UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

[YouKayBee]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

I posted this in Spuddleduck's thread but it should really go here;


Here's the scary bit, even now I do wish I could go get drunk but I am able to fight it and I put that down to whatever Nal did to me plus my own stubbornness. I have days when I miss not being able to write off days, disappear down a bottle and instead I have to face things. I get loads of things wrong, don't know what to do half the time but am constantly learning all the time. Somedays I am like F this I've had a hard day, lots of stress, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs and I'm tackling my binge eating. There's F all for me to do and at that point I hate anyone who can drink. I hate it when I know Mr UKB is enjoying some wine BUT I also know my life would be F'd up if I drank, went back to the way I was. People are trusting and having faith in me and I'm being given a mega second chance, it's come reasonably quickly but I also know it's been long and hard and I am occasionally very disappointed when at interview I'm told I don't have long enough in recovery to train or take up positions I'd like.

[YouKayBee]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

Oh and I'm considering attending the occasional AA meeting. I feel I'm not quite in the 'right' place, I need a bit more serenity and some spirituality back.

[YouKayBee]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

I did go to AA last night, I think it's my first meeting in almost 3 years.

Some old familiar faces there which was nice, and some new ones. Obtained some phone numbers. Interestingly it was thought that I'd been drinking alcoholically as my reason for being there. I didn't share, not ready to do that just gotta work out what's the right way for me now.

[spuddleduck]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

i hope my ponderings aren't making you think drinky. its good that you have the awareness to realise you needed a meeting.something I've never been brave enough to do.
just wondering, now you are af are you still taking nal. tsm is just taking it.when drinking .how does it follow up when you stop drinking

[YouKayBee]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

spuddleduck;1593940 wrote: i hope my ponderings aren't making you think drinky. its good that you have the awareness to realise you needed a meeting.something I've never been brave enough to do.
just wondering, now you are af are you still taking nal. tsm is just taking it.when drinking .how does it follow up when you stop drinking

Not at all my confusion is firstly to do with big changes afoot in my life, and wondering what the right thing to do is like I'm changing career, and wondering when to pack old work in, how to manage time and whether or not to just go unwaged for a bit. I think I'm at a point where I am wondering do I take a chance, is it better for me long-term to down scale, exchange work and earnings for greater personal development. You sometimes hear in AA of people who gave up high flying/high earning jobs, in a sort of humbling move to better themselves, be more relaxed, reduce stress, protect their recovery and I'm wondering if that time is now - but of course another part of me is very cautious, I have lost everything once before and not prepared to make financial, or career errors again. This is where I need to regain and develop some spiritual belief, as well as trust myself.

I have been getting the occasional urge to drink but nothing unexpected, and nothing that's not dealable with especially since I've started being even more aware of myself which is part of the new thing I'm going into.

Supposedly if you don't drink, you don't take nal. I have used up my nal using it to try beat some binge eating I was doing, so I've not gone cold turkey on it but I haven't had any nal for probable a couple of weeks, and then it's only been say 1 x 50mg dose once a week or so.

I was really scared of going back to the meetings but also excited too.

[spuddleduck]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

is it wise to leave yourself without nal. knowing how good it has been for you it would be good to.keep it in for 'emergencies'. especially as you.are.making big life decisions. I've just had a panic.what i thought was a full packet of pills isn't... best get.some ordered asap

[skullbabyland]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

UKB, I suspect that thoughts of drinking alcoholically, thinking "F this" and wanting to disappear in a bottle, will probably be a part of our lives for many years to come, sad as that is. Great then to remain connected to modes of support, daily if possible, like MWO and AA, I'm glad you're doing that. As for giving in and indulging, the following thought comes to mind via SpiritWolf- "I'm sure I have one more drink in me, but I'm NOT sure I have one more recovery in me".

[YouKayBee]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

spuddleduck;1594027 wrote: is it wise to leave yourself without nal. knowing how good it has been for you it would be good to.keep it in for 'emergencies'. especially as you.are.making big life decisions. I've just had a panic.what i thought was a full packet of pills isn't... best get.some ordered asap

I could get it on repeat prescription but having it there gives me the chance to drink. I've been in social situations where I've not taken my nal and not drank because I'm just terrified it'll undo the process - and I've not drunk without nal since I started in April 2011 it's something I am not worried about and to be honest not having nal with me has been something extra to stop me from drinking on several occasions.

I can see why that would worry you, but at the point where it's not really an issue.

[YouKayBee]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

skullbabyland;1594046 wrote: UKB, I suspect that thoughts of drinking alcoholically, thinking "F this" and wanting to disappear in a bottle, will probably be a part of our lives for many years to come, sad as that is. Great then to remain connected to modes of support, daily if possible, like MWO and AA, I'm glad you're doing that. As for giving in and indulging, the following thought comes to mind via SpiritWolf- "I'm sure I have one more drink in me, but I'm NOT sure I have one more recovery in me".

That's also a saying I use for myself.:l

[spuddleduck]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

Ukblonde;1594047 wrote: I could get it on repeat prescription but having it there gives me the chance to drink. I've been in social situations where I've not taken my nal and not drank because I'm just terrified it'll undo the process - and I've not drunk without nal since I started in April 2011 it's something I am not worried about and to be honest not having nal with me has been something extra to stop me from drinking on several occasions.

I can see why that would worry you, but at the point where it's not really an issue.

that's great to hear. i think you mentioned earlier that you are mostly out of drinking situation anyway
have ordered my nal so i have no excuse not to keep this up

[YouKayBee]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

spuddleduck;1594075 wrote: that's great to hear. i think you mentioned earlier that you are mostly out of drinking situation anyway
have ordered my nal so i have no excuse not to keep this up

I rarely go into a pub, I did go to see a play last week and there was a bar but I ordered a black coffee and Mr UKB did the same. We then went to an Indian restaurant that doesn't serve alcohol (as per teachings of Islam), had a lovely meal.

Mr UKB is out somewhere in a pub right now and it naffs me off a bit but hard luck. When we are together he mostly doesn't drink, he was a reasonably heavy drinker in the past but his intake has reduced a lot since I slowed right down. He even did Sober for October, yes a whole month for charity and I'm really very proud of him. He knows how important it is that I don't drink (and he prefers the non-drunk me), and his health has improved as a result of my influence.

I have a meal to attend which is in a pub in a few weeks, a sort of work do but I am confident I'll be ok. Been pondering the menu, the dish I really want comes with a white wine sauce, I don't want any risks and I'm going to ask for the sauce to be left off.

Life definitely changes and people change around you when you cut out the booze, it's just not a pivotal point any more, live no longer revolves around it and we are often driving or got other reasons not to get pissed.

There is hobby I have in which many participants drink alcohol before performing, in fact it's seen as something which improves your performance, this really pisses me off because alcohol isn't part of my preparation and without it I perform just as well if not better than those who are using it.

[Guitarista]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

Ukblonde;1593956 wrote: Not at all my confusion is firstly to do with big changes afoot in my life, and wondering what the right thing to do is like I'm changing career, and wondering when to pack old work in, how to manage time and whether or not to just go unwaged for a bit. I think I'm at a point where I am wondering do I take a chance, is it better for me long-term to down scale, exchange work and earnings for greater personal development. You sometimes hear in AA of people who gave up high flying/high earning jobs, in a sort of humbling move to better themselves, be more relaxed, reduce stress, protect their recovery and I'm wondering if that time is now - but of course another part of me is very cautious, I have lost everything once before and not prepared to make financial, or career errors again. This is where I need to regain and develop some spiritual belief, as well as trust myself.

Hi UKB and y'all,

This caught my eye, as i have just made this move 2 mths ago. I've drastically cut back my working hours (now just every 2nd sat/sun day shift) and have taken up study in an area i work in and am passionate about. I also receive a small fortnightly study supplement from the govt. My income has reduced big time, but i can survive comfortably enough. The main reasons i've taken this action is similar to the reasons you've outlined above. I needed to STOP, chill, refocus, reflect, and recharge my batteries. I am exercising everyday and having lots of 'me' time, including a daily gratitude list and meditation. I'm slowly becoming more relaxed and refreshed, and ready to tackle my plans and kick some arse in my own way. I can focus on me and my recovery with far less distraction. I am energised. It's been a really good move for me. All the best with whatever you decide.

G bloke.

[YouKayBee]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

Guitarista;1594175 wrote: Hi UKB and y'all,

This caught my eye, as i have just made this move 2 mths ago. I've drastically cut back my working hours (now just every 2nd sat/sun day shift) and have taken up study in an area i work in and am passionate about. I also receive a small fortnightly study supplement from the govt. My income has reduced big time, but i can survive comfortably enough. The main reasons i've taken this action is similar to the reasons you've outlined above. I needed to STOP, chill, refocus, reflect, and recharge my batteries. I am exercising everyday and having lots of 'me' time, including a daily gratitude list and meditation. I'm slowly becoming more relaxed and refreshed, and ready to tackle my plans and kick some arse in my own way. I can focus on me and my recovery with far less distraction. I am energised. It's been a really good move for me. All the best with whatever you decide.

G bloke.

Yeah thanks for this input Guitarista, unfortunately although the course is retraining into a useful career, the government here are providing no funding at all, either support or fees and I have to take care of them all (plus there are additional professional costs)..............and it'll probably be several years before I'm earning from the profession............

I also don't qualify for any sort of welfare benefits, or perhaps I'm lucky in that way.

So lots to think about, I think I can take a small careers loan from the bank, but that wouldn't benefit me in the long term.

All this makes the decision even more difficult!

[skullbabyland]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

Ukblonde;1594142 wrote:
There is hobby I have in which many participants drink alcohol before performing, in fact it's seen as something which improves your performance, this really pisses me off because alcohol isn't part of my preparation and without it I perform just as well if not better than those who are using it.

UKB, just curious, what is the hobby that you refer to?

[mama bear]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

just saying hi UK and shouting out to say how proud I am of you
haven't chatted in a while
and my hubs still drinks too.....which can be problematic