I've been an alcoholic for 10 years now, and have seriously tried to quit for the second half of that time. I've been a serial relapser, and this is my third attempt at long term sobriety through AA, preceded by three self-will attempts . I usually do well the first months of sobriety, mostly due to desperation: I usually quit drinking because I lost a Girlfriend/Apartment or for legal reasons (very surprisingly never lost a job! Thank you medical leaves). I am a full on alcoholic nowadays: my last relapse, which lasted three weeks and ended 5 weeks ago was extreme: I usually can pull off one or two weekends before I end up curled up in bed with a galon of vodka next to me, doing absolutely nothing 24/7 besides drinking ,and this, cut off from the world (phone off). But this time it happened almost immediately after the first drink and it was very hard for my AA friends to finally throw me in detox, as I was very scared to withdraw and leave my bottle, having had seizures in the past. I usually last 3-6 months sober until the desperation fades out...and you know the how it goes from there....
As AA describes it pretty well, this is a disease of the body and mind. My brain is now wired in a way, where, if I have one drink, I just cannot stop, that's the body part of the disease. The mind part of it, is 1/ the obsession over drinking, when in certain situations or when depressed or anxious 2/ the depression that the bodily disease created over time.
I have always been disappointed at the fact that there is no solution for the body part of this disease (by this, I mean that the allergy stays and even grows, even during sobriety, just proved it to myself with my last relapse). Or so I keep hearing from addiction programs and AA. I came across an article on Dr Ameisein's personal discovery and immediately bought the book and red it in two nights. I was very moved after finishing it. I was also torn by this internal voice telling me not to put my hopes up until I actually try Baclofen. All the red flags that I had before when reading the article disappeared after reading the book:
- This Dr has no financial interest by promoting this drug, the patent exists since the 60s
- This was written by a Dr
- The fact that it's taking so long to get legit clinical tests is that pharmaceutical companies find no financial interest in this already patented drug.
- The Drs story is very similar to mine and I could relate to his experiences (I red the original version, as I am a French person living in America, just like this Dr has). I can, with no doubt, tell that he is not a phony or "slightly alcoholic".
Ok ok, sorry for the long intro, but now you know where I'm coming from and it was also kind'of a recap for myself.
I did a lot of research and found that this mywayout community shows a lot of inner-support, beautiful side of internet!
Here's what's happening tomorrow: I'm seing the head of psychiatry in the addiction center that accepted me for my last detox, for a check in. I will mention this book and drug to him and ask him if he can prescribe some. I'm almost sure he won't as this is an in-network clinic with my american insurance company (Kaiser), I know they follow protocol very strictly. So no false hope there.
Here are my question:
- Where can I find a reliable website to order Baclofen? I am afraid to get fake or dangerous pills. I want to start this ASAP, to confirm my hopes.
- Where can I find a good program to follow? ie: number of pills to take per day on a calendar kind'of thing, knowing that I weigh 190Lbs (87Kilos). Also I will start this balcofen intake without drinking at all (I moved into a sober living house so no way im getting kicked out!)
I am looking forward to start this journey, I now need to find out if my hopes were false. I've been reading a lot of people's journals on these boards and it seems very promising, even if some experienced crappy side effects.
Thanks in advance for the support you guys.
Much respect,
FishCake
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