it's comfortable and like JDizzle said, "they taste sooooooooo good!" A small buzz is a welcome thing too, but I don't think that is why I am drinking anymore.

I can definitely tell when I've had alcohol the night before. The next morning I get some confusion and elevated body temperature, that kind of stuff. One thing is for sure... I am not the walking hangover I used to be! I used to sweat visibly in short sleeves with a 50 degree ambient temperature outside! Kind of embarrassing. The morning after feelings these days are completely manageable. I sleep pretty well at night and I am truly thankful for that. Actually, my side effects are virtually non-existent except for occasional somnolence and a couple of minor panic attacks.

Abstinence? That is a tough one. I love the idea, but my life has been so completely focused on alcohol the last 8-10 years, I don't know if I can do it. I actually had a period of abstinence in my early to mid 20's where I white-knuckled it for about 7 years. I was miserable. Productive, but not very happy. I think there is a good chance I could be abstinent again and be happy with baclofen available. I would like to stop taking baclofen at some point if I can be abstinent for maybe two years or so (Lo0p's suggestion).

So, I am pretty clear on everything except the drinking thing (and that's the only one that matters, right?). I think Indifference is like a ghost that comes to visit me once in awhile. Maybe it's not sure if it wants to stay and maybe I'm not ready for it to move in! I am MUCH improved that is for sure and I will stay the course for as long as it takes. Thanks again for checking on me.

Juan - thanks for such an honest and thorough reply. This truly does help. In fact, I almost pulled the trigger on a full fledged experiment for my self. I talk more about that little excursion on my own thread -without jabbering on yours. And thanks for some hard core reminders such as:

1. Sweating -I had all but forgotten those daily bouts of profuse sweating. I was so ashamed and embarrassed to meet with customer (or employees) and watch them watching me sweat my ass off. (and oh crap -if it was going to be a hot day)

2. Sleeping -I sleep so well now (too well at times). Other than vivid, active dreams now, I sleep really well. Waking up is a bitch, but that only lasts about an hour. I don't want to return to the no-sleep nights -No way.

3. I like the part where you talk about side effects are manageable. However, for me, I am not having to deal with any drinking side effects at present. Only having to deal with those side effects that I created while drinking -but those can be hell--baclofen has allowed me the opportunity to address these se much more calmly and rationally (I always avoided them in the past). My panic/anxiety attacks have almost all but disappeared -or at least my old ways of dealing with them.

4. Your self honesty and approach to quitting one day is quite remarkable. For this reason, you will be able to quit if you decide to do so. I have to remind myself that I was not a heavy drinker or on the line alcoholic - I was a full fledged, live to drink, drunk. Baclofen has given me an avenue to be content while not drinking, and the ability to be hopeful about the future (still no direction -but even that is ok). In all my prior attempts at not drinking, I never had this critical luxury and I am almost afraid that if I drink, I could screw that up as well.

5. If and when you do decide to quit, you will possibly be quite amazed. Roughly, my first thirty days went by and I thought of alcohol frequently -but not in full craving sense. My next thirty days (give or take), I spent focusing on all the things I could now accomplish -my positive thoughts were flowing in so fast I hardly had time to write them down. Very few times did alcohol enter my mind in a real way. And now, the last two weeks -reality is settling in -there are things I need to address and I am. I'm just not panicking like I use to. The real to-do list is upon me. I have had a great week and then I ask you these questions. As a good drunk would do, I ask myself how I could make this week better -maybe a little alcohol? (maybe not). Just maybe, all is ok, just being ok?

Thank you again for you response. You have awakened some realities for me. Just as so many other MWO members have done.

[spiritwolf333]

Update from Juan (Baclofen)

Ne/Neva Eva;1516758 wrote: Hiya Juan, and good morning East Coast time!

I am a big fan of thinking waaaaaaaay toooo much. Well, not so much a fan of it. I'll worry a thing to bits and pieces and then start gnawing on the itty bitty pieces if I'm in the right (wrong) frame of mind.

While I know the sole purpose of this baclofen thing that each of us goes through is to quit drinking against our will, there's a whole lot more going on than just putting the bottle down one day and walking away. There's the whole, "What now?" scenario after that. (Not one I had to contend with, thankfully, as I was ready to go with lists and lists and lists of things to do that I couldn't do before! I highly recommend that approach, btw.)

But just as important, at least for me, was experiencing the whole continuum of not drinking/drinking. In some ways, I think the people who get to the switch in seconds flat, or who are abstinent the whole way, have a completely different experience with sobriety. Because as much as I didn't want to drink against my will and it was the sole focus of my whole life, I really didn't want to quit drinking. I didn't know that until much later, but it was accurate. (Doggygirl speaks eloquently about this perverse phenomena.)

While I don't want to be like, "Yay! Drink up!" I also don't think it's that...out of line (or whatever) for someone on HDB to drink occasionally. (Mind you, even a little booze and bac might kerfuffle your day, as you've noted. And I couldn't tell sometimes when I was going to drink one or 21. That was not good at all.)

As to worry in general, that's to be combatted by any and all tools at my disposal. It goes right along with shame and regret (though to a lesser degree.) Things will all work out just as they are supposed to...Really. Pisses me off when they're not the way I want them to be, but what're you going to do? I usually pout.

And totally off-topic, I find the PM thing overwhelming. But I'm here and real and carrying on the best way I know how! woop! :l

Neva -I am so glad I am more able to read some of your posts. You make too damn much sense most times -you clearly, honestly, and pointed. Either good or bad, I can relate to almost every thing you write about (except some of the female issues -lol). You write a lot of things that I am thinking about, but I have no way of putting a cohesive set of thoughts down on paper like you.
1..Thinking way too much (rut-ro) and then breaking down the worry into smaller parts (rut-ro again). Mountains out of mole hills is my motto.
2..I have I ever really wanted to quite drinking (no, I want my cake and eat it too)
3..KERFUFFLE my day -I have a feeling I know exactly what you mean.
4..One or 21 -I always knew it was going to be a lot more than one
5..And what a great comment: things work out the way they are supposed to -maybe not the way that I think that I may want them. And worry is such a struggle. I need your tool kit. But my worry is not near as bad as it used to be.
Thanks Neva, Jaun, and MWO.

[emily]

Update from Juan (Baclofen)

Hi Juan

We started out bac journey at roughly the same time. I totally get that everyone is different and I feel I have been lucky enough to get to where I am without major problems from SE and I feel I have more or less cracked it and on a relatively low dose of bac (highest 105mg and now on 70 mg)

I have a beer festival to go to next week but feel confident that I won't make the usual arse of myself that I normally would.

I really really believe that me stopping drinking completely after the wedding incident and the bac hangover (pretty early in my bac journey) for around 8 or 9 days straight made all the difference to the way bac took effect on my brain. Something Bleep is always saying.

My point is don't feel you have to do 30 days - it seemed to work for me at around one week. Again, I know everyone is different, just thought I'd comment as we started off at the same time.

I love your posts and look forward to when you are where you want to be.

[bleep]

Update from Juan (Baclofen)

Juan, you are at a point that until very recently was believed to be impossible to be at. I wouldn't bother thinking about it overly much right now. Just live your life, and see how that happens to go.

After you have done that for a while, see how you feel, and make plans from there. Or carry on.

My 2c.