Newbie

[john doe]

Newbie

Something I meant to add was...

I've read some posters having cravings after say a certain dose started to wear off. I've really not been feeling those effects so far. Getting up the next morning after my my last dose more than 12 hours ago I still feel in no way that I'd want a drink. I think it would take a good day or two for me to get back to at least even thinking about getting drunk. Not that I'd want to or even try it. HDB in my case anyway is definitely having a longer term effect. I've read about some posters taking single doses and although I don't think I could do it in the 150+ or how the science is behind it with the lowish half-life and all. I do see how it would work for them.

[john doe]

Newbie

I had the CRAZIEST dream last night. I actually had two but the first was hard to top. Not gonna bore anyone with details but I was totally locked in. I wouldn't call it a nightmare as I'd usually come out of a nightmare. This ran on and on. When I finally came out of it I lay in bed shocked. I can still remember it in every detail which is strange for a dream.

I've been to heaven/hell and back on Ketamine but this was up there with them all. Vivid doesn't come close. I'm up for another few mind you

I got hold of some Stugeron (Cinnarizine) yesterday. It seems to have sorted my nausea right out which is good. It had become a real problem. I was sort of bedridden yesterday until my sister came in with them.

Apart from that, Nothing to report

[john doe]

Newbie

I think my body is finally getting accustomed to the current dose of 250mg. I slept well last night. From 10pm to around 6am. Best yet. I did wake up a few times but kept my eyes closed and was able to drift back off again quickly enough. No crazy dreams. Don't know if I'm sad or happy about that

I forgot to add.. I ended up getting some low alcohol beers when out getting some groceries. 2.8%. Good for when the notion grabs you. I sit over 2 from about 5pm onwards. Its brilliant until I can get over that stumbling block of wanting a drink.

[MaryGoRound]

Newbie

I had nausea in the early doses (110-160). It was worse when I drank but it was there even when I did not.

The nausea is a complete SE of the past.

Are you taking your doses in just two shots. Spacing them out in smaller doses may help bring you a more constant state.

My initial switch was clear when I accidentally took to much. Since that time I drank a few times. I drank because I wanted to drink. The difference is I don't get much out of it anymore. It is easy to realize alcohol just doesn't do it for me anymore.

On the other hand, just realizing AL does not make me happy I still have to figure out
how to to fill the void.

[john doe]

Newbie

I'm doing a 100/75/75 split Mary. The drinking thing is totally just out of habit with me now hense the low alcohol beers... just to sit over really. I'm not even pounding them down.

I haven't been drunk since my second day in. (the 6th) I took a total sickner to it and titrated up fast enough that thankfully the notion wore off. I couldn't imagine hangovers on the way up.

I've luckily enough to have been able to sit around for the most part of the last couple of weeks so the SEs I have experienced have been tolerable. I spoke about people who had high stress jobs being hardcore. I couldn't imagine it. I was out doing a bit of shopping earlier and for the first time I really felt totally drugged out and I know what it feels like to be drugged out It most be scary as f**k if you've never really felt like that before. I had trouble crossing road and my walking was a bit wobbly

[john doe]

Newbie

Seems to be swings and roundabouts for me regarding sleep and dreams this last week. All was well the night before last. Last night was another trip to murky dreamland. Snapped out of it and it was another 3 hour mind bending thinking season with no sleep in sight. I ended up so tired at around 6am I couldn't help buy nod over again. I did manage to stay up to 12 last night.

Watched the Graham Norton show. (do you get it in the US?) Jazzy Jeff, Alfonso Ribeiro, Will and Jaden Smith, Michael Douglas, Bradley Cooper and Heather Graham.. He gets some awesome guests

Was funny as hell.

[man on mars]

Newbie

john doe;1510422 wrote: Watched the Graham Norton show. (do you get it in the US?) Jazzy Jeff, Alfonso Ribeiro, Will and Jaden Smith, Michael Douglas, Bradley Cooper and Heather Graham.. He gets some awesome guests

Was funny as hell.

I saw a clip of Will Smith and crew's performance online yesterday. Pretty entertaining, love the Carlton dance.

I'm finally getting around to reading through all the progress threads of everyone who's active on this forum. My alcohol intake has still been really high and it's only been the last couple of days that I've managed to keep it in the single digits and maintain enough clarity during my off time to focus on reading anything longer than a few paragraphs. I hadn't read this one since I posted in it a couple of weeks ago.

Your comment from the 12th about your life being empty...I've been thinking the very same thing a lot lately, about myself. For the last eight years, if I wasn't working or sleeping, I was getting drunk, or on my way to get drunk. Finding things to do in my off time, that I actually want to do, seems to be pretty difficult. Exercise is an obvious one -- good to hear that you, too, have dusted off the bike and are getting out and doing that when the weather permits.

Something that I have found to be a good way to fill my time when all else fails is cleaning up the literal, physical mess that my life has become. I've got piles and boxes of unsorted junk (and just plain garbage) all over the house that I've never had the motivation to deal with, and I've been slowly chipping away at all of it over the last week. Looking around and seeing empty or well-organized shelves and tables where there previously had been a mess ever since I had moved into this house...it's a good feeling. I've also been doing some yard work, which gets me outside and gets my blood flowing, and has the added benefit of cleaning up the way my house looks.

[john doe]

Newbie

Yeah MoM... I don't think it will be a slow process but it took most of my adult life to get me here so its not gonna happen over night. Most of my problems have always been drink or drug related. I've been happy go lucky for the most part. No real problems with depression or anxiety except for self inflicted ones to with the those related to the above. So the vacuum left just needs to be filled.

Sports (mostly watching) Exercise and reading (self-education) are always a good start.

I pulled away from most friends over the last year or two. Most I had to as they were counter productive. Good friends but they have no intention of changing and I wouldn't ask them too. They can function with their life style choice.. I couldn't. I have a few I can start to work on again who just booze but not constantly so there is positives there.

I upped my dose to 275 yesterday (100/100/75) I felt the difference. I drank a beer over about 3 hours.. opened an other and its sitting here full this morning. I had just totally forgot about it. I was watching the European cup final with it sitting right next to me. Beer and football usually go hand in hand. So I had enough chances to drink it.

I had the worst dream so far since starting. I'd so far as to call it a nightmare. Usually I'd think of a nightmare as a dream where you be snapped out of it by shock. This was just down right nasty and scary at times. It was like something thankfully at the end just let me out of it because I had suffered enough. Regardless to say... sleep wasn't great last night

[Sticky]

Newbie

Hi John

I've quickly read thru your posts as you've been kind to go on mine. Wow - you have gone to 275 in 6 or so weeks. The downside of having it prescribed is it's taken me a year to still be in the crap with all of this. Am still hoping against hope that I can moderate at 150. I had a week last week and did it well. Ha bloody ha!

We even have the Graham Norton show downunder...

I've travelled heaps before I was your age. I was a trolley dolly (flight attendant) for 6 years. Much to the disgust of my academic father as I was wasting my uni degree! Had a varied career with Air NZ for 12.5 years all up. My mum grew up in Wales so got to the UK at 11 and 14 years old. But I've never been to Ireland. I'd love to go one day and know many Irish have a wicked sense of humour.

At your age I had my first child, 2nd at 40. I hoped I'd be a sober mum. I've hurt my family so much with my drinking. I've had lots of periods of sobriety, but the other stuff is just awful. All I can do is keep on trying to get on top of this. The chances are one or both boys are going to get addicted to something too. There are some of the same issues in hubby's family too. I need to try and stay alive and be there for them.

Was that the UEFA final that my son got up at 6 this morning to watch? Something Dortmund vs Bayern Munich? My youngest (11) aspires to be the first Kiwi to play for Manchester United. He is on the right track at the moment.....

You take care
Sticky

[john doe]

Newbie

I've been on a plane 6 times Sticky. Liverpool and Canery Islands and London I find going places and meeting new people nerve wrecking. I took Karate from the age of 8 to 14 and was nearly physically sick with worry every single time I went (3 times a week for 6 years!) The only other real job I've had on and off was from 1996 to 2010. I got comfortably at that it was just me and 2 other guys.. one was a long time friend.

I'd love to travel some day. My social skills are really bad. I have absolutely no confidence. I'm ok in small groups. I delivered furniture for nearly 15 years and you wouldn't meet a friendlier person but large groups of strangers scares the living crap out of me. My idea of a nightmare is public speaking.

I've a sort of funny story. One of my best friends asked to be a groomsman at his wedding. I said yes but for the 2 months leading up to it was was wrecked with worry until I finally got the nerve up to ask him if I could pull out. He said cool For some reason I though I might have to give a speech!??

Anyway the wedding came and as his best man (his brother) was saying his bit. Low and behold he goes... "there's someone here today who didn't want to take part because he though he might have to say a few words" I've never felt horror like this in my life as he walked down to me with the mike and stuck it in my hand I can't remember what I spluttered out in front of a crowd of over 150 people. I've never took him up on watching his wedding video

[john doe]

Newbie

Nothing new to report. Been messing around with my dose schedule but things are mostly the same. I cracked out 20 minutes of HIT cardio earlier (first time since starting) and didn't know if I was gonna make it home. I've got the most intense nausea imaginable. I having trouble typing this. The only real cure is to lay down. I had the same think with Naltrexone. I'm now convinced it is medication induced nausea. I've done a bit of goggling and its pretty common it seems. It is BRUTAL.

Kudos to all you who are doing this with family or work commitments. I'm starting to think I'm luckier that I first though. I don't know if I could keep it gong. The Cinnarizine has been a god send. I've had trouble before with antihistamines and RLS. I don't seem to be having that trouble with these. RLS is hell as anyone who's had it will testify to.

[john doe]

Newbie

Well... I think I was a bit quick with that last post but I'll leave it up as I felt that bad when posting it. I feel fine now. The nausea had been and gone. I hate feeling ill. I'm one of those people who'll do anything not to throw up even when you know you'll fell a lot better if you did. The Cinnarizine really have been a god send. I don't know what I'd have done without them. You should give them a try if your suffering from nausea.

I might just have to push through the pain with this. I love that relaxed feeling you get after pushing your heart so hard your eye sight starts to go

[Sticky]

Newbie

Hi JD

Posted a reply over on my thread to you after your last post. Only now have I seen your reply to me re travelling and lack of confidence. What you describe is anxiety, which according to Oli Amiesen we have all suffered from all our lives.

Your story re wedding is funny, but sad too. I had to go to Toastmasters to get skills in public speaking. They set a group up when I worked in Air NZ Sales and we were obliged to go to get ahead job-wise. Thru the 1 minute impromptu table topics I used to "umm" and giggle with nervousness. For my 10 speeches I had to memorise them really well. Had no humour - boring! But I got thru them. It improved my confidence so I enjoyed teaching groups of travel agents, whether in small groups or classroom situation. Only did a few classes. Then quite a few years later I went instead of hubby to a Business Networking breakfast meeting. I had to speak first. B/c I was out of practice with public speaking, I totally stuffed up and felt like a dick the rest of the breakfast! It's one of those skills that needs practice. Actually AA meetings are good for that sort of confidence too.

Hope you are going well. I've also had nausea. Especially when HDB combined with too much booze. Funny that?!

Cheers
Sticky

[bleep]

Newbie

You made the right call in leaving a post up. When you look back over this, it is helpful to have memories of what you went through.

That relaxed feeling you get after nearly pushing your eyes out through your forehead after too much exercise? I have to say, I read that a few times. I think that's the feeling I get before I think about not doing any exercise. I love it too.

[john doe]

Newbie

I've been on 300 for the last few days. I'm really feeling something going on. A popping in my ears and pins and needles in my hands/arms are new SEs I haven't had before. Mind fog also.. but I've had this the whole way up when changing dose.

As I've posted before my drinking mostly slowed down from the start but I still fancy a beer most nights even if its only 1-2... 3 at the most and they're low alcohol beers at that.

I've pushed up pretty quick from starting on the 5th. This was the plan from the off. I always though I might have need a highish dose. I'm glad I didn't take forever to get here although I know its not the go to protocol for titrating up. Its time to steady things out I think. I feel like my boby/mind could "click" at any moment.