UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

[spuddleduck]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

the 'fun' of pubs is greatly reduced when not drinking. have you noticed so many people talk utter bollocks.. oh yes that is/was us. i have managed to happily sort out going for meal without drink and Mr spud not drink. he has pint of pineapple juce and i have lime n soda. i had so many meals that i just picked at as.i was.more interested in my next drink. now i actually enjoy the food (perhaps too much looking at.my.waistline ).

[YouKayBee]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

Funnily enough Spuds I was out in a pub at the weekend. Non-too-plussed they'd put mulled wine into the water heater thingy, so were not able to serve a coffee. I just didn't have a drink, Mr UKB did have a pint but I thought why ask for a drink of something soft and cold when I won't enjoy it. So I sat and chatted and was fine, see you don't even have to have a flipping drink if you don't want one.

Whilst sitting and chatting a really pissed man came and sat at our table, started chatting about the local bloke who'd died, choked on his own vomit, this pissed bloke couldn't keep his eyes straight, said he couldn't understand why the dead bloke just didn't stop drinking.

We moved on shortly after this conversation ended, observing the streets on a Saturday night in the UK is really interesting sober, I did a bit of nosying around then had a coffee in a different pub before going home to bed at the late old time of ooooh about 10.30pm. :H

I have been reading some stuff about spirituality this week, also a bit of AA stuff which actually has a great deal of similarity with the stuff I've been reading about therapy.

Anyhooo I am trying to be more at peace with things, myself AND I am really excited about being AF and all the things happening in my life right now - I'm doing things I and a few other people didn't think possible and I want to thank something for that. I can understand now why some people use a God and I am wondering how I'll end up expressing my gratitude for life. I've even accepted that Christianity could be an option, I just need to find my niche.

My eating is a lot better as a result of me working on me and the food. I'm sticking to a fairly strict diet (which is how I work best), with measured detours, and when I get the urges to go buy a kilo of chocolate I just sit and bear it out, or take on things that'll take up my time. Food is better than an alcohol addiction, but it does start to affect health at some point and I know I was using it to alter how I was feeling, make things pass quicker, punish or make myself feel a bit spaced. Yep food can be a drug too.

I did have a drinking dream last weekend, in the dream I took nal and decided to break my AF status quite willingly saying that I'd start my AF time at day one again. Errr not likely but it was scary all the same.

[spuddleduck]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

I admire your strength at going into pubs at this early stage, though I suppose as you've been moderating with nal for so long its not such a big step. when I had my one and only 3 month af time I did go into pubs just to pick mr spuds up. I actually felt good that they were babbling on with bollocks and I confess I was actually looking down my nose at them (not a particularly nice emotion). I find the 'being at peace' thing goes hand in hand with addressing drinking. for me its kind of a coping mechanism so instead of saying 'to hell with it' and getting blasted it helps to have different coping mechanisms. and we bloody well deserve a bit of peace after the shit we have been through with al over the years. since I started addressing my alcohol issues I have actually put on loads of weight, 2.5 stone and its really about time I got serious about this as well. I used to go to the gym and exercise daily but am struggling with disc/nerve problem in my back. have finally got an appointment for injection in it on new years eve so hopefully that will give some relief. still no excuse for being a tubby.. plenty of excersie I can still do such as walking. bit annoying as most people lose weight when they cut down the booze, but when I drink I don't eat so it went the other way for my. keep up the good work ukb. you are doing so well. and thanks for posting about it

[YouKayBee]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

spuddleduck;1598895 wrote: I admire your strength at going into pubs at this early stage, though I suppose as you've been moderating with nal for so long its not such a big step. when I had my one and only 3 month af time I did go into pubs just to pick mr spuds up. I actually felt good that they were babbling on with bollocks and I confess I was actually looking down my nose at them (not a particularly nice emotion). I find the 'being at peace' thing goes hand in hand with addressing drinking. for me its kind of a coping mechanism so instead of saying 'to hell with it' and getting blasted it helps to have different coping mechanisms. and we bloody well deserve a bit of peace after the shit we have been through with al over the years. since I started addressing my alcohol issues I have actually put on loads of weight, 2.5 stone and its really about time I got serious about this as well. I used to go to the gym and exercise daily but am struggling with disc/nerve problem in my back. have finally got an appointment for injection in it on new years eve so hopefully that will give some relief. still no excuse for being a tubby.. plenty of excersie I can still do such as walking. bit annoying as most people lose weight when they cut down the booze, but when I drink I don't eat so it went the other way for my. keep up the good work ukb. you are doing so well. and thanks for posting about it

I'm a long way down the line and rarely go into pubs, sometimes don't go in one for weeks or months at a time. Very wierd being in one, the behaviour, smells, clamour at the bar. I no longer feel part of it and there's a lot less stress!

Weight is mostly diet I'm afraid, exercise helps with body shape but it doesn't burn much. Food is however better than excess alcohol and I think slightly easier or at least you have a better chance of fixing it.

I'm feeling really wierd today, don't know why.

[bkyogagurl]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

What do you mean by feeling weird???

[YouKayBee]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

bkyogagurl;1599372 wrote: What do you mean by feeling weird???

I don't know, the day and me just felt wierd.

I'm doing ok this week, being gentle on myself. Food is my biggest problem, I want to disappear into a vat of chocolate every day, but I know it'll make me feel rubbish and I know all it's doing is replacing alcohol - I abuse it in the same way and had a chocolate binge last Tuesday, consuming several 200g bars, then Saturday night a full 300g box I'd been given as a present lasted me about 10 minutes.

Last night I just lay on the sofa, looked at my assignment then watched a few films. Gave myself permission to sleep through the night on the sofa. This is something I let myself do every once in a while in my sobriety. Nothing wrong with it and it's sort of a treat - whereas when I was drinking it would be drunkeness keeping me there, and I quite like it.

Ok I should be pushing on with my coursework BUT most important thing is being sober and not stuffing face with food so job done. I can do the work later!

I've also decided to take action about the booze alternatives people tend to buy me around this time of year (I have mostly been trying not to drink most Christmases in the last 5 years). I personally don't drink sugary drinks, it's not on the diet I follow, and I am a herbal tea, good coffee, water, sugar free squash type. So I've decided to inform well meaning friends that buying schloer, dealcoholised wine, various fruit punch mixes is a waste of time. All that happens is they get stuck at the back of the cupboard. I am going to have a hot ginger cordial on Christmas day but that's about it.This also made me slightly angry, just cos I've given up booze doesn't mean I want booze substitutes. Cup of tea will do me.

Why oh why do people think we like schloer?

[spuddleduck]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

i have to confess i love a sparkling cranberry and lime no added sugar drink from 'i think' booths. its yummy but flipping expensive for what it is,,, i guess thats why no one buys it for me. i think its important to be gentle with ourselves now and then... not just us alkies but everyone. its good to recharge the old batteries with a bit of TLC to ourselves.

[YouKayBee]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

spuddleduck;1602121 wrote: i have to confess i love a sparkling cranberry and lime no added sugar drink from 'i think' booths. its yummy but flipping expensive for what it is,,, i guess thats why no one buys it for me. i think its important to be gentle with ourselves now and then... not just us alkies but everyone. its good to recharge the old batteries with a bit of TLC to ourselves.

Think I know the type of drink you mean, had forgotten about that but realised there's a cupboard full I need to work through, or at least jettison first. Some of the dealcoholised wine was given over 3 years ago.

[bkyogagurl]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

I am not familiar with some of the drinks you have- what's schloer? I don't like AF wine but I don't mind the AF beer. But really don't drink it much.... I tried using it when i was on a AF trial.

I don't drink sugary drinks either. But sparkling cranberry sounds good.

I have actually heard of people replacing their craving for alcohol with chocolate. Kinda scary to me because if I started eating as much chocolate as comparable to the amount of alcohol I drink.... Wholly shit would my ass be ginormous.

I am hoping I will get my exercise bug back.

[YouKayBee]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

bkyogagurl;1602416 wrote: I am not familiar with some of the drinks you have- what's schloer? I don't like AF wine but I don't mind the AF beer. But really don't drink it much.... I tried using it when i was on a AF trial.

I don't drink sugary drinks either. But sparkling cranberry sounds good.

I have actually heard of people replacing their craving for alcohol with chocolate. Kinda scary to me because if I started eating as much chocolate as comparable to the amount of alcohol I drink.... Wholly shit would my ass be ginormous.

I am hoping I will get my exercise bug back.

Schloer is a bottle grape juice drink which is popular with people who want to give non-alcohol drinkers something to drink at parties. I personally don't like it, I find it sticky icky but not as bad as J20 which is also a 'popular' non-al drink. You can find out more here, Home - Shloer I've only ever had the white grape flavour, didn't know they had more to choose from! Here's J20 Britvic - J2O and J2O - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[bkyogagurl]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

When I am working on AF days I rarely want soda or a replacement for beer or wine. I like water and sparkling water.
Trying replacement stuf just doesn't seem to work for me. I have noticed that talking about my feelings and being honest with people when they want to talk to me about things that bother me.

I am have been thinking about your chocolate craving. Do you feel you emotionally eat or is it that it just tastes awesome.

I should be cooking right now but am sitting here with a glass of wine. It is my 3rd drink since noon- it's 6:15 PM now. Which is really really good. I'm completely coherent.
I just wanted to stop in and say hi. I hope you have a Merry Christmas..
I turned 45 day. I feel like I'm 18. Weird to look into the mirror and see the woman I am becoming.

Talk soon.

[YouKayBee]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

bkyogagurl;1602719 wrote: When I am working on AF days I rarely want soda or a replacement for beer or wine. I like water and sparkling water.
Trying replacement stuf just doesn't seem to work for me. I have noticed that talking about my feelings and being honest with people when they want to talk to me about things that bother me.

I am have been thinking about your chocolate craving. Do you feel you emotionally eat or is it that it just tastes awesome.

I should be cooking right now but am sitting here with a glass of wine. It is my 3rd drink since noon- it's 6:15 PM now. Which is really really good. I'm completely coherent.
I just wanted to stop in and say hi. I hope you have a Merry Christmas..
I turned 45 day. I feel like I'm 18. Weird to look into the mirror and see the woman I am becoming.

Talk soon.

At the moment it's less the taste, after I had been dieting earlier this year (there are periods when I have to diet very hard for a sport I compete in) I went crazy for sweet things. I did speak to Loop about this, he knows the sport and what's involved. He confirmed that this would be partly a result of starvation chemicals in my brain (leptin) telling me to go for this. I've read a lot about the WWII holocaust and survivors would eat many times what they needed, at every meal, hungry or not. Binging and purging (I don't always do the latter, just depends) is a stress release for me I feel loads better afterwards. Over summer I would scoff endlessly and realised (a) I'd feel drunk on the sugar & fat and (b) time passed quicker, I felt sort of detached when I did so.

When I'm being 'good' I eat bowls of veggies, like 500g-750g at a go (1lb-1 1/2 lbs in imperial), that's on top of other meals.

So I guess it varies - essentially it's something to do to concentrate on. I also hate feeling hungry, makes me feel empty physically and emotionally also I get very cold when I get physically 'empty' and I hate that too. Because I'll stuff the veg in I think I'm trying to fill a hole in me, but I can't work out what the hole is.

I read a book about Melanie Klein, she described depression as being like a person having a hole in them.

Sorry if that's a lot to take in, I've done a lot of thinking about this.

I've not binged heavily for I think almost 2 weeks, not purged in that time and I just keep working with it - telling myself if I don't start I won't finish, and that just eating a bit of veg, getting through to the next meal, and the one after that, I'll be fine - I'll sit with life and see what happens. I also keep reminding myself I feel groggy, puffy, horrible when I eat junk/chocolate so far easier not to eat it...............back in summer I was stuffing my face up to 4 days a week, so things are progressing. If I can beat this I've got it sorted and I don't let myself get involved in anything else addictive so pretty sure I'm not going to transfer this anywhere else.

[Jazi's Mum]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

Hi UKBlonde. You popped into my journal to say hi and I thank you for that. About my TSM experiences: well, I took it for quite a long time. Right from the first pill I felt nothing from the wine. I got no "buzz" at all. I kept drinking for a few months but gradually I would pour out a glass of wine and sip but it would be there at the end of the evening 3/4 full. Having AF days was easy once I made up my mind to have them.

Then I had a very anxiety filled time and I bought some very nice wine to impress someone who was staying with us. I know I reached for a glass because I was just frantic with anxiety and panic about this social situation. That's been my history - to get into a real frazzle and not be able to calm myself down. I'm a child of an alcoholic and apparently anxiety and having to have everything totally in control is one of the results of that. I don't drink in a binge way, only a few glasses at a time. But I still have to have it for relaxation.

Anyway I found I was able to drink right through the Nal. I still felt NO BUZZ though. But my body could feel the 'relaxation' and that's what I was craving. I don't think I was craving the WINE - I was craving the RELAXATION the wine created in my body. Eventually nal just got too expensive and awkward to get.

Sorry this is so long...but this is the reason I want to try baclofen because it's supposed to help a lot with the anxiety as well as the other stuff. Hope this is what you wanted to know.

In my humble opinion TSM works wonderfully well in taking away that pleasure and buzz - but the habit of using alcohol to 'relax' still has it's effect - so that has to be dealt with. JMum.

[YouKayBee]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

Jazi's Mum;1603967 wrote: Hi UKBlonde. You popped into my journal to say hi and I thank you for that. About my TSM experiences: well, I took it for quite a long time. Right from the first pill I felt nothing from the wine. I got no "buzz" at all. I kept drinking for a few months but gradually I would pour out a glass of wine and sip but it would be there at the end of the evening 3/4 full. Having AF days was easy once I made up my mind to have them.

Then I had a very anxiety filled time and I bought some very nice wine to impress someone who was staying with us. I know I reached for a glass because I was just frantic with anxiety and panic about this social situation. That's been my history - to get into a real frazzle and not be able to calm myself down. I'm a child of an alcoholic and apparently anxiety and having to have everything totally in control is one of the results of that. I don't drink in a binge way, only a few glasses at a time. But I still have to have it for relaxation.

Anyway I found I was able to drink right through the Nal. I still felt NO BUZZ though. But my body could feel the 'relaxation' and that's what I was craving. I don't think I was craving the WINE - I was craving the RELAXATION the wine created in my body. Eventually nal just got too expensive and awkward to get.

Sorry this is so long...but this is the reason I want to try baclofen because it's supposed to help a lot with the anxiety as well as the other stuff. Hope this is what you wanted to know.

In my humble opinion TSM works wonderfully well in taking away that pleasure and buzz - but the habit of using alcohol to 'relax' still has it's effect - so that has to be dealt with. JMum.

Sounds like bac will help you with that, for me I tried to buzz myself with baclofen. I have been having the odd 25mg when feeling anxious recently, don't know if it helps or not I'd like to find a way to deal with it without taking pills, deal with it cognitively.

[Jazi's Mum]

UKBlonde's Sinclair Method journey

UKB you say you take the odd 25mg but don't know if it helps or not...can you be a little more specific? Can you feel it in your body? Do you feel more relaxed? Do you mean you tried to get a spacy buzzed feeling from the bac instead of alcohol?

Sometimes I'm afraid that's what I want to do also and I think, heck I might as well just keep drinking rather than importing an expensive drug from India!!

But from what I've read most of those who have titrated up very very slowly don't experience the SEs as bad or at all in some cases so there is no buzz to get spacy/buzzed on. Darn! I wish Monday would hurry and come!! I want to see for myself. Have a great day - or I guess it's evening there eh?